Leslie Hudson-Couch

It's been six months since my doctor removed 85% of my stomach. Since then, I haven't had any regrets...unless you take in consideration the thought that went through my head when I woke up while they were removing my breathing tube. But I don't count that since I was all drugged up and not thinking straight. Also, having Nurse Hatchet didn't help matters. However, with fall here and winter around the corner, I have to admit, there are a times I miss it a little. Not much, only a little bit. Like, I wish I had 25% of my stomach instead of 15%. Now, before you all go jumping on my back allow me to explain.
 
Tonight for dinner I made homemade chicken and dumplings. Now, that's bad enough for a sleever but I had to add more temptation to the mix. I had to make corn bread from scratch as well. I mean come on, you can't have one with out the other. It's just not Southern!!!! No self respecting Southerner would make chicken and dumplings with out making cornbread. And, though I'm not quite Southern...I'm below the Mason-Dixon line, so I'm close enough. LOL Also, I started feeling bad for my husband. Since my surgery, his diet has consisted of PB&Js and chicken. Not at the same time. But considering he's a meat and potato man, it's been a hard six months for him. He considers it a treat if I stop at McDonald's for him. Which is VERY hard for me as the smell has always turned my stomach but after surgery it's even worse.
 
So, I decided that if I were going to make him eat chicken again, I would make something he enjoys. I thought I would be fine with it. I know I can have about 1/4 a cup (a little less) of the chicken and dumplings (mostly chicken...maybe one or two dumplings) and maybe a bite of two of the cornbread. The problem is, I had forgotten how much I love both of these things. This is one thing my tastes buds did not change their opinion of....which isn't a good thing. Why couldn't they find both as disgusting as they find Whey protein? Or better yet, like Whey protein and hate the other?
 
So, after a little nibble of cornbread (a very little nibble), I wanted to eat the whole pan! This is the first time in six months that I've wanted to just gorge myself. Then, top it off with the chicken and dumplings and I actually had the thought of, "Man, I wish I had my stomach right now!" WHAT??? Why am I thinking thoughts like this? I know I won't over eat any of this yummy stuff in my kitchen but the thought of, "I would if I could", crossed my mind more than once.
 
Now, the reason I find this so strange is that I have always been a carb fanatic. I loved bread and pasta. I could eat a whole loaf of fresh baked bread in one sitting with no bad feelings. However, since surgery, I haven't really craved either things. Don't get me wrong, there are times I will have a little less than a 1/2 slice of wheat bread, toasted, with some type of protein but most times, i don't even think about it. That was not the case today. Those simple carbs wanted me and I have to admit, I wanted them. The attraction is still there despite how far we have both moved on with our lives.
 
So, with all this said, it's a good thing I only have 15% of my tummy. Because no matter how good either look, smell or taste....I wouldn't give up my 100+ pound weight loss for either things. That doesn't mean I can't dream about them...and how yummy a big bowl of chicken and dumplings and two or three slices of homemade, buttery cornbread would taste.....yes, I can dream and lose weight or I can eat and slime and possibly stretch my tummy out. I'll take that dream and weight loss any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
 
So readers, have you had anything like this happen to you yet? I think for me it has more to do with fall and winter coming and what I consider "comfort" food. All the warm, cheesy, gooey, stick to your ribs (and add pound after pound to your weight) has always been one if not the only good thing about a cold winter day. Looks like I'm going to have to find something else to take it's place....let's just hope it's not more chicken. I think my husband will finally leave me if I don't come up with something new for us to eat. I swear if he found a woman who cooked like I used to, he'd be a little tempted to cheat on me just for the food. Just kidding....I know he would never do it JUST for the food. LOL

I havent posted for a bit because I've been allergy/sick ridden!!! I know I posted about that last time but I finally feel like I may be on the mend after a couple of rounds of steroids (ughhh the swelling!!) and antibiotics. Just in time for my 52nd birthday tomorrow!! Yes folks, I am proud to say that I have survived somehow for these many long years!! And now that I've had the surgery, I will actually live for many more to come. And I do mean living.... going and doing and loving and living and shopping and playing and singing and dancing and and and and...... That is the joy of the surgery and having lost over 50lbs now... at my last drs visit it was 55lbs to be exact. Yeah!!
 
I've been able to become an active member of my own life. I have just existed for so long that I had forgotten how marvelous it can be to just walk through the store with out huffing and puffing. I'm able to act like a goofball (I am a chronic goofball) at work with my bff and not want to pass out... I can go to baby showers, restraunts, stores, nails, hair, and the list could go on and actually enjoy myself while doing it. What an AMAZING way to start my 52nd year on this great plant... I am loving life right now and I have such a great support group around me, especially my husband. He has been amazing and one of my biggest cheerleaders. We have been amazed by the changes I've gone through.
 
One of the oddest things is my forearms feel "skinny" lol... I've also discovered I have shoulders! Who knew??? lol I can even feel the beginnings of a hip bone.... I KNOW!! I feel like I'm losing inches faster than pounds, which is perfectly fine with me, just is rather odd. Have any of you felt the same way? Just a curiosity question. I had to go buy new bras cuz I'm shrinking out of my old ones.... not cup but number wise. I'm losing back fat which is great! My stomach is wrinkling and bat wings are flying!!! lol
 
One thing I've been upset about is since I started on the Predisone, my cellulitis has come back. I'm just vain enough for it to really bother me. I love wearing my capris and feel like I have fairly decent legs now that they arent so swollen. I is very frustrating but one of those things I have to live with I guess. I thought it was over but NOT! lol
 
Okay last little tidbit, which has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss but everything to do with it as well..... My daughter's bday gift to me is telling me her baby #3 is on the way. Yeah and I will be able to be a different kind of grandma for this one from the get go. I am the "cool" grandma anyway but now I'll be fun too!
 
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and a spectacular journey!! Hugs to you all!!!
 
 
 
P.S. The picture is from today. I can see a difference but very subtle.

Hiddy ho, everyone!!! Its been a bit since I have been here but I'm back. Not alot has changed but then again, everything has changed. I know, a contradiction in terms.... that would be me!!
 
 
Well the first thing I want to talk about is frustration and lying scales!! Okay so maybe they don't lie but it sure feels like it. This is why I have purposely not gotten a scale for my house because I KNOW I would become wayyyyy to involved in weighing myself. So I have choosen to just weigh in when I go to a doctors appointment. I went Friday for a "sick" visit, which I will get to in a few. Anyhoo, I was actually very excited about this because it had been a few weeks since I last weighed in. I was feeling really good about it, especially with all the mucus I have blown out (I know TMI) and even excited, which if you are anything like me, is a very very weird feeling indeed!!
 
My clothes have been getting bigger and bigger and I've had more energy (kinda) and I can walk without gasping for every breath. So I go in thinking I've lost at least 15 more pounds.... NOT! I had only lost 5lbs more but I got to thinking that is still an accomplishment. Also my body is acting more like 15lbs than 5lbs so who am I to complain?? I will but still lol.... I have lost exactly 50lbs since July 17 so that is really something to be happy about and don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy and proud, just wanting it to go faster. Never thought of myself as being impatient but I guess it is something I can add to my personal resume'.
 
Okay, now about the "sick" visit. I got a cold about a month ago. Normally because of my major breathing issues, I would have missed a couple of days of work and kept my fingers crossed to keep pneumonia at bay. This time though, it was really no big deal even though I did feel like crap. My issue is that I got over the cold in about a week but have continued to sneeze my way through at least 10 boxes of tissues!! My nose hurts, my face is chapped and my eyes feel like they have lead weights in them!! I've never been prone to allergies but I've got a whopping case of them now. My friend/mentor at work said she also got bad allergies also after her surgery. Anyone else having the same issues? I got a huge shot of steroids in my posterior and was feeling fairly okay until today and I'm back to sneezing and blowing again!! Anyone heard of a nose transplant??? Jest askin'
 
I have given away my first bag of clothes which is truly a blessing. One of the funny "side affects" is my pants are getting too long! Less booty and belly make for long pants lol.... Again, not that I'm complaining!! One thing I guess I didn't really think about is the deflation of my body and what would happen. I have been blessed with very good genes and have very little grey hair for someone almost 52 and very few wrinkles.... or had very few! I am now the relunctant owner of varying types of wrinkle / toner creams. I have mentioned in previous entries that I can be vain about some things... well this is the latest!! As my face is deflating, my wrinkles are increasing!!
 
I also have discovered that I am developing bat wings!! arghhhhhh!!! I've always been very muscular so never really thought much about that but it is happening. Fortunately, I already have the rubber excercise thingymabobbers (okay so exercise equipment is not my fortay!) so I guess I'm going to have to make it a part of my routine (that does not yet exist) to recapture a forgotten youthful body that, honestly, I don't remember ever really having. I do have a picture from when I was 19 or so and I did look pretty hot but I just never got the confirmation of that fact. I just remember being told I was never thin enough or going to be loved if I didn't get skinny or thin or whatever so I had a poor body image even though it really wasn't so bad.
 
Now I haven't told you this for sympathy or the po' me's... no, its just to point out that many of us have had the same experiences and journies, although each are unique. Its how you decide to steer the ship that decides your satisfaction with said journey. I have been very blessed to have had many many people truly love me for who I am and not for what I look like. Something that many of us have to deal with is the fear our mates may have that we will lose weight and then leave them (like my hubster!). My theory is that he loves me like I am and will love me as much or more later. He has stood by me through illness' and surgeries and my failing health so I believe he deserves and has earned the good times too. Besides, he's kinda cute for an old fart!! :wub:
 
Which brings me to my other topic of discussion.... intimacy. Now I'm not going to get graphic because, for one thing, yuk, and another is some of my family members actually read my blog so I will spare them. It is, however, one of the perks of getting this weight off.... I can hug and cuddle with my husband. It is amazing how much better our interpersonal relations are now that we have both lost weight. And no, I'm not just talking about s.e.x...... I'm talking about being able to pass each other in the kitchen without doing acrobatic moves or now fitting in our bed together comfortably. This may not sound like a big deal to some but oh yeah, it is!!
 
So I guess I will stop here for now. If anyone has any suggestions on the subject of allergies, please bring them on.... I hope everyone has a wonderful week and continue to enjoy your journey!!! Hugs!!

So I’ve been feeling a bit … I don’t know … down, disheartened, unsuccessful…. I don’t know what the word should be… For one thing, I’ve been really sick for the last ten days with a combo cold/allergy thing. I’m finally feeling better physically and mentally, so here I am.
 
Another reason for my “mood” is that when I went for my last dr visit, at my four-week mark, I had only lost 5 lbs. This was so disappointing after my huge second week loss. I had to remember that I had been storing a huge amount of fluid for almost two years so that was the first thing to come off. Needless to say, I was a bit anxious about my doctors appointment yesterday.
 
I had decided that I needed to take a chill pill and give myself a bit of credit. I’ve on this challenge and have been pretty successful with the huge change in my life. I’ve kept my protein intake up and am (aside from the cold from hell) feeling pretty fantastic. I also reminded myself that it took a long time, for the most part, to get here and it will take a while to take it all off and as long as I continue to go down, even if its one pound at a time, it’s an improvement.
 
So with this pep talk under my figurative belt, I bravely (cough) went to my doctor’s appointment yesterday. This was my family doctor who I last saw the day before my surgery so I actually was pretty stoked to show him my success to this point. Actually, it was the first time I’ve been happy to be weighed in at his office in the last two years. Prior to this, I had been gaining every time I would go in. It was frustrating for me but also to my doctor because we could not stop whatever was going on. Last time I saw him, I had a raging case of cellulitis on my left leg, not to mention that the same leg was twice (at least) the size of my right leg.
 
Thank goodness that my anxiety was short-lived!! I had lost 8 lbs and that officially put me under 300 lbs!! This is the first time in almost two years that I have seen that! This brings my official weight loss to 45 lbs in six weeks! Yeah me!! My doctor was also very pleased with my progress. Not only had I lost a lot of weight but I no longer had cellulitis and the swelling is gone from my legs. And even though I’m still sneezing, my O2 stat was at 89, and I’m still not feeling 100%, he (and I) were so excited that my lungs were totally clear!! You have to understand that prior to this, every single time I would get a cold it would mean weeks of recovery, antibiotics, and a general miserable existence until it would clear up. Not only did this not happen this time BUT I really didn’t even have to increase my medications (nebulizer etc) this time. Very little wheezing, huffin’ & puffin’, etc… Yeah! I’m loving this new life!!
 
So, with my usual positive outlook back in order (and great drugs keeping the nose under control!) I decided to take inventory of what I am able to do now that I could not do six weeks ago or for the last two years, for that matter. Now I understand that if you have never been large then you may not realize what a huge accomplishment these things are but if you have walked in my shoes at all…. you get it!! So here we go…..
 
The first thing I noticed, of course, was that I could breath. I know I have mentioned this in previous entries but when you feel like you are suffocating 24/7, it is pretty major. Of course, with this obstacle pushed somewhat to the side, I am now able to walk without feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack or pass out at any moment. I can put on my bra by myself. I know, you are thinking “What?” well I could not reach around behind my back and hook my bra so my dear hubby had to do it for me. I think he kinda feels left out now! lol I can take a shower without having to sit down as soon as I get out AND I can shave my legs with ease!! I can fix my hair win half the time that it was taking me. I also have not heard my husband ask me “Why are you breathing so hard?” for a while now. (Yeah!!) There are a lot of other things but the latest two things just happened in the last week or two…. I put on and tied my own tennis shoes with the bow ON TOP and I painted my toenails this morning! I even got a compliment from one of my bosses… she thought I had gotten a pedicure!! Again YEAH!!
 
So with this happy evalutation, I am now looking forward and will hopefully keep the negativity at bay. Happy journey and Hugs!!!

Hello all of my fellow sleevers!! Hope this post is finding you all feeling fantastic or at least better. I have had an amazing week personally although I have to say I'm feeling punky today. I started back to work on Monday and everyone at work was so happy to see me back and feeling so good. I'm very blessed to have a lot of supportive people in my life. Several people in my office have had some type of bypass or sleeve done and most of them were shocked I was back so soon and that I felt so good. I just tell them I have Frequent Surgery Miles and am tougher than a $2.00 steak!! lol I think I am just one of those lucky few who heal fairly easily and can handle the stress on my body.
 
So anyway, Tuesday was officially my two week mark and Wednesday my first check up. I was shocked, amazed, and ecstatic that not only was I feeling super great but I lost a whopping 32 lbs!!!! Oh yeah baby!!! I knew this was going to work but I guess I just really didnt expect such great results right away. Needless to say, I'm one happy camper!!
 
The eating thing has been hard because until yesterday, I didn't experience any hunger pains. I have been making myself "eat" drink and be merry! lol I am up to soft baby food consistency things (even baby food). Add a little seasoning and they aren't half bad. We did buy one of those individual cup mixer machines (dont know if brand names are allowed) so I'm going to try pureeing my own stuff probably next week.
 
I'm looking forward to watching my progress along with people on here. You all are amazing and courageous!! Its not for the weak of mind thats for sure!! Carry on with your journey and hold a song in your heart. The journey is only as worthwhile as you make it!! Hugs!!

It has now, officially, been one week since my surgery and, BOY!, what a difference a week makes! While I am still not 100% yet, I am feeling fantastic!! Yesterday, I actually felt human again and even shaved my legs!!
 
 
Okay, now that may not sound like such a big deal to most but for me it was huge! I may be a big girl but there are some things that I, admittedly, am very vain about. I like to look good and have my mani/pedi's etc so, yeah, huge!! I also fixed my hair, plucked my eyebrows (vanity!) and put me on some face paint! I even had my dear hubby take me out for a drive and we ventured into Wal-Mart! By the time we got home, I was pooped but in a good way.
 
 
I have had this huge amount of fluid just languishing in my body for almost two years now. This has caused great swelling in my hands and face and my left leg which has caused the dreaded cellulitis. It has also been like a ton of bricks on my chest which in turn has affected my breathing considerably. I am very happy to report that I can now see my left ankle, my cellulitis has cleared up and I am breathing much, much easier. I am still and always will be asthmatic but not having to gasp for every breath with every move I make is amazing! I almost forgot what it felt like. It's amazing to me that these changes have happened in only one week.
 
 
I still have a long way to go but after not feeling so good last week, this is a welcome change in mind and body. I am really looking forward to going back to work on Monday and seeing all my friends there who have been so supportive. Just to get back to my life in general will be wonderful.
 
 
I don't want to neglect my wonderful, supportive, loving and all around good guy, my husband, Mike. He and his family have all been so good to me ever since we got together almost four years ago. I could not ask for a better family to be apart of.
 
 
Guess that's it for today folks! Hope you all have a wonderful day and Hugs!!

I stayed in the hospital until yesterday and it's probably a good thing because I have breathing issues and I had a lot of pressure from the air they blow your stomach up with. Having never had a laparoscopic surgery, I did not appreciate just how much they put in there. You would think someone would come up with some ingenious idea to let the air out.
 
 
Another good reason for me to not have done this follow-up is that, apparently, I was drunk texting people, which is never a good thing. And, yes, my friends and family happily have been torturing me with these various text messages. So my public service message is; don't morphine and text!
 
 
My musings of the surgery is that it is not something to take on lightly. I did a lot of research prior to doing the gastric sleeve. I have had many surgeries due to hernias and intestinal strangulations so I did not just decide to do this. I can only speak for myself, but the actual surgery has not really caused me a great deal of pain, however, I have been quite uncomfortable. The pressure, for me, has been extreme and caused havoc with my breathing. The solution to relieve this is, yes folks, passing gas. Not pretty or very lady like but a necessary evil. Unfortunately, you have to get mobile to get the engine going and that is a problem for me so I'm still fairly uncomfortable but it is getting better.
 
 
I was shocked when I looked at my stomach for the first time. Part of the hospital procedure is to give the patient a blood thinner every 12 hours. It's interesting to see what this does. Every where I got a shot, I have a big bruise. They don't hurt but they look gnarly. My other incisions have no stitches but are instead super glued! They are mildly tender but really are of no consequence.
 
 
Probably my very worse experience was yesterday when they had to remove my drainage tube. I am really glad my husband was not in the room at the actual moment it was removed because he probably would have gone ballistic. There is a small balloon that keeps it in your body and cannot be deflated. It has to just be yanked out quickly. I will not sugar coat it... it hurts like a s.o.b.!!!! My husband and sister-in-law came in just after while I was still in my throes of pain. Not a pretty site I'm sure. I really felt bad for my sweet little nurse because she felt so guilty but it was a necessity.
 
 
I think I will go back to bed now and rest. Hugs to all!!
 
 

This is from a blog I have on WordPress. I started this on July 16, 2012. I'm just trying to bring you up to speed with my journey.....
 
 
07/16/2012
 
 
So I did not think I would be writing anything this soon... I figured tomorrow evening at the earliest but probably not until Wed or Thurs. However, the surgery devils had other plans!
 
 
First you need to know that, while I am a very easy going, even tempered kinda lady, I am also very anal and like to know which row my ducks are in!! Having said that, I went last week to make sure all my ducks were quacking in harmony. Talked to everyone you are supposed to talk with and had all my testing done. So, knowing I have really good insurance and that I asked all the right questions, I thought nothing more about that part of it....until today.
 
 
I get a call from a very pleasant woman about 1:30/2:00 telling me I have to pay a hellatious amount of money BEFORE I can have my surgery in the morning. I now know what it feels like to be hit with a ton of bricks. She also, very graciously, asks me if my finances were okay. I decided (somewhere in the fog) that it would be prudent of me to call her back, especially since I could no longer breath.
 
 
Now I know that there are a select few people who may have an extra bundle laying around but that is not my case. While my husband and I are not in the poor house, we can see it down the road so, no, my finances are not okay for this kind of unexpected onslaught. So as I sit there, in shock, crying and hyperventilating (okay so maybe I'm stretching it just a bit for dramatic value), I am texting and calling anyone I can think of, as is my dear husband. My sister-in-law, very sanely, tells me to call them back and set up a payment plan.... duhhhh....oh wait, they won't because, although its going to save my life, it is considered an elective surgery. I had to chuckle at that one. Obviously, whoever makes these rules has never been in my situation but I digress.
 
 
After a couple of back and forth conversations, my wonderful, could not ask for better, in-laws said that they would pay for me. Of course, I am paying them back but I can NEVER express to them how eternally grateful I am to them and to my wonderful husband who got that ball rolling. I love them all so much that words just really do not do it justice. I have been so blessed by this family that I thank God every day for them.
 
 
So I can, once again, breath (well as good as I ever do) and can enjoy my evening with my husband and sister-in-law. Thank you to all who have expressed their well wishes and sent prayers.... love and hugs to you all!!!

I have decided to go on an adventure. It was a huge decision on my part because it is a life changing and body altering choice. First, I think a little back ground is needed.
 
I have always been a "big girl" although, looking at pictures, not always as big as I thought. I actually prefer the term "BBB - Big Bodacious Broad" but that's just me! I have always been comfortable in my own skin. I was always active and a full participant in my life until a few years ago. Over the course of the years, I have had many, many stomach surgeries since my twins were born (that would be 25 years!). I realize that there are a lot of "always" but there really is no other way for me to say it.
So this brings me to July 2009. I had two major surgeries in two weeks due to intestinal strangulation. This was a tremendous "wow" moment for me for many reasons. The main one was my dear husband. We had only been married for six months when this happened. Not only did I have these two surgeries but the next month, due to an infection, they actually had to do another surgery and leave my stomach open for over eight long months. I was connected to a wound vac and it was less than fun. This greatly impacted our life as you can well imagine.
 
As it turned out, I had to have more surgery to close my stomach but the surgeon would not do it until I stopped smoking. I smoked for over 35 years so this was no small request but I think I was actually ready to stop. I took that medication (which shall remain nameless) that, in my opinion, is a miracle cure for smoking. Contrary to some reports, I had no side effects. Within ten days, I was done and able to have my closure surgery.
 
I was doing fantastic!! I was breathing well, losing weight, helping to mow the yard, and actually walking. Shortly after this, we moved back to Texas, which I was totally stoked about because my kids and grandkids were all here. As it turned out, though, it was a bit stressful at first and I began smoking again. Not a good excuse and I knew I could not do that to myself so I decided to take my miracle medication again and again it worked like a charm.
 
Well, okay, so there was one small issue this time. I was sitting at work and my hands started hurting. I looked down and literally watched myself blow up like a balloon. Apparently, the medication was reacting with another one I had started taking. From February to April of 2011, I gained over 60 pounds. The total since then is over 80 lbs and its all fluid. I have done everything that I have been asked to do but nothing has worked.
 
So here we are to today, July 16, 2012. In 24 hours, I will be having a surgery called the gastric sleeve. I am very excited about this and cannot wait to have my life back. It will be a huge change in how my husband and I live our life, especially for the first few months. First off, I really won't be eating for awhile. My husband is a fantastic cook and it will be as hard on him because we are foodies. I'm not really worried though. I'm so looking forward to, first, being able to breath and, second, hopefully, not being in so much pain every day. All the fluid has made breathing a huge issue for me. I'm asthmatic so not a good thing.
 
At 10:00 a.m. tomorrow morning, I will be happily, excitedly and enthusiastically going under the knife. I am going to continue to blog about my progress, not only for myself, but, hopefully, to help someone else along the way. I also am going to post a picture of me now which is a HUGE issue for me because as much as I am comfortable being me, I am not happy with me physically right now. But changes are a coming!!!
 

 

I havent posted for a bit because I've been allergy/sick ridden!!! I know I posted about that last time but I finally feel like I may be on the mend after a couple of rounds of steroids (ughhh the swelling!!) and antibiotics. Just in time for my 52nd birthday tomorrow!! Yes folks, I am proud to say that I have survived somehow for these many long years!! And now that I've had the surgery, I will actually live for many more to come. And I do mean living.... going and doing and loving and living and shopping and playing and singing and dancing and and and and...... That is the joy of the surgery and having lost over 50lbs now... at my last drs visit it was 55lbs to be exact. Yeah!!
 
I've been able to become an active member of my own life. I have just existed for so long that I had forgotten how marvelous it can be to just walk through the store with out huffing and puffing. I'm able to act like a goofball (I am a chronic goofball) at work with my bff and not want to pass out... I can go to baby showers, restraunts, stores, nails, hair, and the list could go on and actually enjoy myself while doing it. What an AMAZING way to start my 52nd year on this great plant... I am loving life right now and I have such a great support group around me, especially my husband. He has been amazing and one of my biggest cheerleaders. We have been amazed by the changes I've gone through.
 
One of the oddest things is my forearms feel "skinny" lol... I've also discovered I have shoulders! Who knew??? lol I can even feel the beginnings of a hip bone.... I KNOW!! I feel like I'm losing inches faster than pounds, which is perfectly fine with me, just is rather odd. Have any of you felt the same way? Just a curiosity question. I had to go buy new bras cuz I'm shrinking out of my old ones.... not cup but number wise. I'm losing back fat which is great! My stomach is wrinkling and bat wings are flying!!! lol
 
One thing I've been upset about is since I started on the Predisone, my cellulitis has come back. I'm just vain enough for it to really bother me. I love wearing my capris and feel like I have fairly decent legs now that they arent so swollen. I is very frustrating but one of those things I have to live with I guess. I thought it was over but NOT! lol
 
Okay last little tidbit, which has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss but everything to do with it as well..... My daughter's bday gift to me is telling me her baby #3 is on the way. Yeah and I will be able to be a different kind of grandma for this one from the get go. I am the "cool" grandma anyway but now I'll be fun too!
 
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and a spectacular journey!! Hugs to you all!!!
 
 
 
P.S. The picture is from today. I can see a difference but very subtle.

I remember watching movies and wondering how it was possible that every woman who ever took a bath or shower was able to wrap a towel around their body with no issue. Now, to most normal sized people, this probably didn't even cross their minds but to a person who has been over 200lbs for more of her life than not, it was something I thought could only happen to size zero women. And to be honest, I hated them for that. It always looked so neat. Just grab a towel, wrap and tuck near the boobs. It stayed in place and they all looked very sexy in it. However, in one bathroom in Delaware (probably more but I'm just talking about mine) that was a dream that I thought would never be.
 
My mother even went as far to get me the "bath sheets". It's a nice way of saying a REALLY BIG towel for fat people. Because let's be honest, what thin person would want all that towel to have wrap around them. It was be like they were rolling up in a flour tortilla to become a some fat giant's burrito. Well, they worked. They just didn't work that well. I had to figt to get them to stay in place and the idea of feeling sexy....well that NEVER once crossed my mind.
 
It's funny how a towel can have such a negative psychological affect on a person. Going to a hotel or even a friends home ofr a few days was traumatic. i learned to bring my own towel. I said it was just my"thing" and that seemed to take the sting away from having a guest pull out their own towels. But in reality it was becasue I knew that if I had to try to dry myself with the one they gave me I would be in there for days. One leg would have had the thing dripping wet so how was I supposed to get the rest of my body dry? It was even worse if said hotel or friend gave me a thin cheap towel. That could only dry my hand...if that. Then to make it even worse, I would get scratch marks on my body from the sand paper like "towel" they gave me.
 
I have come to an opinion. If you are someplace with towels that are way too short, not thick, and feel like sandpaper that you are at one of two places. 1) A very cheap hotel. This happens. Not everyone has the money for the Hilton (though they have small towels too...but they are soft and can take a lot of water) or 2) your "friend" REALLY doesn't like you that much. Think about this. If you have company over, don't you make sure you give them the best of everything....including your towels? I know I do. I would rather scratch myself all up than have my guest feel like I handed them sandpaper as a drying device.
 
Now, I told you all that to tell you this. I can now get out of the shower and wrap my towel around me and tuck it. I can feel sexy and be dry. I am still using bigger towels, but now they are WAY to big and are beginning to fall off when I walk. Mostly becasue of all the extra "flour tortilla" I have wrapped around me. I did try to put on a regular towel but I'm not there yet.....so close....but not quite there. But, if I continue to do my program, I will be there and despite what it says in "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", I won't always have to carry a towel with me!!!!
 
 
The Big Burrito
 

 
 
 
The Goal..."Soft Shell Taco"

I have decided to go on an adventure. It was a huge decision on my part because it is a life changing and body altering choice. First, I think a little back ground is needed.
 
I have always been a "big girl" although, looking at pictures, not always as big as I thought. I actually prefer the term "BBB - Big Bodacious Broad" but that's just me! I have always been comfortable in my own skin. I was always active and a full participant in my life until a few years ago. Over the course of the years, I have had many, many stomach surgeries since my twins were born (that would be 25 years!). I realize that there are a lot of "always" but there really is no other way for me to say it.
So this brings me to July 2009. I had two major surgeries in two weeks due to intestinal strangulation. This was a tremendous "wow" moment for me for many reasons. The main one was my dear husband. We had only been married for six months when this happened. Not only did I have these two surgeries but the next month, due to an infection, they actually had to do another surgery and leave my stomach open for over eight long months. I was connected to a wound vac and it was less than fun. This greatly impacted our life as you can well imagine.
 
As it turned out, I had to have more surgery to close my stomach but the surgeon would not do it until I stopped smoking. I smoked for over 35 years so this was no small request but I think I was actually ready to stop. I took that medication (which shall remain nameless) that, in my opinion, is a miracle cure for smoking. Contrary to some reports, I had no side effects. Within ten days, I was done and able to have my closure surgery.
 
I was doing fantastic!! I was breathing well, losing weight, helping to mow the yard, and actually walking. Shortly after this, we moved back to Texas, which I was totally stoked about because my kids and grandkids were all here. As it turned out, though, it was a bit stressful at first and I began smoking again. Not a good excuse and I knew I could not do that to myself so I decided to take my miracle medication again and again it worked like a charm.
 
Well, okay, so there was one small issue this time. I was sitting at work and my hands started hurting. I looked down and literally watched myself blow up like a balloon. Apparently, the medication was reacting with another one I had started taking. From February to April of 2011, I gained over 60 pounds. The total since then is over 80 lbs and its all fluid. I have done everything that I have been asked to do but nothing has worked.
 
So here we are to today, July 16, 2012. In 24 hours, I will be having a surgery called the gastric sleeve. I am very excited about this and cannot wait to have my life back. It will be a huge change in how my husband and I live our life, especially for the first few months. First off, I really won't be eating for awhile. My husband is a fantastic cook and it will be as hard on him because we are foodies. I'm not really worried though. I'm so looking forward to, first, being able to breath and, second, hopefully, not being in so much pain every day. All the fluid has made breathing a huge issue for me. I'm asthmatic so not a good thing.
 
At 10:00 a.m. tomorrow morning, I will be happily, excitedly and enthusiastically going under the knife. I am going to continue to blog about my progress, not only for myself, but, hopefully, to help someone else along the way. I also am going to post a picture of me now which is a HUGE issue for me because as much as I am comfortable being me, I am not happy with me physically right now. But changes are a coming!!!
 

 

I'm down 2.6 lbs again, this morning. I'm tired from trying to do some things yesterday and from the increase in pain from moving around. The belly binder works nicely to stop the jiggling, but it itches and kind of rubs the one incision line, and is making it bleed a little, so I took it off instead of loosening it, to allow the slice lines to get air. Pain is higher without the binder on, though. Monday is my post-op appointment, and I have no one to drive me, so I'm going to have to do it myself. They office wont' change the appointment, either....so, I'll take it easy this weekend, and just try to get that healing protein in...and dream a little of meatballs at the Bloomsburg fair. I have not been this "light" since the beginning semesters of my internships a few years ago. I cannot wait to get down a lot more. Seeing some pounds fall off me is ecouraging...helps me be strong and motivated, and feel a little more positivity, and helps me to look to the future more.
 
My son is still ill, and he is wearing a face mask. He must shower as soon as he gets in the door, and sanitize his hands every 15-60 minutes. I missed my little buddy, since he has to stay in his room to protect me...so I had him come down here with me and keep real clean and away from me so he can watch some tv.
 
My intercostal muscles still hurt. I had felt like I had the body aches from flu after the surgery, and that stiffness and soreness is still here. I'm still black and blue from being dug with needles in the hospital, but at least those sites don't hurt, anymore.
 
I want to stop taking pain meds....maybe Sunday will be a good day for that....since I have to be on the road at 7am on Monday to drive an hour and a half to the hospital.

I had a very nice supper last night with family. Everyone prayed for me when the meal was blessed.
 
It was a grand finale of the old days and my dad outdid himself.
 
Today I had my first protein shake. I'm so relieved it quenched my hunger. I am going to make it through this day, and beyond that, I'm not going to wonder.
 
Caffeine hasn't been the huge withdrawal I expected. I don't know yet if that's God's grace or just a delayed onset.
 
I am eager for the surgery to be done and over with. Still 10 days away.

All of my life I have been bigger. With that said, I didn't really care becasue I was always in shape and very active. I played tennis is high school and swam every day. I would hike when I was able and I could slam the crap out of a racquetball ball. Then BAM!!!! That all changed 18 years ago. I was 20 years old, in college, and having the time of my life when my disc decided it didn't like the home it had and that it wanted to go explore the rest of my back. The first two years after this happened, I was still able to do some activities, but I had to be mindful of my back. Then, over time, it got worse and I did less and less until I could no longer fathom the idea of doing any activity. Truth is, when you deal with chronic pain on a daily basis, you get tired of it and you want to do anything you can to get it to stop. My anything was doing nothing.
 
Now, after my surgery I have been doing more than I have in years. I walk almost daily or do some other type of cardio. And even though I'm still in horrible pain, I figure it's worth it to be healthy. I am only 5 months out and I have lost over 100lbs from my highest weight and around 75 from my surgery day. Now, you can't lose that much weight that fast with out some repercussions. And trust me, I have some. If you have read my blog for awhile, you know that I have already commented about my boobs. For those of you who don't know, my boobs are the things I miss the most. Every time I look in the mirror when I'm naked, I sing, "Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a Continental soldier? Do your boobs hang low?" They seem to hang a little lower every day. I'm starting to think they are depressed. Maybe I should give them some antidepressants to perk them back up....do you think that would work? I wish!!!
 
I had just learned to accept my boobs then out of nowhere I noticed something today that totally caught me off guard. I have wings!!! You know the extra skin under your arm that just hangs there and flops back and forth. I thought I was doing well with not getting any of that. I have made sure that I have worked my arms (with my shake weight, and while walking) but apparently that hasn't been enough. I am 38 years old and I have the back, boobs and arms of an 80 year old. Then, to make it just a little worse, I can start to see the extra skin on my tummy. My oh my, I'm just going to be skinny...yes, the pun was intended. But seriously people....it sucks. We work so hard following the program, doing what we need to do, and fighting daily urges to not eat certain things and to keep active and yet some of us will still have these issues.
 
I guess I'll have to accept my new wings like I accepted my boobs. I can't do anything about it right now. The good thing is that now I won't have to pay those high prices for airfare. I can just hold out my arms on a windy day and "Fly like and eagle". Now, if only I can find something useful for my droopy boobs to do....that's going to take some thought.

On Wednesday I had my 1 year post op visit with the PA (Todd), Dietician (Kristen) and Behaviorist (Scott). I am still sitting here in shock that it has been a year already. I find myself lost in what I can only describe as a surreal state. My physical life is so different today than it was a year ago. I feel better in ways that I never could have imagined. I had a conversation with Todd today about needing to be aware of getting ill (extended flu as an example) because at my current body fat %, I could run a real risk, with such an extended illness, of my body fat get too LOW….TOO LOW….are you kidding me? Does Todd not realize he’s talking to a lifelong super morbidly obese person? How can I even conceive of my body fat getting too low? Surely he is talking about someone else; he cannot be talking about ME. Wow! I guess my life has changed.

The meetings with both Scott and Kristen were nice reminders of what I need to focus on and continue to focus on as this journey continues. The first reality is that it will be continuing. I may be at a much lower weight than I was at the beginning, but this is nowhere near the end of the process. I will need to continue to be deliberate and diligent in order to be successful long term. This is a life journey and I can only strive more towards conquering those demons that are still there and need to be actively battled. Complacency and disregard for what I have been taught will only allow those demons to reappear.
 
I feel so fortunate for the things I have learned and the people I have gotten to know over this year.

 
Jan. 10, 2011 (Surgery Day) / Jan. 4, 2012 (1 Year post op checkup)
 
Weight: 456 / 200
 
BMI: 65.4 / 28.7
 
Body Fat %: Approx. 44 / 12.9
 
Health Required Meds: 3 / 0
 
Neck Measurement: 24” / 15 ½”
 
Chest Measurement: 70” / 44”
 
Waist Measurement: 72” / 40”
 
Hip Measurement: 51” / 40”

As always, I have made my neighbors wonder how I ever got out of the mental institute. At least this time, I didn't flash some poor, unexpecting man my boobs...though he really did seem to enjoy that. No, today I did that thing that we all do sometimes when we are working out. I forgot I was in public. Not only was I in public, it was 7am and there were TONS of people out walking (their dogs or themselves).
 
Before I went on my 2mile walk (yes, two miles...thank you...thank you...thank you...you can hold your applause now LOL) I decided to add some old CDs that I had found to my phone so that I would have something different to listen to as I walked. Great idea right? This would help motivate me, get me moving a little faster, and help keep me walking more than I have been. Well, that's all true. EXCEPT one thing....I forgot how much I enjoyed some of these tunes. So, not only was I singing along as I walked (I tried to stop when I saw someone coming), I was also doing that upper body dance thing with my arms....you know the one right? It's when you start moving your arms and bobbing up and down?! But, that wasn't the worst part, the worst was when I decided to get my legs involved. Apparently, I didn't think putting one foot in front of the other was good enough. Nope, I thought it would be neat to do a little side step ever once and a while....as well as some some back and forth foot work. This wouldn't have been too bad except I got caught BIG time. Not just by the person in front in me walking their dog, but also by the man driving behind me. I have no idea how long either one was there. The BEST part of the whole thing was watching the man walking directly toward me get the look on his face as to say, "what is wrong with her" and ever so slowly cross the road for no other reason to get away from me. And yes, I made sure to say, "Hello" as I passed. I thought about stopping and petting the dog, but I didn't want to be sprayed with mace. LOL
 
After being caught twice in a matter of seconds, I decided that I should stop my dancing and focus on walking. That was all well and good until "Brown Eyed Girl" came on. Something took over and I was unable to control myself. The words came pouring out of my mouth and my arms and shoulders started going. That is until I noticed an older woman walking her dog and another man attempting to control his dog. It was barking and attempting to break away in an attempt to get to me...and it didn't appear that he wanted to give me lovings. Apparently dogs are not very fond of my singing ability. Damn, and I was planing on auditioning for the Voice next year....LOL.
 
Now that I am home, safe and sound. I have decided that going for my walk in the morning is not the best idea. I think I will leave the walking to the afternoon or evening when there are less people out there to scare. I mean come on, I've got to maintain some type of normalcy....or at least pretend to. Now excuse me as I go turn up Price and dance around the house like the Dancing Queen I (think) am.

I started walking again today. It's funny how taking only a month off can totally change your ability. I went from feeling like a marathon runner (without the running part) to feeling like child learning how to walk for the first time. Why is my heart beating so fast and why am I sweating enough to quench the thirst of a small 3rd world country? I don't remember it being this bad when I first started after my surgery. That could be becasue I knew I couldn't do much then and now I feel like I should be able to do more than I was doing when I stopped walking. One cool thing that I noticed was that my shorts didn't do the "lets hide in the crotch" thing they do when you're overweight and walking. You know what I mean. It's when the front of your shorts ride up and bunch up near your crotch. Then you try to pull them down with out looking too obvious but deep down you know everyone can see you doing it. Then you start to walk again and BAM there they are right back up to your crotch. Yeah, that thing....well, it happened a little but not enough for me to have to stop and pull them down. 100lbs ago I would have had to pull them down every few steps...hence the reason I never worked out in shorts until now.
 
Needless to say, I got in 1.25 miles. Much less than I wanted but much more than my back was telling me I could do. My back is still bad, but I know if I keep it up my back will get used to it. It's just getting through what I call the "pain hump" That's the time during and after your workout (for about 2 weeks) where you feel like you're back is broken and you can't move an inch, let alone a mile. It's the time where mind over matter kicks in and sometimes matter wins. But, if you're lucky, you will fight through it and take charge. If you do, not only will you feel better physically, but also emotionally. This point was proven when I came home and started cleaning. I've been looking at the house for days thinking about how it needed to be cleaned but I always found something more important to do...like watch T.V. However, today I felt so good after my walk that I didn't want to just sit and do nothing....so, I cleaned. Now, not only do I feel good about myself, I feel good about my house too. LOL

I find it interesting how different my body is in only four months....almost to the day. Now, I know I've lost A LOT of weight. I am smart enough to know that with the amount of weight I have lost I will see changes in my body. However, there are times I look at myself in the mirror, shower, get dressed, or just touch my arm that I think, "Who is this person, and why am I touching her body?"
 
Let me explain. Last night I was showering. As I was washing my body, I swear it felt like a different person was in the shower and I was in her head. I didn't feel like "ME"...well the really fat 330lb me. I then tried on clothes I bought before surgery that were WAY to tight on me. Both things are now big on me. The shirt is less big, but I remember when I tried them on and laughed at the fact they didn't fit. The thought that they would ever fit seemed so far fetched to me. Again, I knew I would loss weight....I just wasn't ready for the psychological changes that would have to come with the weight loss.
 
I still wear clothes that are baggy. When I do wear clothes that fit properly, I am so self conscience at first and it takes me hearing from many people that I look fine before I can actually leave the house. I have actually begun to get a little perturbed that my new favorite lounge around shirts are getting way to big for me. I've only had them for a month and a half and I thought they would at least fit until October. To be honest, I would be happy to have them for years and years due to how comfy they are.
 
Now with that all said, I love seeing my body change and shape into the person I always felt like under all the extra weight. I never thought I was depressed but now that I've lost weight, I can say that I wasn't as happy as I could have been. I am so much happier now. I love seeing men take a double take or have them smile and flirt. That hasn't happened in years. Now before people start going off about how I'm married and I shouldn't look for that....relax. First, I love my husband with all my heart. Second, everyone flirts and everyone likes to be admired. If you say you don't...you're full of crap. And trust me, if you read my blog from a few days I go, you will know that being full of crap can be very painful!!!!
 
The good thing is that even though the scale is moving at a snails pace these past five weeks....my body is still surprising me. I can't wait to see what it looks like around Christmas time. To be honest, I am REALLY looking forward to the day I see my parents out and about and they don't recognize me. This happens to my sister ALL THE TIME. For those of you who don't know, my sister had by-pass surgery around three or four years ago. There are sometimes I go to her house and am still in shock that the little tiny person I am talking to is her...hopefully one day I will get the same response. But for now, I am going to keep being surprised in the shower....maybe I should have said in the mirror...the other one sounds really, really bad.

So I’ve been feeling a bit … I don’t know … down, disheartened, unsuccessful…. I don’t know what the word should be… For one thing, I’ve been really sick for the last ten days with a combo cold/allergy thing. I’m finally feeling better physically and mentally, so here I am.
 
Another reason for my “mood” is that when I went for my last dr visit, at my four-week mark, I had only lost 5 lbs. This was so disappointing after my huge second week loss. I had to remember that I had been storing a huge amount of fluid for almost two years so that was the first thing to come off. Needless to say, I was a bit anxious about my doctors appointment yesterday.
 
I had decided that I needed to take a chill pill and give myself a bit of credit. I’ve on this challenge and have been pretty successful with the huge change in my life. I’ve kept my protein intake up and am (aside from the cold from hell) feeling pretty fantastic. I also reminded myself that it took a long time, for the most part, to get here and it will take a while to take it all off and as long as I continue to go down, even if its one pound at a time, it’s an improvement.
 
So with this pep talk under my figurative belt, I bravely (cough) went to my doctor’s appointment yesterday. This was my family doctor who I last saw the day before my surgery so I actually was pretty stoked to show him my success to this point. Actually, it was the first time I’ve been happy to be weighed in at his office in the last two years. Prior to this, I had been gaining every time I would go in. It was frustrating for me but also to my doctor because we could not stop whatever was going on. Last time I saw him, I had a raging case of cellulitis on my left leg, not to mention that the same leg was twice (at least) the size of my right leg.
 
Thank goodness that my anxiety was short-lived!! I had lost 8 lbs and that officially put me under 300 lbs!! This is the first time in almost two years that I have seen that! This brings my official weight loss to 45 lbs in six weeks! Yeah me!! My doctor was also very pleased with my progress. Not only had I lost a lot of weight but I no longer had cellulitis and the swelling is gone from my legs. And even though I’m still sneezing, my O2 stat was at 89, and I’m still not feeling 100%, he (and I) were so excited that my lungs were totally clear!! You have to understand that prior to this, every single time I would get a cold it would mean weeks of recovery, antibiotics, and a general miserable existence until it would clear up. Not only did this not happen this time BUT I really didn’t even have to increase my medications (nebulizer etc) this time. Very little wheezing, huffin’ & puffin’, etc… Yeah! I’m loving this new life!!
 
So, with my usual positive outlook back in order (and great drugs keeping the nose under control!) I decided to take inventory of what I am able to do now that I could not do six weeks ago or for the last two years, for that matter. Now I understand that if you have never been large then you may not realize what a huge accomplishment these things are but if you have walked in my shoes at all…. you get it!! So here we go…..
 
The first thing I noticed, of course, was that I could breath. I know I have mentioned this in previous entries but when you feel like you are suffocating 24/7, it is pretty major. Of course, with this obstacle pushed somewhat to the side, I am now able to walk without feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack or pass out at any moment. I can put on my bra by myself. I know, you are thinking “What?” well I could not reach around behind my back and hook my bra so my dear hubby had to do it for me. I think he kinda feels left out now! lol I can take a shower without having to sit down as soon as I get out AND I can shave my legs with ease!! I can fix my hair win half the time that it was taking me. I also have not heard my husband ask me “Why are you breathing so hard?” for a while now. (Yeah!!) There are a lot of other things but the latest two things just happened in the last week or two…. I put on and tied my own tennis shoes with the bow ON TOP and I painted my toenails this morning! I even got a compliment from one of my bosses… she thought I had gotten a pedicure!! Again YEAH!!
 
So with this happy evalutation, I am now looking forward and will hopefully keep the negativity at bay. Happy journey and Hugs!!!

So I’ve been feeling a bit … I don’t know … down, disheartened, unsuccessful…. I don’t know what the word should be… For one thing, I’ve been really sick for the last ten days with a combo cold/allergy thing. I’m finally feeling better physically and mentally, so here I am.
 
Another reason for my “mood” is that when I went for my last dr visit, at my four-week mark, I had only lost 5 lbs. This was so disappointing after my huge second week loss. I had to remember that I had been storing a huge amount of fluid for almost two years so that was the first thing to come off. Needless to say, I was a bit anxious about my doctors appointment yesterday.
 
I had decided that I needed to take a chill pill and give myself a bit of credit. I’ve on this challenge and have been pretty successful with the huge change in my life. I’ve kept my protein intake up and am (aside from the cold from hell) feeling pretty fantastic. I also reminded myself that it took a long time, for the most part, to get here and it will take a while to take it all off and as long as I continue to go down, even if its one pound at a time, it’s an improvement.
 
So with this pep talk under my figurative belt, I bravely (cough) went to my doctor’s appointment yesterday. This was my family doctor who I last saw the day before my surgery so I actually was pretty stoked to show him my success to this point. Actually, it was the first time I’ve been happy to be weighed in at his office in the last two years. Prior to this, I had been gaining every time I would go in. It was frustrating for me but also to my doctor because we could not stop whatever was going on. Last time I saw him, I had a raging case of cellulitis on my left leg, not to mention that the same leg was twice (at least) the size of my right leg.
 
Thank goodness that my anxiety was short-lived!! I had lost 8 lbs and that officially put me under 300 lbs!! This is the first time in almost two years that I have seen that! This brings my official weight loss to 45 lbs in six weeks! Yeah me!! My doctor was also very pleased with my progress. Not only had I lost a lot of weight but I no longer had cellulitis and the swelling is gone from my legs. And even though I’m still sneezing, my O2 stat was at 89, and I’m still not feeling 100%, he (and I) were so excited that my lungs were totally clear!! You have to understand that prior to this, every single time I would get a cold it would mean weeks of recovery, antibiotics, and a general miserable existence until it would clear up. Not only did this not happen this time BUT I really didn’t even have to increase my medications (nebulizer etc) this time. Very little wheezing, huffin’ & puffin’, etc… Yeah! I’m loving this new life!!
 
So, with my usual positive outlook back in order (and great drugs keeping the nose under control!) I decided to take inventory of what I am able to do now that I could not do six weeks ago or for the last two years, for that matter. Now I understand that if you have never been large then you may not realize what a huge accomplishment these things are but if you have walked in my shoes at all…. you get it!! So here we go…..
 
The first thing I noticed, of course, was that I could breath. I know I have mentioned this in previous entries but when you feel like you are suffocating 24/7, it is pretty major. Of course, with this obstacle pushed somewhat to the side, I am now able to walk without feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack or pass out at any moment. I can put on my bra by myself. I know, you are thinking “What?” well I could not reach around behind my back and hook my bra so my dear hubby had to do it for me. I think he kinda feels left out now! lol I can take a shower without having to sit down as soon as I get out AND I can shave my legs with ease!! I can fix my hair win half the time that it was taking me. I also have not heard my husband ask me “Why are you breathing so hard?” for a while now. (Yeah!!) There are a lot of other things but the latest two things just happened in the last week or two…. I put on and tied my own tennis shoes with the bow ON TOP and I painted my toenails this morning! I even got a compliment from one of my bosses… she thought I had gotten a pedicure!! Again YEAH!!
 
So with this happy evalutation, I am now looking forward and will hopefully keep the negativity at bay. Happy journey and Hugs!!!

So I’ve been feeling a bit … I don’t know … down, disheartened, unsuccessful…. I don’t know what the word should be… For one thing, I’ve been really sick for the last ten days with a combo cold/allergy thing. I’m finally feeling better physically and mentally, so here I am.
 
Another reason for my “mood” is that when I went for my last dr visit, at my four-week mark, I had only lost 5 lbs. This was so disappointing after my huge second week loss. I had to remember that I had been storing a huge amount of fluid for almost two years so that was the first thing to come off. Needless to say, I was a bit anxious about my doctors appointment yesterday.
 
I had decided that I needed to take a chill pill and give myself a bit of credit. I’ve on this challenge and have been pretty successful with the huge change in my life. I’ve kept my protein intake up and am (aside from the cold from hell) feeling pretty fantastic. I also reminded myself that it took a long time, for the most part, to get here and it will take a while to take it all off and as long as I continue to go down, even if its one pound at a time, it’s an improvement.
 
So with this pep talk under my figurative belt, I bravely (cough) went to my doctor’s appointment yesterday. This was my family doctor who I last saw the day before my surgery so I actually was pretty stoked to show him my success to this point. Actually, it was the first time I’ve been happy to be weighed in at his office in the last two years. Prior to this, I had been gaining every time I would go in. It was frustrating for me but also to my doctor because we could not stop whatever was going on. Last time I saw him, I had a raging case of cellulitis on my left leg, not to mention that the same leg was twice (at least) the size of my right leg.
 
Thank goodness that my anxiety was short-lived!! I had lost 8 lbs and that officially put me under 300 lbs!! This is the first time in almost two years that I have seen that! This brings my official weight loss to 45 lbs in six weeks! Yeah me!! My doctor was also very pleased with my progress. Not only had I lost a lot of weight but I no longer had cellulitis and the swelling is gone from my legs. And even though I’m still sneezing, my O2 stat was at 89, and I’m still not feeling 100%, he (and I) were so excited that my lungs were totally clear!! You have to understand that prior to this, every single time I would get a cold it would mean weeks of recovery, antibiotics, and a general miserable existence until it would clear up. Not only did this not happen this time BUT I really didn’t even have to increase my medications (nebulizer etc) this time. Very little wheezing, huffin’ & puffin’, etc… Yeah! I’m loving this new life!!
 
So, with my usual positive outlook back in order (and great drugs keeping the nose under control!) I decided to take inventory of what I am able to do now that I could not do six weeks ago or for the last two years, for that matter. Now I understand that if you have never been large then you may not realize what a huge accomplishment these things are but if you have walked in my shoes at all…. you get it!! So here we go…..
 
The first thing I noticed, of course, was that I could breath. I know I have mentioned this in previous entries but when you feel like you are suffocating 24/7, it is pretty major. Of course, with this obstacle pushed somewhat to the side, I am now able to walk without feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack or pass out at any moment. I can put on my bra by myself. I know, you are thinking “What?” well I could not reach around behind my back and hook my bra so my dear hubby had to do it for me. I think he kinda feels left out now! lol I can take a shower without having to sit down as soon as I get out AND I can shave my legs with ease!! I can fix my hair win half the time that it was taking me. I also have not heard my husband ask me “Why are you breathing so hard?” for a while now. (Yeah!!) There are a lot of other things but the latest two things just happened in the last week or two…. I put on and tied my own tennis shoes with the bow ON TOP and I painted my toenails this morning! I even got a compliment from one of my bosses… she thought I had gotten a pedicure!! Again YEAH!!
 
So with this happy evalutation, I am now looking forward and will hopefully keep the negativity at bay. Happy journey and Hugs!!!

So I’ve been feeling a bit … I don’t know … down, disheartened, unsuccessful…. I don’t know what the word should be… For one thing, I’ve been really sick for the last ten days with a combo cold/allergy thing. I’m finally feeling better physically and mentally, so here I am.
 
Another reason for my “mood” is that when I went for my last dr visit, at my four-week mark, I had only lost 5 lbs. This was so disappointing after my huge second week loss. I had to remember that I had been storing a huge amount of fluid for almost two years so that was the first thing to come off. Needless to say, I was a bit anxious about my doctors appointment yesterday.
 
I had decided that I needed to take a chill pill and give myself a bit of credit. I’ve on this challenge and have been pretty successful with the huge change in my life. I’ve kept my protein intake up and am (aside from the cold from hell) feeling pretty fantastic. I also reminded myself that it took a long time, for the most part, to get here and it will take a while to take it all off and as long as I continue to go down, even if its one pound at a time, it’s an improvement.
 
So with this pep talk under my figurative belt, I bravely (cough) went to my doctor’s appointment yesterday. This was my family doctor who I last saw the day before my surgery so I actually was pretty stoked to show him my success to this point. Actually, it was the first time I’ve been happy to be weighed in at his office in the last two years. Prior to this, I had been gaining every time I would go in. It was frustrating for me but also to my doctor because we could not stop whatever was going on. Last time I saw him, I had a raging case of cellulitis on my left leg, not to mention that the same leg was twice (at least) the size of my right leg.
 
Thank goodness that my anxiety was short-lived!! I had lost 8 lbs and that officially put me under 300 lbs!! This is the first time in almost two years that I have seen that! This brings my official weight loss to 45 lbs in six weeks! Yeah me!! My doctor was also very pleased with my progress. Not only had I lost a lot of weight but I no longer had cellulitis and the swelling is gone from my legs. And even though I’m still sneezing, my O2 stat was at 89, and I’m still not feeling 100%, he (and I) were so excited that my lungs were totally clear!! You have to understand that prior to this, every single time I would get a cold it would mean weeks of recovery, antibiotics, and a general miserable existence until it would clear up. Not only did this not happen this time BUT I really didn’t even have to increase my medications (nebulizer etc) this time. Very little wheezing, huffin’ & puffin’, etc… Yeah! I’m loving this new life!!
 
So, with my usual positive outlook back in order (and great drugs keeping the nose under control!) I decided to take inventory of what I am able to do now that I could not do six weeks ago or for the last two years, for that matter. Now I understand that if you have never been large then you may not realize what a huge accomplishment these things are but if you have walked in my shoes at all…. you get it!! So here we go…..
 
The first thing I noticed, of course, was that I could breath. I know I have mentioned this in previous entries but when you feel like you are suffocating 24/7, it is pretty major. Of course, with this obstacle pushed somewhat to the side, I am now able to walk without feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack or pass out at any moment. I can put on my bra by myself. I know, you are thinking “What?” well I could not reach around behind my back and hook my bra so my dear hubby had to do it for me. I think he kinda feels left out now! lol I can take a shower without having to sit down as soon as I get out AND I can shave my legs with ease!! I can fix my hair win half the time that it was taking me. I also have not heard my husband ask me “Why are you breathing so hard?” for a while now. (Yeah!!) There are a lot of other things but the latest two things just happened in the last week or two…. I put on and tied my own tennis shoes with the bow ON TOP and I painted my toenails this morning! I even got a compliment from one of my bosses… she thought I had gotten a pedicure!! Again YEAH!!
 
So with this happy evalutation, I am now looking forward and will hopefully keep the negativity at bay. Happy journey and Hugs!!!

So I’ve been feeling a bit … I don’t know … down, disheartened, unsuccessful…. I don’t know what the word should be… For one thing, I’ve been really sick for the last ten days with a combo cold/allergy thing. I’m finally feeling better physically and mentally, so here I am.
 
Another reason for my “mood” is that when I went for my last dr visit, at my four-week mark, I had only lost 5 lbs. This was so disappointing after my huge second week loss. I had to remember that I had been storing a huge amount of fluid for almost two years so that was the first thing to come off. Needless to say, I was a bit anxious about my doctors appointment yesterday.
 
I had decided that I needed to take a chill pill and give myself a bit of credit. I’ve on this challenge and have been pretty successful with the huge change in my life. I’ve kept my protein intake up and am (aside from the cold from hell) feeling pretty fantastic. I also reminded myself that it took a long time, for the most part, to get here and it will take a while to take it all off and as long as I continue to go down, even if its one pound at a time, it’s an improvement.
 
So with this pep talk under my figurative belt, I bravely (cough) went to my doctor’s appointment yesterday. This was my family doctor who I last saw the day before my surgery so I actually was pretty stoked to show him my success to this point. Actually, it was the first time I’ve been happy to be weighed in at his office in the last two years. Prior to this, I had been gaining every time I would go in. It was frustrating for me but also to my doctor because we could not stop whatever was going on. Last time I saw him, I had a raging case of cellulitis on my left leg, not to mention that the same leg was twice (at least) the size of my right leg.
 
Thank goodness that my anxiety was short-lived!! I had lost 8 lbs and that officially put me under 300 lbs!! This is the first time in almost two years that I have seen that! This brings my official weight loss to 45 lbs in six weeks! Yeah me!! My doctor was also very pleased with my progress. Not only had I lost a lot of weight but I no longer had cellulitis and the swelling is gone from my legs. And even though I’m still sneezing, my O2 stat was at 89, and I’m still not feeling 100%, he (and I) were so excited that my lungs were totally clear!! You have to understand that prior to this, every single time I would get a cold it would mean weeks of recovery, antibiotics, and a general miserable existence until it would clear up. Not only did this not happen this time BUT I really didn’t even have to increase my medications (nebulizer etc) this time. Very little wheezing, huffin’ & puffin’, etc… Yeah! I’m loving this new life!!
 
So, with my usual positive outlook back in order (and great drugs keeping the nose under control!) I decided to take inventory of what I am able to do now that I could not do six weeks ago or for the last two years, for that matter. Now I understand that if you have never been large then you may not realize what a huge accomplishment these things are but if you have walked in my shoes at all…. you get it!! So here we go…..
 
The first thing I noticed, of course, was that I could breath. I know I have mentioned this in previous entries but when you feel like you are suffocating 24/7, it is pretty major. Of course, with this obstacle pushed somewhat to the side, I am now able to walk without feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack or pass out at any moment. I can put on my bra by myself. I know, you are thinking “What?” well I could not reach around behind my back and hook my bra so my dear hubby had to do it for me. I think he kinda feels left out now! lol I can take a shower without having to sit down as soon as I get out AND I can shave my legs with ease!! I can fix my hair win half the time that it was taking me. I also have not heard my husband ask me “Why are you breathing so hard?” for a while now. (Yeah!!) There are a lot of other things but the latest two things just happened in the last week or two…. I put on and tied my own tennis shoes with the bow ON TOP and I painted my toenails this morning! I even got a compliment from one of my bosses… she thought I had gotten a pedicure!! Again YEAH!!
 
So with this happy evalutation, I am now looking forward and will hopefully keep the negativity at bay. Happy journey and Hugs!!!

Yeah! The Nurse Practitioner called me Friday on the drive home from work. She was working through the files on her desk just like I was told.
 
Now that things are in her hands, it seems as though the ride from here might be a bit smoother. I am not scheduled:
 
August 21 - Endoscopy
September 24 - Chest X-Ray; EKG; Blood Work
September 26 - Review tests with Nurse Practitioner, go over 2 week diet requirement and schedule the surgery date!!
 
After talking things over with my hubby, and trying to navigate the events we have coming up, I believe I'm going to work to begin the 2 week liquid diet on 10/15. I have a wedding party to do make up for (Mary Kay Consultant) the first weekend of October. We are taking my 88 y/o mother-in-law on vacation the next weekend (10/12). That would put my surgery (if I'm lucky and there's availability) the week of 10/29....which puts it very near my birthday. I'm TOTALLY ok with that, as this can then be my birthday present to myself!!! At 44, I'll be starting a new me! Next year, it will be 2 birhtdays in one! This will also mean (hopefully....if post-surgery recouperating goes well) that I could potentially have turkey and mashed potatoes with everyone at Thanksgiving! And Christmas will be even better because that will be about 8-9 weeks out and things should be showing significant progress. (I know, maybe a bit Pollyanna-ish, but if you're not positive, things won't happen, right?)
 
WHOO HOO!!! I'm SO excited this is finally moving forward.