smitten4glitter

Again here I sit after having the same insane conversation with myself that I've had a BILLION!!! times, it makes me feel so CRAZY and disfunctional to have this same exact internal conversation, as to should I have this or shouldn't I have this wls. I must admit I was like...yup it's time seriously..it's time to have it done, I had abandoned all fear and thought to myself..self you can do this you NEED to do this your so young, blah blah blah. Then I read a post that for the life of me I CANT ESCAPE!!!! I don't know how to do all that cool stuff where you attach the thread sorry:( but anyhow the woman is pretty much in hell trying to recover from her surgery and has been an unfortunate 1%'er. So I have slowly slipped back into the I can just work out and eat better..ha who am I kidding? I know I want this sooo bad and need this soo bad but I just can not rationalize putting myself and my family through this. It's only the 3 of us my hubby and awesome 11 y/o daughter who has finally accepted that things will be good for me if I do this. I'm realizng that my own loss of my Mother has me paralyzed with fear that I could leave my daughter Motherless or caring for a mother way to early in her young life. For the most part I'm very hea;thy other than the weight thing;) and I know many of you will comment that I could get hit by a car and die that way, or that I could die from a comorbidty related diease. Urrghh I'm so tired of being so tired and pretty much don't want to give up but really who am I kidding. I'm ready to do this but soooooo terribly scared what "doing this" could mean for my family and me if things don't go as planned. Anyone out there that can shed some light or expereince I would appreciate. I have been off the baords for a week or so becuase i'm just so confused? thx

Hi everyone, again thanks for all the input. Igychick I did read your story as well (yikes) but the one that got me completley freaked out before you posted yours was the one titled buyers remorse. It has shaken me to the core and has brought up all the reasons as to why I have not made this life changing decision for the good or the bad.I completely agree with being completly comitted before embarking on anything, everything is mental, which is why I'm so confused on this. I have tackled many things in my life others would have never been able to do. I am a goal oriented person. I've served in the freaking U.S. Army for crying out loud I'm a tuff girl. I guess at the end of the day it scares the hell out of me knowing I could be a burden to my daughter and husband and that I could completly botch myself when I could just continue the way I'am and be... well just be. What I have decied to do for myself is to seek out "profesional help" (lol) I'm gonna get a therapist lined up so at least i can get the ball rolling and look at this maybe from a new direction? Again thanks to all who have taken the time. I'm grateful to have found this site and not feel alone on this crazy journey no matter how it goes;) Also I'm going to look into attending a support group from those that have or are in the process of vsg. It's a start in the direction I'm wanting to move in. P.S. thanks for the links I'll be using them;)

thanks for the honesty everyone shared with us;)

Good morning everyone, thanks for replying. I had to just get that off my chest. You all gave me alot of food for thought. I so appreciate it too. My mind has been in overdrive about this. I have another question which I feel is a HUGE piece to the puzzle. I know that I want to seek out a therapist, In my brain if I'm gonna do this....I'm gonna do this. I know that I need to look at everything not just calories in calories out..which seem so simple right;) But I know that I need to deal with the root of the problem as a few of you mentioned. So what kind of thearpist do I seek out? I've never been to one but I'm sure I could benefit from thearpy. Can those of you who have done "all" your homework and have sought out therapy tell me which kind to see? Thanks again it means alot that you would take your time to read my crazy ideas and issues:)

I can only speak to when I was in the Army back in 98'. If you had any type of surgery you had to have waivers and clearence from both your docs and the military docs at MEPS. Depending on the demand of your MOS and the Military they may be willing to get your waivers in order but again this is the military and it's hurry up and wait:) Miss those days I was in great shape!!

thanks for all who posted, you have shed light on a lot of questions I have had for quite some time. I've been looking into the band for 3 years and decided maybe the sleeve instead, kinda glad i gave myself all this time to really get some feed back both negative and positive before I take the plunge:) I've never been to keen on the idea of the port and fills and sliming and all of that but bypass scared me to due to malnutrion and all of that so I think that the sleeve thus far is the best for me. Just wish there were more statistics for people with the sleeve who are longer out like 5-10years. The longest I've seen was 4 years out. again thanks

ditto!

I LOVE Sephora!!! It is one of my all time favs..Never got into clothes I hate shopping for clothes, but makeup no thats my kind of shopping!!! Congrats

you give me hope that I can do this thanx:)

wishing you the best on a speedy recovery:)

I'm very new to this forum, but have read some great threads. Today I stumbled on a thread that scared the hell out of me and is a complete refelction of why I have not been able to go thru with any sort of wls. I've looked into it for 3 years now, but I'm constantly haunted by the 1% of people where all goes wrong or at least one thing goes terribly wrong for them. My question is: How are those of you who have had or are already well on their way to having this wls able to take the leap of faith? I am genuienly a glass is full kind of girl and have a ton of moral support from my husband. I want this sooooo bad, but I'm just some damn scared that something can go wrong. My husband said well just becuase people get into devistating car accidents everyday some worse than others this doesn't hold you back from driving right. He's a smart one I tell you;) If there is anyone out there that could chime in on this I would appreciate it. I get so close to saying I'm just gonna do it but being that I REALLY want to know all aspect of this serious lifestyle change we are embarking on I get really scared by the 1%

LOL Tracy! Yes I did the whole bootcamp thing in the Army and actually I was a pretty good soldier I was always there to encourage others and help others with their runs and ruck marches etc. somehwere between the Army, Motherhood and losing my Mother, I lost that girl inside of me. I guess I kinda felt like it was all too much... to many plates to spin at once and I couldn't keep them all going so the first one to crash down was me:( This whole surgery for me isn't about wether I think I'm worth it or deserve it..rather than I know I deserve I'm worth it and deserve it and it would benefit my entire life and those around me. I have taken a huge step in confronting that fear with the help of those of you that reply to my questions and those that share thier stories the good and the bad. Thanks again, you all have given me so much to think about and make me feel like I'm not completley crazy from saying yes then no then yes;)

thanks for you honesty. I really appreciate your honesty about it and shedding light on all aspects of your amazing journey. All the best to you;)

How can I view these? When I try to click on the attachment nothing happens?

Wow thanks for all the input..I knew from the minute I started reading a few threads here yesterday that I had found a community of people who get me, so naturally I signed up:) It's been a great support to have questions I have...answered. You have all said something to me that I can take from and I appreciate that truly. Tracy thanks for reminding me to keep things in perspective. I know that when I talk to my "real self" alone in my own thoughts and in my own heart, I want this I REALLY REALLY want this. I just need that girl to show up more often and stick around becuase the girl in me that is scared is also the girl who can't seem to loose weight on her own or manage working out either. That scared girl is the same one that I allow to self doubt and do the constant belittling and keep me in the same downward spiral on a daily basis for the most part of the day. I just need to stay in that space that sees me on the opposite end of this battle, running a marathon and being stronger and fitter than I was or at least as great as I was in the Army. Again thanks:)

Congrats!

thanks:) more fortune cookie wisdom: Sometimes in speechlessness there is silence...and in silence there we find our answers;) be silent and speechless and be well with it if even for a minute.

All I can say is WOW, I saw the title and thought that I needed to know it all the good the bad and the ugly. I have been thinking of wls for 3 years now. I always end of thinking of exactly the type of things that you are going thru, and then I try to get back into woriking out and eating better only to feel defeated again. I have an extremely supportive hsuband, but I feel terrible that I could potentialy put him in a situation much like your daughters feeling helpless and frustrated as I go thru hell. I take into consideration the 1% very seriously so serioulsy that I haven't been able to commit. Yet I want soooo badly to take the plunge and hope just as you did I'm sure that all will be fine. More confussed now than ever? I was looking into the band and bypass when I heard someone mention the sleeve on another forum a year ago, which lead me here. I've read of lots of success stories but it's always these that are always an echo in my mind asking me are you sure you want to do this...I honestly wish you the best and a speedy recovery and answers that will leads you there. Most importantly I want to expend the energy to hopefuly manifest someone with the proper knowledge and medical background who can give you the attention you need and get you on your way to the life you signed up for. I'm thankful for your post and appreciate your cander and honesty. I hope today is better than those you've had:)

Hi stonecutter, all the best. I'm just getting started, but I have found this to be a great forum! Chin up, believe it or not you are ment to be exactly where you are exactly right now for what ever reason is not yet known:)( maybe I've read to many fortune cookies )

Hi my name is Denise, I have been toying with WLS for around 3 years...yes I'm chicken and a bit of an over thinker I have been looking into mainly the lapband but remeber hearing about the "sleeve" on a forum a year or so ago, so I thought I would look into it today. Initially I was refferd for gastric bypass by my pcp, but that seemed so extreme, then I discovered the band . I have talked myself in and out of this to many times to even really know? I went in for a consultatin and even had the surgery date, went in had labs done and the whole bit, only to find out that my surgery had been cancelled 2 days before surgery, due to insufficeint documentation for UHC ins. I took it as a "sign" that maybe I'm just not the kinda girl that needs this...I could do it on my own if I just got real serious and stuck to a plan...Well here I am still 3 years latter having the same conversations with myself and my AWESOME super supportive husband (i'm sure he's so over hearing about it all). I am fortunate that I really do have an amazing amount of support from him. His attitude is he knows this is a serious change I would be making and he will be by my side for the journey and is excited to change his habits as well. We have been married just about 17 years. I'm 35 and we have an 11 yo daughter..who is not a fan of me having surgery. Right now I feel very vulnerable, lonley and just at my wits end with not being able to make a decission due to being paralyzed by fear of having everything that could go wrong...go wrong. I've NEVER had a surgery and have only been to the hospital twice in my life...to be born and give birth. I havent always been overweight actually I'm a veteran of the U.S. Army (hoorah) Wow am I rambling... I just need to really feel some support and not feel like I'm crazy for going back and forth 20 times an hour, it's more exhausting having this darn internal conversation than it would be to just exercise:)anyhow I hope I havent scared anyone away but felt that I could find support and answers and possibly what I've been looking for with WLS on this forum and with this procedure verses others. Thanks for reading. Have a great day!

Hey thanks for the feed back! I've had so many changes recently, we moved from AZ to CA one of my long time dreams was to live in CA and so here we are husbands got a great job with insurance that will cover wls (yippie) last time when I looked into we were going to have to self pay..we even withdrew from his 401K to pay for it after ins denied but as I mentioned I thought of it as a "sign" well the only sign I see is that I'm still fat and not happy. I have conquered many things in my life I quit smoking at the drop of a hat when I joined the army and never picked it back up but for a short time when my Mother passed away. But why can't I conquer this? Sleeve Master I appreciate you showing the light that yes if we follow the Doc orders more than likely things will be ok. I just know that it's a BIG deal and I'm really thinking this over (3years):)maybe to much thinking:) hehehe.. But I realize the change and effect this will have on my life as well as my family. I have known 2 people (thier) spouses who have had bypass and have had a terrible time which has scared the HELL out of me. I know it's time to put my big girl panties on and get on with it. I do believe the sleeve is sounding like the best of both worlds? Can you tell me why the sleeve over the other 2 procedure for you guys? thanks again it really has made my day that you all took the time to read and reply.