ISleevedIt

Ok, I might get blackballed and lose my MAN CARD for admitting this, but here goes. I was cleaning out the closet, looking for smaller pants to wear. I started rummaging for something that would fit, found a nice pair to try on. They were a PERFECT fit, better than any pants I've put on. Looked good in the mirror too! All that walking is shaping my butt up! Did I really say that last line?
 
Up till recently, you could lean me up against a flat wall and there’d be no gaps anywhere from the top of my back to my calves. My butt was so flat… How flat was it? It was often mistaken for an end table when I lay on the floor.
 
I looked at the tags only to find that they weren’t men’s pants at all - but a ladies size 16 that got left behind from a previous girlfriend! They must’ve mistakenly gotten mixed in with the tons of other pants and shirts that were put in the “I’ll be able to wear that again someday,” wishful thinking pile.
 
For the MAN Committee, I know you have no knowledge of this, but, a 16 is the 1X Women's Plus Size according to Overstock.com. And I DID have to look that up; it didn’t come from memory or previous experience wearing women’s clothing! (So MAN Committee, please take that into account when voting.)
 
This means that I now have the body of a woman with voluptuous hips!
 
P.S. Blackball or not, I'm KEEPING the pants!!
 
Keep Pimpin that sleeve!

One of the scariest or infuriating things I encounter is when I've made a new low on the scale and then gain back 3 or 5 pounds in the next few days. And then it takes a week to get back where I was. I know it's just my body getting adjusted to my new lifestyle, but it is infuriating to see it happen.
 
After reading so many success stories about losing 20 plus pounds per month in the 1st 6 months, I WANT IT TOO! Not 10, not 15, I want my 20+ pound loss, just like clockwork - gimme, gimme, gimme! But that isn't the way my body wants to do it. So I'll just have to get used to the way it works.
 
In fact, the gains are my fault. I allow myself a "cheat" meal on Saturday nights and one more on Sundays when I visit my parents (twice a month). It's not that I eat more food, it's just less healthy.
 
For example:
 
Friday morning weight in: 296.8
 
Saturday night was Golden Corral buffet night. Over the hour I was there, I had about 4oz of meatloaf, 1 fried chicken strip, 1 big cauliflower floret w/cheese, about 2 tablespoons of Shepard's pie and about 1/2 of some kind of pecan gooey thing. I didn't stuff myself, just ate until I was full, waited while my friend hit the buffet again, and I ate a little here and there as my stomach emptied.
 
The following Sunday happened to be one of the 2 days a month I visit my parents. At lunch we had Churches fried chicken. I had 1 fried breast, 1 single serving of mashed potatoes, and 1 biscuit. This is not the normal fare, usually mom cooks meat and vegetables.
 
I wasn't able to eat the whole thing in one sitting. I broke it into 2 meals, one at 11am, the 2nd at 2pm.
 
The rest of my meals for the weekend were my normal fare: turkey hamburger w/cheese and spaghetti sauce or turkey hamburger w/gravy and chopped cauliflower. In a 4oz bowl.
 
Monday morning weigh in: 302.4 - almost a 6 pound gain!
 
I can only assume that all the salt and sodium caused quite a bit of water retention. I don't believe I really over did it too much on the calories.
 
Now it's Thursday - 4 days later - and I'm back down to 298.4 - 4 pounds. Not surprising really, it's happened more than once. That doesn't mean I have to like it!
 
I think it might be a good thing to switch up foods this way, my body won't get accustomed to a certain calorie count/protein/carb/fat intake. I just won't go overboard on the bad stuff and eat it more than 6 meals a month. Now if only I can get over my fear of seeing the scale move up instead of down!
 
And I'll watch and see how my body reacts long term. If turns out that it's causing stalls or long term weight gain, I'll have to go back to the basic diet and cut out the bad stuff.
 
NSV! Now, where's my light saber? I have to punch a new hole in my belt.

So, I went to my third nutritionist appointment yesterday and I am down 8 lbs. I had been stressing out because I lost 5 and then gained 2 back, but nope...I'm down 8! My appointment went really well and she said that she would let me take my gastric bypass 2 class in April instead of May. That means I see her in May and June instead of May, June, July and my paperwork will be sent for approval during the July board meeting. I must say that time is definitely flying and I'm getting excited. I now have to get some blood work done for some type of bacteria to make sure I do not have it, an EKG, and my mental health evaluation.
 
I'm hoping for an August surgery date, fingers crossed!
 
Thanks to all that sent encouragement in my last blog. I got this!

The other day I was shopping at Goodwill and I was looking through some items and 2 older women were in the same isle. The first woman left and the second was pushing the cart so I moved closer to the clothes so that she could pass me. Well, when she passed she turned back to me and said "well, thank goodness your small" and she smiled. Can you believe someone actually called me small, WOW. I was really smiling on the inside to be called small for the first time in who knows how long. I still have about 50 #'s to lose so to be called small felt great. Here's to many more NSV's to come.
 
KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

Without getting to graphic, it was monstrous. I weighed after I got off work and was over a pound lighter. I think I can punch a new notch in my belt tonight.

One of my favorite Mexican foods. I've been eating this stuff for about 4 weeks straight.
 
I got all the ingredients at Walmart. It cost about $4 for 2 days worth of meals (4 - 6 meals in my case). It's very filling and sticks with me.
 
1 lb of chicken breast.
1 pkg of Taco Bell Taco seasoning.
(I tried other name brand taco mixes and the store brands, Taco Bell tastes the best and is just as cheap. There is a Taco Bell chipolte version as well, but I liked the regular version the best. )
 
1 can of gebhardt refried beans w/fat.
(I tried the non-fat version and I like the fat version better. It only has 2grams of fat per serving.)
 
Salsa or Picante or Taco sauce to taste
1 pkg of your favorite shredded cheese.
 
 
I grill the chicken breast and run it through my food processor.
Mix the taco seasoning with about 1/2 cup of water and mix it thoroughly. I mix it in my protein shake shaker.
Toss the chicken into a pot or pan and add the taco seasoning.
Bring it up to a boil and then reduce the heat to a simmer. Let it simmer for about 20 minutes.
 
Mix the chicken and beans in a bowl. Add some salsa if it's too thick for your taste.
 
 
Spoon some of the mixture into a bowl and top with cheese and salsa.
 

Here I am buzzing along like everything is good. Went back to work yesterday and made it all day, and today...BANG!!! I hit the wall, I feel like I could sleep for about a week!!
 
I don't know if it's from lack of calories, electolytes or just over doing it but DANG!!!!
 
Think I'll go home early and take a nap.

Well, this is embarrassing to admit, but for the past 2 years I've had to sit down to pee. At some point my gut and the fat pooch above my junk got too big and it was a real hassle (and messy) to use the urinals. So it was just easier and cleaner to sit on the toilet.
 
So it was a happy surprise when I realized yesterday that I could use the urinals again. My job requires a dress shirt.
 
I hated having to drop trou, tuck my shirt tale back in, and fight with my belt every time I went to the bathroom.
 
Now I can go back to hosing down the back of the urinal and destroying the cigarette butts at the bottom. :-P
 
P.S. They must think guys are pretty dumb around here. I saw a sign above the urinal that read, "Please don't eat the big white mint!"
 

Ok so as of 3/6 according to my nutrionist I am on track with everything. I dont feel that way but she was happy. She wants me to be 218 by my 3 month mark which is 4-14.I am currently 233 was 270. Thats a ways away and only 15 lbs but with the way I get stuck on a weight for over a week at a time kills me. I need to start exercising more but I still have a hole in my side. That prevents alot.
 
I am absolutely horrible at getting my protein in! But I found that the french vanilla protein works well as a cooffe creamer. Plus the coffee masks the protein taste. Oh and I do it in room temp coffee mix it and then add ice. I loooovvveee cold coffee. And caffeine free of course. I was quite pleased. I may try chocolate next week. Make like a mocha.
 
Anywho...Happy losing!

I'm so excited. I've lost 4 pants sizes. I'm fitting into jeans in my closet that i haven't warn in years! Spring break is in a few weeks and we are going to Disneyland can't wait to spend some time in sunny Southern California

I'm going to start blogging my journey as a way to A. hold myself accountable for the negative thoughts and feelings I have towards myself and my weight B. to map my emotional journey in a way that photos alone can not. So here goes.
 
I am 23 years old. I have been fat my entire life. I was a fat child who was promised that I would "grow out of the baby fat one day" but alas I have only grown into a fat adult. I have an odd relationship with my weight. I must say that as a fat girl, you know who your friends truly are. Because of the negative stigma associated with my size, only the people of true character and kindness stuck around. I have a group of fiercely loyal friends who I wouldn't trade for the world, and they love me regardless of my physical shape. I have been interested in theater for as long as I can remember. I was a force in my community theater troupe, and while I was never chosen as the ingenue I always had a fantastic character role in everything I auditioned for. Never the star, but I had a ton of fans. My weight directly influenced my choice of profession. You see, I am a theatrical costume designer and puppet builder. I was taught to sew at an extremely early age, but I only began to pursue my talent because my community theater's designer didn't know how to sew anything for a plus size woman that didn't resemble a tow sack. I began to costume myself, and I must say that I looked fabulous. But the thing is...I WANTED to be the lead. I WANTED to be the ingenue. My size kept me from it, and I developed a deep seated self loathing over it. I developed a social anxiety disorder because of it. So in college I enrolled directly in design and never once attempted to audition again.
Last year I was looking for an internship. I wanted to work as a puppet designer and builder, so I applied to all of the usual places. Jim Henson, Puppet Heap, Puppet Kitchen, Sprout, etc. But I also applied to late night TV shows like Conan and Colbert for their props making internships. Well, I was called back for everything I applied for...except for those applications that asked to include a picture. Maybe it was coincidence...but I don't think so. Eventually I decided that as a life long Henson Fanatic they were the company I wanted to peruse. Everything was going perfectly...I had every skill and experience they were looking for but there was one last hitch in the giddy up. They called and asked for an in person final interview!! Now, I live in Alabama. The Creature Shop for Sesame Street is in NYC...that's a long way to go and an expensive train ticket just to be shot down because of my weight. Those old insecurities creeped in and almost made me cancel the interview. So many opportunities had already been lost because of my appearance. But my mom MADE me go. She said that Jim Henson company celebrated people of all shapes and sizes in their body of work, why not in their employees? And she was right. The hired me for the semester and I had the absolute best time of my life!!! That's where I began my weight loss journey...on The Street. I lost 30 pounds just working my tail off for that amazing, AMAZING company. I met people that changed my life and my perspective on everything...Only problem? I discovered that a few of the AM puppets did not fit my obese arm, and that's the kind of character I hope to one day puppeteer. So I made up my mind. WLS happened about 2 weeks after I returned home.
 
I am 70 pounds down total at 2 months out. My arm fits most of my puppets now. I still have 100 pounds to lose, but I already feel like a different person. Sometimes I just don't actually SEE the change...more on that next time.

Ok, get your minds out of the gutter! This is just to show anyone that cares what the scars from surgery can look like at 8 weeks. The biggest scar is where they pulled the stomach leftovers out during surgery and it's about 2 inches long, the rest could be covered with a dime.
 
You'd think after 12 years of experience, my doctor could put the scars in a more creative layout! At least he could have tried to make a happy face or something.

They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with 1 step. What they don't tell you is that the journey is a b*tch if you're on step 1!
 
1/14/2015
Well it's been a few months since I last walked. November to be exact. With the cold weather and injuries and sinus drainage, I was pretty much out of commission. We were at it hard during September and October, hitting new highs on speed, sometimes going as fast as 3.9 mph for 3 miles.
 
But November, my partner hurt his ankle and was out for 3 weeks, then I got terrible sinus headaches from breathing the smoke from neighbors burning piles of leaves and then the cold rain set in. So here it is, the middle of January and we haven't walked a mile per day. Fortunately, I've actually lost weight in that time and kept it off. My new job keeps me moving quite a bit.
 
8/26/2014
Wish there was more the report, but it's still HOT in Texas. Most days the temp is around 91 with a heat index of 101 when I walk. I've had to start wearing a water soaked towel around my neck and a hat while I walk to complete 3 miles. I've come close to heat exhaustion a few times and had to head over to the water faucet and soak my head till the dizziness clears. I thought I'd have built up a tolerance to the heat by now, but doesn't seem like that is going to happen. Good news is, the worst of the heat is over, once we hit September temps will slooooooowly creep down to the low 90's every evening. And by October, we'll be back in the 80's. I can't wait to see how fast I can do 4 miles when the temps are down in the 80's. Hopefully, I'll break the 15 minute mile. :-)
 
7/30/2014
I know I keep saying this, but OMG!!! IT'S HOT IN TEXAS! The good news is that today was a cloudy day and I managed 4.25 miles @ 3.6 mph. I should be up and above 4 mph by the time cool weather rolls in during October.
 
The heat is still in the 94 - 95 degree range with a heat index of 101 - 104. And as Madge said on the Palmolive dish-washing detergent, "You're soaking in it." :-P I'm still walking 5 days a week and hugging every inch of shade I can find! But I had to cut back to 3 miles, down from 4. I was just getting too dizzy and sick - even with using a water soaked towel to keep cool and carrying a water bottle. Monday, I had to stop at 2.5 miles and go soak my head under a water faucet. I hit a point and knew I had better get cooled off or something bad was about to happen.
 


 
7/24/2014
OMG!!! IT'S HOT IN TEXAS!
For the past week it's been between 91 and 94 degrees with a heat index of 101 - 104... during the evenings... when I'm walking! I've had to begin carrying a wet towel and carry a water bottle to prevent dehydration and heat exhaustion. But aside from that, I've managed to walk between 3 and 4 miles in about an hour, averaging 3.5 - 3.7 mph. And haven't missed a day this week. But you gotta believe it when I say I was looking for ANY excuse to skip walking after work. But alas, the weather has been clear during the evenings and all the rain has managed to miss my exercise hour. I wonder how much it would cost me to have a crop duster fly up and seed some clouds just around the time I supposed to start walking????
 
7/04/2014
Another 3 miles (including 1 mile in total of jogging in short stretches) in the record book. It still amazes me when I think back to just 18 months ago when I would go to bed wondering how much it would hurt to walk from the car to my desk at work.
 
The Texas heat is a monster and I was really dreading walking (I mean baking) in 94 degree heat with a heat index of 101. That was yesterday! But I got rained out at the last minute. :-) ****Does happy dance**** I know, I know, I should be like those workout gurus and tell you how much I missed not going out there and sweating my ass off. But I gotta be honest and say I will take any "HONEST" excuse to duck out on walking in this heat. When I say "HONEST EXCUSE" I mean just that.... a real, "believable", reason (rain, when my car had a flat 2 weeks ago, or I feel like I've been pushing myself to the point of injury or sickness). Skipping a walk just because I don't feel like it is not enough.
 
So this morning the I had planned to walk with a friend at Claiborne Park just north of Vidor, TX. We normally do 3.25 miles and I've been increasing the distance I've been jogging. But the radar shows rain headed right for us in the next hour or so. So we cancelled it.
 
Instead I ran around my neighborhood. One lap around my block is approx. 1/2 mile. 2 long sides and 2 short sides. In 70 degree weather, I managed to run 12 of the short sides for a total of 1 miles....And the amazing part was I could have done more! So we'll see how much more tomorrow when I'm back out at Claiborne.

 
 
6/29/2014
Can't believe how well my attempts to jog are working out. Averaged 3.5 mph for 3.25 miles today. I walk a figure 8 style track and managed to jog the 4 straightaways all three laps. My next goal is to jog 1 mile non-stop. Shooting to reach that goal by the end of July. If the heat gets to be too much for me, my fall back plan is to go back to wearing the 30 lb weight vest and speed walk the trails.
 
6/19/2014
Another 3.25 miles down. Speed is still slow at 3.1 mph. Temp 91 degrees. Managed to make the whole circuit on 13 swallows of water. It's a pain to have to carry a water bottle on the trail, but it beats getting heat stroke!
 
It's been tough getting used to the Texas heat. The heat's really been kicked up a notch since the end of May. I thought it was bad when the temps were in the high 80's. Oh how I long for those days. My walking partner calls me the shade hunter. He's much more tolerant of the heat. He can walk in full sun for the whole 3.25 miles, while I zigzag on the trail - going from one patch of shade to the next. I think I may actually be walking farther than him, but he carries the GPS, so I have to go by his distance and time. Doesn't matter to me though, just completing the whole trail every day is a win.
 
06/18/2014
Man is it hot! The Texas Summer heat is just getting its stride and things are baking in the park. I'm up to 3.25 miles each day/ 3.1 mph while wearing a 30 lb vest. Fastest speed without the vest was 3.6 mph for 3.25 miles. Thinking it might be time to try the couch to 5k plan. Not really sure all this effort is worth the results. It's a vicious cycle - the more I get in shape the farther/faster I have to walk to burn the same amount of calories.
 
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10/02/2013
Hit a new personal best time at the park. 3.2 miles an hour, did 3 point something miles in about 53 minutes or something close to that, I've forgotten the exact time. :-) But at least I'm getting better, both in distance and being able to recover enough to walk at the same intensity day after day. It seems like only yesterday (actually it was Jan 2nd) that I started my walking program by taking the long way around the office to the bathroom. :-P Just goes to show that taking small steps can add up to bigger things later on.
 
7/11/2013
Well, I lost Gilligan, my pedometer. I named him Gilligan cause he was my "little buddy". Not sure where he ran off to. I left the house with him on my hip and at the end of the day, he was gone.

 
So now I have Gilligan the 2nd or Gilligan the Next Generation, depending on your point of view. Gilligan II is a little smarter, so hopefully he won't get lost. He keeps track not only of my steps and mileage, but takes into account my weight, lists calories burned, total steps, aerobic steps (meaning any walking continuously for 10 minutes or more) and tells me how long I've been aerobically walking . And he remembers everything from the past 6 days.

 
The good news is that I've graduated to a 2 mile trail in a local park. It has lots of ups and downs - and the occasional rabbit/armadillo/snake/Pimp butterfly on the trail to keep things entertaining. And I'm able to make the walk 6 to 7 days a week.
 
My 1st goal was to be able to complete the 2 miles every day 6 to 7 days a week. I have reached that goal as of July.
 
The next goal is to start increasing my speed. See if I can break the 45 minute mark for completing the trail. Current best speed is 46 minutes.
 
 
5/17/2013
Finally! Made over 10k steps a day for 6 days in a row. My original goal was to do it for 5 days in a row. Plus as an added NSV, I have graduated from walking on flat, level surfaces to walking in a parking garage. I do the 1st 5k steps in the morning on level ground, but at lunch, I step it up (no pun intended) by going out to a 3 story parking garage. Having to walk up those inclines between floors add a whole new level to the phrase "pain in the butt!" :-P
 
I was walking next to a coworker yesterday and she said, "I smell smoke." I said, "That's me. I'm not just hot, I'm SMOKIN!"
 
For those out there that have feet and knee pain like me, it pays to move, no matter how little. That's how I started out 5 months ago.
 
I could barely walk from the parking lot to the store without limping and being in a lot of pain. But I always parked at the far end of the lot and minced my way into the store. And I set a goal to walk the inside perimeter of my office every time I went to the bathroom or had to leave my desk. That was 4 to 10 laps a day.
 
When we move to a bigger office in Feb. I set a goal to make 4 laps a day around the office (approximately 1200 steps plus the 500 steps from the parking lot to my desk got me up to about 1700 steps a day).
 
When I got to the point where I could tolerate the 4 laps with no lasting pain, I added 4 laps at lunch. Then 5 in the morning and 5 at lunch till I could do 10 each time. That took several months to accomplish and I usually only could do that at most 3 days a week and be in pain for the other 2 days.
 
Now 10 laps twice a day is too easy, so I changed to going into the parking garage at lunch. The inclined ramps are easy on my ankles and ups my aerobic activity. Plus it gets me out in the sun - gotta have my Vitamin D!
 
That's how I did it. Little changes add up. Now I've got 2 ladies a work who SAY they want to start walking with me - but so far it's only been talk. :-)
 

This is from today, 5/17/2013. It's gonna break my heart to reset it in the morning!
 
 
2/19/2013
Just checked my pedometer when I got home and finally crossed the 10k steps goal or 4.5 miles in 1 day.
 
I usually on get in around 2.5 to 3 miles a day, but today I had a lot of extra walking at work and for the 2nd day this week I've been able to walk additional laps around the building at lunch.
 
Hopefully my feet and hips will allow me to maintain or surpass 10k a day from now on.
 
Update:3/28/2013
Still managing to get closer to my goal of 5 miles/day, 7 days a week. I'm averaging 4.5 miles/day 4 days a week. My hips no longer hurt, just some muscle soreness. And my feet are usually only a little painful after walking but the pain is almost gone the next day.
 
The people at work are starting to take notice of my walking before work and at lunch time. Commenting on my weight loss, that may sound encouraging, but I'd rather stay unnoticed and unremarked on. Noticing my weight loss and exercising will only lead to questions - ones I'd rather not answer.
 
I've had one or two people comment on how much they need to start walking with me, almost daily, but they never seem to find the time to do even one lap around the floor with me. I never made those type of comments when I'd see people working out, cause I knew that I wasn't going to make the effort. So why try to fool them and me? If I did, it would feel like I was apologizing for being fat and feeling guilty for not exercising.
 
I didn't feel like any kind of exercise plan was going to do me any good. I was too far gone. As Ralphie May said, "This is way past a diet coke fix."
 
 
3/4/2013
I'm still walking 3 - 4 miles per day, 5 days a week, but getting past 10k steps a day is tough. My feet and hips are pretty sore the day after doing that many steps and it limits me reaching 10k more than 2 or 3 times a week. But I keep working at it. As long as I'm walking every day, I'm getting closer to my goal.

SOOOOOO, I will be going back to work 2-20. My Dr told me it is perfectly fine to go back to work with my wound as long as I cover it properly. Typical packing gauze and bandage. Also to wear my abdominal binder for extra coverage. Home depot has this dust that gets on everything.
 
In other news I am 241 today and according to my nutritionist I am right on track. They expect at this point for me to have lost 25% of my excess weight. The weigh in they first counted was 266 (I started this at 270). And that is a gastric bypass guideline!! She said that with sleeves normally its a little less so that makes me happy. (Sleeved 1/16)
 
I see a lot of people on here worry about how much they are loosing. I find that the larger you are you will loose a lot more the first few months then a smaller sleever. Patience is a virtue. Soooo cliche but true I have obsessed over my weight this month and with being in and out of the hospital. All to find out I am doing good. I have even been taking in more than I should solid wise due to my gag reaction to protein. The dietitian told me that she understood why and was glad I was trying to stay healthy but try to find one protein shake a day so I can cut back to the 3 ounces of solid. In 2 weeks I can add raw veggies/fruits back in my diet. I cant add exercise back in til this wound heals I am sure that would make a huge difference but I may still be 3 weeks out from that.
 
 
If I can keep up 25 lbs a month I would be ecstatic!!! My goal weight is 165. Honestly I still cant believe I am sleeved.
 
 
-Nicole-

Wow - I am so tired of being invisible to people.SERIOUSLY. I weigh 230 pounds. Too big to be missed. Today a man held the door open for the thin lady walking just in front of me into a convenient store. (They were not together.) Then he lets the door go right as I am about to pass through. He looked me right in the eye. Are you kidding me? I became so irate. It was a definite -want to eat a pizza trigger!!!!!!! (I didn't.) This scenario has happened hundreds of times to me over the past 15 years. How rude. This is just one example of how ignorant people can be. At gatherings - I could be the biggest girl in the room - but nobody can see me. Ironic. It is like if they look at me - they may catch the fat disease. And then - there is the line -you have a beautiful face. Oh my god- how about a simple "You are beautiful".
 
Sorry everybody - just needed to vent to people that would understand.
 
I am so happy I had this surgery. I will train my little boys - that every woman deserves to have a door held open for them. And that men and women deserve to be seen - no matter where they are or how big they are.

So I found out yesterday when I signed my consent that my co-payment for the hospital stay is $250.00. How sweet is it that the owner of my company said he is going to pay it for me because he is so proud of what I am doing to improve myself and my health. God is truly good, all the time.