GirlOnFire

Wow....I had prepared for it to take the full 15 business days for insurance to reply....but it only took 4.
I'm approved!
May 22nd at 1 pm.
Excited, scared, curious, nervous, relieved, anxious....seems crazy to have some of these feelings all at the same time! But ..... here we gooooooo.
 
I have SO much to do at work to get ready to be gone. I never take more than a day or two off at a time, except when I got married, and unfortunately even that I kinda planned around my work schedule (don't tell anyone, that's kinda my own little secret). I'm planning on being out 5/21 through 31... the 27th is a holiday, so it's really only 8 work days. I do payroll for a kind of large outfit and being out through the 31st means when I come back on June 3rd I have to hit the ground running full speed to process payroll that day. Hope to God all goes well and I am able to come back when I plan to! I honestly don't know what would happen if I wasn't here. I guess the responsible thing to do is to make sure my boss remembers how to do it, so that he can do it if necessary. Then there are other pressing matters that I need to wrap up before I take the time off, and some things I need to find someone to do while I'm out...I honestly don't know who is going to do some of these things...panicking a little about it.
 
One thing is for sure: nothing makes time go by more quickly than having deadlines to meet!

I planned this surgery for a year. I dreamed about it for a lot longer than that. So, when my surgery finally got approved and scheduled, I immediately hid it from almost everyone close to me. No one at my office knows I was sleeved. Only my husband, best friend, 2nd Mom (my mom's best friend.... She stands in for my Mom), and one brother (of five siblings). Everyone else knows the "vague truth" story.... A procedure done to remove some of the fat in my liver and "roto-rooting" to discourage more fat build-up in my otherwise compromised liver. Still.... Sort of the truth. So, what's the big deal? Why am I hesitant to just say, "yeah, I got sleeved to lose weight?" Why is there shame around that? Is it because John Q Public who has always been height-weight proportionate is quick to judge it? It's the easy way out, right? More admiration and respect goes to those who lose weight on their own and keep it off. Right? Somehow, this is cheating?
 
It's cheating to sacrifice 80% of a vital organ for the REST of my LIFE? It's the easy way out to never get to enjoy a big Thanksgiving meal with my family EVER again? I'm taking a short cut by undergoing general anesthesia and getting punctured - not once - but five times in the gut? It's just a vacation for me knowing my hair is going to fall out and I can only hope it grows back?
 
Right. Still, I feel the social stigma of the shame that goes with. Today, I've been reflecting on this. And this is the peace I'm making with it.
 
Society says they admire a person who loses weight "on their own." This includes people using appetite suppressants. An appetite suppressant is just a tool to prop them up, but THEY are the ones doing the HARD work. THEY are having to change their eating habits and choices. They couldn't do it without the appetite suppressant. It is a needed tool to accomplish their ultimate goal - lose weight.
 
The sleeve IS AN APPETITE SUPPRESSANT. The difference is, IT actually WORKS, and works for the long-term FAR FAR FAR better than any prescription drug that is swallowed. And, I'm not adding chemicals to my body. I'm not forgetting to take it, or changing my mind about taking it, or dealing with unpleasant side effects. I have an appetite suppressant THAT REALLY WORKS! And, after the weight comes off, I won't rebound like most people do who "do it themselves" (according to John Q Public).
 
So, I am thinking that we Sleevers have a responsibility to TEACH others. We have every right to hold our heads up with pride for being COURAGEOUS ENOUGH to make this lifelong commitment to change a lifelong brainwashing about healthy-eating and healthy-living. I refuse to accept any snide remarks from anyone. I will communicate pity to them for their ignorance and lack of evolving. And, I'll certainly offer to enlighten them on how one should think about their health going into the 21st Century.
 
Sleeving isn't just giving me my life back. It is SAVING my life. I'm not ashamed of myself. I'm PROUD of me! I found a RELIABLE tool to use to lose weight. The most reliable tool available.
 
This is the hardest work I've ever loved!