sleevin scotty

[size=4][font=comic sans ms,cursive]Hello, since I was a small boy I've always been heavy. I remember as a kid being teased a lot, I even struggled with my weight as a sports player. In high school I was my thinest ever and i weighed in at 190lbs. Now to be this weight I was on the swim team, water polo team, and I ran every night after school for an hour or two. I am 32 years old now and I have no time or energy to exercise like that again. My days are long at work and i have seven children at home to keep me busy. When I was about 20 I started gaining weight again, it all started after the exercise slowed down. When I ordered fast food, a combo was never enough. Its always been a combo, and then something on the side. I have always been taught to clean my plate, so i think this contributes to the over eating. My mother and my sister also struggle with weight so i have a fat gene in me. for the past 4 years i have really tried to get my weight down. The lowest i have been is 255 and it felt pretty good. this is still 45 pounds more than i would like to be. Getting lower than 255 seems so impossible. I hired a personal trainer 2 times for several months, my diet was so strict i was going crazy. after being miserable with the extreme dieting, i started binge eating. i watched man vs food on tv a lot and had bbq several times in a week. i have a passion for food and i cant stop eating when it tastes good, and i always over did it. Being overweight i always feel tired and fatigue. Last year someone told me about phentermine, a weight loss pill. I found a doctor that prescribed it, and began taking it for 3 months. i lost about 15 pounds. It seemed to work by curving my appetite, but it also made me feel really weird. When i was working i felt high like i was on drugs and really nervous to do my job correctly at first. Then i got used to it and all it was good for was energy. I gained all the weight back a month after i stopped taking it. In January i changed insurance to Kaiser and i asked my doctor about weight loss. she recommended i got tested for sleep apnea and told me that the comorbidity would qualify me for weight lost surgery. Turns out i have severe sleep apnea and ended up on a cpap. i have tried many over the counter diets, and even tried a colonic irrigation to start off a new health kick. Nothing seemed to work, and as i am using a gym membership to exercise these past few years I'm still gaining slowly. February this year i decided to take options through Kaiser. I learned about new diets but I'll be honest I wanted to enjoy my last few months before my surgery. I decided to have a Vertical Sleeve surgery. I had my surgery September 27th at St. Bernadine Hospital in San Bernardino Ca. As my surgery date was getting closer i remember getting more and more nervous. My doctor required not to eat anything 24 hours before the surgery. That was so hard for me. i have never gone a day in my life on just liquid and my head was so achy. when i went into the hospital on the day of my surgery i was pretty scared. part of me was curious and maybe excited for this new chance at life. but part of me felt like a failure, and maybe i didn't try hard enough. maybe the surgery is a copout because i cant sacrifice and eat right like everyone else. part of me said "im only getting older" and im slowly getting more unhealthy. I decided i had to do it. as i waited in my holding room all gowned up for surgery, i fantasized about junk food i wish i could have b4 surgery. every time a nurse walked by i wondered if it was my time. i was anxious at times to be next, but then i also feared that it was for me too. when they finally came for me they wheeled my gurney down a few corridors toward the operating room. it was so cold and everything seemed like it was in slow motion. as i finally got to the room i was terrified. this was totally a unnatural thing to be doing and its not reversible. i pulled myself together and tried to make peace with my decision. i slid my body over to the narrow cool stainless steel table as they began their procedure on me. I had ended up staying in the hospital 4 days due to severe pain. my doctor told me that unfortunately because i had such a small stomach now that my sleep apnea machine was forcing more air into my intestines causing painful gas. its only been a little more than a week since the surgery and i am very weak. im depressed that i cannot eat food, im staying up late at night and really having a hard time drinking so often. its bad because i cant catch up if i fall behind. i am losing weight fast but i am still lost without daily routine and a healthy schedule. thanks for reading my long story and i hope to make new friends here to help go through this life changing event.[/font][/size]