No game

Ok I haven't checked for days but have been keeping track of my miles.. I've gotten in 23 miles on the bike. So 86 all together.

Been thinking about you girls... I've read all the posts that I've missed, and I truly love you all! My mind is foggy and I'm not sure I remember how to type! It sounds like some exciting news for some (vacations yay) and weight loss for others hooray! And holding steady for others (which is a feat in itself sometimes) an adventures in dating for others! Daisy he sounds like a superficial judgmental guy that lacks a filter. Trust me don't settle! Ok my week, it's been a mind game. I have had a rough time with food. I've done my fasts. I went over a little bit but trust me my mind wanted me to go over all the way! I've fought hard this week with insatiable hunger. I've talked about the "hole" and the need to fill it before, this week the hole was bottomless it seemed, and there were plenty of times I felt like falling into the abyss of it. I've been in a depression. Losing weight does not change everything as you know. I think part of the mind, mouth stomach struggle this week is a combo of things. The foods I ate last weekend just fueled my appetite that's for sure! And that in itself is so depressing! I'm coming up on my year, and it's a heady time. thinking about where I have been, where I still need to go and the struggle that I will always live with. It's not so easy for some of us huh? Just like life, it's the luck of the draw sometimes. Halloween is next week. It is driven by candy yeah? and I'm hoping to avoiding buying anything I like... So sweet tarts it is. Halloween is also my brothers birthday.. Addiction..... What can I say here, he was addicted to drugs and alcohol, he was also a successful man. Who fought his addictions tooth and nail so successfully sometimes.. a lot of the times actually. One day he got tired of fighting... He plays on my mind, because he was the stronger of the two of us I always felt. He was also my other half we knew each other's demons more so than anybody else. We were each other's witness to our past. You know our addictions were different, but actually he was fat as a child and it was most unacceptable to him. It was worse than drugs or alcohol to him.. His weight fluctuated a bit as an adult but like I said it was unacceptable. As long as he looked good that's all that matter and he did look good he spared no expense on his upkeep and went to spas and anti aging centers. He presented to the world, a very accomplished, well groomed, fit man. But behind the scenes the "hole" existed for him too. That hole scares me. It's about so much more than food, food is just what I fill it with. Even with the years of therapy it still exists.. Wow. If you read this far I applaud you! It has been a rough week. I have my anchors that help keep my from going to far adrift my husband my children (ok the are more like albatrosses sometimes ) And you guys... So here I am to fight another day.

Lol.. I think I need to go get my head straight! Good fast day girls talk soon.

Correction. It's 5 pounds up now. This truly is the story of my whole life, starve or gain. Forgive me, But I don't want to hear that I'm thin or pretty because I feel like a sham. This weight loss is so fragile, the fat and ugly is right below the surface, scratching, begging to come out. It needs only the slightest encouragement and comes through to remind me that it will always be there waiting and ready and able with so little effort. OMG I need a xanex and a drink...

http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/97055-slimed/page__fromsearch__1 http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/97055-slimed/page__fromsearch__1 http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/topic/84598-whats-with-all-this-saliva/page__fromsearch__1

Sad, depressed angry, and just plain old down... Up 3 pound from the weekend.. Some days I just feel like I can't take it anymore. I come here and see all these people that dropped all of their weight in six months, I should be happy for them but I'm just disappointed in myself. I will never have a normal life. My days will be consumed with food or lack there of. And should I take my eye of the wheel for two days?? Boom it's back. Some days I'm tired of fighting. I told myself I would fight for this for the rest of my life because it's worth it. But it's hard almost everyday it's hard, I like, want, desire food. I'm still addicted to it. It rules my life even now. Sorry guys. On that note fasting today. Why I don't know it's just what I do.

Just got caught up with the thread... I keep getting thrown off of the notifications on just this thread!!! I hope everyone's Monday was as good as a Monday can get. Mine? Meh the scale is not my friend after the weekend. So fasting tomorrow. And I am going to have major carb withdraws I just know it because I feel crazed at the moment!

Well first off congrats on the baby! The best thing to do is go back to basics cut out processed carb type food and do proteins then veggies. If you still have good restriction great! The protein will fill you and make you satisfied longer.

Isn't that the at it always goes??? Exercise to food to sex??

Sounds kinky... You sure you're up to that yet butter??

Lol it's like cookie sledding on a frosted mountain. Someone has been hitting the tequila.

I only respond to the ones that offer me a million dollars or come with a naughty picture

Some kind of Mexican chocolate.. We went to a weekend long wedding. I feel worse today than I did yesterday! It could have something to do with the scale not liking the moonshine, cupcake, wine, combo. Note to self; Do not ever attend a weekend long Bolivian/hillbilly wedding again!

Not if I go there and club your knees! Know go sit down and let some of us slugs be heroes for a month.

Well I'm glad you two are made up. But I'm still in a lousy ass mood. Oh by the way no one really asks me, it might be an approachability issue...

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that most people here picked the sleeve... With that being said it really is a personal choice. For me I did not want the rerouting of organs and having the malabsorption and dumping issues of the bypass But wanted something more "permanent" than the lap band so the sleeve it was..

Lol! Ok ok I did 5 miles it's all I can do so 68 total

My whole weight loss experience has been a stall with bits of loss here and there. And while it not as dramatic and exciting as "I lost 100 pounds in three months! Yay me!" (Or a 100 pounds at all) After 11 months those bits and pieces add up. And it's better than I was last year It might and I say MIGHT because you are too early out to tell, be this way for you. But you too will healthier and smaller a year from now also

Did I tell you about the after party?? It was the cupcakes and the moonshine.. No kidding there was actual moonshine. I'm in a bad, bad way today... Edit: Ok just checked.... 63 I liked 80 better

Congrats on making it your goal.

Ok I've had a long gluttonous weekend and my mood is foul... First off this argument is as old as the hills around here. So played out I can't believe I'm responding. Second, there is nothing wrong in either way.. Third, if you lose the weight then try to sell profit mislead, like selling weight loss pills, wraps, or a gyms before and after THEN ITS LYING! Fourth? Who gives a flying f**k.. Ok told you I was foul... Red wine, moonshine and cupcakes don't mix 0_0

Ok my last update is so far back I can't even find it I think I might be a bust in the 100 miles...