No game

Here you go... Great article When Your Mother Says She's Fat By Kasey Edwards June 23, 2013 Originally appeared on The Daily Life. Republished here with permission. Dear Mom, I was 7 when I discovered that you were fat, ugly, and horrible. Up until that point I had believed that you were beautiful—in every sense of the word. I remember flicking through old photo albums and staring at pictures of you standing on the deck of a boat. Your white strapless bathing suit looked so glamorous, just like a movie star. Whenever I had the chance I’d pull out that wondrous white bathing suit hidden in your bottom drawer and imagine a time when I’d be big enough to wear it; when I’d be like you. But all of that changed when, one night, we were dressed up for a party and you said to me, ‘‘Look at you, so thin, beautiful, and lovely. And look at me, fat, ugly, and horrible.’’ At first I didn’t understand what you meant. ‘‘You’re not fat,’’ I said earnestly and innocently, and you replied, ‘‘Yes I am, darling. I’ve always been fat; even as a child.’’ In the days that followed I had some painful revelations that have shaped my whole life. I learned that: 1. You must be fat because mothers don’t lie. 2. Fat is ugly and horrible. 3. When I grow up I’ll look like you and therefore I will be fat, ugly, and horrible too. Years later, I looked back on this conversation and the hundreds that followed and cursed you for feeling so unattractive, insecure, and unworthy. Because, as my first and most influential role model, you taught me to believe the same thing about myself. With every grimace at your reflection in the mirror, every new wonder diet that was going to change your life, and every guilty spoon of ‘‘Oh-I-really-shouldn’t,’’ I learned that women must be thin to be valid and worthy. Girls must go without because their greatest contribution to the world is their physical beauty. Just like you, I have spent my whole life feeling fat. When did fat become a feeling anyway? And because I believed I was fat, I knew I was no good. But now that I am older, and a mother myself, I know that blaming you for my body hatred is unhelpful and unfair. I now understand that you too are a product of a long and rich lineage of women who were taught to loathe themselves. Look at the example Nanna set for you. Despite being what could only be described as famine-victim chic, she dieted every day of her life until the day she died at 79 years of age. She used to put on makeup to walk to the mailbox for fear that somebody might see her unpainted face. I remember her ‘‘compassionate’’ response when you announced that Dad had left you for another woman. Her first comment was, ‘‘I don’t understand why he’d leave you. You look after yourself, you wear lipstick. You’re overweight, but not that much.’’ Before Dad left, he provided no balm for your body-image torment either. ‘‘Jesus, Jan,’’ I overheard him say to you. ‘‘It’s not that hard. Energy in versus energy out. If you want to lose weight you just have to eat less.’’ That night at dinner I watched you implement Dad’s ‘‘Energy In, Energy Out: Jesus, Jan, Just Eat Less’’ weight-loss cure. You served up chow mein for dinner. Everyone else’s food was on a dinner plate except yours. You served your chow mein on a tiny bread-and-butter plate. As you sat in front of that pathetic scoop of mince, silent tears streamed down your face. I said nothing. Not even when your shoulders started heaving from your distress. We all ate our dinner in silence. Nobody comforted you. Nobody told you to stop being ridiculous and get a proper plate. Nobody told you that you were already loved and already good enough. Your achievements and your worth—as a teacher of children with special needs and a devoted mother of three of your own—paled into insignificance when compared with the centimeters you couldn’t lose from your waist. It broke my heart to witness your despair and I’m sorry that I didn’t rush to your defense. I’d already learned that it was your fault that you were fat. I’d even heard Dad describe losing weight as a ‘‘simple’’ process—yet one that you still couldn’t come to grips with. The lesson: You didn’t deserve any food and you certainly didn’t deserve any sympathy. But I was wrong, Mom. Now I understand what it’s like to grow up in a society that tells women that their beauty matters most, and at the same time defines a standard of beauty that is perpetually out of our reach. I also know the pain of internalizing these messages. We have become our own jailors and we inflict our own punishments for failing to measure up. No one is more cruel to us than we are to ourselves. But this madness has to stop, Mom. It stops with you, it stops with me, and it stops now. We deserve better—better than to have our days brought to ruin by bad body thoughts, wishing we were otherwise. And it’s not just about you and me anymore. It’s also about Violet. Your granddaughter is only 3 and I do not want body hatred to take root inside her and strangle her happiness, her confidence, and her potential. I don’t want Violet to believe that her beauty is her most important asset; that it will define her worth in the world. When Violet looks to us to learn how to be a woman, we need to be the best role models we can be. We need to show her with our words and our actions that women are good enough just the way they are. And for her to believe us, we need to believe it ourselves. The older we get, the more loved ones we lose to accidents and illness. Their passing is always tragic and far too soon. I sometimes think about what these friends—and the people who love them—wouldn’t give for more time in a body that was healthy. A body that would allow them to live just a little longer. The size of that body’s thighs or the lines on its face wouldn’t matter. It would be alive and therefore it would be perfect. Your body is perfect too. It allows you to disarm a room with your smile and infect everyone with your laugh. It gives you arms to wrap around Violet and squeeze her until she giggles. Every moment we spend worrying about our physical ‘‘flaws’’ is a moment wasted, a precious slice of life that we will never get back. Let us honor and respect our bodies for what they do instead of despising them for how they appear. Focus on living healthy and active lives, let our weight fall where it may, and consign our body hatred in the past where it belongs. When I looked at that photo of you in the white bathing suit all those years ago, my innocent young eyes saw the truth. I saw unconditional love, beauty, and wisdom. I saw my Mom. Love, Kasey xx Kasey Edwards is a writer based in Australia and author of 30-Something And Over It.

DS is a good procedure.... As it was designed to be the second part of the sleeve for higher bmi's.. But how's your diet? I know as we get further out we (me included) get a little lax.. Before I went into another surgery I would try to really streamline your diet to dense protein and veg. Really detoxing from any processed carbs. To see if that can jump start the weight lose again

5:2 plan is an intermittent fasting plan.. Eating "normal" 5 days a week then on two given days eating no more than 500 calories in an eight hour window to allow a rest (fasting) period of at least 12 hours between meals.... This is a good plan for those of us that are in maintenance. Or very close to goal. As it helps us lose those last couple of pounds..

Ok I feel lazy Looking good my friend!!

Oh and ensure and other "complete nutrition" shakes are meal replacement shakes we don't need that, we need protein supplementation..

I've never tried them but 9 grams of protein? Doesn't seem worth it... And what kind of protein? At least premiers have whey protein.

Did all my cooking yesterday!!! HAHAHAHAHA !!! Now we are sitting around in our jammies drinking coffee and then we will pack turkey sandwiches and go the the beach I love thanksgiving!!!!! Happy turkey day to all!

Globe, I'm so sorry for the news of the progression, my Mil has MS but luckily it's not progressing much but she still has some bad days... Daisy, the Santa Cruz mountains are to pretty to associate with an ex! Girl if I associated ex'es with places I'd never leave my bed.... Oh wait that wouldn't be safe either! I know break ups are hard I've had more than I care to remember. Oh and I was always the one dumped.. Funny the abuse I put up with and I was the one always dumped.. Some breakups were so hard I literally did not know how I would live afterwards, I literally felt like I was dying (dramatic I know, but that's me) I've never mentioned it but my daughter is from a previous relationship.... That was the hardest breakup (and messy) it went against everything I felt and wanted parenthood to be... And having a little baby girl I felt I would never date again because I would NEVER trust a man with my daughter. Let alone marry a man and have him in the same house with my daughter (issues I know) I don't believe in "god" but I thank the sky's above for my husband. I could go on for paragraphs about what a good man he is. A decent moral man a perfect father a true father to my daughter (since she was three) and our son, the father I wish I had... But it's gets me crying and this long post would get even more long I now thank my ex for dumping me every time we talk (lol he hates that and always asks me to come back) Wow! Sorry long winded! Oh and yes Los Gatos is ritzy but I'm not. Ok this was supposed to be a short HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Post So here it is!!! Happy day to all!

Girl you better not! Listen a lot of us had to lose fifty or more pounds before we or others noticed! You are on a long wonderful journey to a healthier you, it will take time though... Don't make me break out crap like "we didn't get fat in a day it's going to take time to lose it"

Susan's timing WAS unfortunate she always catches me when I being bad I just refered him to these problems so he'll know

Yikes I'll tell Alex... He's not going to like it though, we are in the middle of being all kumbaya right now...

Misty I've read several articles about this the last couple of days... Frankly it doesn't surprise me.. And why on gods green flippity earth would someone use this as a regular form of birth control? My word, it takes all kinds.... <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://mobile.businessweek.com/articles/2013-11-27/plan-bs-problem-with-heavier-women-isnt-news-in-europe'>http://mobile.businessweek.com/articles/2013-11-27/plan-bs-problem-with-heavier-women-isnt-news-in-europe</a>

I feel better now..Chris gave me every medicine known to man before he went to work.. That guy really wants his turkey dinner Cooking has commenced and I'm about to tackle the stuffing!! I'm cooking my azz off! It's all coming out perfect? Wish we where having company today so I could show them laura actually can cook! Maybe I'll call my mother in law

I know this next setback must be hard on you.. I often wonder how compromised our bodies were carrying around all that extra weight.. I mean we can see the ravages on the outside and lots of us were on meds.. But beyond that our whole body was under constant strain of having to function carrying around 100's of extra pounds... Our surgeons are operating on less than healthy people. It was only a matter of time for all of us morbidly obese people... I know that these "setbacks" (i put it that way because a coma is a little more than just a setback) suck but I have faith that you will come out the other end of this a healthier person overall

Yup.. I'll be on a beach wearing a sweatshirt and eating turkey leftovers

I've been ripped off!!! Where are my pictures of this suit?? I used my old arthritic fingers to click on this thread and I want pics!!! Edit goal!! Happy dance!!! (¤¿¤) <)__)/ / \ ( ¤¿¤) \(__(> / \ (¤¿¤) <)__)/ / \

Oops, redundant of me...

Good Cathy!!

Hey garden girl.. I just sent this to Alex... He's not logged in at the moment but when he comes back I'm sure he'll get back to you

Happens to a lot of us.. When I was about two months out my left hip was in excruciating pain every time I tried to walk.. For me it was scary because I have metal pins in that hip from when I was a child and haven't had this pain since then. Tests and ex-rays later nothing was found... I did a search on here and voila! Lots of people with "normal" hips had the same problem, about the same time. I took it to mean shifting weight shifting way our body's "carry" it and losing weight causes different center of gravity and different (and temporary) aches and pains.. As quick as it came.. It left! Good luck

Wow 30 pounds in 15 days?? Yep your body needs that stall to recoup and even out.. Just keep doing what you are doing, and all will be good. Weight doesn't come off "neatly" with numbers every day or week coming off. But as long as the long term trend is down, you are golden

Hi girls, There is a veteran forum here that sounds like it will be really helpful for you. We have lots of vets that are 3+ years out some dealing with maintenance some with gain and some that never made it to "goal" 5 day pouch test meh... Not for me thank you.. You need to put the hard work into detoxing from carbs, sugar, junk, and trust me it's HARD! The minute I open the door to those things my eating habits go downhill fast. Dense protein and veggies are the sleevers friends

Tami I looked at her stuff last night. Pretty good stuff I like her

Is the app fixed for everyone?? Alex just PMed me to check it out and yay! When I'm signed in, only vertical sleeve posts under "current"!!

Feed I'm envious of your ride!! It sounds like so much fun!! This is horrible but I'm glad I'm not the only one around here falling of the rails in regards to eating this week! Misery loves company Jane, holidays are just not the same for a lot of us so I know how you feel.. Don't get me wrong I love my little family tradition.. But it started after my brother passed because face it there was nobody left but people that were emotionally draining to say the least... Ok, cooking has started, turkey in the oven. I've been feeling a bit under the weather today though? my stomach like the actual stomach hurts in a way it's never hurt before? On and off nausea and it hurts when I move?? I might of picked up a bug at that over crowed disgusting grocery store yesterday (I hate grocery shopping) hopefuly it passes soon.