Told my mom about going to Mexico for surgery. She is NOOOOOOOOT HAPPYYYYY. I cannot convince her that Dr Alvarez is high skilled and qualified. She said to tell him not to mess up!
She said she respects my decision and she's happy that Bestie is going with me. They will be here in ATL on the 24th so we'll do Christmas eve, Christmas, and then they'll probably head down to hang with my aunt and cousins and all the good people. I'll be off work, so I'll have a lot of time to rest up and get used to the sleeve.
My security deposit came out yesterday, so no going back now!
Disclaimer: Before you read this, know that it was written while I'm at work answering phones and catering to people in my office, so there are probably several run on sentences and errors. No time to proofread!
I was sleeved on October 18, 2011, and I still can't believe how fast the time has flown by.
Initially when I got sleeved, I had a hard time adjusting to this new lifestyle because I had to re-train my thinking and control my desires to eat for no reason. Once I was able to get accustomed to "eating to live" instead of "living to eat" life became simple, the weight fell off, and I've been the happiest with myself that I've ever been. I used to say "I love me" when I was overweight, but I think I was saying it as a defense mechanism to convince everyone around me that I was happy even though I was fat. That was true to an extent - I love the person that I am, my personality, my generosity, my sense of humor, but I didnt love being fat. Now when I say "I love me" its probably 90% true. I still love who I am, but i'm finally loving the physical me because even though my new body is flawed with excess skin it still allows me to enjoy life more. I'm no longer afraid of breaking lawn chairs, or not fitting in theatre chairs, or sweating profusely because I'm so overweight. I'm willing to attempt things and activities that are more physical, and the self consciousness will rear it's ugly head, but then it quickly goes away when I remember that I am no longer grossly obese. It's amazing how much your perspective on EVERYTHING changes once you shed a massive amount of weight. It's the greatest thing ever.
My life for the past 5 to 6 months has been "normal". When I say that I mean that I have stopped living like I'm sleeved and have begun living like this is my normal life. I dont get on the scale incessantly. I havent counted calories or checked in to myfitnesspal, etc. I monitor what I eat (which is usually the same things over and over) but I dont obsess about it. I havent been to the gym as much - aw hell, i havent been to the gym all summer. In my defense, I was working and just never made the effort to get there. I do have plans to get that regimen back in place, but I'm not sweating it. I'm living my new normal life.
Shopping has turned into a delight. I was initially traumatized when I had to shop for my new body. I was still losing weight and just didnt know how to put things together for my slimmer thighs, but flabby tummy and arms. It took me some time to figure out that 3/4 sleeved tops are my best friend; that it was ok for me to go into the junior's section to find clothing (they have some cute clothes for the younger chicks! lol); I also realized that i didnt just have to stick to one section to get my outfits together. I was accustomed to dealing with whatever tents Lane Bryant and the Avenue offered, because those were my only options. I've been sleeved, I've been liberated....and I've been shopping!
I wasnt sure how much weight I wanted to lose initially because I'm on the taller side of the scale and didnt want to appear to lanky or "sick" as people like to say. I figured that if I lost about 60 to 70 pounds, I'd be content. I've lost 75 pounds, and I'm happy with that. My weight fluctuates up and down 2 lbs depending on my time of the month, but it's been steady and consistent for the past 2 months. I dont know if I'll lose more when I get back into the gym, but if I dont, I'm totally fine with that.
My social life has changed somewhat as well. I never revealed my weight loss surgery to anyone so everyone has been speculating on how I've lost the weight. I told some that I drastically changed my diet and used protein shakes to kick the weight loss off, I've even given some of them some recipes and my meal plans. Sometimes I do feel guilty for not sharing my real secret, but at the same time it's my business and I dont want to be judged based on that. So as I planned it, my secret will go to my grave with me unless my husband and kids decide to spill the beans. I havent officially lost any friends, but I do notice a distance from some people who I thought would be happy for me. Ive actually been called "skinny" amongst friends, but not in a happy way, more like if being skinny is a bad thing. go figure.
this is totally random, but I hate it when people tell me not to lose anymore weight because I'll begin to look sick. I always comeback with "why didnt you tell me not to gain any more weight when I was fat? Surely I looked sick then?"
that usually leads to some real uncomfortable silence. I love it!
I consider myself a sleeve success story. I'm not saying it was an easy journey, but I am saying it's an easy journey once you lay the path out. Dont set up unrealistic goals for yourself based on what others are doing. I would read other people's success stories and see that they lost 75 pounds in their first 4 to 5 months of being sleeved. It didnt happen that way for me because it wasnt supposed to! Each of us have to individualize our journeys. I was not the model sleeve patient - i dont take vitamins as often as I should; I drink soda; I dont go to the gym consistently; I hardly drink water. These may be the factors for my weightloss not being in the 100s. But I'm FINE with that. My decisions, my choices, my journey. My happiness!
If you aren't sleeved yet and are reading this, I suggest that you continue to do your research and know what you're in for when you have this surgery. It's life changing in every aspect - physical, mental, and social. Some of it may not be all good, but it's most certainly worth it in my opinion. I'd take 10 pounds of loose flappy skin over 75 pounds of unnecessary fat any day!
Other than having my children and getting married, this has been the best thing to happen to me. I'm forever grateful to whoever came up with this procedure.
