ieshankiurki

I am doing really good on my weight loss and even with the quick pace it is still hard to be patient. The main reason is because I have lost this same weight range before several times so I am wanting to get into new scale territory. Now that food is no longer the driving obsessive force in my life I am for the first time researching nutrition and how we get fat in the first place. It is disturbing the things I am finding out. It really all began with this documentary called "Fat Head". If you have Netflix you can watch it or if you don't sign up for the free trial and watch it. It is a documentary that is in response to Super Size Me and it discusses nutrition and how all the information we know about low fat eating is the film's term not mine is'bologna'. So like all intresting concepts instead of believing the movie I am reading and doing research on my own. What I am finding is really disturbing to me and that movie was dead on. I don't regret my surgery and am thankful for it but had I known the truth about nutrition and how we get fat I would have had another way to treat my obesity. All those times I thought I was weak willed when I was given into the urge to eat while dieting makes me mad . Dieting is semi starvation, starve anyone and they are gonna think about food and then eat, duh.
The plus side of doing all this research is now I finally understand how best to feed my body now. I also now understand why all the great benefits of this surgery and changing my diet work. All my anxiety is now gone, I don't crave foods, I no longer have insomnia, I have tuns of energy and love exercising and have no pain doing so even though I am at the same weight where previously I struggled with pain and energy while exercising. I honestly feel like I am in my overweight teenage body where I didn't feel the effects of gravity so much no aches and pains but I feel better now than I did then. I have been reading Good Calories Bad Calories and Why we get fat and what to do about it both by Gary Taubes both at the library but I'll be buying both. I have been reading other books as well but G.C.B.C. sites the scientific studies if you're like me and need evidence. I mention these books because they're really good reads and perhaps you're curious like me about nutrition now that the food obsession is gone or if it's still there how to get rid of it. Here is a quote that I find fascinating.
 

"In other words, the science itself makes clear that hormones, enzymes, and growth factors regulate our fat tissue, just as they do everything else in the human body, and that we do not get fat because we overeat: we get fat because the carbohydrates in our diet make us fat. The science tells us that obesity is ultimately the result of a hormonal imbalance, not a caloric one--specifically, the stimulation of insulin secretion caused by eating easily digestible, carbohydrate-rich foods: refined carbohydrates, including flour and cereal grains, starchy vegetables such as potatoes, and sugars, like sucrose (table sugar) and high-fructose corn syrup. These carbohydrates literally make us fat, and by driving us to accumulate fat, they make us hungrier and they make us sedentary." pg 23. Why we get fat and what we can do about it . Gary Taubes

It has been awhile since I last posted so I figured why not post. Right now everything is going really well for me. I have lost a total of 31 pounds which is the fastest I ever have lost weight had surgery on 8/29/12. I set a goal to weigh 310 pounds at the end of September and I made it. I have a lot more energy than I have had in a long time. Sometimes I work out twice a day, mostly walking and swimming. I still have no intrest in cleaning around the house even though I have the energy to; I just really hate house work. The only challenge I am having is affording the right foods to eat. I was on a medical leave from work for awhile so now it'll take a couple paychecks to catch up to where I need to be, but I am not worried because worry doesn't bring money just stress so I am refusing to do that.
I am finally really happy I have been sleeved before I wasn't to sure. I was on a very long walk when I was just so grateful I could move and happy that I had the sleeve done. I feel like the prison door has been opened and I am just walking out. I am not obessed with food. I eat when I am hungry. Another great thing is I don't get panicky when I get hungry like I did before the surgery. The feeling of hunger happened so rarely before because I was always eating never getting the opportunity to get hungry. I don't have the amount of anxiety I used to have before the sleeve. I am no longer taking my anxiety medication. I only am on two meds both are generics and I am saving money there thank God! I don't regret having this surgery at all maybe I will on Thanksgiving but I don't think so. I'll probably be the only one not passed out and in pain from being stuffed. The one thing I love about Thanksgiving and always have has nothing to do with food, it is just having family around and enjoying one another. It's like Christmas but sans the presents and greed. Life is so much better with the sleeve, no regrets for now, except for having to do housework

Hello,
 
Today I overslept but that was because I had to take two muscle relaxers my cramps on the pain scale are an 8 out of 10. You know the frowny face that wants to cry but won't because she's tougher than 9 or 10. I had to take the other day 1 percocet, 2 muscle relaxers and motrin and that cocktail only made me sleepy and out of pain. I know most people in our boat are told can't take motrin (ibproferin), but my doctor/surgeon said if I use motrin just be sure to take an antiacid with it if I only use it during my period which I did and no I didn't have any problems. I know too much info but my period sucks and once it came it explained why I wanted to kill my niece and nephew last weekend, my nasty sarcastic remarks, crying jags and desperate need for chocolate. I am one of the few women in the world ready for menopause. I'll take hot flashes over homicidal flashes, it's safer for everyone that way. I don't have any kids nor am I too keen on having any so I am ready for menopause. Aunt Meno can take old Aunt Flo's place anytime soon, I'll put out the welcome mat for her; Aunt Flo can go take a long walk on a short peer for all I care. Somedays, mainly one week out of each month it really sucks being a woman. But other than Aunt Flo being in town things are great. I will be going back to work on Monday only looking forward to the paycheck. Physically I am ready and mentally I am almost there. I am worried about what to pack for lunch when I go back. But I'll work it out.
 
God bless everyone especially hormonal women.

Well, I know I have lost weight because I can put on my jeans today. I do not own a scale and I have issues with using more like abusing them so I refuse to purchase one. Tomorrow I am finally allowed to go back to water aerobics which I am really looking forward to that. I have been exercising on my recumbant bike and walking the dog. I have been having trouble adjusting to the change of life style. I remember saying to my mom the other day how I missed dieting for just half the day. I miss the freedom of eating what I want when I want it; spoken like a true addict! Yet I am also grateful I don't have that option. The one thing I thought I would get out of this surgery was to never feel hungry again, what an idiotic thing to have thought but nonetheless I thought it. I feel hungry now more often than I ever have before. One because I can only eat a few bites and two before I was eating all the time therefore I never got the opportunity to feel hungry often. I remember pre-surgery getting hungry my response was to panic and then stuff my face because the feeling was so uncomfortable, foreign and anxiety inducing that was the only thing I could do in the moment. This surgery has caused me to face getting hungry a few times a day and it is getting easier. The thing is to slow down. I ate too fast and was in tremendous amount of pain the other day. I am physically all better, completely healed but mentally it's a jungle in there. I am greatful I took a full three weeks off from work because the stress of all the change can be a bit much at times. The first few days I was regretting my decision but now I know this was the path I had to walk. I had tried everything and given up, I'm a quitter, this pathway has no exit options. I can't get my stomach back, though it would have been nice to have had a funeral for it. It allowed me to eat and comfort myself when I needed comfort as a child. It was a good friend I just wasn't a good friend to it. I like that I don't count calories and if I chose to for some insane reason, I wouldn't get very high. The goal is 600-800 and sometimes that is a stretch goal. The only thing I count now is protein and I am going to saying it here because I say it every where else I hate protein shakes. I am tired of them. It's a good thing I love chicken and greek yogurt since it is my diet now. The foods I miss most are fruits and vegetables. I would love to have a salad and I can't have one, makes me laugh then cry. I also miss pizza, cake and right now chocolate, but I would love to have a chicken pecan salad even if only a couple bites and popcorn (went to the movies with a protein shake healthy but missed the popcorn). But what is really great is that my high blood pressure is gone, it left like a thief in the night after my surgery and is still gone. Also another plus is that it doesn't hurt to move and riding my recumbant bike is actually pleasurable. I kinda like all the change even though is it is scary, at least it's new before life was the same old thing and now not so much.

So after going all weekend thinking I was going to have to settle for RNY because of my insurance, I got the happy news today that I have been referred to a new surgeon that does VSG. HOORAY!! *happy dance*
 
I have been referred to Dr. Ayloo at UIC. Anyone familiar with her? I'm going to the required informational seminar on 11/5 at 5pm. Any other Chicago area people going to this seminar? I'd love to meet you!!
 
I'm back on cloud 9. Now, I just have to hope that all the pre-op stuff I've done under the direction of my PCP will be acceptable for this surgeon. I'm so excited - I wonder how long til I could get a surgery date? eeeeeekkkkk

Well, it looks like there's a chance I could get referred to surgery sooner than I expected!!! I had been planning on having surgery at the beginning of next year, but I saw my doctor today and he said he was going to submit the referral this week and see what they say!
 
My insurance requires a 3 month supervised diet, but my MD doesn't have a scale that can weigh me, so he's gonna see if we can bypass that requirement and get me referred now. If not, I only have another 5 weeks until my 3 months would be up anyway, so it's not that far off if it gets rejected. He said I shouldn't have a problem at the 3 month point, but he'll see what he can do to speed it up. :D :D Oh em gee!
 
I still don't know exactly what happens next. I guess I'll find out, though. This is getting kinda exciting! Ever since I left the Drs office, I've been daydreaming. A friend of mine is going to a Halloween party tonight and I was invited to this party but declined. I don't have the self confidence to meet strangers anymore, much less the confidence to put on a costume and let people look at me! But this time next year could be totally different! EEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!!
 
I'll let ya know if the referral goes through! Wish me luck!

Wow! It's been a month since I posted last. Does that tell you there's not been much going on since I got my date set for 11/16? Haven't heard a peep from the dr's office. Guess they trust me to do what they told me on 9/26. They can, but one would think they could be a little more customer inter-active. Oh well....
 
This past weekend, my 8-month old niece was baptised! (yeah!)....The whole side of my family was together (2 sisters and a brother...one sister (step) was missing, but no reason was given). Any..who....I had mentioned to my husband during our 3 hour drive to the ceremony, that I was considering telling my parents and siblings (well, my brother since the 2 sisters who were there already knew). He said, please don't, I have to ride home with you tomorrow. (ha)
 
Well, we were standing in the kitchen cutting the cake and mixing the punch, and there was a lull. So I grabbed my dad by the elbow and dragged him to an empty hallway outside. I didn't want to make a scene or take away from the celebration they were having for Emma. I started off with, "Dad, I have something to tell you and I'm not asking for advice, guidance or alternatives...I'm just filling you in on what I'm planning as a courtesy so you know what's going on". He looked at me like I was talking giberish. I told him I was having wls on 11/16 and that my sister Becky was going to come up and stay with me during the process of hospital and a couple days at home before she returns to her family (or they come up for Thanksgiving, however it works out.) He was a bit shocked and then started asking all the typical questions. What kind? How does it work? How successful is it? How long will recover take? etc. Then once we were done talking (about 5 min or so) he looked at me and said "Sis, what made you think I would try to change your mind or give you advice?" REALLY? Only because you've done it every other time in my life when I've tried to talk to you about a decision I was making or wanted to make? No idea, Dad.
 
So then, I told my step-mom (whom I've not been that close with EVER in the 32 years they've been married) and she was actually stunned and then hugged me. After I explained everything and answered he questions, she said "I'm excited if you're excited. Whatever will make you happiest is all I can hope for".
 
Now, I want to know this....WHERE ARE MY PARENTS AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THEM!? have they been abducted by aliens, injected with some syrum that makes them seem (or at least come across) as normal? When did they become so relaxed and easy going with things? This is the couple who ALWAYS knew what was best and were never bashful for sharing (or strongly suggesting) how they think we should proceed with our decisions.
 
Today I am 3 days from my second 22 birthday. Yep, I've made it to the point where I get to celebrate 22 for the second time. Then on Friday, I start my 2 week liquid diet. And, just for good measure, as if I need ANY challenges during the liquid diet, I have a wedding to attend on 11/10 with a large reception. I made sure everyone I told on Saturday knew that I would be on a liquid diet at the wedding, so I would not be eating, so please don't make a big deal out of it. They all agreed.
 
I never thought on 9/26 that 11/16 would get here so quickly. I'm glad it's almost here. I'm excited, anxious and nervous all rolled into one. I have started trying to teach myself the liquid diet just to get ready, so I've been doing liquids only for breakfast and lunch. Only solid foods for dinners. I'm starting to wonder, though, are the sounds/grumblings coming from my stomach from hunger, or nerves?
 
I hope everyone who is working through the process is having great success. Chins up....our day(s) are coming!!

Whew! Finally. If I'm learning one thing during this process, it's patience. It's been baby steps since May, but as of Wednesday I have a surgery date! November 16, 9:30 a.m. with a 2 week liquid diet prior to lose 9 - 20 lbs. Since our liver stores fat, the idea is the shrink the liver by getting it to purge it's fat and shrink so the surgeon won't have to battle it to get to the stomach. Have my prescription for anti-nausea patch to apply the day prior. Since I have seven weeks from today in which to prepare, I'm going to star working at getting my breakfast and lunches to liquid while eating sensible dinners with the hubby until the first day of the liquid diet (which coincidentally, happens to be the day after my b-day).
 
I've found some Turkey stock, so while I won't be able to gorge as in years past on Thanksgiving, I will be able to still have that taste of turkey. Patience....that's always been my hardest lesson to learn, but I guess I have no choice, but to count the days and get prepared for the liquid diet and SUCCEED!

Seems this has been moving along slowly. In May I went to the information seminar. June I met with the psychologist. July was the meeting with the bariatrics team (surgeon, nutritionist, physical therapist) and a battle to get the dr's office to do their work to get information to the insurance company for approval (have you ever pushed a rope?). August was the upper endoscopy, and finally today, almost the end of September, I had my EKG, Chest x-ray, and blood drawn for pre-surgery testing. Wednesday I will go meet with the nurse practitioner who will go over all the test results to determine if I'm healthy enough for surgery, and set a surgery date. FINALLY! According to her when we set the date for today's tests, the surgery has to be performed within the next 30 days, or the tests will have to be re-done, and the insurance companies don't like do overs. SO....with any luck at all, this time next month, I will have my sleeve and be on my journey into my new life.

Ok, chances are I'm overreacting, and if so...ok.
 
It's Monday, I'm in the office, and no fewer than 6 people since 8:00 a.m. (it's 12:30 now) have walked down the hall and each one has made a point to either say "hi" or stop and talk to the girl across the hall. Now, mind you, I'm not a wall flower....I'd say I'm pretty outgoing in this office, and I have worked here 13 years. I'm the "go to" when people need things. She's quiet, reserved and an engineer who isn't all that outgoing. The other difference between us is I've been overweight my entire life, so those who have worked with me have only known me as overweight (and in my opinion have a bias against that and feel uncomfortable.....so sorry), I'm 5'7, red hair, fair complexion and 254 lbs. She is 5'6, blonde hair, fair complexion and probably 130.
 
So the question is, why do they make the effort to say hi to her, and can't be bothered to turn and say hi to me as well? Why is it I only exist and am noticable when it comes to what they need and when they need it?
 
Well.....times, they are a changin.....and there's a reconin' coming! After I'm sleeved, and the weight starts falling off.....you can BET I won't be interested in their attention. I've known all my life who my "real" friends are and who those are that are only there for the fair weather. I won't suffer fake people. Not worthy of my time or trouble.
 
It's amazing to me how easily it is for others to be so rude and judgmental against those overweight. I've even noticed that it's actually socially acceptable for talking heads and comedians to poke fun at overweight politicians! How DARE they? Isn't it said that you can't judge a man (or woman) until you've walked a mile in their shoes? Sometimes, I just wish the world would grow up and try to consider those around them and pre-think they're actions.
 
Kicking the soapbox back into the corner.

Well, yesterday was interesting to say the least. I'm very lucky with the job I have to be able to work from home when situations require (which is handy since I live an hour from the office).
 
After being delayed from last week for my upper endoscopy, yesterday was the day. My hubby drove me to the hospital where I checked in and they took me back to talk with the nurse and go over all the medical details, repeat for the upteenth time what meds I'm taking and answer all the personal questions we've all answered God knows how many times. One would think when your primary is associated with the same hospital you're having the procedure at, they would already have all that information in yoru electronic file that they all have access through the laptops they carry around. It's the same system!
 
Ok, moving on... (sorry, time to leave for work) To Be Continued.
 
Ok, I'm back...whew! What a day.
 
So I arrived at the check in counter, and the check in tech was very nice and had a great since of humor. She put a wristband on my arm, we waited for my hubby to park the car and come in, and we went toward back to my bed. We met the charge nurse on the way and she walked with us to the waiting room where we sat and went over everything. We then went back to my bed, where I was asked to change into a gown. Once comfortable in bed, they brought a blanket and started looking for a vein for my IV. After 4 tries (2 in the back of my right hand, and once on the inside of my forearm) they finally gave up and brought in a more practiced nurse, who plunged right into a vein just outside my elbow (where I sometimes donate platelets from....which I told them about several times but they didn't want to sue). Anyway.....we got the IV started. (this took about 20 min) I was then wheeled into the procedure room where I had 2 nurses who joked with me the entire way, and as they were setting me up for the procedure. One placed the monitor patches on me as the other double checked my details (name, birthday, etc.)
 
Once that was done, one walked around the bed and had me open my mouth and said she was going to spray a medicine that will numb my throat (spray, swallow, spray, swallow, spray, swallow....and it did NOT taste good!). The other asked and helped me turn onto my left side. After I told them I could barely tell I was swallowing my mouth and throat were so numb, they said that was the idea. The medicine they had put into my IV had relaxed me to the point where I knew what was going on, but I wasn't really thinking about it. They put a mouth guard in my mouth to help me hold it open while they performed the procedure. I couldn't even tell when they inserted the tube! I never felt it go down my throat, I never felt it in my stomach, and it wasn't but 5 or 10 min, and we were done!
 
The wheeled me back into my space, let me lay there for a bit. Went and got my hubby, who had enough time to go and get something to eat, and after about 15 min I could get up and change back into my clothes (after they removed all the monitor patches, IV, cords, etc.). They they brought a wheel chair, explained that I was to go home and find a comfortable place to sit, and not even do housework for the next 12 to 24 hours (which is how long they said it would take for the meds to wear off). They told me when I go to get up, I'm to slide to the edge of the chair and wait until my head gets settled before standing up. Once I was dressed and ready to go, I just got up off the bed, and walked over to the wheel chair (with no problems!). The nurse about crapped and told me to slow down! That I was under the influence even if I didn't feel like I was. (Well, I don't think I was.) My hubby went to get the car, picked me up from in front of the hospital, and we stopped and got dinner on the way home.
 
The only issue I had, was after my hubby left about 6:15 last night to go get my mother in law and go to a church meeting (which this procedure got me out of....thank you LORD), I got up to get something to drink and started getting cold sweats and a bit nauscious. I didn't throw up, I managed to sit down for a bit....and after awhile, I got up and got my pillow from my bed, cuddled up under an afaghan on my couch, reclined back, and fell asleep until he got home. Boy....that did the trick!
 
I went to bed at the same time I do every night, got up with the alarm this morning and headed off on my hour commute and had no trouble today. I remember everything that happened, and don't remember any trouble, but the IV prep.
 
Next step is to call the office tomorrow to find out the results. Then I wait until 9/24 to have my chest x-ray, EKG and blood drawn for testing. Then 9/26, I go meet with the nurse to go over the test results, the 2 week liquid diet required priot to surgery, and then set the surgery date! Hoping it can be as early in October as possible so by Thanksgiving, I can participate without making too many people uncomfortable.

Well today I was scheduled for my endoscopy at 2 p.m. Told not to eat or drink anything for 8 hours prior. Got up at 6 and was so good to not eat or drink anything. Used lip balm and brushed my teeth to get the dryness to go away. 9:25 a.m. comes, tummy is grumbling (loudly) and the phone rings. The hospital called and said they need to reschedule my procedure due to the dr. having to perform emergency surgery this afternoon.
 
Now, I'm not selfish in the least. I'll donate anything I have (blood, platelets, tissue, marrow...) as long as I can reproduce it or live without it if someone else needs it. I'm in no way sick, and I'm only in a holding pattern until my next appointment in September for my x-rays, EKG and blood tests, so what's another 8 days to wait for an endoscopy? No sense making a stink about it. If it's an emergency, it's an emergency, and God bless him for dropping everything to help whomever needed him at the time. But I do have to admit to being a bit disappointed. Having this procedure would have been a big step for me in the process to tell me that it's really real and going to happen.
 
So, I put my patience hat back on, and look forward to next Wednesday (8/29) for my endoscopy. Oh the joys of life and never knowing what's right around the corner.

Yeah! The Nurse Practitioner called me Friday on the drive home from work. She was working through the files on her desk just like I was told.
 
Now that things are in her hands, it seems as though the ride from here might be a bit smoother. I am not scheduled:
 
August 21 - Endoscopy
September 24 - Chest X-Ray; EKG; Blood Work
September 26 - Review tests with Nurse Practitioner, go over 2 week diet requirement and schedule the surgery date!!
 
After talking things over with my hubby, and trying to navigate the events we have coming up, I believe I'm going to work to begin the 2 week liquid diet on 10/15. I have a wedding party to do make up for (Mary Kay Consultant) the first weekend of October. We are taking my 88 y/o mother-in-law on vacation the next weekend (10/12). That would put my surgery (if I'm lucky and there's availability) the week of 10/29....which puts it very near my birthday. I'm TOTALLY ok with that, as this can then be my birthday present to myself!!! At 44, I'll be starting a new me! Next year, it will be 2 birhtdays in one! This will also mean (hopefully....if post-surgery recouperating goes well) that I could potentially have turkey and mashed potatoes with everyone at Thanksgiving! And Christmas will be even better because that will be about 8-9 weeks out and things should be showing significant progress. (I know, maybe a bit Pollyanna-ish, but if you're not positive, things won't happen, right?)
 
WHOO HOO!!! I'm SO excited this is finally moving forward.

Yeah!
 
After talking to the Dr's office Monday and finding out they still had not received the letter from the insurance company, Tuesday I called again, and they told me it was in nurse review. I called the insurance company and they told me that wasn't so, that I was approved and the letters were all mailed out the same day (7/24). If they still had not received it, they could log into their website and use the reference number (she gave me) to pull up the letter and print it from there. I called the Dr's office back, and gave them the informatino along with the website and reference number. I called back yesterday, and was told they called the insurance company but had not received a call back, and asked if I could fax my letter to them. So as soon as I walked through the door when I got home, I dropped everything and faxed that sucker to them.
 
This morning I called to confirm they had recieved it. She said they had and that my file was on the coordinator's desk and I would get a call soon to start the scheduling of pre-op testing that was needed. I didn't think anything about not getting a call back. At about 3:50 p.m., my husband called. He had just walked in at home and said I needed to call the Dr's office before 4 p.m., but he had not written down the number. I found the number on the web through my phone (one would think I would have it memorized by now) and called. The receptionist answered and found my paperwork. I was scheduled for an endoscopy on 8/21 at 2 p.m. The file will now go to the nurse practitioner who will call me to schedule a date/time to go in and meet with her to go over the next steps, procedures, what to expect, 2-week liquid diet, etc. She is on vacation next week, so hopefully she will call me tomorrow. I made sure to let them know to use my cell as my primary number, so now we wait......
 
At least things are moving forward.

I swear, two steps forward, three steps back. I'm usually known to be a patient person, but this is REALLY starting to test my limits.
 
So last Tuesay (7/31), I got the approval letter in the mail from my insurance that I am approved. It's assumed that the dr's office received one the same day and I would be hearing from them soon regarding scheduling the next pre-op tests. OF COURSE NOT! I was patient, and waited until Friday to call the dr's office (keep in mind, I have not talked to them, because they don't bother to return phone calls, since 7/17.....when I called them and found out they had not submitted my paperwork after waiting a week for my psych results they had not requested after THEM scheduling me on 6/10 for the appointment!) {deep breath}
 
So anyway, I call and the coordinator actually answered the phone (it's 90% the part-time receptionist. I think the coordinator hides from me). I told her that I had received the approval letter on Tuesday and was just calling to find out what the next steps will be. "We haven't received a letter from your insurance. Perhaps it's in the mail and I haven't seen it. I'll go back through and see if it's there. If not, no big deal, I can call the insurance company and get the code needed to move forward.". Ok, cool, no big deal. I didn't not hear back (of course). So I called yesterday, and they said they still had not received the letter and insurance told them it was in "nurse review". (This is where I call bulls***.) So I got off the phone with them, and called the insurance company (UHC) and tell them the dr's office has told me they have not received the letter. She tells me that's odd since it was mailed out on 7/24. (UGH) So I get the reference #, and the website they can go to and print the letter out from there. I call the dr's office back, and get the receptionist again and give her this info. She takes it and my cell #. Do you think I've heard a peep out of them!? HELL NO!
 
I need a patient advocate, because my ends are about frayed and I can't be responsible for not blowing my cool the next time I talk to them. Are we really sure it's always the insurance companies in the wrong, and not just incapable workers in the dr's office? This is driving me NUTS! I'm going to need the psych all over again when this is finally done just to get rid of my murderous thoughts.
 
Ok, one more time.....UGH!

It has been awhile since I last posted. It has been 2 months since I have had my surgery and I have lost a total of 44 pounds. I feel great except for the bronchitis I have now. I have enjoyed some halloween candy and had a piece of wedding cake at my sister's wedding I enjoyed both. I no longer like bread all that much or my former favorite pizza. My new favorite treat is greek peach yogurt with walnuts or pecans. I swim often and will be leaving shortly to swim some laps. I am really grateful that my weight loss has been steady and constant. I always lose at least a pound a week if not more. I eat when I am hungry and it is very easy to stop when I am full. I am grateful that being obsessed with food seems to be over. I have more time to obsess over facebook, reading, swimming and music. Life is really good except for the bronchitis and finances but other than that everything is wonderful.

Still in pre-opVILLE - I go to my seminar on Monday. I really hope to learn more about the time frame for everything soon!!
 
I'm a list maker by nature. Since all I can think about lately is my weight loss plan, I've made a list of NSVs I hope to achieve, and made some rewards to go along with them for motivation. I also made a list of scale related victories and rewards for that. Not sure if everyone does this, or just makes one list or the other, or doesn't make a list of rewards - but I'm a lifelong spoiled only-child, and I like rewards. And I need to start thinking about rewards that have absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH FOOD.
 
Anyway, thought I'd share. Hope you enjoy! Feel free to steal any of these.
 
NSV achievement/reward:
 
see my toes - pedicure
touch my toes while seated on the floor - new gym shoes
lose my double chin - buy a new necklace
see my collarbones - buy a new top to show them off
run a mile w/o walking - new gym clothes
walk up 5 flights of stairs - new shoes (of any kind) *5 flights because I park in a garage 5 flights up. I hate waiting for the dang elevator anyway!!
get on an actual bike - go on a bike ride with my Daddy!
sit Indian style comfortably - go to a yoga class
cross my legs at the knee - buy a dress (for the first time in yearssss)
 
Weight loss achievement/reward: *yes, I have a lot to lose!
 
-50lbs - facial
-100lbs - massage
-150lbs - Road Trip! (no idea where!)
-200lbs - new mattress, new couch and chairs in living room
-250lbs - bathing suit and a passport!
@ GOAL -------- I'M GOING TO JAMAICA!!! And it will be my first plane ride.
 
 
I would love to hear any suggestions that anyone has as well! I really can't wait to start checking some of these off!

Hi. Welcome to my quest.
 
I turned 38 on March 25th at a whopping 273 lbs-- the heaviest I have ever been on my birthday. I dieted down to about 243 by June 1.... and then bounced between 243 and 238 ever since. As of this moment I am sure I am over 250.
 
I have been fat since my teens, so a very long time. I have been as low as 218, but I haven't seen that number since the end of 2007. I haven't been under 200 lbs since I was in high school.
 
On top of that, I am legally blind and I wear very thick glasses. I am awkward, shy, and painfully introverted. A fun night in is a bowl of popcorn and a good book or all my internet buddies. I know nothing about makeup and most days I don't give a crap what I look like. I don't date at all. Men aren't interested in me even if I wanted to date, so that makes it easy to just not care.
 
I am scheduled for Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy on December 21, 2012. I've told myself that I have a bit over a year to get my act together and be 'fahn'-- not pretty, not 'okay if you're looking at her from far away', not 'well the fat one has a pretty face', not 'would be so pretty if she was thin'-- FAHN. It's a word that my friends and I use when we mean more than pretty, more than beautiful, more than hot, more than sexy.
 
FAHN. By 40. I will be there.
 
Since I have a bit of time before my surgery and I am ANXIOUS about it, I need a project to distract me. I am going through things I want to do to make changes and one of those things is my face. Well, the skin on it. I have facial hair, I have melasma (dark brown patch on my cheek), I have stubby eyelashes, I don't wear makeup and I don't really give a second thought to what my brows look like. Tangentially my hair is frequently just in a ponytail. I don't do anything to it and rarely have the desire to. So to distract myself I am working a bit on my appearance while I prep for life changing surgery.
 
I have ordered a Clarisonic Mia and I'll be tracking it in Nov to see if things improve on my face. I am also looking to get a scrip for Vaniqua so that I can start stunting the growth of hair. Drinking more water to make sure my skin stays clear, once I get it there. And in general starting to care about myself and my appearance.
 
My dad was recently in town and preached to me about loving myself. I'm trying, dad. Working on it.
 
A few befores. May I never be this fat again. I'm the one in orange/ the one in the long dress w/blue sweater
 

Well, I just survived day one of the 2-week liquid diet required by my surgeon for the procedure. List is 5- 8 oz. 2% (but I drink 1% or Skim) milk with Carnation Instant Breakfast no sugar added and any sugar free liquid. I can also have up to 2 cups of soup broth. Today started with a chocolate shake....drank a Starbuck's black iced tea with equal until lunch...2 chocolate shakes for lunch, and then came home a bit early (it is Friday, after all) and took a nap (I miss being a kid). Drank a Special K K20 protein water (5 grams protein) and then 2 vanilla shakes (one I mixed in sugar free caramel syrup and the other I added a couple drops of peppermint extract....YUM). All-in-all, not a bad day. I've not really had any cravings, per se. Mostly, just thoughts of the food I like, but nothing that really tempted me to want to step off the path. One day down.....thirteen to go.