ieshankiurki

So got on the scale and I was 217.8 in the middle of the night but when I woke up and got on the scales and weighed myself like normal in the am. I was 218 so I am not counting the 217.8 even though I want to so bad!!!!!!!!!!! So I have decided to take my multi Vitamin in am and pm to make sure I am doing ok on those. I have a doctor's appt. Nov 30 and I was hoping to have lost more by the time I went!! now I am stressing that I am a slacker!! lol
 
So the gym did not work out as well as I though it would I have not been for almost 2 weeks because BOTH girls had issues and could not make it and i HATE going alone. Been back going 2 days in a row....... Just get back on the horse and push hard!! I did 1.5 miles today and 2 minutes on the Elliptical. I swear I sweat more on that thing then I do on the tread mill!!
 
I had ordered a couple summer dresses for Kauai and bought them smaller then I was guessing on the size I would be. Well I tried them on last night.... 2 I love and will be perfect. 1 was tight and I was OMG its going to be awhile (it ran WAY smaller then what it said) I special ordered a pair of swim shorts I tried those on, I like and will be better 18lbs down
 
O I forgot to bring up I have been wanting my favorite Mexican food, so Marc and I went Sunday and I was so excited. We shared a meal, Marc said it was great as usual but for me after craving it for over 3 months I had 2 bites and I was so bummed it just did not taste the same!!!!!! Which in some way it was a good thing but in another I so was looking forward to enjoying a few bites of yummy food!
 
I wanted to thank everyone who has showed so much positive responses to my rambling!
 
My son will be here Nov 20 so that will be a interesting to see his reaction to my weight loss.

I have not posted in a while. I have been pretty depressed with my weight lose. I know part was my fault because I was not exercising, but I have been so tired with no energy! I finally forced myself this week to join the gym. I have my best friend and my sister join with me so if one is unable to go the other will be there sooooooooo that makes me have to go!!! I am only able to do 1.25 miles right now but that is better then nothing and OMG the elliptical is WAY!!!!!!! out of my league right now. I was only able to do 2 minutes on that.
 
I went out and bought 5 new shirts (1x size) WOOHOOO.... because my best friend told me I was starting to look like dumpy because they were getting to big on me LOL...... so I found some good sales! and teased her when I lose some more weight she will have some new shirts! I just hate to buy items when I wont be wearing them very long ( I hope!!!!!)
 
We have planned a trip in January for 10 days to Kauai!!!
I am so excited to go to Kauai, but I sit here and worry about clothes and what I will have to order because there will not be any stores that will be carrying shorts and swim suits in Dec. I dont know what size I will be and if I order items off the web will they fit, will I have to return them or what??? I don't like to order off the web much because unless you try them on you dont know how they will look or feel. Crossing fingers my goal is to be under 200 by then!
 
All I have to say, don't give up! All the other post and blogs from people about how much they lose and how fast! I think as long as I am losing even 5lbs a month is better then nothing!

Been 2 weeks 5 days since I had surgery. I am down to 230lbs total 33lbs, (12lbs down from day of surgery weight) even though when I left hospital I was up 11lbs, but how do I count re-losing that weight.
 
My mom and I went to the mountains Sat. road was a little bumpy but I did ok. I ended up pretty tired when I got home, and I have taken it easy today. I wished I had a little more energy but I figured it really has not been that long.
 
I think this weekend has been the hardest with the food, I am tired of what I been eating and nothing taste good. But do love sugar free banana flavored Popsicle's, and they only have 2 in a bag of 12..........grrrrrr
 
So my other half wants to go camping one last time next weekend........ I want to go but I am a little worried how I will do with my food. I know home I have food choices I guess I will make sure I have TONS of extra stuff around just to give me choices.
 
I start work back up tomorrow. I have to remind myself to eat. At least it will be a short work week, 3 days and then 4 hours on Friday!!
 
I know this is a short blog this week, but honestly don't have a lot to report. Hope you are enjoying your weekend!

I was not planning on doing another blog so soon but my dad stopped by, he seen me right before surgery but he was leaving town! ( I did the don't change your plans I will be fine speech) He stated "wow, I can tell sis" I know that I was down almost 20 lbs before the surgery, but seems these last 10lbs were the ones that you could start to notice more in my face and stomach!
 
Can we say roller coaster day!!!!!!! Today is the first day I felt like I had energy and the day I decide to cry at ever drop??? Go figure LOL
 
My grandma "second mom, best friend" past away in December and I wished she was here to watch this transformation she would be so happy, She never said one unkind word my whole life about my weight, but I know she worried, she herself was over weight and struggled up and down for years. You just wanna kick yourself for not doing earlier.
 
My son I miss so much, I keep telling myself at least he is not in Afgan anymore, which makes me so happy but he is stationed in Germany so far away. Sounds like he might be home in Nov. he is supppose to be stationed in the states by then. What will he say, his momma under 200lbs lol, he has not seen that in years. He sends message almost daily which does help! I get these kind of messages from my wonderful boy "awesome job momma" "way to go" "you can do it" and the usual miss you and love you ...... Got this text yesterday... what you at now ma? I told him I was 233 and I kept waiting for a reply and nothing... I was kind of bummed all the sudden my phone rang and it was HIM!!!! He was happy he decided to call me! really made my day yesterday.
 
30lbs really?????????? OMG did the lil happy dance, swear my Sissie( my lil d-o-g, that in itself is another story LOL) gave me a you are crazy look. Later in the day she layed in my lap FIRST TIME EVER!!!!!!
So a lil about Sissie, she is called a Munchkin she is about 6lbs cutest lil thing you ever seen, was a Christmas present because I was not dealing well with my son being gone. I would cry at least weekly. My other half (Marc) bought her for me. I was able to visit with her for 3 weeks before she was able to come home to us. I even slept with a blanket for a few days then took it over to her so she would sleep with my smell and get used to it(ok I know I am weird but anyone out there with a "child" pet knows what I am saying) She came home on Dec 21st. She was so tiny, her colors have changed completely I will attatch a couple different pictures of her for your viewing. Well lets just saying I would have never said in my life time my Sissie would be a child, I used to tease my mom all the time when she had her dog 13 years and would spoil it so bad! Marc and I joke all the time that Sissie is not a real d-o-g!
 
WOW can you say rambling, My family teases me all the time because we were in the car on a road trip and I was rambling on and all the sudden I said "bird" and pointed....... and then just continued my converstation like it was no big deal. Well now its a standard joke when I start rambling and change the subject with out notice, they will go Bird!!!!
 
Have a great Tuesday, I see light at the end of this big long tunnel!!
Here is a few pictures 1st is Sissie Jan 2, she shy 2 days of being 2 months old, the second is my son Ryan, third what Sissie looks like now, cutest lil girl ever!

Oh boy do I have bad heartburn today...woooo. I have no one but myself to blame. I got bored and made brownies, yep I knew better and I did it anyway....like almost the whole pan of brownies, in about 13 hours. I'm not thrilled w/ myself but I'm not a wreck over it. I think it just frustrates me is all. I make pretty good choices during the week but my tendency on weekends is not so hot. They weren't that good either. Anyway onward and downward.

Fair warning: This is a long backstory type vent.
 
 
As the title explains, they'll be submitting this week to my insurance and eventually set me up with a date they think will be in January. I've lost about 34lbs in the pre-op during the visits. They coo and praise what I've accomplished. And I'm just not feeling it. I think it's because, oddly, weight-loss pre-op was not the goal, getting stuff done for the surgery was, this is insane, I know. I also look at it like it's verification that I can't really do this by myself. I mean if I lost say 50 lbs a year it would take me another 3 solid years to get all the weight I need off...barring any falling off the wagon...you know because that never happens....
 
I've got a bit going on in my life and it just feels like now I'm at the crossroads. I'm working full time, I've just come up on a year working for this company but I've only been hired as a permanent employee since April and I haven't taken a day off since. I'm also going to post graduate classes so I can sit for the CPA----note to self: get the freakin application form----. And I was going do some tax prep stuff for a seasonal place, just so I could keep up with tax updates, make a little extra money and get my family's taxes done. Ok.. now add vsg at some point in January and you can now see the problem of having too much to do in the space and time I have. Additionally I've only got 2 weeks of pto which will not actually be 2 weeks of pto because the pre-op classes and meetings are going to take the better part of a morning so...bye bye 8 hours of pto just in prep for this. I'm thinking the tax prep thing is going to have to go. And that about where I'm at the point of feeling the stress start to come into the back of my neck. It's just all getting to be a bit much.
 
I still desperately want the surgery. Its so important to me not to go through another year carrying a full grown person w/ me wherever I go. I dont think this forum is a place I need to explain the reasons or defend myself. But outside this place I feel extraordinarily defensive about the desire to have the surgery. My family is either in the dark or not supportive. I live at home w/ my parents right now because the job I have doesn't pay enough to be out on my own but the insurance covers the surgery. This is why I felt conditions were right for the surgery.
 
My dad has no idea, he had a stroke 7 years ago, he's mostly fine but his personality did a 180 degree change and he's no longer the parent that I can talk to but rather the parent that I try to avoid dealing with altogether. Long story short, he's a liar and he constantly needs someone to stroke the ego, the way a 5 year old shows youhow nice he made the bed. My mom knows I'm doing this but thinks it's drastic, thinks it not the right choice and why can't I just keep going to the nutritionist since I've already lost weight that way? When we talk about it she gets quiet because she doesn't like it. This wouldn't bother me if I didn't need her for my recovery. And if god forbid something goes wrong my mom is exactly the type that gives you the told you so look and lecture. Right... I can totally see me in agony w/ picc lines and leak tests her just looking at me like...see what did i tell you....
 
 
Why can't I just be happy that I've done everything to finally get the letter sent?
 
I just have a lot on my mind. I have a lot of decisions to make and it feels like I'm going to have to risk something.

So i saw my nutritionist on monday and the more i think about what she said the more irked i get. I'm not mad at her but she's all thin and been doing the right things forever. What stands out is that she said that going from 1800 calories is more mental than actual calories isn't it? yeah no...no it isn't. She doesn't get that I'd like a hamburger and can have a hamburger on 1800 calories but a portion of a hamburger will simply not fill me up on a 1500 calorie diet. hence i really did have to make more than a mental change. I mean the whole problem I have is that i'm hungry and am never full.
after the nutritionist, i saw the nurse. she proceeded to tell me that now that i've been on this diet 3 months i couldn't eat like i did before if i tried and i sat there thinking.. WANNA BET?
 
then the doctor, not the one who's doing surgery but someone they want me to see over the 6 month program, he tells me that i need to break the relationship that my mom and i have over food. her issue w/ this weightloss surgery is only important to her in so far as it doesn't kill me. That's it. So maybe I do and I'm too blind to see it but I guess I'm just not at this point.
 
overall i am pleased w/ my progress. 20lbs down in about 3 months of dieting. so yeah...the whole thing was weird.
I binged the day after the nutritionist. I don't know if I'd call it a binge. but it was everything i would have eaten on a given day that I was not on a diet. 2 cups of pasta and a great slice of cheesecake.i was screwing around w/ a single pound for a week and i was frustrated and i really did just want to feel full and satisfied again. I miss it. Even so. I lost a pound the next day even though I was 1000 calories over my limit.
 
Today was hard but I did keep myself on track and worked out and counted my calories and I'm on target. So onward and upward

I got the denial letter today from aetna. They said I couldn't prove that I was fat for 2 consecutive years. And I didn't meet the nutritional program guidelines that they require for six month. It's surprising that I'm disappointed. I knew it was probable, i read the terms of the health insurance when I got my new job. Still i was surprised that they think i wasn't fat for 2 years consecutively. I'm sure it will all get sorted, my nurses said they only sent the letter because the people on the phone couldn't figure out if my plan included wls coverage. Oh well. I worked out today even thought I didn't want to. It's so hot here, it's not supposed to be this hot til august!

So after a long drawn out process the crap band is finally coming out!!!
I had my upper GI and dr said everything looked good. Band looked like it was in a "slightly different" place but that shouldn't cause any issues.
I then was still having the nausea, and problems eating, vomitting etc....they finally gave in and did the EGD. The printout that I got afterwards talked about possible Barretts esophagus. They took 4 biopsies and it was a week from hell waiting for answers. The more I googled the barretts the more stressed out I got. In the end it was NEGATIVE...thank God! It turned out to be esophagitis. I then met with dr and she said soooo what are you wanting to do?? my reply TAKE IT OUT!!! duh!!! same thing ive wanted for months now!! I asked if the esophagitis was a possible reason for the inconsistancy inthe band and why I can eat better some days and not so well others....her reply "not necessarily"...hmmm Honestly, I still believe that my doctors think I am nuts. If I have to hear one more lecture about "using my tool correctly" Im going to freak!!! Do they not see that my "tool" worked great for 2 years....and then issues arose. Need I remind them that I was comfortable with 7ccs in my band and at this point can't get past 4.5 or 5ccs without issues. Not to mention I am 100% unfilled right now and have vomitted and had days where things were too tight! In my opinion that "slightly different placement" of the band may be the key! I am not a doctor but thats my thoughts.
so I left my appt with no dates info etc. emailed two days later to see what the plan was and got a phone call saying insurance approved it and Im sched for nov 20. They wont discuss the sleeve until 6mths out. In that time my cobra will expire!!! I have been researching Dr Garcia in MX and now I am trying to weigh my options. If I go to him for both procedures, there is a possibility both procedures can be performed at the same time. Of course if not then I would be better off just doing the lap band removal in US and waiting to heal. Its a tough choice!!!! Another thing that I have to consider is my hubby and I are going on our first cruise and honeymoon in march (after 14yrs of marriage) and if I go to MX there will be about 7weeks between surgery and cruise. I am not concerned with not being able to pig out on the cruise, but I am concerned that I will be on a somewhat "normal" diet and healed fully enough to enjoy our vacay.
I am just glad to be getting it out!!! I am up to my presurgery weight and I pray I do not gain anymore!!!!

Ok, lemme 'splain what your looking at here: The brown thing is my shirt. The denim color is my pants and the white thing is my TRAY TABLE ALL THE WAY DOWN with a couple inches to spare!! The blue tabbie looking thing is MY SEATBELT, not only fastened without an extender, but a few inches pulled out. Then just to be a smart@$$, I went and used the airplane bathroom JUST because I could!! HAHAAAAAAAAAA!!! I love it. Oh, what 98 lbs can do for a person!! Love it. Don't give up, people!!!
 
 

I got.......a lotta packages yesterday. An Unjury sample pack, Celebrate vitamin thingys you put in water (I HATE pills, they stink, the smell makes me vom) and some biotin. I shoved it all in a corner cause I had it all shipped to work. Didn't have the chance to look thru anything but I will take a look tonight.
 
I contacted the loan people cause I hadn't got my final docs yet. She said they don't usually look at files before they are 45 days out from surgery so they would probably look at it next week. And I think my birth certificate is on the way finally so I can get my passport.
 
Trying the vitamin water additive thingy today. They make water taste so... vitaminy.
 
Last night I met a friend for dinner but I was still 'practicing' my liquid diet. I had a few bites of Caesar salad and some tomato soup. Other than that I have been liquid since Sunday. I am not too jazzed about eating lunch-- I have some broth here and an Atkins shake, but I might pick up some baked chicken for dinner. I don't want to 'not eat' for 45 days.
 
Hope to chat with my boss today about surgery and then I will reserve my airfare while I have the cash.

Keep me in you all prayers

TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY........ :/ )

46 Days. Yes I have a countdown timer on my phone and my iPad. I need to know exactly how many days I have to procrastinate getting anything done in time for surgery.
 
I can think of NOTHING else right now. Everything revolves around Dec 21st. I've given myself a couple of projects to keep me occupied so I am not sitting at home staring at 4 walls, willing time to move forward. Lots of boards to read and things I need to get and lists to make.
 
I am practicing the liquid diet right now. I need to ease into these things so yesterday and today I am liquid. Next week I will do three days and the following four days etc. I start the liquid diet on Dec 101, I believe. Plenty of time to ramp down. I would actually like to hit the table in the 230's. I am not required to lose any weight but I would just feel more comfy on the plane if I dropped a little bit.

via Youtube... 
 
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Countdown to Surgery: 47 days!
 
I can think of nothing but having surgery. I really need time to just speed forward. I've been trying to start some projects so I have something to keep me busy. I am doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and I need to go through my summer clothes and bag them, and I have been researching some issues I am having with my skin. I also have a ton of books I'm reading, so I should be pretty well occupied. I think I will set a reading goal to hit X books before I leave for surgery. That'll keep me really busy!
 
I have been eating like boo boo for about a week. It stops today. I don't even know what I weigh, but my knees tell me I am over 250. I've tossed out what crap I didn't eat. Last night's dinner of meatball parm and garlic rolls was the last decadent meal I will have until Thanksgiving probably. I am practicing being on a liquid diet today. I have water, Atkins shakes, chicken and beef broth and that drink and eat chicken soup.I forgot jello. DANG! Tomorrow.
 
I should be good go to go today. I'll probably continue it to tomorrow and weigh in on Tuesday. if I could head to Mexico in the 230's, that would be great. My knees would thank me and I would be more comfy on the plane.
 
Another tip that my bestie gave me: Get a coffee cup warmer! Especially if you plan to eat a lot of Unjury chicken soup, you'll have to sip so slowly that it won't stay warm long. You can't warm it up in the microwave because it will clump and curdle. I plan to get a hotpot and a warmer to keep upstairs because I spend a ton of time up in my room. I am almost never downstairs. And yes, I brought my extra microwave up here, LOL.
 
I also need to make a list of things I need to pick up to take with me. It takes me forever to get things together so starting now would be a good idea. Today I picked up some long sleeved shirts. I will go get more pairs of leggings and some socks and that is going to be my fashion for those days I am in surgery. I also need some sports bras, because I am not going to wrestle into a Lane Bryant bra after surgery.

Countdown Clock 48 days to surgery.
 
Went on a bit of a shopping spree yesterday, so a few packages are going to be coming to me in the next week or so. My Clarisonic Mia has shipped and should arrive in about 5 days.
 
I also ordered some wild growth hair oil, which was recommended by a friend that I call my hair guru. She's really just a product junkie that keeps her finger on the pulse of black hair care. She recommended this stuff for my edges. I'm also hoping to get some thickness back in my hair. Once I have the surgery, I am guaranteed to lose hair so I want to thicken it up a little bit before then. I used to have a lot of hair, but it has really thinned out in recent years.
 
I ordered a new coat from Target. It'll be the last plus sized coat I buy. It's tight in the arms but I am keeping it because soon I hope to be swimming in it. It'll be a nice gauge to me for weight loss. When that coat is too big I will rejoice.
 
I also have some vitamins and biotin on the way. Going to start getting in the habit of taking them now.
 
I went to the gas station yesterday and because I was hungry I let myself buy some junk, so that's all I had for dinner last night. And I have more of it today. What I SHOULD do is throw it away and go to the store and get some protein, some sugar free jello and some water. Maybe later on...... I DO want to start ramping down the junk, because I have 38 days before I will be on a liquid diet before surgery.
 
Yesterday I went to lunch with a coworker and ended up telling her about the surgery. She and I work closely together so there is no way she won't notice. I will also tell my boss, but I believe that's about it, from work. Eventually everyone will know but I want to keep my plans to have the procedure under wraps right now. Anyway, we were talking about how great the new year is going to be with a whole new me. "Can you imagine," I said. "I could be down by 50 pounds by my birthday at the end of March. That would put me under 200 pounds. I haven't been under 200 pounds since college. That's CRAZY!"
 
I'm ready for some crazy.

So I've been thinking a lot about the aspects of the sleeve that scare me.  I'm pretty good at letting my imagination run wild so I've come up with the following:
Loose skin - yes, I'll admit I want to look darn good after going through such a drastic weightloss process.  I see that as a sort of reward for all the hard work.  What if I look worse with loose skin than I look now with the weight?  I love my curves and being tall I've been told I carry them well, but I know they are conspiring against me long term.  So I have to lose weight to stay healthy but man would I like to have a nice firm look post-weight loss.
    Big head - okay this is sort of comical but yes, I don't want my already big "apple-ish" head to look like a bobble head.  This is one of those things that logically seems stupid but in my mind seems like a real concern.
    Questions - what happens when someone I haven't seen in years sees me and asks how I lost the weight?  Will I tell them about my surgery, tell them I changed my diet and started exercising, heck change the subject?  I wonder about that but guess this is one of those in the moment decisions based on who I'm talking to.
    Shopping - will I go overboard now that I can afford cheaper clothes?  I am already the shop until I drop type...what happens when it takes me longer to drop?  Will I go overboard and thus broke? I'm sure my hubby won't let that happen, but still I wonder if I'll be one of those people who trade an addiction to food in for an addiction to shopping.
    Socializing -  I have a few friends who have struggled with their weight and thus we tend to have "active" social events.  However, more of my friends live to eat and our events ALWAYS involve food.  How will I handle these events as I'm working hard to lose the weight?  Will I have to not attend or always show up early/late (way before/after the meal)?
    Pain/complications/death - let me be frank...I am a pure punk don't handle pain well.  My c-section took forever to heal and even 3 years after I still had pain when attempting to work out.  Thus, I stopped really working out on a regular basis.  What if this surgery feels like that?  Or worse, what if I have the same limited mobility for months after this surgery that I had after my c-section and can't work out like my doctor wants? Or even worse, what if I do this and it takes me from my husband and children?  This especially concerns me because I don't have any health problems other than the extra weight.
    Going bald - (see big head above) I have very fine hair.  The thought of my scalp showing is well "not hot" in my Tamar Braxton voice.  I am of the mindset that hair grows back, but I would also like to keep my hair if possible.  I go through great pains to make my hair look full and thick now, so with even less...well, that would be a real challenge.
    What if all this doesn't work/last - I'm sure everyone has thought this at some point.  I worry that I may be the only person in history for which this doesn't accomplish my goal.  I have about 200 lbs to lose and I worry that I just won't make it to goal.  I understand the goal is to be healthier but right now I have no health problems other than the extra weight.  What if my goal of getting to onederland just doesn't happen?I realize when I look at my list that I have read in the forums at least one topic on each (maybe not the big head fear) of these and it feels good not to be alone.  In reading one post a Sleeve Veteran said (paraphrasing here) that it is normal to wonder and fear the unknown about this surgery.  That makes me feel better about taking this seriously and also lets me know I am committed enough to not let the not-so-glamorous parts of this surgery deter me.

It feels good to get these fears out in the open and to laugh at how silly some of these sound.
 

By reading my blog's title you no doubt know that I am a Type A personality.  I've been this way for pretty much my entire life.  The biggest hurdle for me in deciding to have WLS (for over 2 years now) is that I am the type of person who can usually do anything I set my mind to.
 
I have always believed and found if one person could do something and I tried hard enough I could do it too.  The problem is that there are truly some things for which I could use a little help.  For me it is losing weight, keeping the weight off.
 
For years I didn't want to believe that I needed help.  Every Jan. 1st I thought, okay this year, I'll buckle down and just lose the weight.  How hard could it be, people on TV, in magazines, etc. do this every day.  I'll be one of them.  I won't take the easy way out (WLS).
 
So year after year, I not only didn't lose, I gained...and gained well.  Did I mention I'm also a high achiever?  If there were pounds to be gained, I gained them.  It seemed like no matter what I did, the weight not only packed on, but packed on in abundance.  I'd lose a bit and then gain more than I lost.
 
Finally, I thought okay this is it.  Obviously I need help so I'll go meet with a nutritionist.  I did and let me tell you, I have never felt so confused/lost/helpless in all my life.  Sure those pyramid charts look great but man, who in the world can construct a meal hitting every food group, with the right portions, and live any kind of life?  I'd literally have to spend all day planning meals...who has that kind of time???
 
But I'm determined, I will do this, I need to do this I figured.  So she and I came up with a menu.  Well let me tell you about that menu...I ate that menu every day for 3 weeks.  Why?  I didn't want to eat anything wrong.  So at my next apt she had me weigh in.  Great, surely I would have lost something.  Lord please let me have lost something.
 
I stepped on the scale and sure enough I gained.  Yup, with all that weighing and eating and buying ONLY what she told me to, I still gained weight.  Talk about a bummer.  Again, if there are pounds to be gained they would find me.
 
I looked at her at that moment and said, I need more help.  That moment was major for me.  I'm not used to needing asking for help.  That took both humility and courage for me to say that out loud.
 
My Nut then looked at me and said surgery might be the answer for me.  Then she looked at me and asked, so how was it?  By this time I'm sad, frustrated, and ready to shake this little woman.  How was what I asked her (not in my most pleasant voice that's for sure). 
 
She said how was it to weigh your food and restrict your diet.  I told her at first it was a challenge (although I'd done it before during other countless diets) but had I lost weight I'd think it was worth it.  I wasn't hungry this time like during the other diets.  She then went on to explain that my body was in starvation mode.  I wasn't eating enough (a big girl not eating enough...really????) and by finally eating the right foods in the right quantities, in the long run with surgery I could meet or even surpass my weight loss goals.
 
Clever!  She helped me see that WLS was not in any way the easy way out and that help was available if I would just get over myself seek it. I needed that.  I had mixed feelings about surgery because again (my mind began telling me) I could do this if only I just buckled down...or so I thought.  It took a while but now I'm at peace with my decision.
 
There is still some disappointment in myself that I could not somehow just do something that would make the weight fall off.  But I'm dealing with that.  I also had to realize that it is okay to ask for help.  That asking for help is not being weak, but rather being wise.
 
This is going to be a challenge but I'm approaching this process with a feeling of relaxation and a one-day-at-a-time attitude as opposed to an I-have-to-control-this attitude.  I understand I have to be in control of what I eat and how I exercise my body, but I don't have to feel like I need to control every minute of this process.  That helps a lot and makes this much different than any of the other times I've tried to lose weight.
 

HAS ANYONE GONE THROUGH THE MIND GAME BEFORE SURGERY WHAT IF THIS AND WHAT THAT WORRIED IF THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN AND IF THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN I KNOW GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE ME.... THE DEVIL HAS ALL KIND OF MIND TRICKS I HATE HIM SO MUCH (THE DEVIL THAT IS)

YES! I'm finally post op.
Day 4 to be exactly, but I could use a little help.
 
1. How many ounces should I be sipping each time I take a 'sip'. I don't know if i'm trying to take in way to much liquid to quickly or what because It'll stay down for an hour or two and then it will come right back up, but it's always like 1 to 2 oz that comes back up.
 
My Dr. said every patient spits up until they find out how they respond to diffrent sippings at diffrnent times.
 
Now , see, with me you can't just tell me to figure it out and hope that you pick the right amount and times.... it's more like with me I need a checklist that tells me to drink this much at this time.
 
My guess is i'm trying to drink to much to fast.
 
2. Is this what you guys call gas pains when you feel so full and bloated that you'd give anything to burp? because i'd give anything to be able to burp and get this full feeling off my belly.
 
As a heart patient its taking my body a while longer to get used to things.... I haven't even farted or passed a bile movement one.
 
Answers? Help? What's good for a distressed belly?

Hello Sleever Family!
 
Today I attended my paternal grandmothers funeral in Arkansas. While this was a sad occassion, you must know that my granny was 77 years old - married to my Papa for 60 years - had 6 boys and 1 girl - and 74 grand, great grand and great great grand children! Needless to say, most of the church was filled with family. We had a grand celebration of her life!
 
During the 4.5 hour drive, I sipped on juice, water, and protein shakes. And since I was sleeved a little over a week ago, I ensured that I stopped to stretch and move around at least every two hours....(during my preop class, the nurse told a story of a lady that died from blood clots because she took an 8 hour trip shortly after surgery and only stopped once).
 
Where does the cornbread dressing come in.....HONEY CHILD!!!! Now you all know that there is one thing that you simply cannot resist when you are at grandma's house! I went into the kitchen with my cousins and there it was....cornbread freaking dressing. I debated on whether or not to take a chance but I knew that grandma had my back. I took the serving spoon and scooped out a small portion into a paper cup. Those were the best four teaspoons I have had of food in a long time. I chewed and savored but was sure not to gulp and overdo it. Nothing happened because I was not hungry, I just had to taste that cornbread dressing that was made with love by my Aunt.
 
During the 4.5 hour drive back home to Texas, I sipped on juice, water, and protein shakes.....back to reality!
 
Until next time.....peace and blessings from my family to yours! Good night!

This will be a quick one guys. sry. I'm exhausted.
:D I made it to day 7 post op! :D  

Come to think of it why wouldn't I have made it. I am an Amazon Warrior after all, in the heat of a weight loss battle for my new heart and to improve my self image and love myself.  

So let me update you on .  

It gets a little bit better everyday but when I have to take my potassium i get so nauseous and start dry heaving. Tonight I split that liquid into two cups and lemonade on top of it and siped it in all it's sour turn my stomach goodness.   

Still fighting the nausea monster. being a heart patient my liquid intake makes it hard to get all my protein in but I got 67 g's today. Pretty damn proud of that. I did however go over my liquid limit by 500 cc's which had made me feel like a beached whale.  

I called my Dr. about not having a bowl movement, hung up to go make some more protien and barely made it to the restroom. My lifes funny like that. Most of the time i'm exhausted but I get up and do my walking in.  

That's all for not.. im about to crash.
Night
-G

Had a couple of victories this week and had a couple of slips too...
 
First the slips...I traveled for work this week for a couple of days and I used it as an excuse to eat terrible. I mean absolutely terrible. I ate cake, bread, cookie and drank wine even. Omg Ikr...And then I went and outdid myself and decided not to work out. Considering how bad I ate, I should have been running to that gym. Nope, I just peeped my head around the corner to see what equipment they had and left never to return to the gym over those couple days at the hotel.
 
Instead I went shopping and well, this is where the first of the victories came. I have wandered in Forever 21 stores for year admiring their clothes for both the trendiness and the price...but of course never been able to fit them...I would pretend I was shopping for someone else. Well this time around, I went in shopping for myself and I took 6 pieces into the fitting room and all but one of them fit. I only got 1 item (a size large dress) as it was the most distinctive and they other pieces I was more trying on for size to see if they fit as opposed to loving them...
 
That fueled me and I went to the next two stores lil girl cost conscious stores (Vanity and Rue 21). Bought me a size 11/12 jeans...did you hear me an 11/12...I was a solid size 18 (if not 20, I just wouldnt buy them) when I started this journey 2.5 months ago...And then there is this black dress that I bought in a size large as well...that I love love love. Okay did you get I loved it. I wore it out this weekend and I received so many compliments, I was overwhelmed. Now don't get me wrong, I thought I looked good before I left the house but I never expected to get such rave reviews. So fast forward today and I was going to the screening of a play a former co-worker directed so I threw on a sweater dress, leggings and shoe boots. I mean literally threw it on...showered, lotioned down and dressed in 20 minutes...Well, turns out the outfit really worked, at least I think so...See pic below.
 
And even bigger than a clothes size was the realization that I am finding myself, separate from what others think of me, mainly my ex boyfriend. A few weeks ago I blogged about my ex-boyfriend and his failure to acknowledge my weight loss...and how that bothered me because for so long I have wanted his affirmation. Anyways, he stopped over earlier in the week and as I was walking away from him, he said girl you losing weight...I can really tell...I was like you don't say. It only took 40lbs and 6 sizes. I continued on and said when I first started losing weight I wanted you to notice and you didnt...Well somewhere along the way I stopped caring because I know I am losing weight and looking damn good in the process...My feelings about me and how I look is no longer based on what he thinks of me but instead on what I know to be true of myself. I am loving the new me that this weight loss in revealing not only in how I look but just as importantly how much more emotionally healthy I am..
 
I am seeing the results of Pedro, the sleeve. I am so grateful this surgery was made possible. It has given me so much of my life back...
 
A lil behind in my blog entry so rather than logging my Friday's weight (192.8), I am logging today's weight.
 
HW 232 & SW 227 (VSG 08/17/12 & 5'8)
LW 193.6
CW 192.0 [Total Weight Loss 40lbs ]
GW 155

HELP!! Ive noticed that everytime I use whey proteins in my shakes my heart starts racing, can anybody suggest any other protein that I can take. I dont want to get behind on my proteins, Im only 4 days out from surgery.