mrsblk123

Today is 3 months post sleeve. I was in the surgeon's office yesterday to check in .......40 pounds down from pre-op weight. I quit weighing at home. It was too damned stressful and just not good for me. I knew my weight was at the lowest it has been in the past 13 years because my clothes look really pitiful on me. In fact, I'd gone shopping to the local outlet mall over the weekend to buy some pants because I'd seen some photographs taken recently and refused to put those pants back on.......they were too baggy!!
 
And I knew my weight was down because when I look in the mirror, I'm beginning to resemble something that got left out in the sun too long!! Time to go to the gym!
 
Which leads me to this funny story......
 
So, after the surgeon check in, I head off to my local Curves to sign up. I like Curves. It is good for a beginner. I'm a beginner.......again......I'm an experienced beginner.
 
The lady checking me in does her questionnaire....."Have you lost or gained weight recently?"
 
I smile, "Yes, I've lost 40 pounds in the past 3 months."
 
Her eyes get big, "Really, how?"
 
"I had a gastric sleeve procedure"......she looks confused....I clarify "I had weight loss surgery."
 
Ding Ding Ding......she gets it!
 
So along with the measurements, weight, etc........then she asks, "What do you want to gain from this?"
 
I answer "I don't want to look like a record that's been left in the sun too long?"......She laughs, but I didn't give the answer she was looking for, so she tries again, "Ok, what else are you hoping to accomplish?"........I answer "Well, my 2 month old grandson weighs 15 pounds and I need more muscle to bounce that kid to sleep.".......another chuckle, but not the answer she was looking for..........she tries AGAIN "What do you want for yourself from the exercise program?".........my answer "Well, you see, I need to create a muscular core so when the plastic surgeon goes to reconstruct my abdomen, he'll have something to work with."
 
I'm laughing my fat butt off, and she's chuckling, but I'm still failing the Curves admission test...........finally she just asks the question "Do you want to lose more weight?"
 
Then I do bust a gut laughing..........
 
"Of course I do, ma'am........that's why I had the surgery 3 months ago. I'm gonna keep losing weight, regardless of whether I work out here or not. I want to work out so that I look GOOD and FIRM as the weight comes off.........not sick and saggy."

At my last visit with the surgeon he told me "well, no more appointments; finish up with the psych eval and then we'll submit to the insurance and get you a date." So, I went to the psych (as previously posted). I hand delivered my psych eval to the office and the scheduler told me, "we'll submit everything and call you when the insurance gets back to us." I called the insurance co at the end of that week and they had already approved me!! (doc didn't tell me...I had to tell them). So, lo and behold, they gave me an appointment!!!! What? well, I had to go in to talk to the scheduler and get my date. Another $30. My upper endoscopy will be 10/18, pre admission testing 10/19, meet with the surgeon to go over all of the testing 10/25 (another $30 what happened to no more visits?) and surgery 10/29!!! yay!
 
In that time I also have to see my PCP ($20) and pulmonologist ($30) for clearance. Then my 2 week liquid diet. It seems like there's so much more to do. oh AND there's a pre-op surgery class that meets at 1:30pm on a Thursday, lasts for hours and requires you to read an 80 page notebook so that you can take a test! (Another day off work just to be tortured).
 
With all these appointments and time off work, I'm gonna end up in the poor house. So much for new skinny clothes. I won't be able to afford them. LOL

Today I am doing much better. I am not sobbing. I was an emotional mess yesterday and crying. It was all fear related though. I wanted to isolate and be alone but that is the disease of food addiction so I reached out to friends and asked them to come visit me today. I use to attend Overeaters Annoymous, guess I never got the annoymous part. But it really taught me a lot like not to isolate. I guess that is what I want to pass along today is don't isolate yourselves. Isolating is selfish, I love being there for my friends and I will not rob them of being there for me, everybody wants to know they are needed and matter. So let your friends and family love you and don't put baby in the corner, because nobody puts baby in the corner!
So this is day five and I am sick to death of the liquid diet so my never compliant self decided to have an egg. I made one jumbo scrambled egg with a pinch of cheese and I added ketchup on top when it was done cooking. It was so nice to have food. I am really worried about getting my protein in so that is why I made myself the egg. It went down okay, funny thing is I couldn't finish it all, which made me laugh. I used to clear my plate at ihop when I had an steak omelet and now I can't even finish one egg. Now I am fighting the urge to buy a scale. Day 5 what do I think I am gonna weigh! I want to be patient and kind to myself. The weight will come off even though I have fears it won't but fear = false expectations appearing real. This journey is going to require a lot of courage and willingness to change, thank God you can fake both of those things when you don't have them at the moment, they work on credit so borrow big.
God Bless all of you and best of luck!

Well, I know I have lost weight because I can put on my jeans today. I do not own a scale and I have issues with using more like abusing them so I refuse to purchase one. Tomorrow I am finally allowed to go back to water aerobics which I am really looking forward to that. I have been exercising on my recumbant bike and walking the dog. I have been having trouble adjusting to the change of life style. I remember saying to my mom the other day how I missed dieting for just half the day. I miss the freedom of eating what I want when I want it; spoken like a true addict! Yet I am also grateful I don't have that option. The one thing I thought I would get out of this surgery was to never feel hungry again, what an idiotic thing to have thought but nonetheless I thought it. I feel hungry now more often than I ever have before. One because I can only eat a few bites and two before I was eating all the time therefore I never got the opportunity to feel hungry often. I remember pre-surgery getting hungry my response was to panic and then stuff my face because the feeling was so uncomfortable, foreign and anxiety inducing that was the only thing I could do in the moment. This surgery has caused me to face getting hungry a few times a day and it is getting easier. The thing is to slow down. I ate too fast and was in tremendous amount of pain the other day. I am physically all better, completely healed but mentally it's a jungle in there. I am greatful I took a full three weeks off from work because the stress of all the change can be a bit much at times. The first few days I was regretting my decision but now I know this was the path I had to walk. I had tried everything and given up, I'm a quitter, this pathway has no exit options. I can't get my stomach back, though it would have been nice to have had a funeral for it. It allowed me to eat and comfort myself when I needed comfort as a child. It was a good friend I just wasn't a good friend to it. I like that I don't count calories and if I chose to for some insane reason, I wouldn't get very high. The goal is 600-800 and sometimes that is a stretch goal. The only thing I count now is protein and I am going to saying it here because I say it every where else I hate protein shakes. I am tired of them. It's a good thing I love chicken and greek yogurt since it is my diet now. The foods I miss most are fruits and vegetables. I would love to have a salad and I can't have one, makes me laugh then cry. I also miss pizza, cake and right now chocolate, but I would love to have a chicken pecan salad even if only a couple bites and popcorn (went to the movies with a protein shake healthy but missed the popcorn). But what is really great is that my high blood pressure is gone, it left like a thief in the night after my surgery and is still gone. Also another plus is that it doesn't hurt to move and riding my recumbant bike is actually pleasurable. I kinda like all the change even though is it is scary, at least it's new before life was the same old thing and now not so much.

Six more days until I lose the title of Bandster and gain the title of Sleever.
 
Pre-Op Diet -
 
I started my pre-op diet on September 3rd. I feel a little fatigued, but I guess that is normal. However, I have to admit this pre-op diet thing was much easier before I was banded in 2007. I have had a few moments of crankiness, but thank goodness I have a fabulous family and boyfriend who have been so supportive through this venture.
 
Jitters -
 
The mental part of this life change and surgery is very taxing. I am ready for the change, but I am so afraid of the possible complications and recovery. I guess having the band removed and the sleeve done at the same time is making me a little more nervous also, because I know that I may have to deal with a harsher recovery than getting the sleeve alone.
 
Reality Check -
 
I need this tool to help get me into better shape, so I can do the things I want to do without carrying all of this extra baggage. The Fall is my favorite time of year. I love to go to the country and take it all in. I can't go horback riding, or hiking, or do any of that outdoorsy kind of stuff like this. It is just too hard to carry the weight. My knees and my ankles hurt too much to do all of the walking.
 
I need this tool to help me eat right, to correct my cholesterol, insulin resistance, PCOS, sore knees and ankles, etc.
 
I keep telling myself that I won't regret this. This is going to be a hard couple of months, but after a while, this will become second nature and I will adore my sleeve and the ability to do the things I love to do without feeling physical pain. I may even avoid becoming Type 2 Diabetic and that in itself is a wonderful reason to have this surgery.
 
So, when I get these jitters and think that I can still back out of getting the sleeve the day of my surgery...(and just opt to get the lap-band removed), I try to give myself a reality check with some positive self talk.
 
VSG Buddy -
 
I was lucky enought to be introduced to a VSG Buddy. She went to the same Bariatric Practice that I am going to and she is also a revisionista! She has introduced me to all sorts of wonderful things already, like herbal teas, protien drinks and soups, vitamins, and she is loaded with special advice. She has made this journey so much easier thus far! I am very lucky to have found her!
 
Hmmm.... Oh' Yes, I am not very good at introductions...but I am sure you have figured a few things out on you own while reading the above blog (or my best attempt at a blog).
 
INTRODUCTION... (Which is complete PJ Style, because it wouldn't be me, if I gave you the intro first...)
 
My name is Pam. In 2007, I was banded. My start weight was 330, my lowest weight was 214, my highest weight after reaching 214 was 312.
 
My revision to the VSG is scheduled for September 17th. My current weight is 301 after being on the liquid diet since September 3rd.
 
I like this blogging stuff...it sorta helps me get a few things off of my chest!

You can find my complete blog HERE.
 
As I have written, I identified myself as an overweight guy who didn’t do much of anything. I went to work, I came home, and I was not social. I can’t identify myself in that way anymore because I’m more active and trying to be social. However, I am a baby when it comes to interacting with people. My weight used to hide me and give me an excuse to not have to deal with people.
 
As another strategy to break out of my shell, I signed up with Meetup groups in the area. Several are for photography and a general social Meetup. My wife and I made reservations to go and see a play and have dinner with about 20 other people from Meetup. That should be interesting. I’m actually quite terrified of how to act and what to say. Thankfully, my wife is going to be there with me and she doesn’t have these hang-ups. I can lean on her quite a bit.
 
For quite some time I’ve longed to have a group of guy friends. I watch movies like “The Hangover” or “Bachelor Party” and wish I had male friends that I can do things with like go to Vegas. I’d love to have a small but intimate group of guy friends to hang out, drink beer, eat chili dogs and cheese fries (burp!) and talk about whatever is on my mind. We could go out to see movies that my wife doesn’t want to see, play a little poker, car shows, chili cook-offs, fishing, paintball, you get the idea. All of those things guys like to do; I want to be able to do.
 
I was telling this to my therapist who suggested I look on MeetUp. I found many groups for women but none for guys to just hang out and be guys. So, I created a group for guys. Because of my self-esteem issues I have very low expectations for the group. I didn’t think anyone would actually join the group but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try. I thought, “Oh well, I’ll create it and we’ll see what happens.” I paid for a group for 90 days because I figured that once this flopped, I wouldn’t be out a whole lot of money. Well, what happened is that I got 90 guys who signed up in just a few days. YIKES! So I guess this group might last a little longer than just three months.
 
When I created my “low expectation” group, I also created a happy hour. I picked a date and time I was available but I figured that since nobody would sign up that it would be a moot point. Monday night it not idea for a happy hour but since nobody was going to show up, it was not that big of a deal.
 
Within a couple of days, I had 15 men sign up for the happy hour. HOE. LEE. ****. I didn’t know I was filling such a void. Well crap, I guess that means I actually have to go and figure out where to have this thing. I really was expecting that no one would sign up for the Meetup, and no one would show up for the Happy Hour.
 
These are the kinds of things that the old me, the 330 pound me, would have thought: “I’m not worth it, so therefore no one is going to sign up.” However, this is the kind of thing I need to change my attitude about. I AM worth it. I AM interesting. People SHOULD like me, and if they don’t I’ll just beat the living crap out of them until they change their mind. Sorry, I got carried away!
 
Now, the Happy Hour is stressing me out because my wife is not going to be there. It’s going to be a bunch of guys I don’t know. It is all on me to make it a success. I don’t know how to act. I don’t know what to talk about. So we’ll have to see what happens. Anyway, that’s all the news that’s fit to print for today.