dexter

So, I've been reading about the chia. Should I let them gel or just eat them straight with LOTS of water? I'm still pre-op so my use for them is more hunger control and internal sweeping. So, wet or dry? And same benefits either way?

She really is trying to understand this all and help me with my future food choices. She's worried about my puréed food stage. So, yesterday she gave me an early birthday gift. She bought me a super blender that just grinds up everything. She really wants me to be able to put whatever the family is eating into the blender so I can have 'real' food while on the purée stage. In my family, food=love. She's trying. Without food, she's lost- so this is her next best way.

I just need to keep her in the loop and educate her as well. If I don't watch out, I may end up with every kitchen gadget known to man!

I'm not sleeved yet but I've been instructed to drink as if I were. I agree with the Sobe Life Zero. I don't feel left out at convenience stores. I've become a lover of loose tea. Have my own special brewing pot and enjoy ordering and trying new types. It takes time to make and prepare so I make it at night. Just the little ritual seems to stave off the late night munchies for me.

Go to the 'damn u ambien' thread in the post-op section. A sleever started it because she woke up eating food she shouldn't. We've given lots of examples of other things we've found ourselves doing throughout that thread. A real eye opener!

Am required to do this. I took a sleeping pill 3 hours ago. 2 of those hours has been a full blown panic attack. But the little techs say 'you have to do this or you don't get the surgery". Put the thing up your nose or you get a cpap". At this moment 12/32 am) I woul choose death in my sleep. I don't sleep well. The stars need to be aligned right for me to sleep. What rear end hat thought this would be good?? WHY ARE THE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE HELPING ME PUNISHING MY FATTNESS? Holding my new life hostage for a few more papes of data that say I'm on distrsss???!! I want out of here!!! I want these wires off me!!!!!!!!

Update: The psychiatrist believes the sleep meds were making my anxiety worse and helped bring on the panic attack. I'm going in for ANOTHER sleep study but with the mask this time. I stopped breathing for 30 seconds twice during the last study and apparently that means I need a mask. I'll do what I need to do to get to surgery. This time I'm armed and very dangerous. The psych and surgeon agreed and sent me home with 4 Xanax. One to try out this past week to see how it works and how it makes me feel. The other 3 are for me to dole out over the sleep study. I also upped the ante a bit. My hubby has a cpap machine. So tonight I had him hook me up so I can feel it. As soon as he clicked it on, I started to cry. Lots of anxiety, but hubby layed down next to me and just let me work through. He's also going to make the trip with me and stay with me until he sees I'm calm enough to be left alone. We're leaving the boys alone for the first time. They are 14 & 15 and their grandma lives .10 of a mile away. She'll keep an eye on them. They plan to stay up all night and play video games. But my family is so supportive of me. We are calling this a trial run for surgery.

Dexter. Not the tv show. I had an old cat and he decided to make a bed out of a boot box. Yes, Dexter boots. My friends stared to call the cat dexter and now I use it for online nicknames.

Seems like the family members who are least supportive of me are husband's sisters. When we are all together, I'm the thin one! I think it's odd that the sisters of all people should understand WHY. Or maybe they just hate me. The first Christmas with my husband, his family anonymously gave me a jar a mayo. The people who have given me the most support are my friends who have had body issues the other way (too thin) or discriminated against for another reason (deaf, gay, female bodybuilder). Sometimes family is really not the best support out there.

Decided I was only hurting myself at a time I really need support. The road there is pretty trying. And even tougher with only a select few knowing. So I looked on my Facebook friend list, selected family and friends who really know me and updated my status. This is how I keep in touch daily with some of the people who may know me best. I stated my intentions, what I need from those who support me and then what I don't need. And as of right now, I've got 12 more people supporting my decision to be sleeved than I did this morning. I even had one friend say he didn't like that I felt I needed surgery but that he supported me nonetheless. And I admire that. I know some friends will delete me and maybe even some family members. And it will hurt. But not as much as feeling ashamed of my decision and needed to keep a secret. And definitely not as much as one day really needing their support and not having it. Nope. I'm out and I'm proud. I'll be checking in to my sleep study on Saturday. I'll be 'liking' my surgeon's office. And I'll be announcing my surgery date as soon as I know it - all over Facebook. I should weigh myself. Because right now I feel a ton lighter.

I've gotten lots of "well, you know what's best for you" comments. I know many are backhanded in nature, but I respond in my head with "Yes! I do know what's best for me!" these comments come from (surprise or not) very overweight family members. The most support has come from friends (twins) who are very thin & get accused of taking drugs or being anorexic. Also from friends who have been discriminated againt. My deaf friends, gay friends and even one who is a female bodybuilder. People fascinate me. They really do.

Thank you all! It really is refreshing. I'm too social of a person to keep something like this secret. It feels good. Really does.

Oh, it's my second sleep study. First one was a week and a half ago. Resulted in a full blown panic attack! Now with Xanax and hubby in tow, I'm gearing up for the one with the mask. I read my study and it doesn't quite jive with my night. Said I had more sleep than I had. Says I have mild sleep apnea but stopped breathing twice in the night but still they say I need a mask. I think it's crap but it's standing between me and my goal so I'll play the game. But, that's just me. Just another hurdle. No problem.

So, how do they get your stomach out? They do take the useless part out, right? It sounds stupid but I really would like to know and I keep forgetting to ask and my family keeps asking me this.

I did my 'dirty texting' when I thought I was asleep. I kept it in the nightstand and took it while in bed. It still took a while to kick in (I've always had trouble falling asleep) but I stayed in bed. It was only after my friends would tell me the next morning that I knew what I did. When a person is having a little ambien episode, they can appear to be normal and alert. My husband would come to bed and not realize I was 'asleep'. He'd tell me good night and to not stay up too late chatting.

Make that "version in my head". Darn you auto correct! You dont know me well enough to finish my sentences!

Oh no. I don't want to see an actual surgery. The bloodless ickiless erosion in my head is fine with me. I thought it came out a little incision, just had to be sure. Guess they just fold it like a cocktail napkin and slide it out. Now I'm picturing a magic trick involving scarves and stomach incisions.

Your body doesn't digest corn. I wouldn't put your pouch through that. Besides, it's just carbs - not good for us sleevers

Saw the psychiatrist today. He said Ambien is a psychotropic and a recent panic attack I had may have been exacerbated by it! (i was given a rx for just one to help with a sleep study) He doesn't like the stuff at all. I'm with him there! Just thought I'd pass this along.

Thank you all for your support. Today I was given hope that this first part truly has been a test. The psych consult went well and together with the dr., they have prescribed Xanax for my LAST sleep test. Psych thinks the ambien actually made panic attack worse. Since I've never taken Xanax, they both want me to try one (I get 3, so just a temp thing) so I know the effects and minimize anxiety. I have a deadline to lose my 15 pounds for a little under a month and a diet plan devised by the nut. Riding a bike 4x a week. Hopefully this time next month, I'll have a date.

Am just in the middle of the process and am wondering if I'm string enough to do this. I have already had one horrific sleep study done and face another one this weekend. When I tried to reach out during my panic attack, folks on this thread attacked me for needing help and not just sleeping. I wanted to run then. Rip all wires off and run. But I stayed. Now, tomorrow I do physio, nut & psych. Three people telling me I'm fat, lazy & depressed. No kidding! I seek comfort in food yet I can't because I need to lose 15 pounds before I'm even given a surgery date. When does it get better?! Is pre-op a test to see who can survive to the end? I hate my meat suit more now than before I started this! It has all come into sharp focus and I really hate what I see! At the end of the day (or wee hours of the morning), all I have is just me. No cheerleaders, no support, no distractions. This board is even getting hardto read with all the "yay! I got a date" posts. I'll be one of those people too, but right now everything seems to shine a white hot spotlight on the fact that I am fat and very unhappy. Seriously, did anyone feel they could not continue? Did anyone feel like they were going crazy during pre-op?

I'm in a really rough spot. I don't get a sleeve date until I lose 15 pounds. Set in stone. What I don't know is how soon after the 15 I'll have the surgery. So, my pre-op diet could potentially last a lot longer than I really want. My weakness isnt really a particular food. It's the time of day. I can drink tea and protein shakes all day long but right before bedtime, the pantry calls. That lonely stand-before-the-fridge-and-stare thing. It just feels humiliating and shameful to take something out and eat it with a heavy heart. Back on track: it would be wonderful to have a deadline. I could hit it hard and do it. The whole vague up to me deadline is pretty hard.

I would send REALLY dirty and REALLY explicit texts to my friends (married, single, male and female). Really everyone but my husband! But I'd also send very dark messages when I was in a depressive low. So bad that friends called hubby to make sure I was okay. With help from my hubby and best gf, I kicked my habit. Split your Ambien in half then after a week or two- THROW IT AWAY. Tapering was easier than I thought and I was on that poison for over a year.

There are some places that frisk you for food. I swear I could have a knife and an apple in my bag and they would confiscate my apple! That's how it is at a local water park. I like the note from your doctor for those outside food nazis. Wouldn't it be great if we could have "permission to bring own food" on a medi-alert bracelet?!

I'm still pre-op. they've been saying I need to be prepared for how everything changes post-op. but no one told me leading up to it would just destroy me. I've cried more now than when my dad died. Every day another branch of this surgery calls with bad news or another hoop I need to jump through. This is the most mentally taxing thing I have ever endured. I refuse to give up but I am regretting even letting myself hope for a different life and really hating myself more than ever. I feel like I am being punished for being fat and if I survive the hazing then I get rewarded with this still imaginary sleeve date. I need good news so desperately. Please. If you want to cut me down more, fine. Just keep it to yourself. I don't really need to be kicked more. I feel alone with not being able to tell anyone. I can't share my feelings. This stupid journey has just isolated me more and made me hate this body I'm trapped in more than before.