senickisncis

Hey There all!!
 
I am having surgery November 15 and I am currently still in school. Surgery will be close to the end of the semester, however, I will still have a few weeks of school left. All those who have had surgery any advise for me? What can I expect? I'm kind of nervous, and I really don't like pain. I was thinking about taking a week off to heal.
 
This has been a long time coming. I finally decided to take control of my life and invest in myself. I'm going to document this so you all can see my journey. Life can be relatively hard being a large person. I feel as though my weight holds me back from doing a lot of the things I want in life. Things like being able to run and do activities for a period of time with out getting tired quickly. Have you ever wished that instead of being behind the pack you could run up front or alongside of them? I do all the time. How bout looking in the mirror while trying on a really cute dress you like only to realize it doesn't look as cute on you as it did on the manikin? Yup.
 
The real reason as to why i'm doing this isn't just to look better or to run faster, but more so to feel better about myself. I need a change in my life. I couldn't keep doing the same thing and feeling the same way. I was going insane. Hopefully, this journey will give me the courage to do the things i've always wanted and to be the person i've always wanted to be. I feel that by taking this plung, I will be giving myself options that i never had before. Wish me luck! Can't wait to hear all of your feedback!! Toodles.

It took a while finding a surgeon who would do my surgery, I guess I'm a high risk. (Who would have thought). Lol
 
I am getting the sleeve, then hopefully a pancreas bypass. I have had many abdominal surgeries but this one I'm kinda looking forward to.
 
I was so thankful to find a doctor with a sence of humor, I told him all the problems I had and he just kept saying arggg. Then he looked at my scar and I told him there was mesh underneath, arggg again. Lol
 
The shrink you liver diet isn't so bad, but the lack of caffeen is giving me a headache, and an upset stomach adjusting to no carbs. I was surprised when it took a while for my sugar to come down to normal range, but I'm not normal is what my friends tell me. Lol
 
All for now, next appt in Mid October for psyche and weigh in.

So close yet so far. I have been on a two week stall. It’s crazy. I am really trying hard not to freak out. I have been under a lot more stress lately. About a month ago, my older brother had heart failure. It was really scary. They were not sure if he was going to make it…but he did…now he is living with me…for now.
 
My brother is morbidly obese, drank heavily, and was not taking his high blood pressure meds. Since moving in, he has gotten the blood pressure under control, quit drinking because now he can’t or it will kill him, and he has loss 30 lbs. in 30 days! As a heart patient myself, it was easy for me to tell him what he needed to change in his diet and near death experiences can be pretty motivating. But it made me a little sad that I could not stick to my own advice 5 years ago which lead me to having WLS to begin with. Then again, as I watched his pain and fear, I realized that I made the right decision for myself 6 months ago. I will be honest with you…there was the little bit of doubt in the back of my mind up until that day…could I have done it on my own…maybe I could had…No…watching him there in the hospital bed with all the machines and the wires and the doctors…No…I could not have done this on my own. If I did not take this step, that could have been me all over again. My weight and my eating habits were slowly killing me. I did not do this to look thin. I did this because I wanted to live…and live well…and live happy and so now I am living well and happy for the first time in my life.
 
But back to my stall, this has been the longest stall so far. I really should not complain because I am 4’ 11’ and 123 lbs with according to the BMI chart I am NORMAL!!!! I passed my personal goal of 130 about 3 weeks ago but I am 3 lbs shy of my doctor’s goal. I really wanted to be there by this Friday for my 6 month follow up.
 
I did finally join a gym last week but I have only gone once…I feel out of place there…so many mirrors. Still not used to seeing myself. Also…tee hee…when I went to the gym several men were checking me out…tee hee. Not used to that either. I am definitely going today. I am hoping to lose at least 1 lb before I Friday.

Its been 4 months, 2 weeks, and 1 day since my surgery and I feel great. I finally got the hang of this sleeve thing. I don't feel bad any more about not being able to eat what everyone else is eating. I am a size 4 and a S to XS shirt. I have had to buy all new clothes for the 5th time but I don't care because I really enjoy it. I still gravitate to the women sizes and I get these weird looks from the ladies there but then I find my way back to the correct area. I am really happy. I haven't been this happy about my looks since...well..ever.

The gurgles and gas is the worst. I am suppose to eat a quarter of a cup of food per meal but when I eat I get air in my stomach then the pressure in my throat which makes me think I am full. I eating less that a quarter of a cup at each sitting. Then sometimes I don't even bother eating at all. It is impossible to find healthy options most of the time.

Having the worst day ever!!!! I am soooooooooo thirsty I can't stand it. I am at a client sight managing the work of 12 other people on this project and I am just sooooo stressed out I forgot to drink most of the day. I ate ok but I forgot my protein. GRRRRR!!!

For those of you who have the sleeve, have you gotten the flu and was it different?

Well, its been 9 months since I was sleeved. I am very happy with the results. In fact, I don't think I have ever been this thin not that my goal was to be super thin. It really weird to see my reflection. Kind of a nice surprise everytime it happens.
 
Now that my husband has been sleeved too, it is even easier to make good food choice. Nothing was worse than having to try to order a health food option off a menu when everyone around you is ordering cheeseburgers and fried chicken. Its nice to have somewho is that closed to me to truely understand my food challenges. Not that he was wasn't supportive before the surgery...he just can relate more now.
 
I have lost 96.8 lbs. I started at 208lbs on December 2011. I don't have some excess skin but to be honest it not that bad. There are only 3 areas that really bother me and I saw a plastic surgeon for those areas last week. I have excess skin in my arms, belly, and butt. The good thing is that I only need two surgeries to correct these areas. The bad new is the its going to cost $15,000 to fix it. The one thing I was really pleased with is that I am a canident for a short scar arm lift brachioplasty. The short scar arm lift is achieved by tightening the skin of the upper arm and making an incision in the armpit instead of an incision from the elbow to the armpit. The other really good news is I can take care of my belly and my butt in on operation for a lower body lift. This doctor even offered to do fat injections in my butt to make it rounder, which I have never heard of. Because its so much, I think I am going to do the arm lift first because that bothers me the most ($5,000) then wait a year and do the lower body lift ($10,000) this will also give me time to save for the lower body lift since its so much.

Height: 5'9
 
Highest Weight: 216
 
1st Goal Weight: 169
 
Sleeved: (8/17/2012): 216 lbs
 
Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2)
Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2)
Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8)
Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 9/17/12- 1 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog
Week 5 (9/21): 191.6 (-1.9)
Week 6 (9/28): 190.1 (-1.5)
Week 7 (10/5): 187.0 (-3.1)
Week 8 (10/12): 181.9 (-5.1)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 10/17/12- 2 Month Anniversary
 
 
**While it doesn't look like I'm getting a ton of definition, I'm actually "de-swelling" pretty evenly and not all from one spot. Everything has shrunk from a size 14 (*cough* more like a 16 *cough*) pre-op to me fitting into my size 10 jeans. I never took measurements, but my clothing is pretty much telling the story for me. And the shorts I'm wearing in my 2 month pic wouldn't even go up my thighs 2 months ago- total NSV and now my favorite pool deck lounging booty shorts. I'm still swimming 5 days a week, and I'm getting really close to my first personal goal of 169, which is the highest allowable weight according to my BMI chart. In 2 weeks I got Halloween, and in 3 weeks my Birthday. I'm really stepping it up in workouts and extra stuff just so that I can be prepared to take pics with friends and be happy, and actually smiling in all my pics. I'm ready for pics with friends finally!!!
 

 

1 year ago today I was being rolled into the Operating room thinking that this is my last chance to change my life. This is the last chance I have to get healthy and make a change for the better. This is the last chance for me to for me to stop just existing and start living. Growing up I was always the largest kid. In high school I went from being a 5 foot 8 kid to being 6 foot 4 man wearing a size 15 shoe. In high school I was athletic and worked out daily. After high school my family moved to Atlanta so my sister could receive better treatment for her MS. During my time in Atlanta I started to gain weight .I was sedentary and but still eating like an athlete. My sister lost her battle with MS and it affected my family severely. I started eating and packing on pounds , and me working a call center job working second shift did not help. In early 2011 I started looking for a way to get healthy. At this point I had not been weighed in at least 3 years. I went to the doctor and stepped on the scale and it read 540 pounds. My mother started crying uncontrollably at the doctors office, she saw 540 pounds and then saw me in a grave next to my sister. That was the day I decided that I have to have WLS, I had did diets and lost weight but it always came back. I started my journey at 540 pounds with back and joint pain, High blood pressure, borderline diabetic, and un-diagnosed sleep apnea. I was able to get down to 490 the day of surgery. I am down to 330 pounds as of today with a total loss of 210 pounds. I still have about 40-50 pounds to go but I am more than happy with my results. My life has improved so much in the last year. Physically I am able to walk for 10 minutes without my back being in knots and my joints screaming in pain. I am able to get a full nights sleep and not wake up tired. No more high blood pressure, no more back or joint pain, no longer borderline diabetic. Mentally I have become a different person also. My outlook on life is positive. I have become a stronger person inside and out. I no longer let negative people or issues get me down. I was just diagnosed with MS October 15th. Usually this would get me down especially since my family has history with this disease( my deceased sister), but I just started living again, I will not let this control my future. I am not going to stop living until I am dead- and I am not dead yet. I will you leave you guys with a quote that I live by. Stay strong and stay positive everyone.
 
"Now we are the masters of our fate, That the task which has been set us is not above our strength .That it's pangs and toils are not beyond our endurance .As long as we have faith in our cause and an unconquerable will-power Salvation will not be denied us ! "- Winston Churchill

Ok here I sit counting down. And I tell you the wait is almost painful !! I go in 11-14 and do all my appointments. Labs, ekg, chest x-ray, ultrasound, barium swallow, nutritionist and psychiatric.I will expect to hear from the surgery scheduler 11-28. I am currently 5'5 267 and my surgeons goal for me is 155-165.
 
I have told some friends and co workers my plans and I almost always get the same reaction. "Are you sure. Your not that big." I chuckle a bit and ask them have you ever been this weight and most responses are uhm no. I have been big since I was younger and was actually extremely confident 30 lbs ago. Now that confidence is gone and back pain has settled in! I am excited for my journey ahead.

So I'm in the middle of my first stall. My body and I are in this fight where it wants to do one thing, I want it to do something else, and I am feeling like a newbie just out of the starting zone that stumbled in to end game content.
 
I've always been the type of gamer that loved doing the impossible. Elite mob? No problem. Group of mobs three levels higher? Easy. Explore a zone ten levels too high? I'll run right through it! I'm that person that takes the phrase "You can't do that" as a challenge, not a warning. I'll throw myself at something over and over until I do it or die trying.
 
This has been no different. I'm taking comfort in plans and spreadsheets. I've done the math to show where I'll be next month, and the month after, and the month after that. I've got the next six months of my life planned out. I'm bordering on a near-fanatical, slightly neurotic desire to catalog every little thing. Every drink, every bite of food, every pill. Leave nothing unaccounted for, ever. I'm sure in some regard that this is entirely unhealthy. You see, like most games, this one has an end, too. Everyone can tell me (and I can tell myself) all the platitudes that I've learned from start to finish - marathon, not race, journey, not sprint, lifestyle not diet... but I don't care.
 
This is my end game boss and I'm a one-person forty man raid group. I don't care how many times I wipe, how high my repair bill gets, how much screaming and yelling I have to do to get my group in to shape, this b***h is going down and going down hard.
 
Failure is not an option.

I haven't been on here in a while so i decided to give an update. I have lost almost 180 pounds from my highest weight (540 pounds). i am 361 as of today 6/16/12.It been a rocky road but it was well worth it. I had to learn a lot about myself and had to deal with some personal issues. its always easy to judge other people but when you have to judge yourself its like pulling finger nails. i will be posting some progress pictures. i want to say thanks for all the support that the people on this forum provide. good information from real people who are in the same situation as you. i have had to buy all new clothes after 6 months. at first i was hesitant but its true" when you look good , you feel good" My surgery was November 9th 2011. ive lost around 130 pounds since then. i have a great support network at home of family and friends. things are finally starting to look up in my life. I still have about 80 pounds to lose but im sure those will be gone soon.

My body is going crazy. it can't make up it's mind about what size it wants to be. Only two days ago, I was 10lbs lighter....yes, 10lbs. Now, I know this all water weight but it still sucks. I thought maybe I over ate too much during my BPDs (big pouch days) the past two days, but according to myfitnesspal.com, I didn't go that overboard. So, that means one of two things. I am getting more lean muscle or I am getting ready have a visit from Aunt Flow. Either way, I am fine with it. I am just getting frustrated with staying over 200lbs. My goal was to be at least 199 by Christmas, and I really don't see that happening.
 
I hate to admit that I concern myself about the numbers on the scale, but I do. The sane person in me can see I'm losing inches and that all of my clothes are way to big for me. I am seeing bones I never knew I could show and I'm excited to say that out of all the chins I've had in the past, I like this single one the most. BUT....there is always a BUT.....I want the scale to go down regularly (or at least stay on the same number). Nope, that's not me. My scale jumps around more than a child skipping rope. It's always between 5-10lbs, but still, no one wants to get to a number only to weigh themselves a few days later and see that that number has jumped up in a attempt to do a slam dunk for the winning points of a playoff game.
 
I know not to let this get me down, but it still does. Even though my food intake doesn't change much from day to day, I start thinking, "what can I eat less of today?" Why can't I just look at myself and say, "Look how far you've come" ? Are we so mentally damaged form years of being overweight that we can't see the positives of how much we've lost already? Again, I KNOW my thoughts are not helping me but I can't help but think them. You know the ones, "I am going to fail at this." "I suck", "I'm still just a fat girl with no control".....there are so many more that I would take up this whole site but I refuse to allow them to take over completely. Instead, I am going to ban the scale for a couple of weeks. That's right, I am going to say so long to something so small making me feel so bad.
 
I've put a lot of thought in this and I am starting to think that the scale is my new drug of choice. Food used to do it for me, but not anymore. Now, I go to the scale to feel better even though sometimes it makes me feel worse. Think about it, we go from eating to feel good...then feeling really bad about what we ate to going to the scale to feel better. If the scale doesn't make us feel the way we want, we start getting down on ourselves. We start self doubting and trying to justify our actions or lack of them. We come up with excuses (my period is starting, It's water weight) and to be honest, these are probably right. However, none of this helps up feel better except seeing those numbers continuing to go down.
 
So I say farewell to the scale and the ups and downs it's given me (both physically and emotionality). My plan is to hand it over to my husband for two weeks and then check my weight again at that time. Then, if it hasn't changed then I know it's me and I have to make some changes....if it goes down, then maybe my love of the scale will come back....I hope not....it's worse than a bad relationship....nice to you one day and a pain in the but the next....and that's not something I look for in any relationship especially one I can't have an argument with.
 

Like all epic quests, this one begins in the storied depths of history, when our heroine was just a small child...
 
And that's about the extent of the pseudofantastical writing I can muster. In all seriousness, I've always been a big kid. There's nothing new, or novel, or even remotely unique about that. I don't even remember my first diet, but I do remember this list of lined yellow paper detailing all the wonderful things I'd get if I could just slim my chubby child body to a svelte 80 pounds. Needless to say, I developed an unhealthy view of food and eating at a young age. Add on the fact that food just tasted so damned good and it was a scenario guaranteed to result in a fat adult. Lots of people live fat, healthy lives, though, so what was it that brought me to laying in a gurney with IVs in my hands waiting for a surgeon to take out 85% of my stomach?
 
Yeah, I'm going to have to think about that one.
 
I discovered my first love at an exceptionally young age, when I taught myself to read with the help of the illustrious Sesame Street. While I wouldn't know it for many years, I was (and remain) an introvert. Books filled that mental craving and it wasn't unusual for me to fall asleep surrounded by stacks of them. This love affair continues to this day, but around the time I was 6, I had an experience that would change my entire life.
 
It was at the age of 6 that I had a hands-on experience with my first computer. Some model of Apple ][, our tiny local library somehow procured one. What was even more amazing was that after a small class, they'd let you use it. What's more, use it unsupervised! I had never seen such a thing before and I would have trouble describing or explaining how entranced I was by this collection of circuits, switches, and programming. It was, in short, a kind of magic for me.
 
Around the same time arcades were exploding as the first gaming revolution took hold. I still remember the first time I was taken to an arcade by my parents. My father pressed a token in to my hand and told me I could play whatever I wanted. Any of them! All brightly lit in all their 2 and 4 bit glory with colors and sounds, it was like you could hear the synapses in my brain just fire off and those little nooks and crannies that had never been exposed were instantly and irrevokably hooked.
 
And those four things largely sum up my formative years. When I look at myself today, that is what, undeniably, has made me who I am. Without those things, I can't even imagine what my life would have been like, and I'm glad for it.

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain.
 
I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step.
 
As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!!
 
So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

Growing up in the mid Atlantic, I've learned to accept nor-easterns and hurricanes. I've dealt with them my whole life. I even remember helping my father tape up the windows so if they busted out, they wouldn't shatter. Delaware doesn't get a lot of news coverage, but when we make the NY Times, you know we're getting slammed. The arrow is very close to exactly where I live and have lived most of my life. In 1996, I was in N.C for Hugo (I think that's what it was named) and being like any college student, I spent the evening running around in the rain with no care about the lightening or the 100+ year oak trees on campus. I am sure the beer and other drinks didn't help me make good decisions but to be honest, I had a BLAST that night and wouldn't change a thing about it. Looking back, I can't believe I made it home alive that night. The crazy things we do when we are younger!!!!
 
However, none of my experiences could have prepared me for "Sandy". She's more exciting than Olivia Newton John at the end of Geese. The only difference, is this Sandy isn't moving as fast and it appears to be affecting more than only a few high school students. 800 miles wide!!! Moving around 17 miles an hour!!! Winds going from 25MPH up to 80+ by the end of it all. To put it in lay man's terms...this B*^@ch is CRAZY!!!!! She's pissed and she doesn't care who gets in her way. She's worse than any woman who's ever PMSed and far surpasses any woman, after WLS who's PMSing. I mean we can be really bad, but Sandy takes that and laughs at it. She's all hormonal. She had more hormones running through her system than any "person" should....and trust me, I don't like being directly in her path!!
 
So, for now, I sit and wait. We still have over 12 hours before she makes land fall and already our streets are filled with water. I have to admit, I ma very happy I live on the third floor right now. My only concern is this.....if (and I pray it's only an "IF") we lose power, what will I eat? Most of my protein comes from Lean Shakes and right now, I only have two left. I did cook some chicken breasts so that I can nibble on those if I need to. But the WORST part of this is cabin fever. All I want to do is eat. I know it's all in my head, but to be honest, that doesn't make it any easier. So far, I have ignored my cravings and done really well but I've only been locked in the house for a day....I don't know what will happen in a day or so. Then again, maybe I don't have much to worry about...since surgery, I haven't' really had much food in the house. That's something I'm starting to regret right about now....and so is my husband.
 
So, to all of you on the east coast of the U.S. who will be dealing with "Sandy". Stay safe!! Stay dry!!! And remember, nothing is more important than you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Today's post isn't about weight loss. It's about me and my husband learning to adjust to living with cats. First, you have to understand that neither he nor I are cat people. Please, let me explain. In 1997. after graduating from college, I got a dog. Bear (I didn't name him), was black lab, boarder collie mix. He was full of life and the most loving animal I have ever known. I found Bear in a local paper and when I left to go look at him, my mother's last words to me were, "DO NOT bring him home if he's nothing but a ball of energy!". So, I set off to take a look at this dog that I more than likely wouldn't bring home. All I knew was he was between three and four years old and he was a black lab mix.
 
Once I got to the home, this big bouncing ball of fur pounced out the door and on to me. All he wanted was to to be played with and loved on. There was something about him that told me I couldn't leave him there. So, after assuring the owner he was in good hands and giving my vet. references, I said the magic words, " Wanna go bye-bye?" That was it. He took off towards my car in a full stride. By the time I caught I up to him, I could see him sitting by the car door, tail wagging, and what to me looked like a smile on his face. To be honest, I felt really bad for the owner, who was in tears. I could tell she loved this dog. The only other thing I knew was that she was going through a tough divorce and that she could not have Bear in her new place. So, with another jump, he was in my back seat and we were off to my house.
 
Once home, many things became obvious. The first was that he had not come from a loving and caring home. I believe the woman did love and try to care for him, but he was scared to death of men. My father would try to play with him and he would whimper and hide. The same thing would happen if my father or anyone would try to throw food to him. Other than these signs, he was a loving, caring, empathetic creature who seemed to be very happy to be in his new home.
 
Over the years, Bear and I moved on. He watched me go on many dates and never seemed to give any of the men the time of day. If I would have a date over, Bear would stay near me, but he would never engage anyone. That is until my husband. On our first date, we ended back at my place to play Trivia Pursuit. I later found this was a test of my intelligence....thank goodness I passed. It was when Scott sat down that the strangest thing happened. Bear, jumped up on the couch and placed his head in Scott's lap. It was as thought Bear was trying to tell me to give this one a chance. To be honest, I am not sure if it wasn't for Bear if I would have even thought about going out with him again. I guess there are just somethings dogs know that we don't.
 
That brings me to 10 years later. Scott and I are living together and I am an hour away visiting my parents when I receive a text message. It's a photo of Scott holding this tiny orange kitten. Now, i wasn't too shocked as even though we are no cat people, we are humane. This kitten had been outside in the cold for awhile. We had been feeding it and even gave it a safe, warm place to sleep. Apparently, that wasn't good enough. While my husband was getting firewood, this kitten decided to walk right inside, past the dog, and jump up on the couch and take a nap. Despite my attempts to find a home for him, he seemed to nudge his way in our lives and hearts. It took a little longer for Bear to be as open with him but once they learned to live together, things were fine.
 
Then, a year later, my husband and I are watching T.V. when we hear what sounds like a baby screaming. Because at the time, we lived in a not so nice place, we allowed the sound to go on for a few minutes. When we knew it wasn't going to stop, it dawned on us that it wasn't a child but a kitten making this heart wrenching noise. Sure enough, when we opened out front door, we found a kitten, around four to five weeks old. It had been thrown down the steps to our door. In the process, it had broken it's leg, busted three teeth, and peed itself. Needless to say, we couldn't allow it to suffer. So, as i went to get food for the little thing, my husband (a trained EMT), reset the kitten's leg and wrapped it. Bear became very protective of Bandit (the new cat) from the moment she came in our house. I think he knew she was abused and he remembered what that was like. Bear refused to leave her side and though he was too old to jump up on the bed to lay next to her, he did stand guard next to the bed. Every time she would jump down to use the bathroom or explore, Bear was right there to watch out for her.
 
Then a year later, when Bear was 19 1/2, yes you read that right, he passed away from a brain tumor. When we brought home his ashes, Bandit curled up next to him and refused to leave his side. She became his protector and it was obvious she missed him. This was the most heart wrenching and loving thing I have ever seen.
 
Now, all that was to tell you this. Though my husband and I are not cat people, these two cats really did help us through the loss of our dear friend, Bear. However, it is times like this morning where I wonder if maybe we should have tried a little harder to find another home for them. Let me explain.
 
It's 3am. My husband and I are all cozy asleep in bed when Hunter (the orange cat) decided he wants to walk on us and kneed us. In my half awake state, I move him down towards my feet and begin to fall back asleep. I can feel him walking on the bed again, but since I'm almost back in REM state, I don't really care. Then I hear it. The blood curdling screams from the man I love. Apparently, Hunter, decided to use my husband's chest as a scratching post. Trust me, it's bad enough to be scratched by a cat but it's even worse when you're dead asleep and get woken up by razor sharp nails digging into your chest and face. The words I hear coming from the half asleep man next me are too risque to type here, but I am sure you can all get an idea of what he said. So, as my husband gets out of bed to care for the gashes in his chest and face, I have to smile. Not becasue my husband was hurt, but becasue I know that with out these two animals in our lives, I am not sure how we could have ever handled Bear passing away as well as we did. It's funny, we thought we were saving them, but in reality, they saved us......now if I could just get them to behave more like dogs we'd all be happier and my husband would be less scared.
 

 

 

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.

My Nut has me changing a few behaviors that she says will make things a bit easier post-op.  As I've worked to do these things I've noticed some things about myself I've been doing that have worked completely against me.  I didn't realize just how much the little things matter. 
Eating slower - my Mom used to make us chew 20 times before we swallowed.  Who knew that eating slower would also make me eat less?  As an adult of course I thought, okay I don't need to eat that slow now that my Mom is not sitting a the table watching me eat.  Well low and behold, I do need to eat that slow or else my lower calorie count would not sustain me.  3 months into this and I still have to remind myself to eat slower. I do find that after a while I just get tired of eating so I put the food up or avoid food just so it doesn't take me a hour to eat 300 calories. That's a whole other issue I'm overcoming.    Smaller bites - this goes hand-in-hand with eating slower.  I didn't realize just how much I cram into my mouth at one time.  I reallllllly struggle with this. I remember being so happy when I didn't have to cut up my kids' food so small as they got more teeth.  Who knew I'd end up having to cut up my own food so small?  I know this is necessary, but I have to admit i feel like a loser sometimes when I do this in front of people.Sipping - I come from a family of gulpers.  We can keep a waiter/ress on the run for drink refills.  I enjoy water and protein shakes and tea and coffee (decafe) and heck anything but beer and until recently wine.  This is by far the hardest part so far of my new eating style.  I averaged 80-100 oz of water alone daily.  Now I'm lucky if I hit my 80 oz. Sipping causes me to drink so much less water and I've all but cut out everything else to encourage getting my water in. It also never quite leaves my thirst quenched.  I'm always thirsty now.Strawlessness - probably not a word, but it sucks.  I love straws.  I used to go out and buy cute colorful and decorative ones.  I am having a hard time learning to overcome the thought of putting my mouth on a glass after someone has handed it to me.  YUCK!  Didn't realize I was so OCD about this until my Nut said no more straws.  The plus side is that it does encourage me to not drink while I eat or to drink at all while I'm out.No drinking when eating - I get thristy (see sipping above).  I like to drink while I eat.  Having to stop this has made me realize, I didn't need to drink when I ate.  Simply this is more of a culturally learned behavior. The only time I miss drinking when I eat is if I consume bread, sweets, or crackers.  All my no-nos so it is funny that when I purposely eat something I shouldn't it makes me thirsty.Drinking calories - I could live off of protein shakes, frappes, and iced coffee.  While protein shakes are good, all the other things I like to drink aren't so much. I am always on the go and for a while I sustained myself on Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks.  It wasn't until I truly started documenting EVERYTHING I consumed that I realized 1 of my fave drinks was almost all my daily calories.  Ouch! That hurt because I just knew saying skim, or lite was really helping...sike!  It was not doing a darn thing.  Lesson learned!VST is really helping me because at first I thought my Nut was being really strict.  The more I read the more I see that these are the exact behaviors I will need to maintain post-op.  I really appreciate all of you sharing your stories and helping me not get annoyed with my Nut to see the bigger picture. 

Week 30
 
Last week’s weight – 194.6
This week’s weight – 193.6
Total weight lost this week – 1
 
Beginning weight – 246 lbs
Total weight loss since surgery – 52.4 lbs
 
Surprised I lost 1 lb this week mainly because I had one of those “I’m tired of constantly thinking about what goes in mouth” week and pretty much said “the heck with it!” I ate poorly the majority of the week. Maybe that shocked my system?!?! Who knows. I did A LOT of medicine ball squats at Crossfit and someone told me that a good leg workout burns more calories than any other muscle group in the body. Maybe that contributed to my loss this week? Whatever…I will take it.
 
Bottom line is I am getting closer to getting out of the 190’s. It definitely feels like a slow process to get out of there though.
 
I have semi shelved the vitamix idea (unless I happen to come across one that is priced really really well).
 
I did come to the realization that week that I am officially not a huge fan of vanilla protein powder. I bought a tub from Unjury and I’m not loving it. In their defense I didn’t like the slimfast vanilla protein drink either. I made a drink the other day with oj, vanilla protein powder, and frozen berries and I am thankful I looked in the mirror before I left for school because I had seeds from the berries all over my teeth from drinking it. I do like their chocolate splendor and strawberry sorbet and I usually drink two a day (for a total of 40 grams of protein).
 
I still avoid soda but I have indulged here and there. I drink it very slowly and I never can finish one.
 
There isn’t one particular food I avoid because it bothers my pouch. I can pretty much eat anything at this point but in smaller amounts. I don’t experience hunger like I did prepouch which is AWESOME. I’m becoming ambivalent about food and don’t feel the need to eat until I am stuffed. At week 30 I am still very glad I had the procedure done!

Week 29
 
Last week’s weight – 195.8
This week’s weight – 194.6
Total weight lost this week – 1.2
 
Beginning weight – 246 lbs
Total weight loss since surgery – 51.4 lbs
 
A bit surprised I lost weight this past week primarily because I spent the weekend up in the mountains for a wedding and there was a lot to eat and drink. I’m crediting the weight loss with the higher altitude and two days of hiking.
 
I’ve been waffling between 195 – 197 for the past few weeks so it was nice to see 194.something on the scale. I tried to take a picture of my scale but the first time the flash was too bright and the second time my batteries died!
 
I’m still doing Crossfit 3x a week and I’ve been getting a lot of compliments on how skinny I look even though I have not lost any pounds (I will have been doing Crossfit for 2 months as of next week). I haven’t checked my inches yet but will do so at the beginning of November to see what the affect of Crossfit has been on that. I do feel myself getting stronger and I can last longer and scale back less on the exercises.
 
Right now my big obsession is with a Vitamix blender. I have been looking at them on and off since I visited my mother (who has one) this past summer. I have been saving up (they are ridiculously expensive!). My only concern is would I use it. I make shakes in the morning for breakfast and it would be nice to add some veggies into it and my current blender can’t handle it but would I use it beyond that? This is something I am struggling with. I may take a road trip to our local Costco to see a demo in the hopes it would sway me one way or the other.
 
Does anyone have a vitamix and use it often after WLS?

Oh boy do I have bad heartburn today...woooo. I have no one but myself to blame. I got bored and made brownies, yep I knew better and I did it anyway....like almost the whole pan of brownies, in about 13 hours. I'm not thrilled w/ myself but I'm not a wreck over it. I think it just frustrates me is all. I make pretty good choices during the week but my tendency on weekends is not so hot. They weren't that good either. Anyway onward and downward.

Fair warning: This is a long backstory type vent.
 
 
As the title explains, they'll be submitting this week to my insurance and eventually set me up with a date they think will be in January. I've lost about 34lbs in the pre-op during the visits. They coo and praise what I've accomplished. And I'm just not feeling it. I think it's because, oddly, weight-loss pre-op was not the goal, getting stuff done for the surgery was, this is insane, I know. I also look at it like it's verification that I can't really do this by myself. I mean if I lost say 50 lbs a year it would take me another 3 solid years to get all the weight I need off...barring any falling off the wagon...you know because that never happens....
 
I've got a bit going on in my life and it just feels like now I'm at the crossroads. I'm working full time, I've just come up on a year working for this company but I've only been hired as a permanent employee since April and I haven't taken a day off since. I'm also going to post graduate classes so I can sit for the CPA----note to self: get the freakin application form----. And I was going do some tax prep stuff for a seasonal place, just so I could keep up with tax updates, make a little extra money and get my family's taxes done. Ok.. now add vsg at some point in January and you can now see the problem of having too much to do in the space and time I have. Additionally I've only got 2 weeks of pto which will not actually be 2 weeks of pto because the pre-op classes and meetings are going to take the better part of a morning so...bye bye 8 hours of pto just in prep for this. I'm thinking the tax prep thing is going to have to go. And that about where I'm at the point of feeling the stress start to come into the back of my neck. It's just all getting to be a bit much.
 
I still desperately want the surgery. Its so important to me not to go through another year carrying a full grown person w/ me wherever I go. I dont think this forum is a place I need to explain the reasons or defend myself. But outside this place I feel extraordinarily defensive about the desire to have the surgery. My family is either in the dark or not supportive. I live at home w/ my parents right now because the job I have doesn't pay enough to be out on my own but the insurance covers the surgery. This is why I felt conditions were right for the surgery.
 
My dad has no idea, he had a stroke 7 years ago, he's mostly fine but his personality did a 180 degree change and he's no longer the parent that I can talk to but rather the parent that I try to avoid dealing with altogether. Long story short, he's a liar and he constantly needs someone to stroke the ego, the way a 5 year old shows youhow nice he made the bed. My mom knows I'm doing this but thinks it's drastic, thinks it not the right choice and why can't I just keep going to the nutritionist since I've already lost weight that way? When we talk about it she gets quiet because she doesn't like it. This wouldn't bother me if I didn't need her for my recovery. And if god forbid something goes wrong my mom is exactly the type that gives you the told you so look and lecture. Right... I can totally see me in agony w/ picc lines and leak tests her just looking at me like...see what did i tell you....
 
 
Why can't I just be happy that I've done everything to finally get the letter sent?
 
I just have a lot on my mind. I have a lot of decisions to make and it feels like I'm going to have to risk something.

Week 28 (7 months)
 
Last week’s weight – 195.8
This week’s weight – 195.8
Total weight gained/lost this week – 0
 
Beginning weight – 246 lbs
Total weight loss since surgery – 50.4 lbs
 
I need to have a serious “talk” with myself. I am not happy with this yo-yoing I am going through. Currently my weight is fluctuating between 197 – 195.8. I know this is due to a lack of focus. I hit the 50 lb mark and now I am not as motivated or as focused as I was.
 
My worst time is after work. I am bored or avoiding house work. That is when I munch and drink.
 
This is what I ate yesterday –

16 oz of water
Slimfast ready made drink with 20 grams of protein
Walked into a training where the trainer had Halloween candy. I ate 6 small twix and 3 whoppers (not hungry it was just there).
Cream of Chicken soup at hand
Crystal Light Lemonaid with 20 grams of protein (added strawberry protein stuff from Unjury)
Dinner with friend at Outback
Firefly Lemonaid Drink (had a few sips and then took home and finished later)
Ceaser Salad
Chicken Flatbread Pizza Appetizer (ate one slice and then took the rest home which I ate later)
[*]Finished rest of flatbread pizza (shared 3 slices with husband) and drink
[*]Ate a bunch of pistachio nuts (not hungry – bored while watching TV – avoiding laundry)
[*]Ate a bunch of dried mangos (not hungry – bored while watching TV – avoiding laundry)


 
I did work out in the morning – Crossfit.
 
In hindsight I should have not ordered the drink. I should have avoided the Halloween candy. I should have had the croutons taken off my salad. I should have drunk more water. I should have avoided the pistachio and dried mangos. Ugh….I stepped on the scale this morning and yup I was up from 195.8 to 197.2 (not counting it because I only record weight on Wednesday).
 
Need to be more mindful about my eating and drinking this week.