simplejaxgirl

It's been about 10 months since my surgery and I've lost 109.5 pounds total with about 30-40 more to go. It's...strange...being on the downswing of this rather amazing journey. Looking back over everything it's crazy to see how much life has changed in less than a year. I mean, I started out at 280+ pounds and plagued with constant exhaustion of all that extra weight on a 5'5 frame. Now I'm at 171.4 and I run 3+ miles at a time, zumba, kickbox, yoga and am looking into joining a climbing club. Some of the issues over the last 10 months have been harder to deal with than others. For example, I intellectually knew that my hair was probably going to thin but actually standing in the shower with practically hunks of my hair in my hand was....emotionally hard to deal with. For all of those who are just starting this process I highly, highly HIGHLY recommend using Bosley shampoo/conditioner/hair serum to help prevent loss and regrow hair. Expensive, yes, but worth it. It not only slowed the hair loss down but my hair is growing in thicker than ever!
 
Another interesting aspect to deal with has been the body/mind disconect. It's just plan weird to go into a store and have no clue where to go or what to start trying on. Your body is melting away so fast (especially in the beginning) that its shocking and you feel like your mind says one thing, the mirror says another, and your body lost 5 lbs during the 2 minutes you were trying on pants and now you have to go back into the store and find a smaller size. Fun, sure, frustrating, definitely.
 
In the beginning my weight loss was meteoric. It seemed the only thing I had to do was sneeze and I lost a pound. Once I hit 6 months, it started to slow and while that is sometimes frustrating I think it's also better mentally. I now have a chance to get to know my own body and to actually see where I'm losing weight. I measure inches lost once a month and it's been a great way to see that I'm still making progress even if the scale hasn't really moved. I basically take everything in 10 lb blocks and have little mini goals set to help keep my spirits up during stalls. Oh, and I also need to thank pneumonia. The 170's will always be The Pneumonia 10 since I pretty much zipped through them during 1 week. I finally went to the doctor thinking I had a bad ear infection/sinus infection and found out that I actually had that AND a bad case of pneumonia. Oops? While I wouldn't lie and say that I'm sorry that the 170s kinda just melted away from my fever and lack of interest in food, I would also have preferred not to have the plague. Gotta look on the bright side though, right? At least I now know why I've been so exhausted for the last week.
 
So I'm in the bottom bit of the 170s and I can actually see what my body is going to look like. I've been overweight for so long and since before puberty finally let go of me that I'm not exactly sure what my body type is. Hourglass? Lean runner physique? Pear? Delicate southern blossom? Hunchback of Notre Dame? *amused*. Yet now when I look in the mirror I can actually see the line definition of where muscle ends and the layer of chub begins. I can tell that my legs/arms/face are thinning faster than my middle and that the last 20 lbs will all be in my stomach area. My mom carries weight the same way and so it's not that big of a surprise. I have a feeling that those last 20 will be the true "Battle of the Bulge" and will be both frustrating and delightful. I'm actally rather pleased that I think I'm going to get the body type I've always secretly wanted, which is more lean runner with enough feminine curves to be interesting but not be Jessica Rabbit. Both delicate and strong.
 
My mind/body disconect has lessened over time and it's getting easier to know that this is me. That when I go out in public that people don't look at me and think "look at that fat girl". When I go to the doctors now I dont get the automatic "you are so obese you have to lose weight" talks from a doctor that is also oftentimes also overweight. (Yeah, anbody else ever notice the double standard of that?). I feel strong within myself and more confident every day. I've learned how to deal with what people say about my weight loss and how to deflect or disregard their comments. Its amazing how many people feel they have a right to comment on weight loss and tell you that it's either 'too fast to be healthy' or that 'you are turning into skin and bones and need to stop'. That last always makes me laugh because I look so thin in comparison to how I looked before, but it's still obvious that I'm carrying extra weight. My basic response to most questions on how I've managed to lose weight is that I had a "Lifeystle change". While I'm not ashamed about having had the surgery I also don't think it's every Tom, D.ick and Harry's business to know. I neither require, nor want, a casual aquiantance's judgement on my choices. And trust me, people have strong opinions one way or the other on having weight loss surgery. There are so many changes in my life that I want to make and this has helped give me the confidence to go after what I want. I want to look back in another year and be as amazed as I am now about how much life can change in a short amount of time.
 
For everyone who is thinking about doing this...you will be amazed at how great life can become. I'm not going to lie and say that it was always easy, but it has been worth it and I would do it all over again.

I had a wonderful non scale victory this weekend! I was able to shop in a "normal" store! I went to Old Navy and bought some shirts and a blazer! It felt wonderful!!! No more shopping in the "big girls store" down 50 lbs!!!! whooo hooo!

December 5, 2012.
The first day of the rest of my life.
The last few days have been very dark days.
I've been in a stall for a about 5 days now, and this is my second stall in 8 weeks.
My highest weight was 242.2 and starting weight was 239.8.
I've been stuck at 205 + or - 2-3 lbs.
 
Today is my 8 week surgiversary. Today I am feeling much different than the few weeks, even the last 5 days. I have learned so much about my body as well as food, nutrition, and life in these last few weeks.
 
Today I hit 100 oz of fluids. Prior to today I might have hit 50-60 on a good day.
Today I hit my protein.
Today I walked over 2 miles in under 40 minutes.
Today I ran on the treadmill. I haven't 'ran' in almost 10 years...
Today I made healthy choices.
 
I have had sooo many struggles.
EVERY SINGLE MEAL is a challenge. (anyone else?)
Every meal is a new opportunity to choose the best food for my body.
I am sooo far from perfect, and have struggled every single day.
 
Today I put the scale away.
Today I will focus on being healthy.
Today I will focus on exercise and going forward.
Today I will focus on being happy and living in the moment.
My hunger has NOT gone away, however I can say that it is NOT the same kind of hunger as pre-surgery.
Music has been my healing power.
I hate plain water, and most protein shakes.
 
I have learned that I am a strong woman, but I have a lot of dark demons that haunt me, I have many issues that I am always going to struggle with, but I am NOT going to let them beat me or get me down...I have done that for way too long.
 
Thank GOODNESS for the amazing people who post on this website as they are and have been extremely supportive and I have learned so much from the many others who are taking a walk on this journey. I don't always post, but I read others posts and comments daily.
 
Cheers to the rest of my healthy life!

December 5, 2012.
The first day of the rest of my life.
The last few days have been very dark days.
I've been in a stall for a about 5 days now, and this is my second stall in 8 weeks.
My highest weight was 242.2 and starting weight was 239.8.
I've been stuck at 205 + or - 2-3 lbs.
 
Today is my 8 week surgiversary. Today I am feeling much different than the few weeks, even the last 5 days. I have learned so much about my body as well as food, nutrition, and life in these last few weeks.
 
Today I hit 100 oz of fluids. Prior to today I might have hit 50-60 on a good day.
Today I hit my protein.
Today I walked over 2 miles in under 40 minutes.
Today I ran on the treadmill. I haven't 'ran' in almost 10 years...
Today I made healthy choices.
 
I have had sooo many struggles.
EVERY SINGLE MEAL is a challenge. (anyone else?)
Every meal is a new opportunity to choose the best food for my body.
I am sooo far from perfect, and have struggled every single day.
 
Today I put the scale away.
Today I will focus on being healthy.
Today I will focus on exercise and going forward.
Today I will focus on being happy and living in the moment.
My hunger has NOT gone away, however I can say that it is NOT the same kind of hunger as pre-surgery.
Music has been my healing power.
I hate plain water, and most protein shakes.
 
I have learned that I am a strong woman, but I have a lot of dark demons that haunt me, I have many issues that I am always going to struggle with, but I am NOT going to let them beat me or get me down...I have done that for way too long.
 
Thank GOODNESS for the amazing people who post on this website as they are and have been extremely supportive and I have learned so much from the many others who are taking a walk on this journey. I don't always post, but I read others posts and comments daily.
 
Cheers to the rest of my healthy life!

December 5, 2012.
The first day of the rest of my life.
The last few days have been very dark days.
I've been in a stall for a about 5 days now, and this is my second stall in 8 weeks.
My highest weight was 242.2 and starting weight was 239.8.
I've been stuck at 205 + or - 2-3 lbs.
 
Today is my 8 week surgiversary. Today I am feeling much different than the few weeks, even the last 5 days. I have learned so much about my body as well as food, nutrition, and life in these last few weeks.
 
Today I hit 100 oz of fluids. Prior to today I might have hit 50-60 on a good day.
Today I hit my protein.
Today I walked over 2 miles in under 40 minutes.
Today I ran on the treadmill. I haven't 'ran' in almost 10 years...
Today I made healthy choices.
 
I have had sooo many struggles.
EVERY SINGLE MEAL is a challenge. (anyone else?)
Every meal is a new opportunity to choose the best food for my body.
I am sooo far from perfect, and have struggled every single day.
 
Today I put the scale away.
Today I will focus on being healthy.
Today I will focus on exercise and going forward.
Today I will focus on being happy and living in the moment.
My hunger has NOT gone away, however I can say that it is NOT the same kind of hunger as pre-surgery.
Music has been my healing power.
I hate plain water, and most protein shakes.
 
I have learned that I am a strong woman, but I have a lot of dark demons that haunt me, I have many issues that I am always going to struggle with, but I am NOT going to let them beat me or get me down...I have done that for way too long.
 
Thank GOODNESS for the amazing people who post on this website as they are and have been extremely supportive and I have learned so much from the many others who are taking a walk on this journey. I don't always post, but I read others posts and comments daily.
 
Cheers to the rest of my healthy life!

December 5, 2012.
The first day of the rest of my life.
The last few days have been very dark days.
I've been in a stall for a about 5 days now, and this is my second stall in 8 weeks.
My highest weight was 242.2 and starting weight was 239.8.
I've been stuck at 205 + or - 2-3 lbs.
 
Today is my 8 week surgiversary. Today I am feeling much different than the few weeks, even the last 5 days. I have learned so much about my body as well as food, nutrition, and life in these last few weeks.
 
Today I hit 100 oz of fluids. Prior to today I might have hit 50-60 on a good day.
Today I hit my protein.
Today I walked over 2 miles in under 40 minutes.
Today I ran on the treadmill. I haven't 'ran' in almost 10 years...
Today I made healthy choices.
 
I have had sooo many struggles.
EVERY SINGLE MEAL is a challenge. (anyone else?)
Every meal is a new opportunity to choose the best food for my body.
I am sooo far from perfect, and have struggled every single day.
 
Today I put the scale away.
Today I will focus on being healthy.
Today I will focus on exercise and going forward.
Today I will focus on being happy and living in the moment.
My hunger has NOT gone away, however I can say that it is NOT the same kind of hunger as pre-surgery.
Music has been my healing power.
I hate plain water, and most protein shakes.
 
I have learned that I am a strong woman, but I have a lot of dark demons that haunt me, I have many issues that I am always going to struggle with, but I am NOT going to let them beat me or get me down...I have done that for way too long.
 
Thank GOODNESS for the amazing people who post on this website as they are and have been extremely supportive and I have learned so much from the many others who are taking a walk on this journey. I don't always post, but I read others posts and comments daily.
 
Cheers to the rest of my healthy life!

OMG! Let me tell you what transpired yesterday! So I received a call from my surgeon's nurse at home last night. She was calling me to inform me that my surgeon wanted to know if I would be interested in being interviewed along with other patients about our weight loss journey/story. She didn't have alot of details but basically said I would sit and be asked questions about my experience with the bariatric team. The staff would also be interviewed and THEN it would be shown all around the hospital campus. HOLY ****! I was getting nervous just thinking about it as she kept talking. Finally when she finished, I told her I would let her know by Thursday if I'd be interested. The interview is to take place and recorded on Tuesday, December 4th.
 
I'm a pretty much super shy individual :ph34r: . Lets not forget a very shy chubby individual. The thoughts of having people see me throughout the hospital system gave me some anxiety. I would be the girl walking down the hallway and people will stare, point, and maybe even laugh. I guess my chubby girl syndrome still lingers deep back in my head telling me these things could happen and truly probably wouldn't even happen. I asked three of my closest friends their thoughts on it and they all said "DO IT". Their reason's were pretty much all the same "to inspire" someone else to "go for it".
 
Never did I intend to be considered as an "inspiration". I'm still trying to find myself, get used to that fact that I will indeed be a transitioned slimmer individual and perhaps not as SHY as I am. Lets not forget that I weighed 225 before surgery and I currently weigh 176. It's not much of a weight loss, at least not in my eyes. So Im still kinda questioning "why me". I'm quite comfortable being "baby who is left in the corner" .
 
SO, today, I knew I would run into my surgeon (I work in the same hospital as he does and better yet, I work on the same floor his main office is located in, not the clinic but his main office). I tried drastically to avoid running into him this morning because I knew he had probably touched base with his nurse and she would tell him I'd give an answer this Thursday. :ph34r: My morning was going pretty good, I avoided running into him and about 9:00 wouldn't you know that he asks around the department my whereabouts and corners me in the copy room. He such a good guy! He plainly asks me if I would do the interview and just represent his office in general. OMG! How could I say "no"? I did tell him I'd let him know at the end of the day BUT I have decided and I am gonna do it. I'm not sure how much I can help another individual but what I do know and I gave it alot of thought last night and today, MY surgery is like a tattoo, people get a tattoo for symbolism. They get a tattoo to make a statement and a tattoo is meant to be seen and not hidden. My surgery is my tattoo, its obvious that my body and appearance is changing. I'm going to get looks by everyone and I should be proud that I'm doing something good for me, something that makes me proud to have done, proud to be looked at other than as the chubby girl with a pretty smile. I'm truly honored that I was one of the patients he chose to be interviewed and displayed. Maybe GOD picked me so I can be comfortable with who I am rather than who I'm used to being. Its time to come out of my cocoon and let my wings be seen.
 
I'll keep you posted on the whole interview/recording journey. Wish me luck, IM GONNA NEED IT! YIKES!!!

Wow! Today has been a 180 from yesterday in terms of how I'm feeling about myself and the surgery. I am not down in the dumps. I kept super busy most of the day, but when I was able to wind down, I had some time to think about some of the things I was told in my pre-op class...
My dietician told me that she likes to listen to audio books while she walks on her treadmill or exercises.
 
There are a few reasons why this is an awesome idea...
1. Watching TV while exercising you have 1/3 commercials... most commercials are of fatty, delicious food. Seriously, NOT what I need when I'm trying to lose weight and break bad habits!
2. Music is a good option too, but after a week, you've heard them all and it doesn't really appeal anymore.
3. If you are like me and enjoy books but don't have time to sit down and read in the peace and quiet... kill 2 birds with 1 stone! Knock out my exercising and feed my brain all at the same time!
 
I thought, well, I will give that a try. Looking into it, I found that it is really expensive to download books... goodness gracious! After some researching and confusion of what their "deal" was, I found that I like audible.com best. I got the app for my iPod touch and download a few books.
 
I found some good inspirational books by Joel Osteen... How? I'm not sure... I have NO idea how his book got brought up. Thank goodness it did though! It was just what I needed and I didn't even know it.
 
So, I downloaded my book, ran downstairs, and fired up the treadmill... for the second time since surgery. (I've been walking, but more aimlessly around inside buildings and even my house.) I haven't had the motivation to really get into exercising yet for some reason. I got excited about the audio book thing though and was eager to get going.
 
I hopped on the treadmill and next time I looked down I had been on for 10 minutes... like nothing. I only ended up walking 15 though. I didn't want to overdo myself because I'm still pretty sore at times.
 
This book (so far.. I had to stop myself after the intro, before he got into "Day 1") talked about how your words affect your future. If you wake up tired and say, "Oh, man. I'm just so tired. It's going to be a horrible day." It will be. I've been told that a million times... blah blah blah. I know. I needed a reminder though. If you're feeling tired, say outloud, "I feel great. I'm healthy. Today is going to be a great day!" It will be a good day!
 
Also, it talked about how no one believes the things you say about yourself quite as much as you do. If you tell yourself enough that you are beautiful, happy, blessed, radiant, soon enough you will feel like you are... and you will be!
 
I needed these words (although I paraphrased A LOT from what the book says) I hope that they help someone else through their time of difficulty too.
 
Today truly has been a great day for me. I hope it has been for you too!!
 
I HIGHLY recommend considering listening to an audiobook while exercising. There are soooo many out there that there will be something for everyone to download.

its sooo nice to see you again! (NOT) So, I am about 10 days before surgery date and I cannot keep these crazy thoughts out of my head. I have been advised to stop all medication except for a multivitamin, and that includes stopping my anxiety medication. I feel like my anxiety and head is all over the place with crazy thoughts of the good and the bad 'could happens' of surgery...
 
Am I making the right decisions?
Am I loosing enough weight pre-op?
Will the surgeon say no if I do not loose enough weight? (No # was given)
What if there are complications?
Will I be able to take care of my son and house after surgery? (I will only have support for maybe a day or two)
What will life after surgery be like?
 
Just all of these thoughts swirling in my head...I am hoping that this is normal, and I am not the only one going through all of these thoughts.
 
I am going to call tomorrow to discuss being on my anxiety meds until surgery, and if not, other options...
 
-anxious mess!

its sooo nice to see you again! (NOT) So, I am about 10 days before surgery date and I cannot keep these crazy thoughts out of my head. I have been advised to stop all medication except for a multivitamin, and that includes stopping my anxiety medication. I feel like my anxiety and head is all over the place with crazy thoughts of the good and the bad 'could happens' of surgery...
 
Am I making the right decisions?
Am I loosing enough weight pre-op?
Will the surgeon say no if I do not loose enough weight? (No # was given)
What if there are complications?
Will I be able to take care of my son and house after surgery? (I will only have support for maybe a day or two)
What will life after surgery be like?
 
Just all of these thoughts swirling in my head...I am hoping that this is normal, and I am not the only one going through all of these thoughts.
 
I am going to call tomorrow to discuss being on my anxiety meds until surgery, and if not, other options...
 
-anxious mess!