Velena

Finally got a mile in at the track today. The temps outside were alot warmer than it had been and I decided to go for it. After walking a mile I came home and weighed in and I had lost another pound. so I was very proud of myself for that. tonights for dinner I decided to focus on protein and so I had Tuna with green beans. I hope it is warm outside tomorrow so I can walk another mile!

I found something awesome today! It's called Healthy Choice greek frozen yogurt. It comes in little containers perfect for us sleevers!I saw a couple different flavors. Vanilla bean, strawberry, dark fudge swirl & another I don't remember. I tried the fudge swirl today. It is very good. Not too sugary & our little tummies r able to tolerate it! I am not sure the specifics on nutrition because I threw the box away but I wouldn't have bought them if it wasn't a wise choice. Good luck to everyone. I also bought strawberry, I will let u know how it tastes in a couple days.
 
I found the nutrition info... Calories 100, total fat 2g, sat fat 1g, trans fat 0, cholesterol 10mg, sodium 45mg, potassium 125mg, total carb 17g, dietary fiber 1g, sugars 11g, and protein 4g. The other flavor is blueberry. Hope you all enjoy this info and treat yourself to something good, yet not so bad for yourself.

Merry Christmas Everyone. Ok, I'm a day late and a dollar or two short but it's the thought that counts. Hope you all enjoyed a wonderful day with family and friends. I had a very interesting and different Christmas than I normally have...but I have to say, it seemed to end with wonderful memories and a great story to tell when I'm old and frail.
 
So, my day started tthe same as it normaly does on Christmas. Nothing really exciting. Due to finacial reasons, my husband and I did not exchanged gifts so there was no "under the tree excitment" to be had here. Not that it's a bad thing at all. We've always said that as long as we have each other, we don't need much else. I mean having a roof over our heads is REALLY nice and I wouldn't want to give it up but if we had to...well, then we would have to figure something out...TOGETHER.
 
Now, my normal day consists of going to my parent's house for Christmas dinner with my sister and her family (husband and four children). I was really looking forward to the family time until I made the call to my parents to wish them a merry Christmas. What do I hear? Phlem!! Lots and lots of it. Not only can my mother barely talk, I hear my father in the back ground doing the same thing. Long story short....Christmas at the Morgan's is CANCELED unltil further notice. So, my husband and I venture out to find something to cook for dinner. I didn't have anything that would rise to occasion of a "Christmas Meal" so I figured i would go get either lamb, prime rib, or a ham...yes, I know one of these things is not like the other...but hey, at least it's not CHICKEN!!!! LOL
 
So, we go store to store...meaning we went to two (we live in a small town) and much to my surprise, they were closed. We even went by our 24-7 Walmart and that was closed too. HUMMMM...now what? Again, we take a mental inventory of what we have in the freezer....CHICKEN...and maybe some hamburg. Neither seems worthy of a Christmas feast. So, I get an idea...let's see if the Chinesse place is open today. Sure enough it is. Yippie. Looks like we will have our own version of "A Christmas Story" this year.
 
So, around 2 I call and place our order. Not sure why I odered so much but I am sure my husband can handle most of it. I also figured due to my Christmas day food intake already, i would be able to pack more than normal away in my little tummy. I am still not sure where all the extra room came from. So, we changed our clothes so that we wouldn't be eating in our P.J's, took the five mile drive to the Chinesse store and picked up our food. Once home, my hubby set the table (as best he could at the last minute) and we sang...."Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra, Ra Ra, Ra, Ra." I figured it would be very insensitive to ask the people at the resturaunt to sing "Deck the Halls" like in the movie...I mean it is a complete stereotype and I in no way wanted (or want) to offend anyone. Then, we ate...and laughed...and talked. We talked about how sometimes the best memories come from an unexpected change of plans. And to be honest...I agree.
 
After dinner, we enjoyed a bottle of wine and some ciders. Took some photos and watched "A Christmas Story." Around 9:30, I went to bed with a full tummy, a fuzzy head, and a huge smile on my face. Don't get me wrong, i would have loved to spend the day with my family and I wish they weren't sick...but it's nice to have a story to tell for years to come.
 
I hope you all made your own memories yesterday and I hope they were good ones. Merry Christmas everyone!!!
 
 
This was our Christmas Feast....notice, there is no peaking duck

 
 
This is my meal...and no, I didn't finish it all. LOL

 
Me Showing off my Husband't "lighting skills' (3rd floor) Also, I find it so funny that when I saw this photo I was like, "WOW, I'm thin!!!" And, I said that while wearing sweats that were two sizes too big, a huge oversized sweat shirt, and a bulky coat...again...too big. Funny how times have changed. LOL
 

 
And of course, the chopstick shot

 
Last one...Me by the tree

I had my post op appointment today at exactly 3 weeks out. It was really nice to hear them tell me how great I was looking and that I was doing everything right!
 
Unfortunately, on my trup home, we stopped at Arby's and I got a Ham and Cheddar sandwich. I took the bottom bun off and began eating. I think I was too hungry and probably ate to fast... also, I might have not chewed it good enough... or it could be the fact that I had bread... Not sure what exactly, but all the sudden I got EXCRUCIATING pain under my ribs and back all the way across (same area as in front) and in my left shoulder. My husband asked me to rate the pain and I said 8/10. It was horrible!!! The pain continued for an HOUR almost. I began burping almost immediately, and soon, my throat felt like it was full. I was "sliming." I've heard about sliming, but it wasn't something I understood. It didn't make sense to me... It still doesn't really. All I know is that it is weird. After about a half hour I finally threw up a couple times and felt some relief, but was still about a 4-5/10 on the pain scale. I continued to burp... I suppose, making the bubbly nastiness that I threw up. I ended up throwing up 2 more times and all the sudden I felt completely better. I couldn't resist and looked at what I had thrown up. Surprisingly, there was't much food in it at all. It was slimy (hence "sliming") and foamy. Gross!!
 
As my doctor reminded me today at my appointment, if I were to ever throw up, I need to go to liquids for 24 hours so my eophagus can unswell and recover. Spiffy.
 
According to my Wii Fit weigh in, I didn't lose any weight. Sounds like that is pretty normal and my doctors were not concerned at all, so I'm happy. It will come.
 
I went clothes shoping for Christmas picture clothes and grabbed sizes 3x, 2x, and 1x. I skipped trying on the 3x in hopes I would be out of that size. (I can't stand tight clothes at all so I bought bigger clothes) The 2x's were too frumpy looking and fit funny, but the 1x's actually worked for me!!! I was SHOCKED!!! Depending on the shirt, I would still like to lose more weight to fit in them comfortably, but most fit great. That was a mini-success!
 
My birthday was yesterday so I feel this surgery was the best gift I could have ever gotten!! I got my life back!

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain.
 
I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step.
 
As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!!
 
So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

I am so blessed to sit here and write that surgery went well. better than expected outcome, I did not feel any pain or nausea. I didnt even use the lortab i picked up for post op pain. I am a little disappointed that i have i did not drop any weight since pre-surgery. i only weighed myself all week the first seek after surgery and the number did not go below 240. i figured i will wait until my 2 week post op appt to weigh in with doc and ask him why! I know it could be any numbe of reason. but in the back of my head i'm thinking, am i the exception to the rule? i know i'm just freaking out. i can tell my clothes fit me loose and and my face is already smaller. but i can sure take in a lot of fluids. i mean i have no problem getting in 64 ounces of fluid. today i tried my puree soup with 3 saltine crackers. and i feel ok. last week, i took a nibble of a cheeseburger sample at costco. i thought it would be stuck or something, but it didn't. it was mostly the meat and i chewed it well. since then, nothing other than liquids. and walking. i've done it every day so far, tonight i may skip it. i had my first massage post surgery and i feel a little sore. maybe i;ll get up early and have a nice saturday morning walk.
ahhh thanks for listening. ttyl

Since the 13th I have lost another 3 pounds for which I am very happy.
 
But today I had a fat day.Where I am not satisfied with my weight loss so far and I wished I could just enjoy anything I ate like I did before the sleeve.Silly really as I would allow myself "anything" if only I knew what that was.
 
I dont find pleasure in food anymore.It is not fun to eat anymore.But then my little kid tells me that eating is not fun.It is nice to eat good food but it is not fun.Fun is stuff that you do,like swimming or dancing or playing a game...lol.And she is right.
 
And maybe I feel like this because Im getting a cold again OR
 
Or maybe it is because of this skinny woman at my kid's gymnastics who never speaks to me, that for some reason tonight, decided to loudly and in front of everybody say,O you've lost so much weight.I can even see it in your face now.Are you following a specific diet? To which I answered,yes very specific...lol
Whereupon she said, o its very hard but its got to be done! In front of everybody!!!
 
And goodness knows why that got to me so badly.of course everyone comments on the weight loss but this was just embarrassing for some reason.The be-atch in me wanted to say to her and maybe if you changed that horrid hairstyle of yours you would look so much better too.Its very hard,but its got to be done! But I didnt.and I have never been too sensitive about what others would say,goodness as a fatty Ive had to bite my tongue a few time in my life when people would make comments.So whats up with me now?
 
Crazy thing is whereas I was just thinking about food today,I came home and actually had a packet of weight watchers crisps which I dont even like.So Ive been thinking of how I need to get over myself and toughen up a bit.I cannot let peoples comments get to me.Since we have this big family reunion in December (my housemate's family not mine) and boy are they a bunch of rattlesnakes (hehehe...she doesnt want to go if we dont go with her) of course they will make their snarky comments.I can bet top dollar that the extra skin on my arms will be mentioned a few times and my eating this little will be critized now,I have to not allow myself to eat "away" what I feel.Maybe,just maybe I should for once say these quick comebacks that come up in my head out loud.That might just shut people up.But I wont,because I am not like them.
 
I suppose this is life and a good nite's sleep might just give me back my perspective.And tomorrow I might have a thinner day!

I havent posted for a bit because I've been allergy/sick ridden!!! I know I posted about that last time but I finally feel like I may be on the mend after a couple of rounds of steroids (ughhh the swelling!!) and antibiotics. Just in time for my 52nd birthday tomorrow!! Yes folks, I am proud to say that I have survived somehow for these many long years!! And now that I've had the surgery, I will actually live for many more to come. And I do mean living.... going and doing and loving and living and shopping and playing and singing and dancing and and and and...... That is the joy of the surgery and having lost over 50lbs now... at my last drs visit it was 55lbs to be exact. Yeah!!
 
I've been able to become an active member of my own life. I have just existed for so long that I had forgotten how marvelous it can be to just walk through the store with out huffing and puffing. I'm able to act like a goofball (I am a chronic goofball) at work with my bff and not want to pass out... I can go to baby showers, restraunts, stores, nails, hair, and the list could go on and actually enjoy myself while doing it. What an AMAZING way to start my 52nd year on this great plant... I am loving life right now and I have such a great support group around me, especially my husband. He has been amazing and one of my biggest cheerleaders. We have been amazed by the changes I've gone through.
 
One of the oddest things is my forearms feel "skinny" lol... I've also discovered I have shoulders! Who knew??? lol I can even feel the beginnings of a hip bone.... I KNOW!! I feel like I'm losing inches faster than pounds, which is perfectly fine with me, just is rather odd. Have any of you felt the same way? Just a curiosity question. I had to go buy new bras cuz I'm shrinking out of my old ones.... not cup but number wise. I'm losing back fat which is great! My stomach is wrinkling and bat wings are flying!!! lol
 
One thing I've been upset about is since I started on the Predisone, my cellulitis has come back. I'm just vain enough for it to really bother me. I love wearing my capris and feel like I have fairly decent legs now that they arent so swollen. I is very frustrating but one of those things I have to live with I guess. I thought it was over but NOT! lol
 
Okay last little tidbit, which has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss but everything to do with it as well..... My daughter's bday gift to me is telling me her baby #3 is on the way. Yeah and I will be able to be a different kind of grandma for this one from the get go. I am the "cool" grandma anyway but now I'll be fun too!
 
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and a spectacular journey!! Hugs to you all!!!
 
 
 
P.S. The picture is from today. I can see a difference but very subtle.

Today wasn't my best day food wise I was okay no over eating. I just have a lot of emotions and financial worries so I feel depressed. But I am trying to list in my head all my blessings. I really have only one complaint and thousands of blessings so it puts things in proper perspective. I am so used to numbing out or distracting myself with food and now that it is not an option. I feel grateful for that, it is nice to have a clear head even if it can be painful, but pain forces me to choose a path and not be stuck in the same old place. I am going forward slowly but surely. So I choose to be grateful today, for my family, for dirty jokes, for computers, my dog, my love of books, my wonderful friends, and the list goes on.
Well, week 5 begins tomorrow I can officially eat soft fruits and veggies so yay to that. I am looking forward to going swimming tomorrow. Monday was my first day back at work so grateful that no one was too evil to me on the phone. Tomorrow I go back praying for a quick 8 hours. I really want to find a different line of work sitting down 8 hours a day sucks and I am about done with it. I am staying for the remainder of the year for insurance reasons but after that I have to move on for my own health mental and physical. I don't have any weight lost to report since I don't own a scale. I don't want to be focused on the scale or my weight, I refuse to be upset by a number. I have no more pain and can walk 2 miles without dying and no more high blood pressure. My life is better after this surgery especially my health and that is awesome.
 
God Bless everyone everywhere,
All my love, Linsey :wub:

So here I am… I’m finally getting around to starting my blog on here after lurking for a few weeks… commenting on a few posts and making a few new friends (virtual ones if nothing else). We all have a story right? How’d we get here? I got here courtesy of an angry failed (I guess you could call it the black sheep of the family) thyroid and a b!tchy thin doctor who told me I just needed to eat less and walk more as I packed on weight (my underactive thyroid was discovered YEARS later by another doctor when I’d finally given up – she was reviewing the old lab results). It’s been almost 7 years since it started failing and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still bitter… I’ve gained somewhere between 80 and 100 pounds since then. I’ve lost as much as 50 of it and gained back nearly all that I’ve lost.
 
About two years ago my doctor told me to have surgery (she had Lap Band in Mexico before it was approved in the US) and I joined Weight Watchers instead… I was convinced I could beat my thyroid if I just worked hard enough… I worked hard for my less than a pound a week losses only to find that when I stopped WW I gained it all back! Last year the same doc told me that at 29 years old, I was prediabetic , prehyperlipidemia, and that pain I was having was degenerative joint disease because of my weight and I had to lose weight immediately… Less than 10 years before that I was in the military! Needless to say I dieted a ton after that and regained everything immediately when I stopped…
This past winter I was doing a couch to 5K program (not losing weight though LOL) when I contracted pneumonia which was not a fun mix with my asthma. After the pneumonia was gone my asthma became severe and the steroids to keep me alive caused even more weight gain. As my medicine cabinet became more and more full between the asthma and other conditions I realized I can’t keep going like this and my doc was right two years ago – If I’m going to get to and maintain a healthy weight I need to have surgery and if I’m going to see my daughters become adults, I need to get healthy…. So that said, here I am.
 
I’ve done everything and now I’m waiting on the insurance company and a date. I’m here for support and to be someone’s support. In my life I’m strong for everyone and I always have been and the downfall of that is that for the first time I need people being strong with me and for me and I don’t have that.

OK, so today I got an unexpected, but exciting call from my Gastroenterologist office! I have been waiting to hear that our health insurance company has given the approval for my Sleeve surgery.
I have been on a weight loss program for the passed 7 months, and also exercising to satisfy our insurance company, and to show them I can lose weight, and I can eat better, and live healthier.
I have seriously made up my mind that I can do this, and I want the sleeve done. Well, today they called and said my insurance APPROVED me for the surgery, and it looks like I will only have to come up with a relatively small amount of money up front before I can have it done. I'm a bit nervous about it, kinda scared, but also excited! It will probably be about 3-4 weeks before my surgery date. I hope I survive the couple weeks before and the few weeks after that I can only have liquids! I know it will be hard, but I have already done so many things I have set my mind too in the passed 7 months, that I should be able to do this too! Right? Right! I can't wait to be able to wear a REGULAR size again instead of PLUS sizes! :wub: Until next time....

Ok, chances are I'm overreacting, and if so...ok.
 
It's Monday, I'm in the office, and no fewer than 6 people since 8:00 a.m. (it's 12:30 now) have walked down the hall and each one has made a point to either say "hi" or stop and talk to the girl across the hall. Now, mind you, I'm not a wall flower....I'd say I'm pretty outgoing in this office, and I have worked here 13 years. I'm the "go to" when people need things. She's quiet, reserved and an engineer who isn't all that outgoing. The other difference between us is I've been overweight my entire life, so those who have worked with me have only known me as overweight (and in my opinion have a bias against that and feel uncomfortable.....so sorry), I'm 5'7, red hair, fair complexion and 254 lbs. She is 5'6, blonde hair, fair complexion and probably 130.
 
So the question is, why do they make the effort to say hi to her, and can't be bothered to turn and say hi to me as well? Why is it I only exist and am noticable when it comes to what they need and when they need it?
 
Well.....times, they are a changin.....and there's a reconin' coming! After I'm sleeved, and the weight starts falling off.....you can BET I won't be interested in their attention. I've known all my life who my "real" friends are and who those are that are only there for the fair weather. I won't suffer fake people. Not worthy of my time or trouble.
 
It's amazing to me how easily it is for others to be so rude and judgmental against those overweight. I've even noticed that it's actually socially acceptable for talking heads and comedians to poke fun at overweight politicians! How DARE they? Isn't it said that you can't judge a man (or woman) until you've walked a mile in their shoes? Sometimes, I just wish the world would grow up and try to consider those around them and pre-think they're actions.
 
Kicking the soapbox back into the corner.

I'm over it. I don't want to look at the scale anymore! I feel like freaking Frodo with that thing. "My Precious" keeps calling me. I have to resist. I don't want my success being tied to a number. My clothes feel loose. I'm getting more energy. I'm sucking it up with my work.... (actually...I started looking for another job last week!).
 
I'm getting things done. I feel healthier. PPL say I'm looking good. Getting compliments. What's the obsession with the number?
 
I'm going to try to go a whole month w/o getting on that darn thing! Wish me luck!

OMG, are any of you guys experiencing this, it feels so funny when I swallow anything. I can actually feel the liquid go down my throat into my pouch and if I try to do anything other than sip is feels so uncomfortable and hurts. It's so funny before surgery I didn't even take notice to these things. I also feel empty inside like I know most of my stomach is gone. Is this crazy or do you guys feel me on this.

"Perhaps you and Larry will join us for the consumption of mass quantities this weekend... will we ignite our new flame pit and char some mammal flesh for you..".
 
Beldar Conehead
 
It's nearly 7 months now since sleeving. I've lost over 100 pounds since embarking on this war on superfluous body composition.
At first I mourned the loss of hours of mindless consumption.
Nothing to do while watching TV but watch TV.
No building the egos of the cooks in the family by gorging on mounds of their culinary belly-whompers.
No more hazy stupor of gluttony's aftermath.
 
But then the fruit of restraint began to manifest.
Clothing became flattering.
Energy arrived with a vengeance.
Health developed rosy cheeks.
My body seemed to be thanking my brain for stopping the tailspin that it was in.
 
I began to look around, in restaurants and at home. My 10 bites were long over before the others were just getting started leaving me with nothing to do but watch. Knowing what I have demonstrated to myself, that a body just doesn't need that much food, I started to be revolted at the sight of mass consumption.
 
And now, far from envying the volume vaulters, I struggle to not be disgusted. Some of these people are my loved ones who are having weight battles of their own.
 
Perhaps I will reach a place of peace about the matter. As for now, I will just look away and in my mind find a happy place of little plates and tiny portions.

I received my surgery time for tomorrow and it is at 12:00pm. I will be at the hospital at 10:00am.

As always, I have made my neighbors wonder how I ever got out of the mental institute. At least this time, I didn't flash some poor, unexpecting man my boobs...though he really did seem to enjoy that. No, today I did that thing that we all do sometimes when we are working out. I forgot I was in public. Not only was I in public, it was 7am and there were TONS of people out walking (their dogs or themselves).
 
Before I went on my 2mile walk (yes, two miles...thank you...thank you...thank you...you can hold your applause now LOL) I decided to add some old CDs that I had found to my phone so that I would have something different to listen to as I walked. Great idea right? This would help motivate me, get me moving a little faster, and help keep me walking more than I have been. Well, that's all true. EXCEPT one thing....I forgot how much I enjoyed some of these tunes. So, not only was I singing along as I walked (I tried to stop when I saw someone coming), I was also doing that upper body dance thing with my arms....you know the one right? It's when you start moving your arms and bobbing up and down?! But, that wasn't the worst part, the worst was when I decided to get my legs involved. Apparently, I didn't think putting one foot in front of the other was good enough. Nope, I thought it would be neat to do a little side step ever once and a while....as well as some some back and forth foot work. This wouldn't have been too bad except I got caught BIG time. Not just by the person in front in me walking their dog, but also by the man driving behind me. I have no idea how long either one was there. The BEST part of the whole thing was watching the man walking directly toward me get the look on his face as to say, "what is wrong with her" and ever so slowly cross the road for no other reason to get away from me. And yes, I made sure to say, "Hello" as I passed. I thought about stopping and petting the dog, but I didn't want to be sprayed with mace. LOL
 
After being caught twice in a matter of seconds, I decided that I should stop my dancing and focus on walking. That was all well and good until "Brown Eyed Girl" came on. Something took over and I was unable to control myself. The words came pouring out of my mouth and my arms and shoulders started going. That is until I noticed an older woman walking her dog and another man attempting to control his dog. It was barking and attempting to break away in an attempt to get to me...and it didn't appear that he wanted to give me lovings. Apparently dogs are not very fond of my singing ability. Damn, and I was planing on auditioning for the Voice next year....LOL.
 
Now that I am home, safe and sound. I have decided that going for my walk in the morning is not the best idea. I think I will leave the walking to the afternoon or evening when there are less people out there to scare. I mean come on, I've got to maintain some type of normalcy....or at least pretend to. Now excuse me as I go turn up Price and dance around the house like the Dancing Queen I (think) am.

I just got through my first workout with my trainer. All I have to say is that this entry will be short due to the pure exhaustion every muscle in my body feels. Just a few thoughts:

I have been stuck in a terrible stall for the last 1.5 weeks. Maybe this will bring me out.
I realized I can't drink during workouts or I will throw up on the yoga mat lol.
Must make sure to take my gummy bear vitamins and drink more water. That last one is pretty much engraved into every WLS patient's forehead, but I experienced terrible orthostatic hypotension (standing too fast and becoming dizzy). My trainer will have to peel me from a puke soaked yoga mat otherwise.
I hope this works.

so last night i dreamed that i was packing my overnight bag for the hospital to have surgery. i woke up thinking it was real. it FELT so real. am i that anxious to get my sleeve? lol
 
i just pray to god that all goes well when the time does come. i know this is what i want but i keep asking myself "are u really ready for this?"
 
its the small things that count. the other day i bought a dress in a size xl just because i know im gonna be able to fit it in a few months
 
i work at a hospital and we have to wear isolation gowns for some of our patients. the gown wont fasten on me but i told mself "girl, this wont be a problem soon"

I've been following my pre-op diet for 3 weeks, tomorrow starts week 4. I don't think it is normally meant to go for this long but I was worried about not losing enough weight before the surgery so I started early. I've been using whey protein shakes and either Almond Milk or lactose free milk. I see the weight loss but it's hard to believe that it will be permanent. My family has been very supportive, my husband drinks a shake for breakfast now too and he's lost 8 lbs.
I'm excited and nervous about the surgery on Sept 5th. Sometimes I tell myself that it's crazy and I'm over-reacting. I should be able to lose the weight by myself. But I've been fat for 95% of my adult life and I've tried to change without success. The final straw was having my diabetes (Adult onset for the past 18 yrs) get out of control last spring. That really scared me. I've got to do this and hope that my diabetes responds positively.
Now it's just continue with the shakes and exercise and count down until Sept 5th!

Only five days left of my lovely liquid diet. I have to say it is not as bad as I thought it would be, I haven't killed anyone. I do miss chewing my food but it is worth it, I am worth it. I do experience headaches but it is nothing asprin can't handle. I have been very tired but I use crystal light energy and that keeps me up while I am working. I am looking forward to working out today, I have a gym membership at the wellness center at the hospital where I will have my surgery. I love water aerobics. I have always liked exercising it is just that at my weight I can only do about a minute so water aerobics is the only option where I can move for a couple hours consistently. I am so excited that I get 3 weeks off from work, I have to say I will definitely be finding a new job, that is half of the joy of having surgery is just to be away from work. I was born for retirement but my checkbook thinks other wise. So looking forward to all that is coming, good luck and blessings to all

I am 8 days into the liquid diet and super surprised I have not cheated, I am so proud of myself. I am really thankful I have supportive friends and family that have encouraged me to keep going. The worst was day 6, I was extremely nauseated and had a horrible headache. However, on day six I left work early and went home and watched Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (extended version of course!). I had wanted to have crackers in my soup but it is not allowed. I started viewing those crackers as the ONE ring and I wasn't going to cave, but boy did I want to but. Those crackers stayed in the cabinet or going back into Mordor as I thought of it. I did better than Frodo in the end thank goodness. (refering to the end of the trilogy)
So on day 8, I am pulling a Finding Nemo and I am just going to keep on swimming, the only trouble I have now is actually wanting to do the protein shakes and soups, I just take a few sips and I am done, I just can't bare another. All I want is water with and without crystal light and kind of gross but it's what I want Klaussan's pickle juice. I did get one shake down and a yogurt in so that is good. I highly recommend dannon's oikos greek yogurt 12-15g of protein and very satisfying. The hardest part is the lack of variety especially when I don't like to have all the sweet tasting stuff, but only a couple more days at this point I am in it to win.
God Bless everyone on your journey!

hey all!!!
 
Day 3 post op.... FeelI better than yesterday.... Still haven't taken any of my pain meds... Woohoo go me
 
I got 2oz of tomato chicken broth down.... Still working on the other 2oz while I'm watching Hell's Kitchen! Some of these people on this show are....very interesting hahaha!!!!!
 
I've almosted finished my 20oz bottle of powerade zero.....starting on my 16oz of water.... I still can't seem to stay awake all day, which is screwing up my night sleep schedule.... I called my doctors office to set up my one week appointment for Tuesday.....
 
I'm not going to lie.... I used to hate stepping on the scale..... Now, every time I go pee (TMI) I step on the scale! I love seeing my weight fall off!!!!!
 
241 before surgery
223 today!!!

I may not be like others when it comes to this but there is a reason why and it was confirmed for me recently why I don't really talk about it much.
 
I was talking with a family member who knows that I had the VSG surgery last year and they have put on a few pounds recently (well over time). We were speaking of the US standard of BMI and I had stated that with all i've lost i'm still considered "overweight", and they said oh yeah well what do they say about my weight and I said well I don't really know your size but it you are 200 lbs or more and based on your height you are probably considered "obese". I even said a year ago I was considered "morbidly obese" according to the standards but i'm glad i'm not there anymore.
 
Well once I said that they stated well if it had not been for the surgery you would probably still be but you "CHEATED"!!
 
I was like cheated - really?? At that point I confirmed that no matter how many people say congratulations or i'm proud of you or you did it! In the back of some of their minds they feel "I Cheated"!  That's why I don't tell people I just say I had my gall badder removed (which is true) and I can no longer eat the way I use too and I exercise and eat right (which is all true).
 
I did not know there was a right or a wrong way; a honest way or a chearters way of losing weight?? Do you?! Just because I didn't join Weight Watchers again for the 4th time or try the lastest fad diet like most of my friends and drop some weight and then blow back up again shortly after does that make me a cheater?  It doesn't matter if I slaved away in a gym 5 days a week or that I still need to eat right and be mindful of what I eat they still see me as a cheater! I hate that stigma but, at the end of the day I made a decision that was best for me and my life, i'm not coping out to being a cheater - I still have to put in the work both physically and mentally despite what people may think about bariactric surgery and it's supposed "quick fix".
 
I've seen people gain it all back so I know that it is not a quick fix and you still have to work at it - it's a tool. Used wisely or unwisely you will it the fruits of it.
 
I just needed to vent I guess and it hurt me to hear that from a loved one but like I said that's why it has been a personal choice of mine not to be forth coming with this journey of mine because of that very comment. Hopefully one day I will feel open enough to let more people in on my journey but until then that's why I have my VST family where i'm not judged!

So about 2 months before my surgery my loving Husband bought me a pair of pants. The size on the inside of them was indeed my size but you know how some stores sizes run much smaller than others. These came from one of those stores. So when I tried them on I couldn't even get them up past my knees. Talk about embarrassing and just making me feel like my life was over. Welp yesterday I decided I would try on those same pants (since my Husband has taken and hidden the scale I don't really have a clue what my weight is unless I go to the doctor). I figured the pants would for sure let me know just how much weight I have lost so far. Weeeeeell to my surprise they did fit and I even had to wear a belt with them because they were big in the waist.Talk about a WONDERFUL feeling. I mean when I left my house yesterday no one or nothing could've taken the smile off of my face. What made me feel even better is knowing that this is just the beginning and I have so much more weight to lose. I couldn't be happier about making the decision to have my surgery. What a life changing day yesterday was for me!!!!