Frustrated

Good morning family, I have my breast surgery booked for March 12. I'm excited. :biggrin2: It'll be great to get my girls evened up again. I've been very self-conscious of the fact that I'm lop-sided, even though I have a prosthesis to put inside my bra to fix things up. Sometimes I forget to put it in before I leave the apartment and I'm walking around with my left hand resting on my right shoulder to cover up my smaller breast. I'm just glad it's finally getting fixed and should be healed (*touch wood*) in time for summer. I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to spending time by the pool for the first time in years. Decades. I can even look at bathing suits and not cringe. I'll never be able to wear a bikini, and I probably wouldn't be able to get away with anything that doesn't have that skirt part in the front. But there'll be more of a choice for me this time around. I won't feel like I'm buying a suit that my grandmother would wear. :blushing::huh2: I'm feeling so much better since I got a slight unfill. I'm not struggling to get fluids down. Although I do still have problems with cold water. I have to drink it at room temperature and it doesn't taste nearly as nice as when it's cold. :wub: I managed a few soft vegetables and the sauce from the beef stew I made yesterday. I adore my slow cooker! And they went down without any problems. I could feel after about 1/4 cup that I'd had enough though. I would have liked to have eaten more, but didn't want another setback with PBing. My appetite is making an appearance again *boooooo!*, but I expected that. So I was always of the belief that I ate whenever I got bored. Well with the overtight restriction I had, when I was bored there was no way I could have even contemplated getting food inside me. Even a slider food like ice cream. So now I'm confused because that's one theory or excuse that I can't use. I can be bored and not eat. :smile2: I need to find another strategy when my boredom hits. Obviously I can go without food. I need a diversion every time I think of reaching for a snack. That means making rules for myself. It's how I get my daily intake of water in. My rule is to take a sip out of my bottle each time I bring up a new window if I'm online, or each time I finish a chapter in my book if I'm reading, or each time an ad break comes on the television if I'm watching that. I just need to find the right rule....... Hm, I'll think on that one a little bit. Well, that's just ramblings from my widdle head for the morning. Off to do chores! Heh, if only I were THAT enthusiastic about it. :ohmy:

PB = productive burping. When you burp and it's more than just air.

Exercise - Do I like it? No. :smile2: I don't like having to drink all my Water. I don't always like having to eat/drink all my Protein. These things are just necessary evils. A price I have to, and am willing to, pay to be healthier and no longer obese. Some days one or more of these tasks are harder than on other days. What I've discovered for myself is that I always, ALWAYS feel better about myself on the days I've exercised. Even if I've had to beat myself up to do so. It not only benefits me physically, mentally I feel like I've accomplished something for the day. During my recent bout of flu, when I couldn't get any fluids down, being out in the fresh air did me wonders. Stand by for a stroll down Ruby's memory highway.... :biggrin2: I had an aunt I used to visit for vacations as a child who would make us walk with her every evening. We'd complain about being too tired, or she walked too far, or there was something good on tv, or it was too dark or any excuse we could think of to get out of it. But she wouldn't have it. And to stop us complaining the entire time she made up a game for us. We'd walk by a home and try to imagine the type of people that lived in there. What did the father do for a job? Were there any children? What kind of furniture did they have in their rooms? Or she'd make us look at the home and tell us what our favorite thing about it was. It could be the door knocker, or the tree in the yard, or the cute puppy, or anything. We'd build entire lives around homes and add to them each evening when we walked by once again. And pretty soon we'd discover we were enjoying ourselves. In the end it became a tradition that I looked forward to every time I visited her. Where I'm living now, in an apartment complex, there's not a lot of opportunity to go house browsing like my aunt taught us. But I always think of her when all the exercise I can muster for a day is to walk around the neighborhood for 20 minutes. For me it's psychologically healthy to do something, anything during the day. The one and only excuse I'll accept now is being too ill to get out of bed.

For me my band gets tighter during that TOM. But that's only been the case with my last 2 periods. And it wouldn't surprise me in the least if that suddenly changed with no warning either. :smile2: About the only thing that's consistent for me is change. :huh2: If I had to pay $300 for a fill I'd make damn sure I needed one first. If I had any doubt, I'd wait. That's a lot of money. Especially if you get it and then all of a sudden have to deal with a fill that's too tight and have to get some removed. I don't know if you have to pay for that as well. My advice would be to wait another week or so to see how you go. I did this and I probably ended up waiting too long. But my weight didn't care that I was taking my time. :tongue2: As it turned out I still got too much of a fill..... but that's another story.

That's right. I have a 12oz can of tuna in front of me and on the label it gives you a breakdown of calories/fat/protein etc per serving. It also tells you what their serving size is. In this case it's 2oz drained. So when you read the labels on any food or drink you buy, be aware that the values they give aren't necessarily for the entire can or bottle. It's for what they consider a serving. :smile2:

My advice would be to wait a little while and pack on some more weight. When they measure your height, slouch as much as you can. One inch can make a huge difference as far as BMI is concerned. Lap band surgeons want you as a customer, so they're going to give you all kinds of advice to get you to where you need to be. It would be in your best interest to have the BMI you need to qualify for surgery, else you risk being declined the first time. That kind of set-back is really stressful and depressing. So wait until you're more sure you fit the criteria for being approved before your documents are submitted to the insurance company.

OOOO now there's a challenge! :biggrin: That's the type of comment I would use to drive me to achieve a goal. I'd love to get rid of my tummy too. It's my biggest problem. I've been very lucky this time that that's where the most weight loss difference has occurred. It's never been like that before. I'm hoping to get a TT and I know a lot of surgeons prefer that you get to within 20lbs of your goal weight. This morning I noticed bingo wings under my arms, :biggrin: and my inner thighs are a lot more flabby than they used to be too. I still don't think I'd go for a full body lift though. Not if it put my financial goal too far out of reach for me. I'd rather save for a TT only and get that than have to forgo everything because I couldn't afford all of it. Keep nagging away at your PS and you may be able to turn him to the dark side. :thumbup:

Morning ladies, Marcy, I checked out that link you posted. Wow! Looks cold. I was complaining here this morning because it was 40 degrees. We didn't get any snow this winter and it doesn't look like it'll come at all. My son is disappointed but I'm not. I'm not a sun worshiper by any means, but I don't do cold. :frown: Tooting your own horn I remembered that I wanted to say something about this last night. Ya'know, I love it when you all get excited about the accomplishments you make and share it with me. It's contagious. I've never felt like you were rubbing your achievements in my face. Quite the contrary. It's more like "hey, look what I've done! You can do it too!" I eat all that stuff up. And the good thing is it doesn't have any calories. It inspires me to keep going and not give in to the demons that continually knock on my door. Sometimes I let them in, we all do. But they're sent on their way a LOT sooner because of the support I have here than with any other weight loss method I've known. When my self esteem was low, I couldn't accept a compliment. If someone told me I looked nice, I'd always find a negative response. Always. It's only very recently that I've been able to respond with "Thank you. I feel good too." And a lot of that has to do with what I read here. Seeing the enthusiasm and pride from everyone when they achieve a NSV has made me realise that even the smallest of goals is reason to celebrate. Spaghetti Squash Phyl, that recipe sounds yum. I've never tried spag squash so I think I'll give it a try one day soon. Provided I can find any in the stores. I guess it would work just as well with other types of squash, although you wouldn't get that spaghetti texture. Canestan - Thanks peaches for that suggestion. I already have a tube of that but I haven't tried it yet. I've tried the athletes foot cream and powder and they kind of work, but don't clear things up altogether. I just need to find the right cocktail of things I guess. So I'm going to go through all of the suggestions I've got here and switch them around and stuff. Part of me wants to clear this up completely, part of me wants it to be a problem so I'll qualify for insurance coverage. :thumbup: Exercise I got back on the treadmill today and yesterday. Yesterday was HARD work, today was a little easier. I'm not going to make my goal this month, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I couldn't do anything for a couple of weeks because I was sick. That's not an excuse I just made up to kid myself, so I don't feel guilty at all. I know I exercised a lot more than I did last February. :biggrin2: Well, now I have to face my housework. It's not going to do itself. See you all a little later. :biggrin2:

I think you should explain to your surgeon that it's impractical for you to go back down there at this point in time. Ask if there's anything your local office can do for you in the meantime. Ask if there are tests they can do and send the results to him for his analysis. Tell him you'd rather exhaust all local options first before having to make a trip there that is expensive financially and time-wise. If there's a fault with the band, you'll probably have to go down there to get it repaired, but I don't see the point in going down there if it's not a faulty band and waste a trip. Try other possibilities first.

I'm here too. I just got back about half an hour ago from seeing my surgeon. He took some of my fill out. I explained how I hadn't been able to get any food down for about 3 weeks now and that I could only get fluids down in the afternoon. Anything before that or after 9pm would just come straight back out again or have me up all night with reflux problems. So they removed .125ccs. Half of what I got at my last fill. I'm very happy with that. :woot: I'm not really looking forward to any appetite I may get as a result, but I know it's better for me to be able to get proper food and protein into my body. I'm on fluids for the next 2 days, the same procedure as after a fill, and then I can see how mushies go. I'm looking forward to getting back on track. It was wonderful to see the scale go down consistently, but I was miserable a lot of the time. Having the flu on top of it didn't help any. Rashes - thank you everyone for your suggestions. I'm going to try them ALL. I have always have sensitive skin. I use Dove soap and wash my clothes in hypo-allergenic liquids. Even when I'm careful I can still break out in an eczema rash without problem. I have a shelf in my bathroom cabinet dedicated to lotions and potions just for that. I've already tried most of them with my tummy rash, with mixed results. It doesn't hurt to have other methods to attack this with. Part of me wants to get rid of it yesterday, another part of me wants to use this with the insurance company to help with a TT approval. I think I'll time a visit to the doctor's between subsequent outbreaks just to keep things on record in case I need it. Shopping - well I went shopping this weekend. It's not a favorite activity of mine, but I was still excited because I was going to the normal section. :tt1: You were dead right Janet, there are SOOOOOOO many choices there. At least in the BBW section there are only 2 choices; clothes that fit and clothes that don't. When looking for jeans I was given choices of classic rise, low rise, lowest rise, straight, boot cut, flared, long, short, regular :eek: It was daunting! I started with a few different styles of 14s, none of them fit! :sad2: In a good way! They were all too big! :w00t: So I went down to 12s and some of them fit, some of them didn't. I made the insane decision to try on a pair of 10s They fit too! :w00t: I ended up buying 2 pairs of 12s and a pair of 10s. I was on top of the world. :biggrin2: I don't ever remember buying a pair of 10s. Not this century anyway. :cryin: So that's my latest NSV. :Yawn: There were other things I wanted to respond to, but kidzheimers has struck and I can't remember anymore. I need to fix dinner and I'll come back and read through the thread again to jog my forgettory and get back later this evening. Thanks for all they help you guys in getting me to where I am today. Yes, it's your fault as much as mine that I'm feeling this good.

Vex, Is it at all possible for you to get your fills somewhere local to you? Perhaps call your surgeon's office and explain to them that you can't afford the time and money for the trip, and would they be able to recommend someone in your area. Do you get your fills done under fluoro? I do and I can see when I swallow the barium how my pouch will fill up or empty out quickly until they adjust the fill in my port. It's pretty interesting. And kind of funny to see your spine and bra clasps in the picture as well.

Actually I don't think those are your only choices. While I'm going through this journey I intend to take my son along with me. It's been tough seeing myself for what I really am. Correction; what I WAS. Places like McD's, Burger King and Taco Bell weren't my choice because of convenience. They were my choice because I wanted to go there and indulge. Needing something fast and available was all the excuse I needed to go there. Now I have my son plan his Snacks if we need to be somewhere and shop with me. I got the shock of my life when he asked "What kind of fruit can I get for snacks?" My response was "Whatever you want and as much of it as you think you need!" Prior to this I thought I was doing good by limiting him to one pack of variety chips or Cookies per shopping trip. When he's given free reign of what he can choose from in the produce section, it's pretty much a guarantee that it's not only going to be good for him, he's going to eat it because HE chose it. I've also got him helping out in the kitchen come meal time. He makes his own healthy pizza. It only takes 15 or so minutes tops to get it all together, as he can't always decide what he wants, but I know he's getting his veg and Protein during meal times. It's the same if we're going to have a Pasta dish. He'll make the choices of what he wants in his sauce and we'll make it from there. Sometimes he likes the combo he's chosen, sometimes not. But just like me, he's discovering a new world of food. Together we make his lunch in the evening for the following day. And he'll choose his snack and what he wants on his sandwich. Then it's put in the fridge and popped in his bag before he heads out the door in the morning. Children learn bad eating habits from their parents. And I got him off to a horrible start. But we're both going down a different path now. And even though he still asks for McD's or Burger King, I've limited those visits to once a month when we have a "date night" and he gets to choose a restaurant. What's interesting is that he's choosing McD's and BK less and less these days. My suggestion would be to get your kids involved more in their food choices and put some of the responsibility for that on them. Even little toddlers can make a packed snack of choice if you get them to prepare ahead of time and not leave it to mom to do everything for them. It also teaches responsibility and independence.

This didn't start happening for me until my last two visits. At first I didn't make the connection until someone else pointed out that they get tight just before AF is due. It made sense. The only problem is, nobody seems to know what to do about the extra tightness during those few days. Except live through it. I think if you're considering getting a fill, you should time it for just after your period. That way it will give you some time to get used to any "normal" restriction you may have before it comes along and tightens things up again. If you're struggling with restriction at the best of times, having AF added to the equation will make things a LOT harder. Believe me, I know. I've gone through the flu, too tight restriction and AF all at once just recently.

I just adjusted my ticker today. I'm 2/3 of the way to my goal. :w00t: I'm feeling better but still a long way from even thinking about getting food in. But at least the liquids are going down okay, even if sometimes I have to force myself to finish the whole cup. At times the slower I go, the harder it is. So definitely know I need some taken out. I'm actually going shopping this weekend. I was going to go last, but got sick. But my jeans especially look silly on me now. I'm pretty excited and I don't really like shopping. I know, since I tried on 14s and 12s 2 weeks ago, that I'll be able to shop in the normal section and not feel out of place. And I'll actually be able to look at myself in the mirror when I try them on. That's a big NSV for me. Typically I'd try things on and if I could bend over comfortably in them, they fit. I hardly ever looked in the mirror to see what I looked like in them. So I'm looking forward to that. There's a question I wanted to ask you all. Especially those who have lost a lot of weight. I have this "apron" of fat now that is my stomach. It's droopy and hangs over my privates. I'm struggling off and on with a rash in the crease area. Probably because it hangs down and gathers moisture from daily sweating and stuff. I was just wondering if anyone else out there has this problem? I've heard that sometimes you can get insurance to pay, or partially pay, for a tummy tuck if you have continuous problems like how Nichole did for her breast reduction. Anybody know anything? At the moment I'm trying different creams and my doctor suggested an anti-fungal powder, but so far I haven't found anything that will clear it up. Sometimes the powder will dry things out, but I still have a red rash there. The rash isn't itchy when it's dry. It's just a little uncomfy because I know it's there. When it gets a little moist, there's also a not so pleasant odor there (sorry if it's TMI). Kind of like when you don't clean and wipe your belly button out.

Actually for me it's the other way around. I was a deflated DD. The only reason I fit a DD was because I lifted them up and stuffed them into my bra. Now I'm a full H. My boobs (at least the one that's healthy) don't rest on my stomach. My nipples don't point to the ground. It looks the same inside a bra as it does out. My unhealthy breast is probably a sad looking D at the moment. My initial surgery in November cost me $6,300. This fix-it isn't going to cost me anything as it will be done under the surgeon's insurance. He's able to claim due to a faulty implant. While the implant itself may not have had any issues, I developed an infection because of it, and therefore he's covered that way. So it won't cost me anything more for the fix.

It's good to have you back Phyl. I wanted to thank you again (I can't remember if I thanked you to begin with :smile2: ) for the papaya enzyme suggestion. Believe it or not, those and chewable vitamins were the only sustenance I had for a couple of days.

I hear what you're saying bigunc. Back in the bad old days I wouldn't hesitate to go to these places and kid myself into thinking I was eating healthy because I added a salad to my burger(s) and shake. :smile2: Oh how this band has made me see the light. I think I'll pick up a copy of that book. I *think* I'm making healthier choices for myself now, but doesn't hurt to be sure.

To be honest with you, when I want to treat myself to a meal out at a restaurant, the last place that comes to mind is McD's or Taco Bell or any of those types of chains. I don't consider them restaurants, I consider them fast fat outlets. :smile2:

Karri I find that drinking a cup of Senna tea helps to keep me regular and comfortably loose. Not so loose that it's diarrhea, but loose enough that I don't have to strain to go. You may have pulled a muscle somewhere through straining. You should be able to find it in a health store like GNC or Vitamin Shoppe. I don't drink Senna tea all the time, but when I haven't been for more than 3 days I'll start on it. At the moment I have nothing to evacuate, so it doesn't surprise me that I haven't gone for a couple of days. But I always keep track of how often I go. It's not a pleasant task, but one that's necessary. :smile2:

I've just got back with an appointment with my plastic surgeon about my boob fix and he said I'm ready to go. I explained to him that I wasn't. My head wants me to fix this yesterday, but with the flu and band tightness I've been dealing with these last few weeks, I don't think I could go through surgery recovery at the same time. I have an appointment on Monday afternoon with my band surgeon, and yes Janet, I am definitely getting some of my fill removed. It's been 3 weeks and most of that time I've felt awful. Some of it can be attributed to the flu, but not being able to eat and drink when I need to has made recovery a heck of a lot slower. So I'm going there with the intention of getting some removed. That way I can get back to eating, but more importantly drinking whenever I need to. I would love to be able to go through this without the hunger that's been absent since my most recent fill, and I'd continue this way if it wasn't affecting my Fluid intake. But I'm barely getting 32oz of anything in me per day right now. An unfill will get me back to healthy living. I'm a little.... hm, looking for the right word... ashamed(?) that I've had to convince myself this is not good for me when I've seen the scales on a steady decline for 3 weeks. My absolute biggest problem is head hunger. And with that absent it's made me feel good about myself mentally. But physically I know if I let it go on like this I will be in a bad way. So I need to stop this for my own good. I stepped on the scales this morning and they were at 180 even. That means I've lost 18lbs in 3 weeks. I should be ecstatic about that. But instead I'm feeling guilty because it's been an unhealthy loss. :sad: I really don't want an unfill in case my hunger returns. But what I want and what I need are not the same thing. I need an unfill. I know that. And my husband is coming with me on Monday to tell that to the doctor because I can't trust myself to let him know what's really been going on. But the good news is that once I've got myself back on a healthy path I can book my boob fix surgery immediately. He'll be able to get me in within the week. That's what I was hoping to hear, so it's given me a goal and an incentive to get back to healthy eating. :smile2:

Hi ladies, Nothing of interest to report from me. Just wanted to check in. lindaa, I hope your doctor got back to you today. It would bother me if my surgeon didn't get back the same day. The voicemail that my doctor has says it will get back within 4 hours on the same day unless you've called after 4pm. Then they'll contact you the next morning. It's not fair of them to keep you hanging like this. I'm counting the days until I get in to see my surgeon on Monday. It's been a struggle this past week and I'm tired of it. I want to find a good balance between lack of hunger and lack of ability to eat. I can hold out until Monday though. It sucks, but I didn't expect this to be easy. Still, I didn't really expect it to be this hard.

I'm a food network junkie. I've always like reading cook books and watching food shows. I don't think it's contributed to me being overweight because if I made more of a conscious effort to cook more myself rather than buy pre-packaged junk food, I wouldn't be in the state I'm in. Anyway I did a search on the foodnetwork site and found AB's recipes. Just don't ask me for the calorie/fat breakdown as it's not mentioned. Brown Rice Crispy Bar 3 ounces puffed brown rice, approximately 6 cups 3 tablespoons flax seed oil, plus extra for the pan 1 tablespoon orange blossom honey 7 ounces mini marshmallows, approximately 4 cups 3 ounces toasted slivered almonds, approximately 3/4 cup 1 1/2 ounces coarsely chopped dried cranberries, approximately 1/3 cup 1 1/2 ounces coarsely chopped dried cherries, approximately 1/3 cup 1-ounce dried blueberries, approximately 1/3 cupLightly coat the inside of a 13 by 9 by 2-inch metal pan with oil and set aside. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F. Spread the brown puffed rice evenly on a sheet pan. Toast in the oven for 4 minutes, stirring occasionally. While the rice is toasting, prepare the marshmallow mixture. Place the oil, honey, and marshmallows in a large mixing bowl set over a pot of gently simmering Water. Stir until the marshmallows are melted, approximately 4 to 5 minutes. Once the marshmallows are melted, quickly add the toasted brown rice, almonds, and fruit and stir to combine. Coat your hands or a spatula with oil and spread the mixture evenly into the pan. Once the mixture has cooled completely, cut into squares and store in an airtight container for 1 to 2 days. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Granola Bars 8 ounces old-fashioned rolled oats, approximately 2 cups 1 1/2 ounces raw sunflower seeds, approximately 1/2 cup 3 ounces sliced almonds, approximately 1 cup 1 1/2 ounces wheat germ, approximately 1/2 cup 6 ounces honey, approximately 1/2 cup 1 3/4 ounces dark brown sugar, approximately 1/4 cup packed 1-ounce unsalted butter, plus extra for pan 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt 6 1/2 ounces chopped dried fruit, any combination of apricots, cherries or blueberries Butter a 9 by 9-inch glass baking dish and set aside. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Spread the oats, sunflower seeds, almonds, and wheat germ onto a half-sheet pan. Place in the oven and toast for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. In the meantime, combine the honey, brown sugar, butter, extract and salt in a medium saucepan and place over medium heat. Cook until the brown sugar has completely dissolved. Once the oat mixture is done, remove it from the oven and reduce the heat to 300 degrees F. Immediately add the oat mixture to the liquid mixture, add the dried fruit, and stir to combine. Turn mixture out into the prepared baking dish and press down, evenly distributing the mixture in the dish and place in the oven to bake for 25 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely. Cut into squares and store in an airtight container for up to a week. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Protein Bars 4 ounces soy Protein Powder, approximately 1 cup 2 1/4 ounces oat bran, approximately 1/2 cup 2 3/4 ounces whole-wheat flour, approximately 1/2 cup 3/4-ounce wheat germ, approximately 1/4 cup 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt 3 ounces raisins, approximately 1/2 cup 2 1/2 ounces dried cherries, approximately 1/2 cup 3 ounces dried blueberries, approximately 1/2 cup 2 1/2 ounces dried apricots, approximately 1/2 cup 1 (12.3-ounce) package soft silken tofu 1/2 cup unfiltered apple juice 4 ounces dark brown sugar, approximately 1/2 cup packed 2 large whole eggs, beaten 2/3 cup natural Peanut Butter Canola oil, for panLine the bottom of a 13 by 9-inch glass baking dish with parchment paper and lightly coat with canola oil. Set aside. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. In a large mixing bowl, combine the protein powder, oat bran, wheat flour, wheat germ, and salt. Set aside. Coarsely chop the raisins, dried cherries, blueberries and apricots and place in a small bowl and set aside. In a third mixing bowl, whisk the tofu until smooth. Add the apple juice, brown sugar, eggs, and peanut butter, 1 at a time, and whisk to combine after each addition. Add this to the protein powder mixture and stir well to combine. Fold in the dried fruit. Spread evenly in the prepared baking dish and bake in the oven for 35 minutes or until the internal temperature reaches 205 degrees F. Remove from the oven and cool completely before cutting into squares. Cut into squares and store in an airtight container for up to a week.

No you're not the only one. I remember soon after surgery I got so hungry for actual food in my mouth that I popped a mouthful of chicken or something in there and chewed it to a pulp. Then I felt too guilty and scared to swallow it so spat it out in the garbage. Then I worried that I was going to become bulimic or something. Don't beat yourself up. :Banane34:

With mushies I tried a lot of different vegetable mash combos. My favorite there was carrot and parsnip (they look like white carrots) or rutabaga and butternut squash. The key there is to add spices of choice. It can also be different seasonings or garlic or onion salt. I never used to be big on herbs and seasonings, but I've become quite fond of them. I have black pepper on practically everything now.

With soups I add a dash of one of my favourite condiment, and I have LOTS of favorites. Just a small spoon of bbq sauce, or worcestershire, or chili, or hot sauce can give plain old chicken soup some zing and keep it interesting. During this time I was also allowed to crush crackers into my soup. I make my own crackers out of grated parmesan. I drop a tablespoonful onto a cookie sheet covered with parchment paper and flatten them out. Then I stick it under the grill until it's melted and/or turning crispy. Take them out and let them harden/cool and pop one into the cup of soup. Or dunk it like a cookie.