OneWritersSoul

I confess- I'm happy that so many of you are doing so well! It truly does my heart a world of good to hear so many positive things! I'm sad that my marriage didn't improve and isn't improving, even while separated and doing counseling. I'm still a slave to the scale. Every single morning. Even after stricture repair, the nausea is kicking my butt. food holds no appeal, but I'm trying. Though I'm nowhere near my original 489lbs (down to 290lbs) I'm still terrified of joining a gym. So, I do my elliptical at home, walk/jog the track after dark. Too humiliated by my body to exercise in public/with others.

- I'm sick all the time. As in completely and overwhelmingly nauseated. Zofran is worthless and of no help. - My exercise routine? Zumba and walking on the days that I can get off the sofa or off my knees from in front of the toilet. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I value the truth. - My caloric intake is nowhere near what it's supposed to be. Nor am I getting my Protein or my fluids in. I was doing better with everything at 3 weeks post-op than I am at 3 mos post-op. - The few times I've been out I've actually been hit on. It blew my mind but it felt awesome. And I'm still FAT!! What will it be like later? - Even with all the ishy stuff, I'd not change a thing. Being fat was going to kill me. Losing weight was important. I'd rather be miserable and live than be happy but dead. Twisted, I know.

-I confess that I never thought the holiday hell would end. Only now that it has do I feel that it's safe to go bat sh*t crazy. -I confess that I'm starting to notice the loss BUT it's only making certain imperfections (huge @$$, thighs, & arms!) that much more obvious -I confess that this has destroyed my marriage. But no one knows except us. And we're happy. -I confess that the people at NordicTrack have no idea how close they have come to turning me into a one woman verbal Uzi with their incompetence. I am NOT a violent person! -I confess that I'm ready for this to be my year- I want it ALL!

Weekly weigh-in: 310.5

I confess that at 7 weeks I feel as if I'm finally starting to get the hang of this. Then again, maybe not. I confess that my husband has all of a sudden had a change of heart and thinks I'm the greatest thing in the world. My confession? The feeling isn't mutual. I've put up with this stuff for years now and I've reached my limit. I just have no idea what the next step is. I confess that noticing (finally!) small changes are terrific motivators to keep going! I confess to still drinking pickle juice almost daily.

Weekly weigh-in: 317.9

Current weight: 324.7

Current weight: 326.9lbs

My surgeon gave the green light on most veggies and salad at my one month post-op appointment and I was thrilled! The sad part? I can only eat about 4oz worth at a time! Some veggies are off limits, like broccoli, cauliflower and onions but I don't mind- and if I add a bit of low-fat/low-sodium protein it's so yummy. Still, it's rather odd not to be able more when before surgery I could easily polish off a HUGE salad. As long as you're not drowning it in dressing and other fattening stuff, I'd not worry about the amount.

I was going through my old photos today and I came across one of myself at my highest weight- 489lbs. I was horribly ashamed and emotional but at the same time, kind of happy because I could finally see the difference! So, on the left is me in December 2011 and on the right is me in December 2012.

Omgoodness! No extra encouragement necessary!

Susie, you were stunning before and even more so now! You are so rocking this!

I'm a former Depo user and I'd never do it again! In addition to the weight gain I had fertility issues that several doctors said was related to prolonged Depo use. This surgery is a terrific tool and those shots have a long and notorious history for causing women to gain extreme amounts of weight. In my opinion, the risk is too great. Definitely ask about an IUD or some other form of birth control!

I'm now freezing constantly! Prior to surgery I kept the air conditioning on year round. Now, I sleep with a heating pad and I'm going to add an electric blanket to our bed tonight. The colder the weather, the worse it is!

Please tell me we don't have to explain this one to you

My perfumes are all by Philosophy- they're perfectly understated yet significantly unique from what others tend to wear. Right now my favorite is Falling In Love.

I wish I hadn't told my Mama. She's supportive but every day it's the same "Are you staying on program? Are you doing what you need to do?" We've always been close, but I find myself avoiding her and that bothers me. As for losing it faster- I agree! It's hard to be patient, especially with myself.

So if we hear a howl, look in your direction?

That's actually great advice. I wrote a piece about them once.