does not matter

I have never blogged before but I thought I would try this to help me stay on track and stay motivated. Like most of us on this site, I have struggled with weight for a long time. I was really proud of myself because I lost over 60 pounds on my own over a 5 year period but I got to a place where I could not get below 232 pounds. I finally decided to make a huge decision that will affect me the rest of my life and I feel so blessed that I finally made that decision. I spent the last 3 months going through my pre-program and I am so happy that they make you do that because to be honest, I probably would not have done that on my own. I learned a lot. I joined the Centennial Medical Center-Nashville program in June 2012. It is such an outstanding program giving you support, assistance, education and in the most organized fashion. Dr. Doug Olsen is my surgeon. By far he does not accept any excuses. He shows his support but you always knows where he stands - he wants you to succeed.
 
I finally had my surgery on 11/26/12 and today I am 7 days out. I am so proud of myself. I have followed everything 100%. I learn new things every day. I am nervous that I may be missing something but I am staying so focused, My post op pain has been very well controlled. I have had no pain medication since last Friday. Remarkable! I went to church with my daughter yesterday and enjoyed the time so much. Today I drove for the first time and had no problems. My main concern is making sure that I am getting all of my protein. Everyday it gets easier and I really do not mind it at all. I really like Unjury better than the Nectar product.
 
For 7 days out I am so pumped. I have lost 14 pounds thus far. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I move forward on this jourey.

It’s day seven of my liquid diet, and today was the first time I really struggled.
 
First, let me say that today was a great day in many respects. My husband and I took our oldest on a college visit today where he and other students auditioned and interviewed for theater scholarships. I’m not just saying this because I’m his mom—my son did great! Some of the professors even told me so afterwards. He had such a great experience today (this was our second visit), that he decided to commit to the school, which is a huge load off of all of our minds. My son really shined today, and I’m excited about this new chapter in his life. He's going to do amazing things!
 
Okay, now here’s the crabby part. This, as many of you already know, is just a really hard time of year to be on a liquid diet. (Though I'm sure every time of the year has its own unique challenges.) While on campus today, we were treated to lunch in a recently updated dining hall that truly is more like a collection of restaurants. It puts my old college’s microwave eggs and frozen pizzas to shame! And it was a social lunch, one that was stretched out for an hour so that we could talk to the faculty and visit with other prospective students. I felt a little self-conscious about my tiny bowl of soup (which probably wasn’t even technically on my list) as people went back for seconds. Then, we were enthusiastically encouraged to hit the icecream bar. I got another diet soda—a no-no, I know, but at least it wasn’t the icecream bar, and it made me feel like I was having a treat.
 
After a very long two hour drive, we got back into town right around supper time and stopped to pick up my two younger kids from my mom’s house. When we got there, my kids showed off the frosted Christmas sugar cookies they made and everyone endulged—except me. Now, I can see this as a small victory, and I do, but I felt bad because my 3 year old daughter didn’t entirely understand why I wasn’t eating her special cookies. And I felt like my mom was disappointed in me too. Maybe it was in my head, but she kept looking at me like, “Come on, Jennie, just eat one, for your kids.” Then Mom continued to talk about how excited that she was that her favorite pizza place was moving back into our neighborhood. I got out of there as quickly as I could.
 
As soon as I got home, my phone was ringing. My little sis, who lives 3 hours away, is hosting a girls weekend at her place this weekend. It’s the first time she’s had many of the girls of the family down to visit since she moved there, and she’s especially excited because she has a beautiful new home and it’s all decked out for the holidays. Plus, she’s newly pregnant. If you haven’t noticed already—backing out of the trip is simply not a possibility. She is really supportive of what I’m doing, but in her defense, she’s been planning this weekend for a while, and certainly not just for me. So on the agenda for the weekend: a winery (and I LOVE wine—it’s kinda my thing), a local festival of fresh baked goods and Christmas crafts (the crafts should be cool), and then out on the town for dinner in Kansas City. Sigh. This is going to be a tough week, I can tell.
 
But, here it is: I have 7 days left, and A LOT to do. I have to get sub plans ready for the 9 days I’ll miss work, and I pretty much need to have Christmas shopping and wrapping done before I leave town Friday. I teach a college night class, and the grades for that are due next week, and I have to take my student group out to buy gifts for ten area needy kids that we “adopted” for Christmas. I’m hoping that I’m so busy, I won’t have time to lament the loss of real food. Though this weekend will be tough. I’ll just have to keep focused on my surgery. It will be here before I know it.
 
Writing this all down has really helped me get my head around where I am emotionally today. Maybe I wanted to eat more today because, even though it’s a really wonderful milestone, there’s something very bittersweet in my son’s final selection of a college. This is exactly the kind of thing that I would have celebrated by going out for a nice, high calorie dinner! And maybe it’s bothering me that I don’t feel as supported by my extended family as I wish I was. But on the other hand, I’m never going to change them, and I love them how they are. I’m sure I drive them nuts from time to time. And my husband has been amazing. He’s passing on food all the time just so that he’s not eating in front of me. He is even making all of the dinners for the kids right now, which allows me to make my shake/soup/yogurt/whatever and go sit and unwind a minute alone at the end of the day. So I have a lot to stay positive about—I’ve having the surgery, afterall. I’m only days away from something I’ve wanted for almost two years. So I just need to stay positive.
Stay positive.

This week I hit goal, and then some. Yesterday, I had an amazing opportunity to host a Medal of Honor recipient at my University and I was extremely excited. But things didn't go exactly to plan for my unoffical coming out party. How did D-Day go for me? Well, there were a lot of casualties... First off, I'm so happy I did my weight loss surgery, for ME, and me alone. Because I really had to put things into perspective. I had ex that said he was coming to the event, and a new guy I've been talking to for the past couple of weeks also RSVP. I was so psyched and really went all out getting ready, turns out NEITHER ONE of them showed up, and I felt quite dissapointed. I wanted to yell "TA DA!" but that opportunity was taken by their empty chairs... I was a little bitter and jaded about it- but then something interesting started to happen... I did a perfect performance with the event. Dozens and dozens of colleagues I hadn't seen in months were flipping out about how great I looked, my director was very pleased with everything, a friend from Ft. Benning did show up and took me too lunch and we walked all over campus chatting for the afternoon. Then I got a last second note that my team water polo end of season dinner was that evening (I missed the first announcement) and I walked in, and everyone gasped...
 
So while my love life might be in the dumps- I think it's safe to say a LOT of people in my life have noticed my weight loss, everyone has been dumb founded and when I saw this pic I posted- I barely recognized myself. I went from the verge of tears that afternoon, to complete peace coming home tin the evening after my team dinner. I know this is my journey, and I know that it's not one event that makes us who we are, it's the little everyday victories like being able to wake up and like what you see in the mirror that matters. And I really am starting to like what I see. And since I'm fairly religious, I will just throw it out there, that when I do meet Mr. Right, it will be on God's time, not mine. So I'm going to pick myself up, brush myself off, be thankful for my opportunities and another day to wake up and like the new me.Thank you all for being on this journey with me. ♥
 
Here is a pic from earlier today, me with medal of honor recipient Colonel Jacobs.
 
 
Height: 5'9
 
Highest (Surgery) Weight: 216
 
1st Primary Goal Weight: 169 (Achieved 11/27)
2nd Optimal Goal Weight: 145
 
Sleeve Journey:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 8/17/12- PreOp/Surgery Day w/Pics Posted in Blog
Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2)
Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2)
Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8)
Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 9/17/12- 1 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog (-22.5 lbs)
Week 5 (9/21): 191.6 (-1.9)
Week 6 (9/28): 190.1 (-1.5)
Week 7 (10/5): 187.0 (-3.1)
Week 8 (10/12): 181.9 (-5.1)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 10/17/12- 2 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog (-11.6 lbs)
Week 9 (10/19): 181.4 (-.5)
Week 10 (10/26): 177.9 (-3.5)
Week 11 (11/02): 176.8 (-1.1)
Week 12 (11/09): 174.7 (-2.1)
Week 13 (11/16): 173.3 (-1.4)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 11/17/12- 3 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog (-8.6 lbs)
Week 14 (11/23): 173.1 (-.2)
Week 15 (11/30): 167.3 (-5.8)