RJ'S/beginning

You are something...never fails to make me laugh...Poor Laura....I think!

I don't know about the rest of you but once I saw what that fine lady said, it made it all worth it to me to bare all for her....

That was the entire point of some of us putting ourselves out there...for someone like you who could learn something helpful and act on what you have read here...That is the total aim of this entire forum...Ty for your thoughts!!!!

Sometimes "airing" your feelings is all a part of the healing process. And please don't apologize, we all need to talk things out at times. Talking it out was not my reason for posting..i am in the process of dealing with all my head issues...I just thought it might be helpful to express that no one is alone on here..It is a like time fight to deal with all the reasons we are who we were or are today......Like I said in a past post...I have had the therapy and the insight and worked my ass off for years learning what makes me tick.....I wanted to be there for others like they have been there for me..I put it out there for everyone..I took a chance that all would understand why......The last issue I had to work on was taking the protective walls down...all the rest is just bad memories and locked in the past where they cannot harm me anymore.... I am a painting a work in progress..like everyone else on this forum...I just chose to put it all out there for you to seethe underbelly of what I have worked on for so long and hard....I really hope you all understand that this was for me a gift to all of you......trying to encourage and help some who want it... I think I found a new talent..I can stop a thread almost in its track..This is the second time I have done this..I am so sorry everyone...it is not my intention to be so firm and insensitive to anyone......I guess I zigged when I should have zagged..I appreciate all of you and your kindness toward me and especially your thoughts..Through those we are supposed to help and encourage one another..That is my aim..Even if it was not done on this thread I will try harder on the next one I reply to....K all!

Sometimes "airing" your feelings is all a part of the healing process. And please don't apologize, we all need to talk things out at times. Talking it out was not my reason for posting..i am in the process of dealing with all my head issues...I just thought it might be helpful to express that no one is alone on here..It is a like time fight to deal with all the reasons we are who we were or are today......Like I said in a past post...I have had the therapy and the insight and worked my ass off for years learning what makes me tick.....I wanted to be there for others like they have been there for me..I put it out there for everyone..I took a chance that all would understand why......The last issue I had to work on was taking the protective walls down...all the rest is just bad memories and locked in the past where they cannot harm me anymore.... I am a painting a work in progress..like everyone else on this forum...I just chose to put it all out there for you to seethe underbelly of what I have worked on for so long and hard....I really hope you all understand that this was for me a gift to all of you......trying to encourage and help some who want it...

i believe I went to far and this being my pet part of healing I have stoked a fire in others and myself...I did not sleep last night because of what I wrote on here..I have always been a private person and kept it all to myself...For some reason a tilde wave has erupted for me... I have had so much therapy and it was useless except on area....I learned it was not my fault.. When I went to them it was over another issue and turned out as I spoke to them that it was a completely different issue that plagued me.....I am just encouraging to explore all the areas ...You may be surprised like me that it was not the thing I thought it was that made me who I am today... Sorry for taking up so much of this thread...I had no intention of being so dam honest...

Oh there are so many factors in why we gain weight..As you know! It can be total environment issues or a health problems like your thyroid goes or diabetes...medication....Or just that you love food do much that it is an uncontrollable desire to eat and eat. But when it is obvious that something played a part, even a small part in who you are today and the fight you are waging then is it not a good idea to look at every aspect and if it does not fit then toss it out and start looking again... If you have a wound you don't leave it alone and let it take care of itself...you nurture it until it heals and try to avoid that which got you the wound..Learn from it and encourage others not to make the same mistake... That is all I am saying...Maybe some here and other places think one thing but in reality something much more cynical is behind their issues. Something that appears to them to be little or no value at the time... One of my earliest memories is when I was 3 and I watched my father toss my sister into a horse trough. She landed on some broken glass and got cut up really bad...I remember it like it was yesterday..A great fear came over me concerning him and it never left....I know this is not your story and glad that you have not had the problems that some of us have or had..I am over joyed that you had a lot of great moments and memories... I just think it is good to really explore the things that happen to us so that we will learn to deal with the things that happen to us and put them in their proper places..like the past..so it can stay in the past as we rise above today..... I believe in leaving no stone unturned in this journey and hope that others will reason as to why they are who they are today and their strengths that can bring them to a conclusion and put things to rest....

Yes he has his own demons. As I turned to food he turned to drugs. And we both detached ourselves from family completely....including each other. Butter..I don't know about you but maybe it is because I am getting older that I realized that this was my mothers intention all along to divide and conquer....I have now in the last few years tried to gather my siblings together and unite as one. Some have really been responsive others are too damaged to see the benefits of family.. Maybe if you have not already tried, maybe you could make the first step and help your brother with all of his issues...You are definitely on your way to success...Maybe you might not be ready for it...maybe you are...But I found uniting in the same cause can strengthen an army so to speak.....And gain your brother back, and lay the pain to rest for both of you....Just a thought :wub:

I am sorry Gamergirl but the abuse you suffered at the hands of those boys is enough to make any person very emotionally and mentally sick... Of course in your case it was not your parents..But that played a part in your future. It had to! We have an inward conscience of what is right and wrong if we are not mass murderers and or people who are wired to cause pain and suffering to others....But it did play a part in your mind...Way back and deep it was hidden...It is amazing what the body will do to give it some ease or protect itself.... I will never say that building walls or eating until you are extremely obese is the answer. But it seems to me that there are a lot of people who suffered some tragedy in their life to assist in weight gain.... We are one screwed up world for sure and it is always children who suffer the worst and pay for it later......

I eat a snack every single evening now..1/4 of a cup of nuts or fruit...If I don't I wake up at 3 am and have to get some cheese or something else and who can think at that hour...My nut wanted me to eat 3 meals and 3 Snacks..I could not do it..Felt I was eating all the time..So i went to 3 meals and 1 snack at night...Maybe that is why my weight loss has slowed down I don't know...don't really care....I am going to have a healthy snack at night for as long as I need to... I fail with the healthy snack though when I eat popcorn..It seems to take 3 c. to satisfy my snacking..Rarely eat it now...dratz

Every one is different, everyone handles things by going different ways... Out of the eventual 12 siblings only 2 of us were fat.....only 2 of us used food as an outlet for our pain and protection...Luck of the draw maybe but I am sure that he suffers in another way that you would be upset about....Maybe there are far more psycho's in this world then I thought...Maybe it was because they were not treated well and they did not break the cycle, and saw no need to... We are responsible for the way we treat others and she owes a great debt for sure...I can't imagine hurting my children on purpose, esp. for pleasure....Like an abomination to me!! Sorry Butterthebean....

Are there any clinics close to you...Can you take a taxi to one..Or call a help line in your area....Please hang on, your about to make your life over again and it will be worth it....Depression is a horrible illness. I to suffer from chronic depression. Know that you are still recovering from surgery and you are healing. That puts a lot of strain on your body. It will take time to heal and your body will tell you if you need rest.... Please, please seek the help you need okay....

i am so happy for you girl..there are so many new and exciting things to discover as you travel this journey.....Enjoy every one of them..You deserve it hun!!!!!!!!!

Good stuff RJ! I just watched that. I wouldn't be me of I didn't add something about his bougie comment though. Bougies, while it's good that they now longer use ones much bigger than 40 anymore it's a balancing act really, you don't want to go small just for the sake of small, because to small can cause many problems too. From increased leaks to extreme gerd.. Ok public service announcement over I appreciate your lecture But I know that no matter how big or small your stomach is it will not be forever successful unless you change the head....that keeps us from moving forward and staying focused in our journey..it dam well gets in the way....What ever size they use I don't really care..I have to deal with the demons that brought me to this place and kick their asses before I can call this journey a total success....you understand that Laura....I know you do kid!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nv8X6H_jLgY Try this it should help you with the answer...K

If I can't pronounce the word or don't know what it means I do not eat it, or drink it. i hate low fat everything or artificial sweeteners of any kind...I spend a lot more time at the grocery stores then I used to that's for sure and now have found some interesting and good for you choices.... Once they said oat bran for cholesterol, now you never hear of it...That is just one of the many miracles that big food companies use as bait to get you to by their stuff....... That one type of yogurt that said it fixed your digestion if you ate one every day...they were sued because it was a lie.. Organic..now another laugh in my mind...anyone can slap a label on a product and call it organic...How can anything be truly organic...We have polluted every aspect of out earth. There is nothing pure any more.....I we knew everything that we were eating and what it is made of and injected into it...We would stop eating altogether... They are now cloning Salmon and will soon be offering on the market as real salmon...Glue for pork and beef so that it looks a little more appetizing and they don't have to sell it as a cheaper cut... eggs that are 6-8 weeks old before they get to your market and they have a good before date that adds another 2 to3 weeks on the shelf life.... It is all very scary and that is why I try not to get to caught up in it all...I would drive myself battier then I already am....I am using more whole grains and market fresh veggies and meat and I know that it really makes very little difference..You would have to tear down the entire system and start again...who is going to do that..no one..and not the ones in charge as these companies have them in their pockets..It is all about power and money... Not the welfare of people..... Oh I see I started to rant myself...oops

You have been through a lot yourself little one! Your father was not a loving and compassionate human being. Your fear and anger clouded your future so that you could not find someone that loved you truly for you. Just as much as us..Just a different story. I am glad you kicked the virtual world and have started to take control of the real one...I hope and pray that you will find love...someone who will share with you what it is like to be a man and not a bully... You never know where you will end up or with who....be careful who you chose though we tend to go for what we know best and in your case it could be your fathers personality...So when the time comes dig deep and protect yourself and find the right person for you..you deserve someone like that!!!

I have OCD as well....it is a horrible thing to deal with...It has everything to do with anxiety but it also has to do with control....Having power over something! And yet all of us on here were powerless over food....Contradiction in terms I would say... Or did we just chose our power to take and let other things slide that were not so painful..After all food is a temporary solution to pain and suffering...So deep eh!

Not right after..you need to heal first...As you lose the weight and you don't feel like you are secure in your clothes..Look into them then and they will help make you feel better... and look tighter...K

:wub:

My life, the one that got me here, sometimes it doesn't even seem like it could of been a reality..The only other witness to it my brother didn't make it. But we have created a new life (you and I) complete with husbands and children! Lol if you would of told me back then this would be my future? I would of laughed in your face. In fact my brother when I was pregnant with my daughter told me we should not pass down our genes we are doomed and should let the bloodline die out. I bet your children are pretty "normal" as are mine that is our love, our ability to be vulnerable and let others in, shining through. It gives me hope.. Which I need in the dark hours that still can creep in from time to time. Well thank you..up until this point I did not cry...now a flood!!!!

Thank you Laura....it is a great thought indeed...I am working on that as well.....It takes people who have been in the lowest places to get to that wonderful point...It is where I hope to be in the future, really it is.....It is a great goal for all of us!!!!!

TY for your thought..Right away I took myself back in time to the people who almost destroyed me....I have an amazing family and a man that loves me beyond what I ever imagined....but every time I let my guard down someone punches me in the gut...Seems to be my lot...I am a survivor and always will be..I just want to wear my scars on the inside instead of so blatantly on the inside!

Vulnerability....Why would you want that? Please explain what you mean please

Hard enough doing pictures for this forum..Can't see myself letting that happen....lol