LinSmargiassi

Hi everyone! I feel terrible that I haven't been on in a long while, but you know life just gets in the way when you're doing other things! For me, the waiting has been partially my fault and partially insurance coverage crap. I finally have everything straight with my coverage and I'm ready to try and get this whole thing scheduled and going forward. I have felt trapped and unsupported from the family that is nearby, and that hasn't helped. I'm pretty certain I've gained weight because my eating is just uncontrolled. I feel guilty, which makes me eat more. But now that I can actually move forward I just need to find a surgeon that takes medicare. It's amazing how many do not - and I think that's because they don't get paid a lot and they have to be affiliated with a center of excellence according to medicare standards. Oy... so much to deal with!!!

The process is daunting, isn't it? I can't believe how many people say that having this surgery is the easy way out. It is anything but easy. It is such a big deal - a big decision about time, emotions, and fiscal consideration! And having RA just adds to the burdeon of the process. I hope that you have good luck in your pursuit - and that you keep remembering that it's just necessary stuff to do!

Mobic caused me to have even more swelling than I'd ever had from RA. It was weird. Have you ever tried Tramadol? It is an opioid pain reliever. The drug I miss taking the most is Celebrex. My God that drug was fabulous. If I get this weight off and my heart is less at risk perhaps my Dr will let me go back on it. I couldn't believe how good I felt when I was taking that for my OA. It's hard having OA and RA... some medicines treat some symptoms, and others have a negative impact on the other disease. It's frustrating sometimes... My Rheumatologist is Dr Michael Guma, in North Arlington, NJ. He is amazing! But he also has a PA named Hilary Sugar and she is equally amazing. He has her there because she is most like him in terms of how she approaches treatment. I don't know if you're in NJ, though.... I am sending you a well wish for good medicine, a good doctor and wellness!!

Well I got some interesting information at two appointments I've been to. At Cornell Weill, the surgeon I met with was Gregory Dakin. He said because of my RA the only surgery I would be a candidate for is VSG. By-pass can be in complete conflict with the absorption of oral medications you have to take with RA and you have complications from By-pass surgery or BPD. So, that was something I'd not heard thus far. However, he said the VSG is not contraindicated in any way with RA. Just a side comment: Mobic is kind of a crappy medicine... if you can get on Sulfasalazine, it is much more effective. Ask your Dr about it as an option for you.... well, you don't have to, but I took mobic and was switched to sulfasalazine and it made a huge difference for me. But there could certainly be reasons your Dr has you on it... I'll keep you updated as I go along! Good luck to you, too!

It was voting season, and I had to decide on congressional and presidential candidates. It's also surgeon and facility season for me, and I have to make decisions about where and who will be in the O.R. with me! Well, I'm in the process of making these decisions. One important factor that has come to light is Medicare. I was told that Medicare is now covering the VSG. This is really big news for people who have Medicare, for whatever reason, and especially big for me in my timing because I'm not sure how quickly or slowly this is going to happen. I think I want to get it done when I have the maximum amount of coverage. In the meantime my regular COBRA ran out, and instead of going on the extended COBRA (which I'm eligible for) I am opting for another policy so that I don't have to pay the 150% rate. This makes more decision making! Waiting for the paperwork to come in the mail... more on going drama in my pursuit. I am certain it will be well worth it in the end, but getting there is definitely a journey. Good luck to all reading as well!

Family. This morning I was on the phone with my sister. We are actually very close, but we live kind of far apart - in nearby, but not neighboring states. However, despite the miles we talk almost every day and we really share openly our emotions and goings-on. So this morning I mentioned that I had a pre-surgery appointment next week and she was asking me how this surgery was going to change my perception of food, in short (no need to provide every detail of the conversation, because it would take too long) and I wondered whether some of what she said doesn't make sense for me. So, if the purpose of this surgery is to help me control portion in order to facilitate weight loss, why can't I do that now? She mentioned eating every couple of hours a small portion of something to keep hunger at bay. And it made me think: how do I eat now? I don't think I even really know the answer to that question. I just know it must be too much or I wouldn't be this fat. So I need to recall what I ate in the past 12-16 hours. This morning I had a bowl of honey nut cheerios with half a banana and 1% milk. It was a pretty big bowl. Probably 1.5 c milk and 2 c cereal. Last night I ate about 1 c homemade baked macaroni, 4 small pork cutlets, 2c salad. Then I had a cup of coffee, three raspberry squares, and before bed a large cheese danish. Not because I needed it. Just because it was there and I wanted it. So, of course I'm fat. No one can eat that many calories and not pay for it. So why did I want it? Texture, taste, sugar... all were part of it, and I remember thinking that if I don't eat it, it could go bad before I can get to it. I also recognize that I have a sweet tooth. How will surgery stop that?! Thanks for reading. As always, comments are welcome!

I have a friend who was sleeved and within a week he was eating soft but real food and not liquid. I don't know if it is based in the surgical technique and whether you've been sewn in addition to stapled... but he did say that he chews until it is practically liquid in his mouth. He says that he has been able to appreciate the flavor much better and much more vs. being so focused on quantity. Good luck to you!!!

I find it so informing and frankly, so interesting to hear how the stories of us who are overweight/obese are as varied as our lives and challenges. We all got here differently - no matter that the math is the same, you know what I mean? I think I'm an emotional eater, but I'm not sure. You know how people go out and celebrate with a dinner at the close of a successful project or effort? I've certainly participated in that often enough, but not like having a party of one or anything like that. I do often notice though that I fly out the door without thinking about food and then I'm out and it's like, "^%! I forgot to eat"! So I end up grabbing something I shouldn't most often... a chocolate shake or a diet coke and sandwich. I never drink sugary drinks, ironically - but then i'll have a chocolate shake for a meal. That just doesn't work. So, I lack the ability or desire to plan. I don't want to think about food. I don't love to cook and I don't want to be in the kitchen for hours on end. I do, however, want to go parasailing, snow tubing, ATV'ing, and sky-kiting during my lifetime. Last year I had to have a total knee replacement, and within the next year I may need to have the other knee done (in addition to this sleeve surgery) because I have a devastating form of Rheumatoid Arthritis. That surgery was EXTREMELY painful and the pain lasted for months because of the way it had to be done on me. I'm thinking this surgery (VSG) will be easy by comparison, but getting my mind to cooperate is going to be the challenge. Thanks for all your input. Mucho appreciado!

That makes total sense to me. My mom and I used to take my Dad to work, and then we'd go to the Dunkn Donuts nearby where he worked and she'd get a coffee and I'd have a donut and milk before she took me to school. I really loved her - and I loved that I had a special connection with her that seemed different than my sister did. Maybe it was because I was so much more needy than my sister was... I don't know. But bread for sure seems to be my trigger. And I will deal with this in therapy I'm sure. Thanks for your reply, I appreciate your honesty so much. I too have had those moments where I eat and then I feel guilty for it. I guess that is sort of the sign of an eating disorder. I never thought of it that much before though. Good luck to you on your journey!

In my earlier blog I referred to how much I love bread. And I received a response from a fellow blogger who mentioned the danger in having a relationship with bread. I find myself wondering if it's possible that food truly became the thing I could rely on after my Mom died. It feels like a big leap to me - but it's worth inquiring with my emotions about whether bread represents something bigger to me in my food challenge. I recall that as a child there was always bread on the table at dinner. And I would go for it at EVERY opportunity during the meal. My Dad would call me on it every time! So it's funny that I remember that Mom put the bread on the table, but Dad put the kaibash on eating it. Then Mom died. Hmm... I don't know... maybe there could be a relationship type of thing, but if there is I just thought about it 30 years later, so I'm not sure that gives it a legit stand. Anyone with insight it most welcome to respond!

food. The little f as opposed to the big F. When I'm in the mood to eat, I can throw down. I would refer to that as FOOD. And I drink when I eat. A LOT. I mean, like I can easily go through 32 oz of liquid. I have been this way my ENTIRE life. When I was little my Dad used to say to me at the table, "put down that milk and eat!" lololol.... yeah, it was like THAT. I love bread. I mean, it's my favorite thing - even over anything sweet, or pasta. Bread is the perfect food when you need a little something but you don't want to cook it. A little PB and you're good to go. A little bread and butter and that salad is much tastier. Do I have to never have it again? Like, ever? What is the cut off to quantity for me? Does everyone who has surgery give up bread? I think I can live with limitations, but I have to have some complex carbs. I only have one kidney and I can't endanger that one little kidney trying to keep up with all that protein. I'm wondering if having this surgery means giving up everything but protein and vegetables. I just don't think I can be that perfect. I'm human for Pete's sake!! I'd love to know what other people have done in order to help the process of the VSG post surgery. Thanks for reading.

I am so weird. One minute I'm so excited, and the next minute I'm chewing off my nails with nervous energy - which is the playing with the tail and crying scene from Oz, equivalent for me. When I started on the path of knowledge over this procedure (which was a while ago) I remember thinking, "I could never do that" and I graduated to "look at all these people having success with this", to "I could never do that", then on to, "can I get this done"?, and back to, "this will never work for me", and on and on and on... It's like I'm the coin in a coin toss, going from one thing to the next. I was fine making the decision to get this procedure, but not fine once I made the choice. Now I'm second guessing myself as a successful part of the equation in addition to an infinte number of unknown outcomes. Why do I do that?! And maybe that's why weight loss has never been really easy for me. It's as though I don't let myself get too excited because I know failure will arrive soon enough. And that is NOT who I am in my life. Why doesn't this part of me behave like the rest of me? I guess I'm trying to understand how getting this surgery will actually re-set my brain. And maybe it isn't the surgery that does that. Maybe afterward you still have to go up a road you don't recognize, and maybe everyone comes to that road at a different point in the process. I wish it came before this place I'm in now, though. I think that is the reason so many people have trouble with the brain hunger thing. I don't only NOT want to be one of those people, I CAN'T be one of them. I can't be 6 or 8 months post op and feeling like I'm starving to death and eating inappropriately and throwing up, or getting dehydrated or whatever. I can't sing and have all that trauma around my vocal folds. That would be a recipe for disaster for me. How do I cross that bridge beforehand so I can deal with it if/when it happens? And how much energy and effort should I spend trying to solve a problem I don't yet have? I must sound like a crazy person asking how to cross a bridge before I get there. I don't like the unknown, so I'm always at the edge of a big decision asking, REALLY??? OMG! REALLY??? Or, I'll throw myself off without asking a single question, until it's over and done with and I end up saying, "what just happened"? So there's either no thinking or way too much thinking. And now I just want to say that I am such a CHICKEN because of all of this ridiculous questioning! I can't possibly be this much of a coward, can I? What's *wrong* with me?! With all I've overcome and acheived in my life, I can't imagine that something like this has turned me into such a total wuss. I gotta keep getting perspective and focusing on the positive and imagining a huge success. But if I don't find some courage, I'll never go through with it. Thanks for reading. Sorry if I'm boring...

YOU POOR THING!!!!! I can't imagine needing to be off meds for 2 months. That seems too long... but I'm not on mtx or cimzia. I am taking Humira and sulfasalzine, and tramadol. But I also have to take a thyroid medicine, or I'll get palpitations. Stupid thyroid! Auto-immune treatment and the disease, complicate everything so much. People who don't have to deal with it can't understand what it is like. I don't have a date yet for my surgery, but I find myself with a lot of fear over it that I don't quite understand yet. Perhaps the waiting for approval is the time to get our game faces on, huh? I would love for you to keep me in the knowledge of your process, and if you need support - I'm here! Hope to hear from you again, lsmargiassi

My guess is that your headache is telling you that you are dehydrated. Remember that you have to drink fluid throughout the day, so start sipping and just keep sipping. I have not been there, I haven't had surgery yet, but I have several friends who have, and apparently you just need to drink small sips constantly. And since dehydration is already happening, replacement of electrolytes is a good idea too. You could also try pedialyte pops (if they have sugar free). Hope you feel better! Keep drinking!

It's Monday - and I usually don't care what day of the week it is, but today I did because I knew it meant that I could make more efforts to getting to a place where my life can change. So, I made another appointment with a different surgical group to add to my collection of potential surgeons. Oy. However, I am really liking the program and the accessibility of the program at a hospital that is a little bit closer than in NYC, though I could travel to either. I realized while I was checking into their program, that I really like the people involved and the process they have in place, because it's designed to not let patients slip through the cracks after the surgical portion of the process. And you start to realize that it isn't just about the surgery, but it is embracing what will become a new way for me to live my life. Surgery is just the medical intervention portion of it. The rest will still be up to me and I know me - I'm going to need the nutritional advice through the rest of my life. I need someone to help me stay focused on healthy approach and healthy thinking about nutrition. That word also needs to be a part of FOOD for me. What is the NUTRITIONAL value of this thing I will eat? HOW will it benefit me other than just calories... So I'm feeling renewed instead of so overwhelmed, and it's nice for me to feel hope instead of fear or burdon about decision making in this process. Happy Monday, indeed!!

I'm wondering if I'll need therapy every other day for the first 6 months, or year - or more... I hate not knowing something!

This is the EXACT point I wanted to make. Good response. If you had cancer, you'd get treatment, right? Being obese is like having a form of cancer. You have to get it treated if you want to live a longer life. Good luck!

You just have to make that decision as you feel comfortable to do so. And don't feel pressure to do anything you aren't sure about. You will know whether sharing that information is a good idea when it happens!!

I have a stupid question... those of you with hunger issues: do you go to group meetings, and where did you get your surgeries? Thank you very much.

WOW - a lot of surgeries tomorrow so I'm sending you all very best wishes and hopes for good surgery and great recovery and to keep moving through!! Keep going, because you're WORTH it and you DESERVE to have good health!!!

Everything I have read, and the experience of a couple of friends tell me that it takes a little time for the fluid to adjust and come off, and time for your body to recognize what has happened. Give it some time and focus on your healing instead of the weight. It will start to come off when your body has it's A-ha moment!

My best friend had his gallbladder out recently, which had fused to his liver. His recovery was slower than average, but I would say rest as much as you can, and if you can take a day or two off try to do that. I know it is easier said than done. I am so sorry you had to go right back to work - that sucks!!!! sleep when you can and try to keep fluids going in. Flushing your system will help get rid of everything that is still in your body from surgery. If you get feverish, call your Doctor!! Good luck to you!!

I don't want to say I didn't love food when I was a little kid, but the truth is that I was horribly picky. Like, sit at the table all night because I didn't want to eat my spinach, pea's in the couch cushions, slipped it to the dog when Mom wasn't looking kind of picky. Yeah, I usually sat at the table for hours every single night... so, to top it all off I was stubborn. Picky and stubborn eater. That is a bad combination. Now add to that immune compromised, with an extreme fear of needles, which I had to face every single week with injections, and it's no wonder food became my best friend. Especially milk with a little sugar or Molasses in it, which the Dr told my Mom to give me to get all my medicines down. (Thanks for that, you maniac.) Anyway - fast forward to present. I'm an adult. For years I have been saying, "grow up" "take responsibility for your fat butt" "watch what you're eating" - well, I've been watching alright, watch as I stuff it in my face that is. Oy... so a process of failure, hope, failure, willpower, weakness, hope, failure... you know the routine, anyone who is struggling knows this routine. But now I'm facing down the barrel of a gun called obesity and a surgical decision to save my life, and I'm saying to myself, "how the HELL did I get here"? Most of my friends, people that REALLY know me say that I don't act like an obese person. I don't really know what that means, and I've tried to get someone to explain that to me, and the only response that seemed honest was that I just seemed to not relate to my weight. To me that sounds like I'm in some advanced state of denial. Maybe I just didn't see my fat, because I wasn't paying attention to it. I have lead a pretty dramatic life - my Mom died when I was 11 and my Dad was an alcoholic, not a mean one, but addicted nontheless... so I was used to making excuses for why he drank. I could blame it on my Mom dying, but he drank before that, too. Actually, he lost me while trick-or-treating when I was 4 because he and his best pal were lit when they took a bunch of us out trick-or-treating. I will never forget the sound of my Mom's voice when the lady who's house I ended up at, took my home. My Dad caught holy hell, to boot. I remember thinking that no one could protect me like my Momma! Anyway, I'm getting off point. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how I got here. I don't want an excuse - I'm just looking for MY reason. And in the meantime, I'm getting ready to meet with several different surgeons. Thanks for reading.