hannah

Today is a week post op for me, I am still a newbie to the site but I thought I would put myself out there this way. I was around 70 pounds lighter four years ago when we started dating. He has made it known that the weight has been an issue for him. "Are you really going to eat that?" "You want more?" "Maybe we can work out together" "Is it your weight that makes you not want to have sex?" Before surgery sex was a chore for me.. When I thought about it, I got tired thinking about shaving my legs and the whole thing seemed like a chore. Probably because he wasn't so subtle with letting me know that my weight was an issue. But beyond that.. Like I said, I am one week out. All together since my consultation, giving up pop, liquid diet, surgery and this week post op I have lost 37 pounds. Not once has he said something about it on his own. When other people notice he is all "yeah I see it". Today we were in bed watching Fringe and he kept trying to instigate sex.. Which I GET. Its been a while. But I just don't feel up to it yet, chalk it up to healing my body and my self esteem. So when I finally get him to understand I am not going to give in, he is mad. Which again, I get. There have been plenty of times I wanted to be with him, and then I think about how he doesnt like my body.. whats jiggling during that shouldnt be.. and I get disgusted. So you know what he does? He gets a big bowl of chili (MY FAVORITE) and eats it right next to me. I wanted to flip that bowl of hot chili on his lap. Can you say Hormonal Hannah? I had a point, this wasn't going to be just a rant but thats kind of what it turned out to be. When I did my psych evaluation that is what she said to me. That problems like this would be amplified. The fact that I know he wasnt completely satisfied with me before and that he would more then likely be more interested in me after would bother me and I had to find a way to work it out with my self esteem. Has anyone had this issue? Or maybe something like it? What did you do?

Your face looks so good!

Hey Guys and Dolls, I know I am not the most frequent blogger but I am working on it. I am day 6 post op, and I am actually feeling much better. My incisions are still a little puffy and bruised but the pain is managed. When I walk my stomach is a little uncomfortable from the movement, and when I sleep on my side it is really uncomfortable. I am able to only take some ibuprofen during the day and be fine, however I do take my lortab elixir at night, especially when I was particularly active. My dog has been making the walking so much easier, in fact today I noticed I was able to comfortably increase my speed. I think I may be ready to hit the gym soon. Which is a good thing before I am worried about lose skin. Everyone keeps telling me that my age is in my favor and the fact that I am on the smaller side of people who get barbaric surgery. But, to be frank I am still worried. Mostly that I will be uglier with the lose skin then when I was overweight. Skin is not quite like elastic, which by the way I have never understood. But I did some counter push ups today and I have been googling some home remedies... Nothing too promising.

Shoot, I wont lie. I have wanted to chew food up until it feels like I have eaten it and then spit it out.

@Amy I think I love him. I have loved him and I think its still there. In fact I am pretty sure its still there. Everything is just messing with my head. He wasnt overly rude when he would say things about my weight. Its mostly my self esteem that needs to catch up to my body. I have fat girl syndrome and I am worried it will not go away. @MJ. I am trying to keep it real. When he came in with that chili I am serious about wanting to dump it on him. Sneaky little bastard, I know he did that on purpose. I had lousy yogurt, I hate yogurt. And HE KNOWS IT

I have been holding out from buying a scale.. so I am not too determined, just unable to give in. I was just telling me boyfriend before you responded that I am afraid I will be neurotic with the scale. I also think I am going to do a weekly picture so that I can see. I did really well on my two week diet, in fact that whole month I dropped about 30. But that was only because I was an avid cherry coke drinker and I gave it up on the day of my consults. So I was 256 on consult day, 245 on my first liquid diet day and 236 day of surgery. I think I got all my numbers correct. Do you have to do a week follow up? Also, just curious. Are you working out yet at all? Have you hear anything about the fitbit or the Nike+ FuelBand or whatever they are. I think activity trackers. I am worried about skin.. I think we all are... and I am ready to get started but I dont want to over do it. Plus, I never was too gym savvy so I dont know what is the best workouts and what not.

Better, I was able to choke down more of a protein shake then before. My stomach also started to calm down since I have been taking a fiber supplement.. the pain medicine was giving me some trouble. Not to be gross or anything. But I actually am feeling pretty good. I am looking forward to Wednesday so I can weigh myself and see how I am doing. I feel a difference. have you weighed your self?

Whoops, you did not say that.. I got carried away

My throat hurt so bad after surgery, it was like I had no saliva in my mouth and it didnt matter how much I sipped or chewed on ice. Swallowing sand paper. I also had my surgery 8/1 and my throat has felt fine the last two days.

I found this somewhere on the world wide interweb. Feel free to take, modify and share. I have been using it as inspiration on my first few post op days. The part in the italics are where I modified it and made it personal. MY BODY PLEDGE I vow to love my body--starting now, however I feel, where ever I am, whatever size I am in. I vow to stop bashing my body & fight back against my bad thoughts--I have to learn to love myself, if I cant, how can I expect others to? I vow to stop snide comments that make me feel less--I am not less, I am a whole hell of a lot more then that. I can lose weight, I AM losing weight. You are ugly and cruel on the inside. I vow to stop comparing myself to others--This is usually my inner monologue. I know I will need help on this one I vow to not be affected by the media--Your perception of beauty is not the only perception of beauty. I vow to accept that ALL body types are beautiful--including mine. Before surgery and now. When I am swollen, bruised and in pain. My body is metamorphosing like a butterfly and this step in necessary. I vow to recognize my strengths--Humor. Compassion. Loyalty. Patience. Perseverance. Courage. I vow to not let my mistakes keep me down--We all make them. It is knowing the difference between setback and failure. I vow to not change my personality--My self esteem maybe higher, but the root of me is still the same. I am exactly who i was before, and if you couldn't see through the extra weight to find out what kind of person I was then you don't deserve the opportunity now I vow to stand up for myself & others--We all deserve love and respect.

Mt stomach is still talking to me in a different language. but the good news is I only really have to use my pain medicine at night. Laying down s still pretty uncomfortable. I know I am not taking in my full amount of protein. Water wise I am golden, I sip on it all day. Moving around is better too, but it is easy to over do it. It is like one minute I am fine and the next I am over my limit and dead tired.

Oh boy, today is my second full day home from the hospital. Everyone and everything was so nice. I didnt get released until around 8pm the night after my surgery. I wasnt putting out enough urine and they were thinking about catheterizing me. Thank goodness I was able to force myself to go, as nice as it was I was ready to go home. But now that I am home my stomach is speaking to me in a foreign language. I dont know exactly what I should be eating/drinking. Water and decaf tea have been working fine with me. But the thought of something more consistent like broth or creamy soups make me not feel so good. Even the thought of the protein shake makes me feel bad. It doesnt help that I got a post op diet plan from my surgeon, a nutritionist and the hospital... ...and they all vary slightly. So here I am putting out the bat signal. What did you post opers do the first week after

Hey guys, just thought I would check in, My surgery went well too, the doctor actually said the word beautifully. Recovery is recovery, I am sore and stiff and a little grumpy. My stomach is also growling but it is like it is in a foreign language now. I have no idea what it means

HOLY "MY SURGERY IS TOMORROW" BATMAN!!! I am having about a million emotions right now. None of which is sleepiness. I am thinking a bubble bath is exactly what I need. A little light reading and some decaf sleepy time tea before my midnight ban on food. I have half of my bag packed. BUT My dog is being too cute, he is begging me with his puppy dog eyes for a cuddle.

Jeez, that is pretty stinking early. Although, I am pretty amped right now so I doubt I will get much sleep. I am a bundle of nerves. I have to be in at 10am tomorrow. I hope everything goes smoothly for you!!!

I am not far behind you, I have to check in at 10am and surgery is at noon! Good luck girl!!!!!

Tomorrow is my day! I am packing my little bag with all my stuff for my overnight. I hope I don't forget anything, I live forty minutes from the hospital I am having the surgery at so there will be no "let me run home to grab that realll quick". Loose clothes, check. Toilteries, check. books, check. ID, check. Insurance card, check. I wish I could bring my dog, he always makes me feel better. Guys, I will be post-surgery tomorrow.

Two for me too. I think I am going to have a good cry too. Then maybe indulge in myself. Shave my legs, paint my toenails get my bag ready. Try to get out of this funk.

These are my last couple of days being pre-op. I am having a hateful day. Maybe the jitters are finally catching up with me. Maybe I am just hungry. I made sure I did everything I could to make sure this day came as soon as possible, and now that it is just around the corner I am having a hard time articulating my feelings. So, even though this is my first blog and I should be attempting to make a good impression, I think I am going to just dump it all here. I am afraid that I failed my liquid diet. I am big enough of a person (pun not intended) to own up to the fact that I have made a couple mistakes there. Mostly in the first week and I have held strong I am afraid that after my surgery relationships will be weakened. My boyfriend of four years has wanted me to lose weight essentially the whole time. I am worried that all our little problems will be amplified. I am afraid, although I hate to admit it, of what people will think. Of what all the people I haven't told will think. Of what the people I have told are thinking. Easy way out. Weak will. No self control. All bad attributes to a 22 year old. I am afraid that after surgery my confidence wont come That I will always feel like the fat girl. That I will always brush off compliments that are given to me. That I will always be uncomfortable around new people. That I will always be instantly put in the friend zone. I think its just a bad, hungry day.

To everyone close to being finished with their two week liquid diets: How much weight have you guys lost since you have started. I know a couple of you all said you had to lose a certain amount before surgery, but what about everyone else? Since my consults I have lost around 20 pounds, a little over ten since I started my liquid diet and I am on day 11 of my two week diet. I am worried I am not doing well enough, or that somehow something is wrong and my liver wont be shrunk enough.