RJ'S/beginning

Me either are you writing it...

Thank you...that was very kind of you to say! We are all amazing to have put our health and welfare into the right place for ourselves and the ones we love......Your right for me it is time.....yikes!!!!!!!! It is time for me to sweat...ugggggg

I am working hard to move on.........It was just that these people were part of my family...I knew all of them forever....They were a huge part of my life..I was happy with their companionship...Then in one foul swoop it was gone.....Not only a huge change in my size, health, life but all the stability I had around me vanished...And that has been hard to handle with everything else........... Between my ears I know that this too will pass and I will come out the other side stronger and a better person for it...I know that....But it is like others part of what made me me and now it has all changed again...I hate change....I love things to always be the same and calm and normal and even...That coming from a person who changed as much as I have..... I understand that others like yourself had to go through things like this also...I feel where you came from I understand....Right now they do have power over my being because I mourn their loss so much as I spend a lot of time a lone now........It is somewhat like dealing with a death,,,you know..... I do have plans i am going forward though and am going to push some things into focus for myself and others......I can be pretty determined when the need be you know........... Thanks everyone for encouraging me to keep it in its place....I will continue to push it out and get on with my journey....

My husband told me to erase everything I wrote on this thread tonight..He said no one wants to hear what it was really like to be reminded of the hard times we experience in our fight to be thin and no one really wants to hear the deeper stuff that people deal with on a day to day basis...Or what we go through, the good the bad the gains and losses... Is he right? Is the fact that what has changed between my ears is something that is different then the norm...That I see things entirely different then others who have learned to find a new path and follow that with renewed spirit....Because of what I went through it is harder for me to see the benefits of all the new, when I lost so much in the journey it is hard for me to look past all of it and go forward with glee and total renewal of strength and wisdom and happiness at the new and improved me..... Was it better to know what I learned about people and myself..or would it have been better to have never known what this cost me... I will never know that answer because I can't go back..it is too late to hide from it or pretend it did not happen... All I am left with is facing it, dealing with it and then putting it its rightful place and moving on into the future....A better stronger me...This is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life..The highs have been so high and the lows so low. So do I erase what I wrote because not many would understand it..I don't know!?

Well he is designing a program for me..So once he does I'll let you know some of the ins and outs....I think I am in for a lot of ouch!!!!!lol

Oh dear can't imagine this old gal in that stuff....lol!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats!!!!!!!!!!! so it begins!!!!!!

Thanks!!!!!!!!! Glad you approve

Gets some new duds will you...for Pete's sake!!!!!!!!!!!LOL

Thanks your a doll as usual!!!!!!!!!!! Me and Rocky are going to meet and have a round or two eh!!!!!!!!lol

Yes you are right.....They did not meet my expectations of being human beings.....Sorry just how I feel....As I go on I will chose more wisely and find people who are different from them...I really have already...I have some people on here that I consider friends...... I have no intention of drowning in self pity over this....They are not worth it...But for now it is like pulling a band aid off an open wound....Just below the surface............ I also take responsibility for thinking that friends are there for each other...I was wrong on that account as well...... People have told me that I survived for a reason....freaks me out when it is said to me!!......Maybe it was just to see how much I could learn about the human spirit before I died...... lol

Yes I will keep you posted through all the blood sweat and tears.........did I say sweat!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cynical is not what I would say has happened to me in this area.......I knew it would all be different..I knew people would respond positively or not...... I did not however see the lack of friendship that happened and the lack of so called love that these people so willingly told me they felt for me.... I was a nice person.......One who gave her all to anyone who needed me.............Hurt, stunned, surprised and horrified that when this was all said and done...........I was friendless......Even some of my family did not give a dead rats tail....... I will move on I always do but not before I truly experience the pain that it caused me and teach me a big lesson......not to just pick friends willy nilly.............

I know I came off harsh..Not one of them even sent a card or flowers...I got cards from people that I know on face book from around the world but not one of them sent a card. Heaven forbid flowers...My entire neighborhood sent flowers..Even after I came home and was under nurses care for 5 months I did not get one card or call or anything..... This is not my thread and I am sorry I wrote this here...Not a good thing..But I saw what was written and it brought it all straight back in my face...It is just below the surface for me and it hurts so badly I wonder if I will ever see my way out of this paper bag!!!!!

I am going to reply to this even though I feel like I shouldn't...........I died in the hospital and when I was recovering for 5 months while still in there... I had plenty of time to think about my life, my usual norms and the future...who was there for me and who were not....How I was treated by so called true friends and yes even family members.... It was a heart breaking experience for me to see exactly where I belonged when things got tough for me...You see I was that kind of person that spread myself thin ( pardon the pun ) for people everywhere...If you needed something I was your go to girl..... All the people who I was there for were not there for me and some of the things I did for them was life saving things..Not trivial crap like pick up their newspaper off the front step for them......... I now see life very differently...In fact I am having trouble dealing with all the changes because they happened so quickly....Like I have written here before no one knows who I am and the ones that have found out want to get a good look at the specimen just to see if it is true...you know the rumors that I am so different..... I assume that all comments are negative because no one has showed me anything else... I was picked on, ridiculed and treated like dirt by a lot of people because of my size......I could fill a thread with my own experiences....but that is in the past.... Now that I am smaller I am not seen. And no one comes and visits me or gives me the time of day....I picked friends poorly.... I do not deserve what I get or got...but it makes no difference I suppose because I still have my granddaughter and hubby who see me as just fine..My daughter as well see me differently........ I wonder really if it is for the best or not......I decline any invitation out by these ones that did not see me in the hospital and when they say..love you...I nearly crawl into myself and want to yell at them and call them liars..... I am now working on finding new friends and a new life one that does not include these horrible people...... Yes I have changed..but it is such a mixed bag for me that sometimes I am so up and happy and sometimes I am so sad you know because I did not have any idea who my friends really were until I needed them.... Sorry for my answer...but that is how I feel about it!

I came home from the hospital after a 5+ month stay and had lost all my hair except 2 strands down both sides of my head......Why the hell they did not just cut those off I have no idea....My hair dresser came to my house and cut them off...I started taking Biotin and still do...My hair is still growing in..But my hair dresser says my hair is different then it used to be....for one thing it is curly now and I have always had hair as straight as a pin.............So it is taking forever to come back in as well....I hated this part sso much you have no idea!

I'm sorry but I found your exercise in what ifs adorable......I think you know yourself very well. I think you know exactly what is best for you..And I think that you will go forward and actually lick this addiction by putting in its place... One point I would like to mention if you don't mind is that you said you are comfortable with any risks or complications that you may or may not have.......................I beg to differ...NO one is ready for complications or especially extreme complications...I know I have lived with them for over a year so far and a picnic it is not................. Just pray for an easy sail through this surgery so you can enjoy the journey instead of surviving it... All the best to you and a great mindset!!!!!!!!!!!!

No actually it seems to happen to all of us at some point...At the beginning I did everything by the clock and it felt like I was eating or drinking fluids all the time... As time passes you will worry about other things like whether you get enough Protein or Water in..Or did I eat too much, or wait, I think I could eat more and now I have to hope that the restriction is back..How do I do that... Then it's I didn't lose much weight this month and crap I stalled and now I am up 2 lbs.......This is not working............ But it is working and the plan is in place and if you don't abuse it it will go the distance...Your head is starting to throw obstacles in your way........Don't let it.....K

I too did the pre-op diet 2 times..the first was cancelled because of another patients emergency..I felt horrible but hoped that if that happened to me that someone else would be kind enough to help me...........Well it happened several times to me that I replaced patients who were lined up for the surgery because of the 13 surgeries I had because of WLS... It gives you a chance to reflect again about your decision and it makes it that much more important when it finally comes.....

I'm still happy I did this. Some days are just harder to get threw. And its funny you talk about me eating real food...I've gotten to where I can't imagine that. Last night my hubby was in the kitchen watching me get some cheese...I had 1 oz of cheese and half of a small Ostrim stick. I sliced them up thin and he raises his eye brows and says ...you're not going to be able to eat all of that. He was right too. I still consider myself blessed tho. Like you, I've been close to death a couple of times from heart issues. I have another shot at life! I have another chance to make it to be a grandma some day! I have a chance to REALLY find me. It is very nice to meet someone who has had trouble like myself...We are fighters and survivors....Your attitude is amazing...I so see you succeeding in this war!!!!!!!! I am a grandmother and she is most of the reason I did not give up on myself through this..... I, like you consider it another shot at life.....Let me know how you are getting on!!!!!!!!!! It is very nice to meet you gomekast..

I have a stricture...I can't move to the next stage, yet its not big enough to strech out as some will have done. I've opted to just roll with it and let it slowly go back to normal. I just need to go slower than the majority of people here and I'm ok with that. Some days I miss having normal food but for the most part I'm happy. But its made winter here in Minmesota tough. I haven't been able to do all the physical things I like doing. And I have days like today where I judt feel like poo and can't get much in me at all. Thank heavens for propel zero and pure Protein. Well that explains it then....I was referring to the natural order of things...I know what you mean..I did not eat for 6 months because of complications..And i moved into eat new area with much caution as you should do...Once you are healed and ready you will find that you will want to eat real food and good and healthy food...I wish that for you..I hope that for you..This is a journey..Some have it easier then others...Some have to work hard for each success......

It is not an alarm that is going off..it is the next step in this journey...Your stomach is now ready to go to the next stage...It is a good thing! It is a good thing to go slow as well..And it is a great thing that you are ready for the next step....take it! But move slowly at first................K

I do don't I...I really do!!!!!!!!! Can you tell the Doctors and my body that please

Man..they floated me yesterday for my day surgery....They gave me so much stuff that I could not get going.....I was in so much pain and loopy that I could not even walk after a hour and a half........ Apparently the anesthesiologist over sedated all his patients and we were all loopy....I still feel horrible today....Still trying to see straight and in so much pain.... I don't know why they just didn't put me out..I felt every pock and cut......... I want this stuff to end.....I need it to end.........I want my life back!!!!!!!!!!!

Leave the peanuts out of the equation okay for now..Just eat to get used to the new way you need to eat.....Your stomach is not going to take some foods well at first and you may find that you can't stand peanuts!!!!!!!