hannah

Hey Guys and Dolls, I know I am not the most frequent blogger but I am working on it.



I am day 6 post op, and I am actually feeling much better.



My incisions are still a little puffy and bruised but the pain is managed.



When I walk my stomach is a little uncomfortable from the movement,



and when I sleep on my side it is really uncomfortable.



I am able to only take some ibuprofen during the day and be fine,



however I do take my lortab elixir at night, especially when I was particularly active.



My dog has been making the walking so much easier,



in fact today I noticed I was able to comfortably increase my speed.



I think I may be ready to hit the gym soon. Which is a good thing before I am worried about lose skin.



Everyone keeps telling me that my age is in my favor and the fact that I am on the smaller side of people who get barbaric surgery.



But, to be frank I am still worried. Mostly that I will be uglier with the lose skin then when I was overweight.



Skin is not quite like elastic, which by the way I have never understood.



But I did some counter push ups today and I have been googling some home remedies...



Nothing too promising.

These are my last couple of days being pre-op.



I am having a hateful day.



Maybe the jitters are finally catching up with me. Maybe I am just hungry.



I made sure I did everything I could to make sure this day came as soon as possible,



and now that it is just around the corner I am having a hard time articulating my feelings.



So, even though this is my first blog and I should be attempting to make a good impression, I think I am going to just dump it all here.



I am afraid that I failed my liquid diet.



I am big enough of a person (pun not intended) to own up to the fact that I have made a couple mistakes there.



Mostly in the first week and I have held strong



I am afraid that after my surgery relationships will be weakened.



My boyfriend of four years has wanted me to lose weight essentially the whole time.



I am worried that all our little problems will be amplified.



I am afraid, although I hate to admit it, of what people will think.



Of what all the people I haven't told will think.



Of what the people I have told are thinking.



Easy way out. Weak will. No self control.



All bad attributes to a 22 year old.



I am afraid that after surgery my confidence wont come



That I will always feel like the fat girl.



That I will always brush off compliments that are given to me.



That I will always be uncomfortable around new people.



That I will always be instantly put in the friend zone.


 

I think its just a bad, hungry day.