RJ'S/beginning

You know what @@Madam Reverie all of the things we deal with effect us in the positive or negative. I feel very bad about your friend...Your allowed your pain. Hope things get better for you hun! When you love someone dearly the pain can be too much to handle.... Sorry again! I hope all improves for you..honest and true! XXXX

I love you, too, Rj.. But seriously.. you're better than these superficial insecurities. You know this. We know this. You're our bariatric mother, after all. And that is meant with deep love and affection. No surrender, my love. Ever! Big hugs and kisses xxxxxx Now, who wants to get into it with me tonight. I'm ready. OH BOY! AM I READY!!!! Guess I just had a bad couple of weeks...You know like you! Had to deal with all the crap life hands you and come out on top.....Felt a little off set...Going back to the hospital for 6 more days kinda threw me back into a dark feeling of misery....I will try my very best to remember what you said! Thanks again Rev's

Very few people have a stent that does not cause discomfort. i had 2 at the same time..1 for 6 weeks and then a second one on top of the first one for another 6 weeks....The pressure in my chest was unreal. No one lied to me and told me it would not hurt. I was on a constant serving of pain meds and anti nausea meds the entire time. When I had my fluids I kept bringing them up. But I survived and went on to the next part of the repairs.... No this is not easy and people can not stand it when they have them.. But!!!!!!!!!!!! In the long run..If it fixes the leak you are ahead of the game.....Do it to save your sleeve and ask for meds when you need them..... I am so sorry you are going through this..But I will not lie to you... It does not feel nice at all! But it is going to help your sleeve....

I guess I had a moment @@Madam Reverie It is part of the human condition....I stand corrected in that you have pointed out that it is me that is the issue here. My perception......oops! No hard feelings here Rev's always a pleasure to hear your side of it all......You rock!

Wait! @@bearman99 Is that like in Peter Pan when Peter says " I do believe in fairies, I do believe in Fairies " LOL You made me laugh! Thanks!

Canada.....Eastern Canada...... I am very pleased with my surgeon and his care of me....He was amazing with an amazing rep. I just rolled the dice and came up with the bad odds....Sucks ..But no regrets here!

Yes that is exactly part of the topic here......It is sad. It makes me feel bad that we are so unkind to ourselves and we don't except who we have become and let the rest go.. Learning to love yourself then and now no matter where you are in this life changing challenge!

@@LipstickLady it is all intertwined into our heads. How we feel about ourselves. Our doubts about ourselves. Shame at who we were and so on. There is not just one facet of this situation. Some of us get stuck where we were and then feel so disgusted with ourselves that when posting...I see their hurt and their fear and then wonder if I should have felt that way too. We all read things on here that helped us to learn. Teach us the steps of this journey. But I guess for me I had a moment of self doubt myself. Thinking that I was not disgusted enough with myself...Because I look back on my photo and think there's what you were and here you are now. I am not afraid to show my 380 lb body from the past as it taught me that I really needed help and I asked for it..Should I be ashamed because I was heavier then those who belittle themselves with cruel self destructive comments that are smaller then me at the gate.... I thought about it and no I should not...Do I feel bad for those who continue to be stuck where they were and don't see themselves as reaching out, looking ahead and leaving it in the past..YES I feel bad because I am awe struck by the folks on here that have pushed themselves and are doing it.... I guess I feel bad in both areas...I maybe have to talk a little to myself as well and decide if it was alright that I was 380 lbs. I never thought of it before this week or so. Because of everything I went through. Everything I am going through makes it worth while because I rarely ever think of the 380 lb woman anymore. There, maybe I answered the question already. I am so caught up in the new and improving me. The things I am learning and the forum and those who are coming on here after me, that I for some reason do not look at it that I am horrified at what I was... I started to feel that maybe I did not see how bad it really was. I started to doubt my own thoughts about how I felt about myself before and on this path. If you don't understand....That's okay.....I don't understand everything everyone says either.....

That a girl... @@Teachamy own it!!!!!!

When I was 210 I went to WW and was scared to death about my gain...I did not have any other options at the time that I knew about..If I had I would have taken it even then.....Now these procedures are becoming more in the public eye as they see a need to help us in our fight... Trust me @@Ginger Snaps I would have done it then like you with no guilt......Your one that has caught it before it gets really unhealthy...I admire that in you!

As I said it can be as bad the other way as well.....I just think like I have repeated over and over again..To celebrate the new emerging you and don't pick on her/him for their past....( I am referring to self destructive thoughts ) Not what someone else says...... We have endured enough pain and we can all express it but if you are almost there and you still think you are a horrible person and cannot get past the past......It just makes me feel so bad! That's all!

Boy I hope it does eventually! Or do we just replace one demon for another....I just don't know!

I never said that anyone was judging anyone else...I said that it got me thinking about a whole lot of stuff about myself and how terrible people feel about themselves even after they have gone forward and started to fix it......I think that it is a good thing to not forget where you started. But I think too that you should celebrate the new you emerging and not hold on to the painful way we thought about ourselves.....You are no longer that person as I am not! Like I said maybe it is because I just got home from the hospital after a 6 day stay from another complication...I don't know...I just feel so bad that people loath themselves for who they were in size. They never robbed banks, killed people or caused injury to someone.. .But they treat themselves by their thinking worse then some who have done all these things.... I just want to see everyone enjoying the trek....Not continue to beat themselves up over it.....It is just who I am!!!

That is what we are here for to be supportive to everyone when they are down and out.... I just don't like the way they see themselves and it bothers me in a way because I started to see myself worse in my own eyes then I saw myself before...... Shame does not work but it does effect us in a negative way.......I feel bad but somehow it got to much for me this week. I think because I read it in a number of posts....Self loathing for the past....It has to be put in its place... the past....I understand. I feel the pain for others....But can't help thinking that maybe I did not feel bad enough about myself before I did this....I don't know.....It is just weird for me to explain today. Yesterday it seemed easier!

No it was not anyone specific comment..They were not meant for me or anyone else. It is a situation of self loathing that I read in comments several times lately that got to me....I hate it that we are so destructive to ourselves and some of the remarks made me think that I am wrong to not be more ashamed of myself as I was heavier then a lot of patients on here.... This self abuse leads to negative results and helps no one go forward.....I just think that it is something to be so proud off and give yourself the slap on the shoulder you deserve.....We have all paid dearly for this in one way or another with the goal of improving our health and fixing our brains... Come on guys give yourselves a break and Celebrate where you have come so far..Be proud of it....Own it too!!!! That is all I am saying!

Glad to see you here again @@IzzyBelle Seems to me that life is ticking a long as it should. Nothing comes easy that is worth working for right...We all know that.....There are a lot of good people on here that can encourage you and who like you have experienced a lot of what you are feeling and dealing with.... Stick around and talk about your worries and concerns and we will do our best to make you remember why you were here before.....

Oh my @@Mississippi Girl that was too much praise. Thank you for sharing that I at least had a share in helping you somewhere along the road! That brought tears to my eyes!

I can see where it could be the other way as well @@Miss Mac I think that the trip is difficult for all of us no matter where we started.....We all have our quarrels with ourselves....I just don't want to feel bad that I started where another didn't and if I feel this way...Do others? I think so!

There is no problem with finding someone like yourself to give you confidence and help to see things clearer...I don't have a problem seeking these ones out...My problem is that some who have way less to lose then I had feel so ashamed of themselves they can hardly stand it.... Why? They are no longer those people. They reached out and took a hold of it all and made changes...Be proud of what your doing for yourself and your loved ones.....If they are so ashamed..Where does that leave me at a much larger beginning weight....It makes me feel really bad about myself and I forget about what I have done to change the former person to be a healthier, happier person for myself and my family!

It doesn't matter to me and I really don't feel any kind of way when members post their stories/feelings about their journey. It is not the stories or the facts that get to me. It is the way it comes out. It makes me feel like because I started that much bigger that I should take the walk of real shame if I was that much bigger then someone else who started at a lower weight.....It is just getting to me...maybe it's because I just got out of hospital again and another complication has slowed me down in my true journey..I don't know.. I feel that everyone has the right to tell their story and say how they feel but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I read these comments. It makes me feel like I am so different from others..And I am not...Others managed to get their WLS earlier before the true big issues began.. They are so lucky and yet they still beat themselves up over the past as if now still had made no difference.... I waited 4 years on a list and got sicker and sicker, waiting and waiting and my weight sky rocketed....I'm here and glad I did it and yet I feel like like if it makes no difference to those who started so much less..They are beating themselves up over the past..Where does that leave the ones that started at a much higher weight.....That's what gets me today! I tried not to write it but I just feel so bad for us that we can't get past the damn numbers and celebrate our amazing accomplishments and be dam proud of all of it and the fact that all of us have a second chance at life..All of us equally! That's all I think...

It doesn't make you dense. It makes you someone different then me. That's all okay!

I used myself as an example as I have been bothered by these comments lately...

A friend and I were talking about that today. How everything is laced with sugar. Eating from scratch is not a popular way to cook these days and the food industry is taking advantage of that and adds MSG or sugar to make you want more. The governments are not taking action because they are benefiting from the money made just like big corporations who market this trashy food..The diet food companies also make a mint off of unsuspecting people. The circle repeats itself over and over again....Scary out there what is going on with our food and how we are led to believe we are eating healthier if we eat this or that....Bran, oats, green tea. coffee, milk, fruit juice, breads, fresh fruit..all these things and these are only a few that had their day of being the in thing to eat and how they would reverse or cure what ails us.... When I started this journey I did not want to become one of those people who look after their temple kind of attitude. But I find now I have no choice but to be cautious @playlikeworldchamps. My system has changed so much since surgery that I read every label and prepare food from scratch 90 % of the time......High salt content and refined sugar..seems to make the world go round!

The pain of a gall bladder is not mild. Like the poster before me it is knee bending screaming pain the resonates through the middle of your back, and sometimes down your arms. Throwing up and buckling under the pain is common...I think personally your blocked up a bit and it will pass if you take a mild laxative..( stool softener ). but you are right you should check all things out with your team to make sure you are not an exception to the rule and you experience tolerable pain... I remember when I had my attack the one that finished me off the doctor said to me..." Labor is nothing compared to this eh." Boy was he right...Mine went just after I had lost 100 lbs. about 10 years ago...Common side effect of weight loss....