JennieDK

Today marks one year since I had my gastric sleeve surgery. It's amazing to see how far I've come, and I know that the journey is just beginning. I updated my video blog, so there's a link here:

 
And here's a link to the video blog that I created a year ago today, the morning of my surgery:

I am not mocking or belittling the concerns and issues that some are facing as the ACA takes effect, but I want people to understand that there are two sides to the story. Healthcare has long been broken in our country, and while the ACA is by no means perfect, it is a start. Let's move forward and make it even better.
 
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/09/us/amid-the-uproar-over-the-health-law-voices-of-quiet-optimism-and-relief.html?pagewanted=2&ref=politics&pagewanted=all&_r=0

On Friday, November 15th, I competed in my first ever race. I ran the 5K relay of The Flying Start Sprint Triathlon. My finish time was 28:04. This compared to when I ran 5K for the first time in the Maldives, completing the Couch-to-5K training plan (app available through Apple & Android). Then, I rejoiced in a finishing time of 38:00.

When I started this journey to optimum health, my commitment was to exercise three times per week, get my weight into a healthy range, and find a way to change my thinking and lifetime habits so that I stayed healthy. In the end, that plan included the gastric sleeve, taking up running, and ultimately, learning to be militant and unapologetic for putting my health and self care before anyone else's needs. Something I've never been very good at doing.

This time, with my 50th birthday looming, when people asked for some of my time, I checked my workout schedule. When people wanted to meet me for business, I suggested non-food venues. If I got too busy for self care every week, I ruthlessly cut out work stuff until I did have time for myself. I've read over 100 books, been to the spa nearly every week, and managed to get my hair cut every four weeks - for the first time in my adult life.

All of which is good.

But let me tell you - it was MUCH easier to change my physical habits than my mental habits. I have spent the last 18 months fighting a mental battle that at times left me feeling weak and sick. The relentless, repetitive litany of random crap in my head, all of it negative, all of it self-critical, and all of it FALSE, made me tired. There were times that I just wanted to lie down and cover my head with a pillow. I'd wake up in the morning thinking about a scheduled run, and immediately the crap would start. An endless, inescapable demand to justify myself and really, my existence. At least it felt like it. The old caustic, hurtful tapes played over and over and over and I experienced how difficult it is to switch it off. I felt more exhausted from the mental chaos than I did from the workouts.

But I learned a few things along the way, and having just completed what feels like an incredible milestone to me, I reflected on that learning.
No matter what confused, chaotic, caustic, or nasty things were happening in my head, compelling myself to physical action always made it better, and sometimes, quieted my mind completely. It is always possible to take action even when the noise in my head is deafening. It is not my brain that I need to run, it's my legs, my arms, my breath. My head just happens to come along for the ride. In other words, giving in to the head noise as if it controls my physical existence is a huge tactical error in the war with negativity. NOT going and doing the workout or self care or planned activity made the mental chaos that much louder the next time, plus the added emotional factors of disappointment and guilt. The more attention I paid to 'fighting' the thoughts, the more fighting I had to do. I gradually learned that the less importance I placed on the thoughts I didn't want, the less they bothered me. After awhile, they weren't loud enough to interrupt my thinking, and now, sometimes, they're completely absent. It gets better. The more consistent I was in following my plan of action combined with ignoring the noise in my head, the easier it got. There's no substitute for the incredible sense of satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something difficult. When I look back at the past almost 18 years since I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, it's been a journey I couldn't have planned with a road map and detailed instructions. And what a trip it's been. From being fit to the uncertainty of ill health, to a wheel chair, to 'starting over,' to the Middle East, through obesity and back, to a triathlon.

Wow and wow. I have a huge sense of thankfulness for the things this journey has already taught me, and I anticipate there is more to learn.

Bring it on.

Today I reached a couple of important milestones, so I wanted to make sure that I wrote a little about it this morning: I have lost 75 pounds (which I can hardly get my head around!) and I got past a number that was kind of out there, stalking me: 186. I haven't seen that number since I became pregnant with my oldest son, more than 18 years ago. The lowest I've been since that time was 187, and that was for a brief time about 15 years ago. While I felt confident that with the help of my sleeve I would get past that number, it was still a major emotional and mental hurdle that I had to jump. There was a tiny part of me-- a little voice in my head, if you will-- that kept asking, "Can I really get past that? Maybe that's as far down as I can go." But now I know that I can go all the way.
 
I'm now 36 pounds away from my doctor's goal for me, and 46 away from my own personal goal. And I completely believe that I meet and perhaps even surpass those goals. I'm so happy right now, it's obnoxious! But I'll take it!

Today I reached a couple of important milestones, so I wanted to make sure that I wrote a little about it this morning: I have lost 75 pounds (which I can hardly get my head around!) and I got past a number that was kind of out there, stalking me: 186. I haven't seen that number since I became pregnant with my oldest son, more than 18 years ago. The lowest I've been since that time was 187, and that was for a brief time about 15 years ago. While I felt confident that with the help of my sleeve I would get past that number, it was still a major emotional and mental hurdle that I had to jump. There was a tiny part of me-- a little voice in my head, if you will-- that kept asking, "Can I really get past that? Maybe that's as far down as I can go." But now I know that I can go all the way.
 
I'm now 36 pounds away from my doctor's goal for me, and 46 away from my own personal goal. And I completely believe that I meet and perhaps even surpass those goals. I'm so happy right now, it's obnoxious! But I'll take it!

I haven't blogged as much as I had hoped I would. Tonight, though, I can't get to sleep, so I thought this would be as good an opportunity as any to get some of these thoughts and see what they look like on the screen. I've seen a number of threads where people make their confessions or things like that. I don't know if I'm these will be as dramatic as all that, but as I'm approaching 5 months post op, a lot about me has changed, and a lot has stayed the same. So here's where I am tonight:
 
1. Losing weight changes so much in your life, but it doesn't change everything. This is obvious, yet something that I need to remind myself of from time to time. I'm extremely lucky-- I am, and was before surgery, very happy with my life in general. I have a great husband, great kids, a great job, and I'm meeting many of my professional goals. But the peripheral problems are still there, nagging: worries about work, paying for my son's college, questioning whether or not I'm doing the right thing going back to school in the fall (I'm getting my doctorate). Stress continues. It's not unbearable, but man can it back up.
 
2 I'm terrified of gaining weight back. When I go to the support group or read stories on the message boards about people who have reached their goals and then slowly start putting it back on-- it just makes me so scared. Hopefully that fear with keep me focused. I also don't want to be totally obsessed about my weight for the rest of my life.
 
3. I'm hung up on certain numbers. I've lost 70 pounds and I should be so thrilled, but a big part of me simply won't believe that this is actually happening until I reach some major goals. I'm 4 pounds away from one of them now. 186. I have not seems 186 in more than 18 years.
 
4. The more weight I lose, the more my husband's weight bothers me. I adore this man; there's simply no doubt about this. But I feel like I'm working hard to make myself the best I can be and to be a healthy role model for our kids. And I'm watching him get bigger. He's picking up my slack. If I make the same amount of something that I used to, he eats his share and the part that I can no longer eat. I'm worried about his health and his self-image. I'd kinda like to keep him around for a while.
 
5. I'm really, really proud of myself. I am. And I'm not good at being proud of myself. I'm running, for God's sake. I've never been a runner, and I ran a 5k two weeks ago, and I'm jogging 2 or 3 miles on the treadmill 3-4 times a week right now. I want to scream it from the rooftops because I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD DO THIS. I wore a pair of size 12 jeans tonight. I haven't done that in more than 18 years.
 
6. Some of my friends are getting weird about it. Most are extremely supportive, but others seem uncomfortable with the thought of me no longer being the fat friend.
 
7. I'm uncomfortable with the compliments sometimes. Especially at work and that kind of thing. I always tell people I had surgery, and I find myself saying it as though that discounts the hard work that I've done. And I feel like the people I work with are constantly looking me up and down, assessing me. It's weird.
 
8. I'm so worried about extra skin. I've always had great boobs, and they are definitely deflating a bit. My arms are getting flappy, too. I'm terrified that I'm going to look like Jabba the Hutt's skinny sister.
 
9. Did I mention that I'm terrified about gaining weight? I don't want to look like Jabba the Hutt's fatter sister, either.
 
10. I still enjoy drinking wine, and I always will. Maybe that's why I'm losing 1.5-2 pounds a week instead of 3, but I can deal with that. I plan on living my life. If I don't work out some kind of balance, I won't be able to do this long term. And I must do this long term.

I haven't blogged as much as I had hoped I would. Tonight, though, I can't get to sleep, so I thought this would be as good an opportunity as any to get some of these thoughts and see what they look like on the screen. I've seen a number of threads where people make their confessions or things like that. I don't know if I'm these will be as dramatic as all that, but as I'm approaching 5 months post op, a lot about me has changed, and a lot has stayed the same. So here's where I am tonight:
 
1. Losing weight changes so much in your life, but it doesn't change everything. This is obvious, yet something that I need to remind myself of from time to time. I'm extremely lucky-- I am, and was before surgery, very happy with my life in general. I have a great husband, great kids, a great job, and I'm meeting many of my professional goals. But the peripheral problems are still there, nagging: worries about work, paying for my son's college, questioning whether or not I'm doing the right thing going back to school in the fall (I'm getting my doctorate). Stress continues. It's not unbearable, but man can it back up.
 
2 I'm terrified of gaining weight back. When I go to the support group or read stories on the message boards about people who have reached their goals and then slowly start putting it back on-- it just makes me so scared. Hopefully that fear with keep me focused. I also don't want to be totally obsessed about my weight for the rest of my life.
 
3. I'm hung up on certain numbers. I've lost 70 pounds and I should be so thrilled, but a big part of me simply won't believe that this is actually happening until I reach some major goals. I'm 4 pounds away from one of them now. 186. I have not seems 186 in more than 18 years.
 
4. The more weight I lose, the more my husband's weight bothers me. I adore this man; there's simply no doubt about this. But I feel like I'm working hard to make myself the best I can be and to be a healthy role model for our kids. And I'm watching him get bigger. He's picking up my slack. If I make the same amount of something that I used to, he eats his share and the part that I can no longer eat. I'm worried about his health and his self-image. I'd kinda like to keep him around for a while.
 
5. I'm really, really proud of myself. I am. And I'm not good at being proud of myself. I'm running, for God's sake. I've never been a runner, and I ran a 5k two weeks ago, and I'm jogging 2 or 3 miles on the treadmill 3-4 times a week right now. I want to scream it from the rooftops because I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD DO THIS. I wore a pair of size 12 jeans tonight. I haven't done that in more than 18 years.
 
6. Some of my friends are getting weird about it. Most are extremely supportive, but others seem uncomfortable with the thought of me no longer being the fat friend.
 
7. I'm uncomfortable with the compliments sometimes. Especially at work and that kind of thing. I always tell people I had surgery, and I find myself saying it as though that discounts the hard work that I've done. And I feel like the people I work with are constantly looking me up and down, assessing me. It's weird.
 
8. I'm so worried about extra skin. I've always had great boobs, and they are definitely deflating a bit. My arms are getting flappy, too. I'm terrified that I'm going to look like Jabba the Hutt's skinny sister.
 
9. Did I mention that I'm terrified about gaining weight? I don't want to look like Jabba the Hutt's fatter sister, either.
 
10. I still enjoy drinking wine, and I always will. Maybe that's why I'm losing 1.5-2 pounds a week instead of 3, but I can deal with that. I plan on living my life. If I don't work out some kind of balance, I won't be able to do this long term. And I must do this long term.

I haven't blogged as much as I had hoped I would. Tonight, though, I can't get to sleep, so I thought this would be as good an opportunity as any to get some of these thoughts and see what they look like on the screen. I've seen a number of threads where people make their confessions or things like that. I don't know if I'm these will be as dramatic as all that, but as I'm approaching 5 months post op, a lot about me has changed, and a lot has stayed the same. So here's where I am tonight:
 
1. Losing weight changes so much in your life, but it doesn't change everything. This is obvious, yet something that I need to remind myself of from time to time. I'm extremely lucky-- I am, and was before surgery, very happy with my life in general. I have a great husband, great kids, a great job, and I'm meeting many of my professional goals. But the peripheral problems are still there, nagging: worries about work, paying for my son's college, questioning whether or not I'm doing the right thing going back to school in the fall (I'm getting my doctorate). Stress continues. It's not unbearable, but man can it back up.
 
2 I'm terrified of gaining weight back. When I go to the support group or read stories on the message boards about people who have reached their goals and then slowly start putting it back on-- it just makes me so scared. Hopefully that fear with keep me focused. I also don't want to be totally obsessed about my weight for the rest of my life.
 
3. I'm hung up on certain numbers. I've lost 70 pounds and I should be so thrilled, but a big part of me simply won't believe that this is actually happening until I reach some major goals. I'm 4 pounds away from one of them now. 186. I have not seems 186 in more than 18 years.
 
4. The more weight I lose, the more my husband's weight bothers me. I adore this man; there's simply no doubt about this. But I feel like I'm working hard to make myself the best I can be and to be a healthy role model for our kids. And I'm watching him get bigger. He's picking up my slack. If I make the same amount of something that I used to, he eats his share and the part that I can no longer eat. I'm worried about his health and his self-image. I'd kinda like to keep him around for a while.
 
5. I'm really, really proud of myself. I am. And I'm not good at being proud of myself. I'm running, for God's sake. I've never been a runner, and I ran a 5k two weeks ago, and I'm jogging 2 or 3 miles on the treadmill 3-4 times a week right now. I want to scream it from the rooftops because I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD DO THIS. I wore a pair of size 12 jeans tonight. I haven't done that in more than 18 years.
 
6. Some of my friends are getting weird about it. Most are extremely supportive, but others seem uncomfortable with the thought of me no longer being the fat friend.
 
7. I'm uncomfortable with the compliments sometimes. Especially at work and that kind of thing. I always tell people I had surgery, and I find myself saying it as though that discounts the hard work that I've done. And I feel like the people I work with are constantly looking me up and down, assessing me. It's weird.
 
8. I'm so worried about extra skin. I've always had great boobs, and they are definitely deflating a bit. My arms are getting flappy, too. I'm terrified that I'm going to look like Jabba the Hutt's skinny sister.
 
9. Did I mention that I'm terrified about gaining weight? I don't want to look like Jabba the Hutt's fatter sister, either.
 
10. I still enjoy drinking wine, and I always will. Maybe that's why I'm losing 1.5-2 pounds a week instead of 3, but I can deal with that. I plan on living my life. If I don't work out some kind of balance, I won't be able to do this long term. And I must do this long term.

I haven't blogged as much as I had hoped I would. Tonight, though, I can't get to sleep, so I thought this would be as good an opportunity as any to get some of these thoughts and see what they look like on the screen. I've seen a number of threads where people make their confessions or things like that. I don't know if I'm these will be as dramatic as all that, but as I'm approaching 5 months post op, a lot about me has changed, and a lot has stayed the same. So here's where I am tonight:
 
1. Losing weight changes so much in your life, but it doesn't change everything. This is obvious, yet something that I need to remind myself of from time to time. I'm extremely lucky-- I am, and was before surgery, very happy with my life in general. I have a great husband, great kids, a great job, and I'm meeting many of my professional goals. But the peripheral problems are still there, nagging: worries about work, paying for my son's college, questioning whether or not I'm doing the right thing going back to school in the fall (I'm getting my doctorate). Stress continues. It's not unbearable, but man can it back up.
 
2 I'm terrified of gaining weight back. When I go to the support group or read stories on the message boards about people who have reached their goals and then slowly start putting it back on-- it just makes me so scared. Hopefully that fear with keep me focused. I also don't want to be totally obsessed about my weight for the rest of my life.
 
3. I'm hung up on certain numbers. I've lost 70 pounds and I should be so thrilled, but a big part of me simply won't believe that this is actually happening until I reach some major goals. I'm 4 pounds away from one of them now. 186. I have not seems 186 in more than 18 years.
 
4. The more weight I lose, the more my husband's weight bothers me. I adore this man; there's simply no doubt about this. But I feel like I'm working hard to make myself the best I can be and to be a healthy role model for our kids. And I'm watching him get bigger. He's picking up my slack. If I make the same amount of something that I used to, he eats his share and the part that I can no longer eat. I'm worried about his health and his self-image. I'd kinda like to keep him around for a while.
 
5. I'm really, really proud of myself. I am. And I'm not good at being proud of myself. I'm running, for God's sake. I've never been a runner, and I ran a 5k two weeks ago, and I'm jogging 2 or 3 miles on the treadmill 3-4 times a week right now. I want to scream it from the rooftops because I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD DO THIS. I wore a pair of size 12 jeans tonight. I haven't done that in more than 18 years.
 
6. Some of my friends are getting weird about it. Most are extremely supportive, but others seem uncomfortable with the thought of me no longer being the fat friend.
 
7. I'm uncomfortable with the compliments sometimes. Especially at work and that kind of thing. I always tell people I had surgery, and I find myself saying it as though that discounts the hard work that I've done. And I feel like the people I work with are constantly looking me up and down, assessing me. It's weird.
 
8. I'm so worried about extra skin. I've always had great boobs, and they are definitely deflating a bit. My arms are getting flappy, too. I'm terrified that I'm going to look like Jabba the Hutt's skinny sister.
 
9. Did I mention that I'm terrified about gaining weight? I don't want to look like Jabba the Hutt's fatter sister, either.
 
10. I still enjoy drinking wine, and I always will. Maybe that's why I'm losing 1.5-2 pounds a week instead of 3, but I can deal with that. I plan on living my life. If I don't work out some kind of balance, I won't be able to do this long term. And I must do this long term.

I've posted a link to my video blog here. It's nothing earth-shattering, but these were really helpful to me as I was learning about the surgery, and I promised I'd keep a record like this for myself and anyone else who is interested. Be well!

I've posted a link to my video blog here. It's nothing earth-shattering, but these were really helpful to me as I was learning about the surgery, and I promised I'd keep a record like this for myself and anyone else who is interested. Be well!

I've been horrible about blogging-- can I say that first? When I started this process I thought there would be nothing I'd rather do than write about my experiences before and after weight loss surgery. Well, I still would LIKE to, but life and all of its obligations have continued, so forgive.
But I had to write today. Today, I got under 200 pounds for the first time in. . . I don't know. . . 14 years? That's before I started teaching.
I can't believe how amazing I feel. I've lost 63.4 pounds total, putting me at 196.6 this morning. (I always record my official weight on Fridays.) I knew that I was right about there, but actually having that number pop up on my weigh in this morning was amazing. (My surgery was 12/11/12, btw.)
 
Let's see. . . what else. Protein bars are my friend, eggs are not. Which is too bad because I used to love eggs. I'm averaging about 3 pounds of weight loss a week, and I'm working on my running. Last night I ran the most I EVER have, going about a mile and a half in 20 minutes of continuous jogging. I'm not very fast, but I'm getting stronger. The biggest challenge I've had on that front is that I'm having trouble switching my runs to the outdoors. I'm not as successful, but I'm trying to stay positive. I have a 5k scheduled on 4/20. I don't know if I will run the whole thing, but I should be able to do most of it, hopefully. I just hope my knees cooperate.
 
So that's where I am! What a wonderful day, and I'm looking forward to blowing all kinds of goals right out of the water! My next goal is to get into the 170s by the end of May for my son's graduation. Piece o' cake!

I've been horrible about blogging-- can I say that first? When I started this process I thought there would be nothing I'd rather do than write about my experiences before and after weight loss surgery. Well, I still would LIKE to, but life and all of its obligations have continued, so forgive.
But I had to write today. Today, I got under 200 pounds for the first time in. . . I don't know. . . 14 years? That's before I started teaching.
I can't believe how amazing I feel. I've lost 63.4 pounds total, putting me at 196.6 this morning. (I always record my official weight on Fridays.) I knew that I was right about there, but actually having that number pop up on my weigh in this morning was amazing. (My surgery was 12/11/12, btw.)
 
Let's see. . . what else. Protein bars are my friend, eggs are not. Which is too bad because I used to love eggs. I'm averaging about 3 pounds of weight loss a week, and I'm working on my running. Last night I ran the most I EVER have, going about a mile and a half in 20 minutes of continuous jogging. I'm not very fast, but I'm getting stronger. The biggest challenge I've had on that front is that I'm having trouble switching my runs to the outdoors. I'm not as successful, but I'm trying to stay positive. I have a 5k scheduled on 4/20. I don't know if I will run the whole thing, but I should be able to do most of it, hopefully. I just hope my knees cooperate.
 
So that's where I am! What a wonderful day, and I'm looking forward to blowing all kinds of goals right out of the water! My next goal is to get into the 170s by the end of May for my son's graduation. Piece o' cake!

I've been horrible about blogging-- can I say that first? When I started this process I thought there would be nothing I'd rather do than write about my experiences before and after weight loss surgery. Well, I still would LIKE to, but life and all of its obligations have continued, so forgive.
But I had to write today. Today, I got under 200 pounds for the first time in. . . I don't know. . . 14 years? That's before I started teaching.
I can't believe how amazing I feel. I've lost 63.4 pounds total, putting me at 196.6 this morning. (I always record my official weight on Fridays.) I knew that I was right about there, but actually having that number pop up on my weigh in this morning was amazing. (My surgery was 12/11/12, btw.)
 
Let's see. . . what else. Protein bars are my friend, eggs are not. Which is too bad because I used to love eggs. I'm averaging about 3 pounds of weight loss a week, and I'm working on my running. Last night I ran the most I EVER have, going about a mile and a half in 20 minutes of continuous jogging. I'm not very fast, but I'm getting stronger. The biggest challenge I've had on that front is that I'm having trouble switching my runs to the outdoors. I'm not as successful, but I'm trying to stay positive. I have a 5k scheduled on 4/20. I don't know if I will run the whole thing, but I should be able to do most of it, hopefully. I just hope my knees cooperate.
 
So that's where I am! What a wonderful day, and I'm looking forward to blowing all kinds of goals right out of the water! My next goal is to get into the 170s by the end of May for my son's graduation. Piece o' cake!

I've been horrible about blogging-- can I say that first? When I started this process I thought there would be nothing I'd rather do than write about my experiences before and after weight loss surgery. Well, I still would LIKE to, but life and all of its obligations have continued, so forgive.
But I had to write today. Today, I got under 200 pounds for the first time in. . . I don't know. . . 14 years? That's before I started teaching.
I can't believe how amazing I feel. I've lost 63.4 pounds total, putting me at 196.6 this morning. (I always record my official weight on Fridays.) I knew that I was right about there, but actually having that number pop up on my weigh in this morning was amazing. (My surgery was 12/11/12, btw.)
 
Let's see. . . what else. Protein bars are my friend, eggs are not. Which is too bad because I used to love eggs. I'm averaging about 3 pounds of weight loss a week, and I'm working on my running. Last night I ran the most I EVER have, going about a mile and a half in 20 minutes of continuous jogging. I'm not very fast, but I'm getting stronger. The biggest challenge I've had on that front is that I'm having trouble switching my runs to the outdoors. I'm not as successful, but I'm trying to stay positive. I have a 5k scheduled on 4/20. I don't know if I will run the whole thing, but I should be able to do most of it, hopefully. I just hope my knees cooperate.
 
So that's where I am! What a wonderful day, and I'm looking forward to blowing all kinds of goals right out of the water! My next goal is to get into the 170s by the end of May for my son's graduation. Piece o' cake!

I've been horrible about blogging-- can I say that first? When I started this process I thought there would be nothing I'd rather do than write about my experiences before and after weight loss surgery. Well, I still would LIKE to, but life and all of its obligations have continued, so forgive.
But I had to write today. Today, I got under 200 pounds for the first time in. . . I don't know. . . 14 years? That's before I started teaching.
I can't believe how amazing I feel. I've lost 63.4 pounds total, putting me at 196.6 this morning. (I always record my official weight on Fridays.) I knew that I was right about there, but actually having that number pop up on my weigh in this morning was amazing. (My surgery was 12/11/12, btw.)
 
Let's see. . . what else. Protein bars are my friend, eggs are not. Which is too bad because I used to love eggs. I'm averaging about 3 pounds of weight loss a week, and I'm working on my running. Last night I ran the most I EVER have, going about a mile and a half in 20 minutes of continuous jogging. I'm not very fast, but I'm getting stronger. The biggest challenge I've had on that front is that I'm having trouble switching my runs to the outdoors. I'm not as successful, but I'm trying to stay positive. I have a 5k scheduled on 4/20. I don't know if I will run the whole thing, but I should be able to do most of it, hopefully. I just hope my knees cooperate.
 
So that's where I am! What a wonderful day, and I'm looking forward to blowing all kinds of goals right out of the water! My next goal is to get into the 170s by the end of May for my son's graduation. Piece o' cake!

OK so this is the same as what I posted in the My Story section of my profile...but I think its a good start for my first post!
 
I have been overweight for a large portion of my life. I started getting heavy when I was about 11 years old. I always knew I was overweight and I tried to lose weight more times than I can count. I've done it all: Weight Watchers, NutriSystem, my own diets, exercise, weight-loss pills, fad diets...you name it. I've even been an athlete for a good part of my life. I played soccer for 11 years and softball for 7 years. No matter what I did, the weight didn't come off. Sure some of it did, 10..15..maybe 20 pounds when I stuck to a program...but once I started to see a drop in weight-loss, I dropped that program. And some of them just didn't work.
 
Then, when I was 19, I just stopped trying. I decided I was happy and could live a happy life as an over-weight girl. I have plenty of friends who love me for who I am and don't ever judge me or make fun of me for my weight. I can't even remember the last time someone called me fat (probably because if you're over the age of 16 and use that insult, you are the one with no friends). So I started just doing what I wanted. Drinking on the weekends, eating fast food and unhealthy food...just not caring. But as the months went on and my friends and I started going out to bars and clubs more, I started feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. That was the low point. When you go out, and you're dressed up, hair and makeup done, but you still feel like you're not even half as attractive as the other people in the room is one of the worst feelings someone can experience.
 
That's when I realized I had to do something. So I started looking into weight-loss surgery options. I was thinking about having the Lap Band or the Realize Band, I just thought they would be the best option for me. Dr. Ballem was the first and only doctor I met with. He asked if I had ever heard about the sleeve surgery. I hadn't. So I did my research, decided that it was the perfect fit for me, and that was the day I started this journey.
 
 
My blog is going to be about my experiences on my journey to my goal weight along with my feelings, ideas, advice, food tips, and whatever else pops into my head. Enjoy!

It's official. This morning I weighed in at 198... officially in Onederland now!! I have lost 193 lbs total!

Hi everyone. I appreciate you taking time to read this. Today's entry will be short because I am on my lunch break. I'm pretty open with my life so I've had a few people encourage me to write a blog. This is all very new to me but I'll try to make it interesting.
 
I guess I should start with the title of my blog, "The Princess and the Sleeve". Now of course I am not a real life princess nor am I a spoiled brat. I was raised by a single mother and have never had much money. My husband and I are happy with what we have but we both work 2 jobs to have that comfort. However, I do have a family that treats me like #1 and a husband that works very hard to give me the things I need and ask for. That alone makes me feel like royalty and therefore, a princess.
 
I was a super skinny kid and a beauty queen, cheerleader as a teen. My weight problems didn't come until after high school. I guess I quit playing sports and was less active. My food choices were all fast food and I was leading a party life. So along with spreading my wings, my ass was also spreading.
 
I met my husband when I was 22 and I was already 250 lbs. He has never seen me smaller than a size 16. We have been married 19 years this June. I am scheduled to have Vertical Gastric Sleeve surgery on 2/25/13. I hope you will follow me on my journey.

Lets see where do I began...... This journey is a long time coming for me. I didn't just wake up one day, tired of being fat. Honestly I've been tired a long time. I guess now I'm just brave enough to really do something about it. That's why I'm writing this blog. I want to remember every step of this journey. One day I want to look back and see how far I've really come. In order to do that I have to start from the begining.
I've struggled with my weight my whole life. I can remember my sister finding a note from the school nurse when I was in the fifth grade. The note was letting my mom know that I was 10 yrs old and 150lbs. The nurse wanted her to monitor my eating over the summer. How embarrasing is that ? By middle and high school my height kind of evened everything out. I still wasn't headlining any swimsuit issues, but at 5'9" I stood pretty tall and curvy. I was okay with that. fast forward 8yrs. I met the love of my life and I had just gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl. I quit my job to become a stay at home mom, and everything went down hill from there. Don't get me wrong, My babies were the best thing that happened to me.
I started my pregnancy at 280lbs, but I was so sick during the first 8 months with morning sickness, that when I gave birth I weighed 245lbs. Staying at home with no job and not doing any exercise. My weight skyrocketed to 375lbs . I wasn't happy and neither was my husband . I tried every diet and workout video known to man. After many months of hard work I got down to 330lbs. This is where I am stuck. I have gotten as far down as 316lbs. But every time I hit a stall I get discouraged and balloon back up to 330lbs. I'm been riding this weight loss/gain rollercoaster for 10 yrs and now I'm ready to get off.........
I contacted a doctors office in my area (Cooper Hospital in Camden, NJ) Dr. Rohit Patel is my surgeon. I went to my first appointment on October 2, 2012. I got the information and decided to wait until after the holidays to schedule my pre-op appts. Not so I could pig out on food, but this was the first Thanksgiving and Christmas I would be able to spend with my kids in 3 yrs since I left my job in September for eye surgery. I'm not good with pain and didn't want to be a party pooper for the holidays.
Now its the beginning of February. I contacted my Surgeons office in January and they got right on scheduling all the appointments I need. I have to do 3 months supervised diet with a nutritionist for my insurance. I have went to one visit and I have already been to my Psyche evaluation. All of my appts are spread out in 3 months. I complete my last nut appt March 27th. If everything goes according to plan I could be getting a surgery date as soon a s April. I'm super excited for what this surgery will mean for me and my kids and my marriage :wub: . My husband has been my bestfriend and my rock through all of my ups and downs. He has truly been supportive in all my decisions and helping me do whats best for me and my health.
I looked into this surgery eight years ago when everything first got out of hand. But at the time the main option was gastric bypass. My babies were about 2yrs old, My husband was so concerned for my safety that he begged me not to do it so I backed out. Now with the kids being ten and safer options available, I now feel like I can do something for me. And my husband is comfortable with my choice so I am excited and ready to embark on this life changing adventure. As I write this blog and move forward, I hope to encourage someone who is looking to change their lives for the better. I will document every aspect of my journey, until I cross the fininsh line of my goal weight. I am looking forward to meeting new peolple and making many friends and life-long encouraging relationships. If we hold each other accountable we will no doubt succeed!!! So feel free to read and comment.....To Be Continued...God Bless.

I am 4 weeks and 1 day post surgery, and today, I made a wonderful re-discovery. I have butt bones!
 
I thought I may have felt these mythical creatures one day late last week when I sat down on a desk at the front of the room to give my students directions. But then, as quickly as they came, they were gone. But today, as I sat in my chair trying to get comfortable, there they were! I actually thought I might be dreaming, so I reassured myself by rocking back and forth a number of times, sure enough, I could feel them.
 
I'm ashamed to say that I announced their presence to at least three co-workers.
 
What a difference 29 pounds makes.

Well, it's the end of another year and to be honest, I still have to remind myself to write 2012 on my checks (when I actually have to use one). Therefore, writing 2013 is going to be a huge pain in the rear for me. Now, I am not one to make resolutions. To be honest, i don't think I've ever kept one I've made so I finally realized that there was no reason to make any. If someone wants to change, they will...it won't just magically happen becasue it's January 1st. Trust me, I wish that was a case. If it was, we wouldn't all be constantly working to get/remain healthy and thin. Also, there would be a lot of surgeons out there who wouldn't be as wealthy as they are right now...thanks to us. You are welcome surgeons...from all of us. Sorry, i digress. Now, I thought I wold take the time to look back on my year and share my wisdom with you all....or at least what I think is wisdom. It could be a big ole pile of steaming crap, but I'm going to share it anyway. Lucky for you all, if it is crap, you don't have to smell it since you're reading it. So, here is what I've learned...or at least began to learn in 2012.
 
1. It's true, you do feel much better when you stop smoking. But, it's also true that even after a year, there are times you still want one....even if it's only for a second or two
 
2. Weight loss surgery is NOT an easy fix. It's hard work and I battle every day with changing my negative food thoughts and behaviors. But, it does get easier.
 
3. Getting frustrated becasue you can't eat what others are having is normal. Crying and yelling at your husband for eating pizza in front of you is PMS.
 
4. Fiber is CRITICAL after WLS
 
5. Stalls are normal...even if they last for a while
 
6. Getting down for being in a stall is just as normal....but remember number 5!
 
7. My weight loss is not like anyone else's. There are people who have lost more or not as much in the same amount of time.
 
8. Going from a tight size 26-28 to a good fitting 16 feels better than any food can taste
 
9. Taste buds change....which can be good and bad.
 
10. Pulling out my clothes from the dryer and having to double check to make sure they are mine due to how small they look is the coolest thing about doing laundry
 
11. Sex is better....and it was really good before hand
 
12. Raging hormones can make you a b***h to live with so make sure you live with someone who truly loves you.....I'm lucky because I would have divorced me if I were my husband
 
13. Make up sex while having raging hormones is even better than better
 
14. My boobs hang low....(cue my "hang low song"....for all those who have read my prior blogs)
 
15. I miss my boobs...and my butt.
 
16. Surgery can give me my boobs back and I'll still be thin....sounds better than having perky, big boobs right now.
 
17. Onions don't sit well with me anymore
 
18. I fart....a lot since surgery.
 
19. I really hope that stops soon....but not as much as my husband does
 
20. I have a rabbit living in my colon....and we've learned to live together
 
21. Pain after surgery isn't as bad as I thought it would be...and they didn't give me the right meds to deal with the pain
 
22. Walking is the best thing to do to get gas out
 
23. I am not perfect and sometimes I eat things that I shouldn't...but I don't eat much
 
24. Alcohol has a WHOLE different affect on me now.....that can be good or bad...good for me, bad for hubby who doesn't like me tipsy. LOL
 
and last but not least
 
25. Laughing through all the ups and downs is the only thing that can keep you sane
 
So, with all these little tid bits learned, I plan to go into the new year with an open mind and a willingness to continue to make positive changes, the knowledge to know I'm not perfect, and strength to say no to the bad food (most of the time). I hope you all are able to do the same.
 
Happy New Year everyone.....here's to a safe, happy, and healthy year ahead.
 
 
Now for some funny stuff.....LOL
 
Have to remember to eat so that I don't look like this in the New Year!!!
 

 
 
Have to remember not to eat too much so this doesn't happen....again....LOL
 

 
 
Most importantly, I have to remember to be happy with who I am...on the inside and out.
 

Well, here I am just 24 hours out from surgery, and I'm feeling pretty good. Everything has gone very smoothly. I'm now drinking water and had a tiny bit of broth and Jello after lunch. I had a lot of nausea yesterday evening, and had dry heaves. That was extremely painful. But the nurses tweaked my pain meds and gave me something for the nausea, and while I've had very mild feelings of nausea, I haven't gotten sick again. I'm sore around my incisions, but not as much as I expected.
 
I know this is super-short, but I need to get another walk in before they bring me more broth for dinner.
 
 
I hope all the rest of you are having a possitive experience as well.

Well, here I am just 24 hours out from surgery, and I'm feeling pretty good. Everything has gone very smoothly. I'm now drinking water and had a tiny bit of broth and Jello after lunch. I had a lot of nausea yesterday evening, and had dry heaves. That was extremely painful. But the nurses tweaked my pain meds and gave me something for the nausea, and while I've had very mild feelings of nausea, I haven't gotten sick again. I'm sore around my incisions, but not as much as I expected.
 
I know this is super-short, but I need to get another walk in before they bring me more broth for dinner.
 
 
I hope all the rest of you are having a possitive experience as well.

I can't believe it's my turn to post that I'm going under the knife in 1 day!
 
What a road it's been so far! I'm working today, but getting off a little early so I can go home and start preparing for tomorrow's big events. I chatted with my 3 and 5 year olds yesterday, explaining that Mommy would be gone for a couple of days, but that it would be a fun time because they'd get extra time with Grandma and Grandpa, which is always an easy sell!
 
I survived the liquid diet-- and actually it was a pretty good experience. I feel like I got to "break up" with food a little before the surgery. Plus, it's a good preparation for what things will be like in the weeks after surgery. I know some surgeons have patients go liquid for as little as 3 days, but I think the two weeks really helped me get in the right place mentally before the surgery. Oh, and I dropped about 7 pounds during the pre-op liquid diet. That was a nice jump start.
 
I really surprised that I'm not more nervous. Honestly, I keep having this horrible feeling that something is going to happen at the last minute that will prevent me from having surgery! That's my fear after all this time, and all this work. Other than that, I know I'm doing the right thing. Maybe that's the upside of this process taking almost 2 years for me. I'm so incredibly mentally and emotionally ready for this. Bring it on!
 
So, I plan on posting as soon as I feel up to it after surgery. Mine is the last one of the day (3pm) so I'm not sure if I'll be up to it Tuesday evening, but I'm going to try for Wednesday!
 
So here goes! I wish all of you who have procedures this week, good luck!