Bornagain

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.

Hello Sleever Family!
 
Today I attended my paternal grandmothers funeral in Arkansas. While this was a sad occassion, you must know that my granny was 77 years old - married to my Papa for 60 years - had 6 boys and 1 girl - and 74 grand, great grand and great great grand children! Needless to say, most of the church was filled with family. We had a grand celebration of her life!
 
During the 4.5 hour drive, I sipped on juice, water, and protein shakes. And since I was sleeved a little over a week ago, I ensured that I stopped to stretch and move around at least every two hours....(during my preop class, the nurse told a story of a lady that died from blood clots because she took an 8 hour trip shortly after surgery and only stopped once).
 
Where does the cornbread dressing come in.....HONEY CHILD!!!! Now you all know that there is one thing that you simply cannot resist when you are at grandma's house! I went into the kitchen with my cousins and there it was....cornbread freaking dressing. I debated on whether or not to take a chance but I knew that grandma had my back. I took the serving spoon and scooped out a small portion into a paper cup. Those were the best four teaspoons I have had of food in a long time. I chewed and savored but was sure not to gulp and overdo it. Nothing happened because I was not hungry, I just had to taste that cornbread dressing that was made with love by my Aunt.
 
During the 4.5 hour drive back home to Texas, I sipped on juice, water, and protein shakes.....back to reality!
 
Until next time.....peace and blessings from my family to yours! Good night!

I'm not sure really when it happened, I just know that I was having some amazing weeks. I was losing 5 pounds, 3 pounds, woo hoo go me. And then thud. It's TOM's fault I'm sure. It is his week to visit. Being a PCOS'er I'm not used to this, but I'm having regular periods now. Almost like clockwork every third week of the month, here comes Tom. This time, Tom brought on the funk. My hormones must have been going banannas because I was an over emotional twit. I cried at the drop of a hat, everything was touchy for me. I was grumpy one minute hating the world, and the next I was crying at the cute puppy. Crazy. So, hormones out of wack, plus being stressed out over lack of weight loss, scary hair loss, money, wedding planning, house building, and work burn out... I just wanted to curl in a ball and let the world spin on for a few weeks with out my participation.
Thankfully, Tom is packing up to move on out this month, and my hormones are getting back in place. I'm feeling back to my old happy self, and can jump back on the fitness wagon. I get really, really frustrated when these moods hit me know, because they derail me everytime. I haven't experienced one of these depressions like this one in a long, very long time. No matter how many times I told myself I had no reason to feel sad, I just wanted to cry and hide away. I'm engaged to my best friend, and I'm so in love with him! I've lost nearly 70 pounds! I have the cutest little Shih Tzu, and so smart! I'm getting my first house built! I'm moving closer to my family and old friends! Yeah... thats whats wrong.
 
I'm so ready for all these things to happen, that I'm wanting to turn the page on where I am right now. I'm so close to having everything that I'm not living in the present, and embracing these ending steps of this part of my journey. I'm ready to be out of my apartment, and in my house. Away from this crowded suburbian area I live in, and back to a sllightly slower rural subarbian neighborhood. I'm ready to reach my goal weight! I'm anxious too, since my NUT and doctor want me to reach it by 12/31 as my goal. I've got to really hussle if I'm going to make that happen.
 
Last weigh in I was 218 (pre-Tom... I refuse to weigh myself while he visits). I'm hoping to weigh myself on Sunday and see at least 215. I can't wait for one-derland! I'm sooo stinkin' close! I haven't been there as an adult.. I was close, 203 in about 2004, but never hit it. I've come a long way baby... I'm going to get there this time.

My teeny tiny 4'11 friend have lost 32 pounds recently.She just got a huge promotion and today we decided to buy her a whole new wardrobe of dresses and shirts.
 
Of course the old stuff had to be turfed.As she was emptying her closets she came to me and said that most of her stuff is size 14 but some is 16 and I must fit them on.Never thinking they could fit I reluctantly tried and boy what a surprize.
 
Even her work suites fit me.And as I am more curvy they look gooood! An even bigger surprize is the fact that all the size 14 skirts fit as well.The tops are still to tight around the bust though.
 
Tis is such a blessing because they have been nagging me to buy new clothes.But for a few bits and bops I havent wanted to buy new stuff yet.I want to wait until just before the christmas holiday when we go home and should be down even another size by then.
 
The best of this is I have been buying her clothes for her for years as she is just too busy and she hated clothes shopping.I also have much better dress sense than her so she's got some really nice stuff.
 
Now I have new stuff and she has new stuff.She looks like a million dollars in all her new outfits and my kids mouths were hanging open when I walked into the lounge with some of her clothes on.
 
So I am shrinking,I just didnt realize it until today.
 
O and as we were walking,we played the size game again.I have to show her women I think are the same size than me and she would tell me yes or no and then show me people that are rally the same size than me.I still find it hard to believe when I see the people she shows me.But it helps me get in touch with my size slowly but surely.

Hello family, I will be starting a blog today, and will try to update daily. I was sleeved on May 31th 2012. A few complications, but over all I cant honestly complain. Life is GREAT! I wish I would have did this a long time ago!  

Well this morning, I woke up late and had to hurry to find something to put on. My sister brought me some Lane Bryant pants last year, size 20...well I went to put them on they were soooo baggy, I had to take them off! I started my journey at 279.00 pounds, I now weigh 226 pounds. After I put the pants on I was walking around, like yeah these will work, until I looked in the mirror....HAAAHHHAAA! Those things looked like I borrowed someone else pants.  

I know that my weight loss is a little slower compared to others, but I am BLESSED to be losing and NOT GAINING! I walk 2 -3 miles three to four times a week. I feel like I am doing my part...To who ever is reading this, stay encouraged! Even if you are not losing as much as you would like........You got this, and so do I....I would like to be under 200 pounds by the new year!  

Who is ready!  

Have a great day and enjoy this journey!!

I haven't had any trouble at all with anything except once when I ate too much too fast and well, you know.
 
I am still drinking my Juven, my protein shakes, Powerade. But I've started solids, too. I feel so much better with some food that sticks with me for a bit. Right now it seems impossible that I wouldn't lose weight no matter what I do (almost) because I am able to eat so little.
 
I won't be bingeing, that's for sure. I don't have cravings, except possibly for meat. That goes with my cycle, I think, with ovulation and menses.
 
I had some cheese on Triscuits last night without difficulty. I do notice that if I wait to stop until I feel "full" then I become overfull. Not sure how to check that. Once I start eating I want to keep going. I have been doing really well with throwing out food I don't finish. Before the sleeve, for most of my life, I felt all food served had to be eaten or saved for later. It's a little funny that my kids won't eat leftovers. They know it's ok to leave food on their plates once they're finished eating.
 
Well, I am keeping up with my 10 minute walks twice daily, pretty much. I can't really see the benefit, but this is something I "decided" to do and I am going to stick with it.
 
I'm still getting bouts of extreme tiredness; but I had that before surgery. I have intentionally foregone relying on caffeine. It is a last resort now, not a daily necessity. Somehow, I just don't want to have to have it and I guess I'm hoping that eventually I'll be all right on my own. I don't know why this dogged thought persists, but it does.
 
I've had no trouble whatsoever letting go of soft drinks. I drink coffee occasionally and then only one cup.
 
I'm definitely losing from the top. lol oh well.

today I weighed under 90kg's for the first time in many years.For people that weigh in pounds 200 seems to be the big number to break through but in kilos being less than 90 is the ultimate YES!
 
Interesting stat from my dr this morning.In 4 months I have lost 20kg's which translates into 44 pounds.It averages out to 11 pounds per month in the last 4 months.Which is not something that I could see for some reason.
 
Of course my first thought was to celebrate with food.This is something I will have to really work on.I dont mean bad food,just more food.I've been eating really little lately and I do miss eating tasty meals.
 
Because of the protein struggle (and to keep my cals below 800 when eating dense protein) I've been eating protein pancakes made with egg white and protein powder,too often.
 
If I could cut the amount of milk I use per day it would be easier but I like my tea and coffee with milk and 4 cups (3 tea) translates into to much milk.
 
Anyhoo,awaiting the blood results now but the dr isnt too worried about the petechiae as it is already clearing up a little.I did have a B12 and D injection again as well.And I have been wondering how do people get off their blood pressure meds.My blood pressure is now 120 over 80 which is normal but with the very strong meds I am taking.How does the dr decide to stop it?Do they just stop it or go on lower dosage or what?I forgot to ask.
 
Still,it is not normal and only bloods would tell if it is something to worry about.The dr wasnt to sure about the blood work needed so I kind of told him a few I thought was important.Will read up on it a little and maybe have the rest done with my GP.
 
Beach weather here in Dubai so this weekend,starting today will be spend working on the Vit D

Over the weekend, the hubby and I took a little road trip down to Galveston Texas to tour the new Pleasure Pier. If you aren't from our area, let me explain. Galveston has many piers that jut out into the gulf. One had a hotel on it. After Hurricane Ike demolished what was left of the pier and building, the question of what to do with the space came up. So, Galveston put a carnival like space out onto the pier. There are restaurants, a merry go round, roller coaster, log ride etc. as well as all the fun carnival games you remember from childhood. The place just opened this summer and we'd been too busy prior to this past Sunday to go down and look it over.
 
So, we started our afternoon sitting in the bar of the Bubba Gump Shrimp company enjoying some Cajun steamed shrimp, cold Shiner and people watching (my favorite sport). The place was packed, the staff was busy and the people watching was awesome. One customer was getting on the bartender's nerves to the point I was ready to open bets regarding who was gonna win the inevitable brawl (the bartender was a cute little blonde chick, about 100 pounds soaking wet). The brawl was everted by a smart manager who found an open table - far away from the bar- for the obnoxious customer.
 
In any event, I digress.
 
I ended up going to the toilet during our time @ Bubba Gump. Washing my hands afterward, I glanced into the mirror and almost laughed out loud. I was not the biggest chick in the mirror!! No disrespect to the other women in the toilet intended, this blog is after all, all about me and my journey.......but for the first time in a very long time, I was not the biggest chick in the bathroom !!!!. I did contain myself and stifled my laughter (they would have had me hauled out for insanity if I just burst into hysterical laughter after looking in the mirror) but I did giggle all the way down the stairs and back to the bar. Taking my seat on the bar stool by my hubby, he asks what happened in the bathroom.....and I told him. He just shook his head and laughed with me.
 
Again, I am amazed when I think of all the sad, little conditioning that has occurred over my 20+ years of obesity. Until Sunday, I wasn't aware that every time I was in a room, I was scanning to see if I was the fattest chick there........and sad to say, many times I was - the fattest chick in the room. All of the subconscious bull shit I've done to myself over the years continues to simply appall me. And it was so undeserved. I've always said being fat is 1) NOT a character flaw and 2) if that number was my IQ rather than my weight, we'd be excited!!! And I've believed that......but yet, here I was comparing myself to others and beating myself up without even knowing it.
 
Well, the beatings end here!.........let the love-in begin!!!

We've been in a fairly stress filled situation the past few months, and recently it has gotten more so. Stress isn't related to my surgery or weight loss........is related to other family issues. Nothing tragic, just stressful.
 
So Wednesday evening, I told my hubby he had to get me outta this house........and being the wonderful charming chap he is......he did. I was just tied in knots and needed to blow off some steam. I don't have any girlfriends that I can share this with, so unfortunately for the hubby, he gets to play that part.
 
In any event, I digress.
 
So, we're riding down the road in his truck, he turns and asks "What do you want to eat?" I replied, "Does it really matter? I'll eat 4 bites and that'll be the end." And, we laughed..........and went for his favorite food......MEXICAN!
 
So, we're sitting in this Mexican cantina, listening to the pitiful "live" music for Wednesday night and it happened.........
 
I found myself wishing I could just stuff myself with food (chips, queso, salsa) and beverage (code word for Dos Rita - Dox Equis beer inverted in top shelf Margarita!) so............(now this was an eye opener for me)........I could FEEL BETTER!!!
 
OMG!!!!! It's been 1 1/2 months since surgery and not once has that thought crossed my mind. Typically, I'm giggling at being the world's cheapest date, but somehow with all this stress, I WANTED to EAT and DRINK.
 
I can't (stuff me with food and drink) and I gotta say it is so good to be saved from myself. But it does leave me wondering....is this part of how I got fat in the first place. I know it is, part of it. I can look back at food journals and see I dove off the wagon in times of great stress, usually self directed hatred at my own short comings.........and then the cycle started up.
 
What to do with this new self discovery? How do I fill the space gluttony used to take in my life? More so, do I fill that space?
 
Maybe the space where gluttony used to live.............is kinda like when I clean out my closet. I clean out what I don't want any more so I have room for all the new, cool, groovy, awesome stuff I want now.
 
Or maybe I just leave it as a reminder that it leads somewhere I just don't want to go..........like those ugly, ugly jackets with the linebacker shoulder pads from the 80s!

Today is 3 months post sleeve. I was in the surgeon's office yesterday to check in .......40 pounds down from pre-op weight. I quit weighing at home. It was too damned stressful and just not good for me. I knew my weight was at the lowest it has been in the past 13 years because my clothes look really pitiful on me. In fact, I'd gone shopping to the local outlet mall over the weekend to buy some pants because I'd seen some photographs taken recently and refused to put those pants back on.......they were too baggy!!
 
And I knew my weight was down because when I look in the mirror, I'm beginning to resemble something that got left out in the sun too long!! Time to go to the gym!
 
Which leads me to this funny story......
 
So, after the surgeon check in, I head off to my local Curves to sign up. I like Curves. It is good for a beginner. I'm a beginner.......again......I'm an experienced beginner.
 
The lady checking me in does her questionnaire....."Have you lost or gained weight recently?"
 
I smile, "Yes, I've lost 40 pounds in the past 3 months."
 
Her eyes get big, "Really, how?"
 
"I had a gastric sleeve procedure"......she looks confused....I clarify "I had weight loss surgery."
 
Ding Ding Ding......she gets it!
 
So along with the measurements, weight, etc........then she asks, "What do you want to gain from this?"
 
I answer "I don't want to look like a record that's been left in the sun too long?"......She laughs, but I didn't give the answer she was looking for, so she tries again, "Ok, what else are you hoping to accomplish?"........I answer "Well, my 2 month old grandson weighs 15 pounds and I need more muscle to bounce that kid to sleep.".......another chuckle, but not the answer she was looking for..........she tries AGAIN "What do you want for yourself from the exercise program?".........my answer "Well, you see, I need to create a muscular core so when the plastic surgeon goes to reconstruct my abdomen, he'll have something to work with."
 
I'm laughing my fat butt off, and she's chuckling, but I'm still failing the Curves admission test...........finally she just asks the question "Do you want to lose more weight?"
 
Then I do bust a gut laughing..........
 
"Of course I do, ma'am........that's why I had the surgery 3 months ago. I'm gonna keep losing weight, regardless of whether I work out here or not. I want to work out so that I look GOOD and FIRM as the weight comes off.........not sick and saggy."

I'm sitting here, working in my home office, dressed in jeans and a soft, thin, brushed red sweater. Why is that such a big deal? Well, because the jeans are size 16 and the sweater is from American Eagle, size XL. These are normal sized clothes and they aren't binding or pinching or look gross. I look normal.
 
I'm still 200+ pounds and have more to lose than I have thus far, but this is just so awesome. This is the first time in 15+ years I've worn normal clothes and felt so comfortable.
 
I love my sleeve. I love my surgeon...........and I love my hubby most of all, because thru thin, emaciatedly thin, thick, thicker and thickest this man has loved me for me. When I was so uncomfortable in my own skin, when I was a younger me, angry with myself for what I felt I had done to myself..........this man loved me. And I sit here now, happy as can be, sipping tea, wearing jeans with a soft red sweater...............enjoying the little things...........and the littler me.