melissalee

A recent article in People magazine (with the American Idol kids on the front) gave me the courage to write this thread as I realized that maybe I am not the only person out there going through this. Although the article mainly discusses patients who had the gastric bypass surgery, I think that there may be alot of lap banders who may be dealing with the same issues as well and if you are, please let me, us, know how you feel and are dealing with it. The issue being replacing your food addiction with another and the consequences thereof. My addiction has become alcohol. I have always been a drinker. I enjoy going out with friends for a night to drink cosmos and/or margaritas and go dancing. I also enjoy wine in the evening to mellow out after a long day at work. But in the last 9 months to a year, it has become an everyday thing. It is my way of dealing with the stress in my life with work, marriage, motherhood and everything else that was previous dealt with going through the drive thru and inhaling 3 combo meals and a couple of large diet cokes followed by a box of twinkies. I was a binge eater who had battled bulimia since the age of 15. Now I have become a binge drinker and I am suffering becuase of it. Not only with my health but have managed to gain back 30 pounds in the last 9 months as I drink a bottle of wine everynight before bed. This has led me to retreat from my friends, my family and even this board for embarassment of being a failure at this which of course only feeds into my emotional addiction. I never thought the lapband was going to be a magic pill to deal with the issued that I have in my life but I was looking forward to the loss of weight helping me to feel stronger and healthier to find a way to take my problems head on and for a while it did. But as the problems have become more serious (my husband and I have seperated, my entire family lives across the country and there has been 3 deaths in my family in the last 6 months among other things), I have found that I am sinking and drinking was my outlet as food no longer could be. I was happy with the weight I was at (as seen in my pic) and was looking forward to losing just al ittle more before having plastic surgery to get rid of extra skin and reduce the boobs. My surgeon was never a support in that his idea of working with the band was to go to mcdonalds, order a big mac and eat a couple of bites with fries. He was all about the numbers rather than supporting his patients learn a new lifestyle. Even when I hit the 100# lost mark, he would tell me that I was still eating too much, the wrong things (like a salad for god's sake) and that he wanted me to attain a certain goal by a certain time and did not approve of my desire to get the plastic surgery before I met HIS goal and thought that I was a quitter if I did so. Needless to say, I have not returned to him since my last fill in August. I know that I need to find another surgeon who can perform the fills for me to help me get myself back on track but I just haven't had the energy to research and find one. So this is my story. I'm not asking for sympathy. I just wanted to know if there were any others that found themselves transferring their addiction to food to another addiction as I have and how they are dealing with it.

Thank you, everyone who responded to my post. You cannot begin to understand how much better it made me feel just to know that I am not the only one out there, that there are so many of us fighting the same demons and all of us finding our own means to defeat them at last. After I posted this, I took a break to truly look at my life as a whole and see what my addictions are and how they have affected my life and I agree that I cannot and will not make excuses for the actual acts as they are merely a means to act out much deeper feelings that are inside of me. And hearing about these other addictions showed me that alcohol and food aren't the only ones...let's just say that I spend at least half my day on ebay and other online sites shopping just to be shopping. I am actively looking for another surgeon to go to and get another fill and start over with my commitment to lose the weight that I want to. I also admitted to my problem to a friend over the weekend, the first face to face admission and she has promised to go with me to AA as my support until I feel more comfortable going at it alone. Thank you again, everyone who responded so kindly to my post.:nervous

Wow Babs! You're an inspiration. My Questions is: did your insurance pay for any of it? I know that they will pay for my breast reduction (after almost 120# I"m still a 40H!) and I'm hoping that we can throw a lift in for good measure. I've also heard that if you can prove a medical necessity for the TT i.e. sores, etc. in the folded area, strain on your back, that some insurances will pay for that as well. I'm still waiting to lose about 25 more before I consider the reduction and I would like to be as close to my goal before I get any other cosmetic stuff done. My breast reduction is a necessity at this point. I woke up at teh age of 13 with 36DDD boobs and have only gone up from there so I've had a good 20+ years of strain on my back and shoulders and I'm just ready for a little relief finally. To be able to sleep on my stomach, to buy a bra that doesn't cost me a fortune and have to be ordered from a catalog, and gosh darnit, to be able to walk around the house without a bra for the first time in my adult life. And I am willing to trade the scars for the skin because I figure, if I'm going to lose almost 200# (my goal) then gosh darnit, I'm gonna go for the gold! Because it's only going downhill (pun intended) as we get older so I'd like to start out with a cleaner (and tighter) slate!

Although I haven't done it yet, I am certainly planning on it. I am definitely going to have a breast reduction (this was something I would have eventually had even if I hadn't lost the weight) and then a tummy tuck and arm tuck. I'll bypass the lyposuction and all that for now. What I hate the most is the "apron" that I have around my hips. It drives me crazy and I am very self conscious about it, especially since it keeps me from moving down another size in bottoms. But this is my own vanity and my own body. I think that younger people may have better luck with having their skin go back but for the most part, I don't think that anyone can expect not to have any sagging skin with that amount of weight loss. There are other factors too, including the fact that I had a c-section so that hasn't helped either. Hope that helps and good luck!

:help: :sick :angry :think :cry :phanvan This has got to be the worse flu season EVER. I have been non-stop sick since late November. I get over it for a couple of days and then it hits me again. And not a sniffle, little bit of cough and sneezes but like today, my throat is so swollen, I can't even swallow, drink, eat and barely talk. I am freezing and all I want to do is go sit in a hot bath and pass out. I went to go get some bread for my boss at the local bakery he likes before lunch and I sat in my car with full heater on and fell asleep for 15 minutes! I've been on evvery antibiotic, penicillin, had two bouts of eye infections...I'm just done with it. My sister thinks that my immune system is being affected by the band. And I can't argue with my psycho doctor and the way he is. My boss makes really healthy food everyday, usually grilled chicken with steamed veggies or a salad and a lite vinagrette or mahi tuna salad with a nut bread. Veggies have always been hard for me to digest but I figured that if I have something sitting in my pouch all afternoon, I won't feel hungry and snack. I've been on a plateau for awhile and have 2 fills scheduled but have had to reschedule due to illness. My doctor tells me not to eat veggies, not to eat grilled chicken. He wants me to go to McDonalds and get an egg McMuffin for Breakfast and take three bites of it so that will keep me full. For lunch, he wants me to go to Subway to get a sandwich with untoasted bread and eat three bites until I'm full. I asked him what about veggies? He siad, they have lettuce on the sandwich right? I asked him if this was supposed to be the way I eat for the rest of my life, which seems stupid because these are the habits that got me here in the first place. He said, Yes, and that fat people don't know how to control their food well enough to try to relearn how to eat. I couldn't believe that my lap band surgeon would say such a thing to my face. He sits there and tells me I'm one of the most successful of his patients and then turns around and lectures me about how bad I"m eating when I thought I was making strides in the right direction. He only has about 2-3 office hours a week and expects me to take a half day off every 6 weeks to go see him. Whatever. I am feeling so down right now and my health has only compounded it all. Forgive me for ranting. I'm just so sick and tired, you know?

Thanks to everyone who replied. I realize that the band itself is not affecting my immune system but rather the lack of food intake. I'm just frustrated because I am usually a pretty healthy person and can stave off all the typical winter bugs, even with a germ ridden 5 year old running around! I think it's just finally gotten to me and it's bringing me down mentally, not just physically. I do try to eat a sandwich every now and then as my boss likes to make fresh tuna salads on toasted nut bread and not only do they taste wonderful, they fill me up for the rest of the afternoon after only half on one. I am supposed to be going in for another fill on Friday because I've only lost maybe 10 pounds in the last 6 months or so and my surgeon thinks I need an adjustment. My fear is will that only comprimise my immune system even more with less food intake? I feel bad enough as it is as I haven't even eaten in almost 2 whole days and I'm sitting here staring down the most delicious tuna and egg salad and I can't even swallow it. Ugh.

YES!! It's something that I just realized this past weekend. I mean, I had gone down a couple. I used to wear a 10-10 1/2 and I had moved down to a 9-9 1/2 but then this weekend, I was doing some end of season sale shopping and accidentally grabbed a pair of 8 1/2 heels and they fit!! I couldn't believe it. I thought maybe it was a fluke or that becuase they were on sale, they were stretched out so I went to the new shoes and tried on a pair of 8 1/2 and they fit too. I haven't been in an 8 1/2 since I was in high school. My feet used to swell so much and my ankles too so bad that I used to say "I don't have Cankles, I have THANKLES!" (you know, the same from the thighs to the ankles haha).

I agree with what everyone else has posted in that it all depends on you. And not only on how well you work the band or exercise. Sometimes it's just as easy as your metabolism or where your eating issues lied in the first place. I have been very fortunate to have lost a little over 100 pounds the first year. I hit that goal right at my 1 year anniversary but have sat there ever since, almost 6 months later. I try not to be discouraged and I am going in for a fill tomorrow to see if that will push me over a little but if I stay this weight forever, I would be perfectly happy. The band, for me, has worked well becuase it has kept me from following many of the bad eating habits that caused me to gain so much weight in the first place. I used to go all day without eating and then stop at the fast food place to order 2 or 3 meals for me to eat throughout the course of the evening until I went to bed around midnight. Now with the band, I have to have something for breakfast and I can't eat hardly any breads and no pasta or rice or any of those wonderful carbs that I loved so much. It's a constant reminder that I cannot and will not go back to those old habits. But though I have been lazy in that I haven't really exercised during these past 18 months, I think my body has caught on and that is the reason that I have plateaued, so I am reaffirming myself to a new routine that will help me to lose what I need to get to my goal.

365 pounds, 12 months, 100%, maybe 30, 2 fills, no diet drugs, caucasian/hispanic, 106 pounds lost

I'm down about 103# just 15 months post-op but I've plateaued for the last 3 months. I got lazy and learned too well how to eat around the band for the holidays. But I'm back on track and hopefully will start to see my scale moving in the right direction again!

:clap2: Josygirl, I was severely bulimic in my late teens to early twenties and for a long time was afraid to even take on trying to lose weight because of my fear of reverting back to my old habits. So when I decided to have the lapband surgery, I thought it was a means that could not be affected by my previous actions. I was wrong and it has been a struggle ever since. The first time I PB'd brought back that immediate feeling that I felt when I was bulimic. I found myself beginning to eat more, throw it up and then eat again. The same pattern. I was depressed and angry that I could not release these same food demons after so many years. The one thing that saved me was a person much like yourself who ended up having a slippage due to their bulimia and found themselves in an even graver situation. I praise this person everyday for their openness regarding it all as I do to you. It's still hard but my fear of slippage and my memory of her words are what keep me on track again and again. Good luck to you and thank you for sharing. YOu have not idea the positve effect your words can have on another.

Megan, I'm not saying that I'm any expert but I am basically married to one, that's for sure. I bought my husband a $2000 professional juicer at a restaurant sale last year because he juices so much, he had already gone through 4 store bought ones in the previous year and a half. Although he goes to the extreme with greens and different grasses, he has been able to get me to try a couple that I truly like. For a quick rush (almost like a drug, really) I suggest celery juice. But you have to make sure that the celery is in season or whatever because there have been times that I had it and it was really bitter but when it's good...OMG. It is amazing. And of course the carrot juice is great but has a lot of sugar. One that I have found very good and refreshing is jicama juice. You can use it to mix with tomato or other not so sweet juices to freshen it up. And apple, carrot and ginger is good, but again alot of sugar. Ginger is another one that is good to add a shot to add flavor and a little extra UMPF! Cucumber is very refreshing and good mixed with carrot or another sugary juice. Red, orange and yellow peppers are really great too, very refreshing. If you want other ideas or would like to know some specific recipes for specific outcomes, like energy, cold, sleep or no sleep, just PM me and I can ask my hubby. He has read every book on this and has done this for years and actually has had his gym ask him to give a talk regarding. He has my entire family on the juicing kick and they swear by him!

Buck, I can only reiterate the same things that have been said here already. I have been very successful in my journey with the lab band. Just over 100# lost in 15 months. I have had my bad days and have posted here for support and advice and I too have been scared by some of the complications that I have seen discussed here. But in the end, this is personal decision, one that you have to be comfortable with in order to be successful at. And remember that this is a medical procedure, no matter how simple and there is always the possibility of complications. But I would rather weigh the odds of such a complication, which are low, to the odds that I would have even greater complications and health problems in the future had I not taken this course. And if you read the posts of those that have had such complications, many will state that they do not regret the choice they made and may even do it all over again if given the chance. Just my 2 cents!

Yes, I would do it again in a second. I can't say it hasn't been hard. I can't say that the band has released me from my food demons, even a year after the fact. I have tried to use the band as a tool, rather than a fix it all and it has done me well. Not only have my tastes changed, but I have used the band as an excuse to try foods that I have never been interested in before. I drink at least 2 glasses of milk a day as a way not only to soothe the occassional reflux, but also to give me the extra Calcium that I need. I have learned that fish is not, well, so fishy and that life does go on without the country fried steak and gravy. I haven't had a hamburger in over a year, but I'm not going to say that I don't have that occassional dream of a bacon double cheeseburger and cheese fries. But the blessing of the band is that, for me, those things are no longer an option even though they may still be a temptation. The best thing that the band HAS done for me is to force me to face those bad habits and demons that ruled my life before it. Before, my first reaction to stress, anger, fear, sadness was to eat...and eat and eat and eat. And I never believed (at least not consciously) that it was a problem, that I really depended on the comfort of that food so much. But now I don't have that option and I am forced not only to come face to face with that which I tried to hide from or comfort myself with the food, but to find another way to deal with it. So yes, I would do it again, even if for only 50, 25 or 10# because this life is so much better than a life half lived.

This is a wonderful thread. I can't believe that I'm not the only one who has done some, or most of these things. Probably the most amazing one I have found to share with others is the seat belt thing on airplane. I used to have this one long black cardigan that I would always wear when I rode on a plane so that I could take it off and lay it across my lap and chest, pretending like I was cold, so that no one would see that I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. To think that I would rather have put myself in danger than ask for an extender. The funny thing is that the surgery has changed my state of mind and acceptance of myself so much so that about three months after the surgery, I had to fly home for my grandmother's funeral and I was able to openly and matter-of-factly ask for an extender, only to find that I didn't really need it anymore. I don't know what made me happier, the fact that I didn't need it, or the fact that I no longer cared about what someone else thought. I have also done all the drive thorugh tricks, one of which was ordering 3 or 4 kids meals as I drove home from work as it is easy to pass those off as something that you are just bringing home for the kids. And I would go so far as to get them with lemonades and milks to really make it look for real. How pathetic. Don't make me tell you the number of donut boxes and pizza boxes that have fossilized under my bed, or how many times I've called out to the "family" when the pizza guy comes. You would think he would catch on when he never actual saw anyone but myself. And my DH used to say that I could support a small country on the recycling of my Diet Coke cans. Little did he know they were filled with candy wrappers... Thanks for this thread. It's brought laughter and memories of a life I no longer am lost in.

Life is just way too hectic. I can't believe I forgot my bandiversary yesterday. It was only in reading Betty's post that I remembered. But I feel good. I've accomplished my first goal of hitting 100# by this time and I know that I will take it all the way. I feel (and look) like a totally different person. Well, not a different person per se but rather an older, wiser version of the old me, before I got lost under all that fat. I am at the same weight now that I was when I met my DH but I can say that my attitude is completley different. And he notices it too. I am no longer discontent with my weight, my looks, my life but rather much happier that I have been given this second chance and I am not going to waste it on comparing myself to someone else that may be prettier or skinnier or whatever. It's nice to be comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. I'm not saying that there still aren't things that I don't particularly like about myself, like the hanging skin everywhere. But I wouldn't trade that for what it was. Not on your life.

I work for a Real Estate Property Management and Investment Company as a...well...JACK OF ALL TRADES. I am officially a Procedures Specialist working with Auditors developing the Sarbanes Oxley Matrices but I have my hands in a little at everything at times. I am currently working towards getting my Real Estate License and then we'll go from there. In my past life I was a chef working in some of the major hotels and catering companies in downtown Chicago but then my daughter was born and I stayed home with her for 3 years before finally getting the itch to get back to work. My DH works in the hospitality industry as well (that's where we met) and his hours are all over the place so someone had to have the 9-5 job and I got the tail end of the coin. Oh well, Life is FAR from over yet!!

I dont know how to copy the pics directly into the text but here I am... The first pic is April 2004, 6 months prior to surgery, the second is June 2005 and the last is September 9th with my daughter and my best friend.

Hello everyone. It's been ages since I last posted and things have been going ok. I've hit a little plateau and I haven't lost more than 2# in the last six weeks so I am a little frustrated by that even though I feel like I eat less now than I ever have in my life and I am far more active than I have been in ages. But looking at the overall picture, I really shouldn't complain. My big issue these days is that lately, I have been suffering from terrible reflux or esopogitis or something but it is becoming unbearable to the point I am literally scared of eating anything except ice cream and other cld mushie foods (and that can't be a good thing). It has gotten so bad that this morning, I got it immediately after just one drink of my morning coffee. I have never had a problem with heartburn since my surgery and have enjoyed very few side effects of it so this has really caught my attention. And it's not just the heartburn but the other day, I ate a couple of pieces of chicken (or I should be honest and say I swallowed a couple of pieces) between running to meetings as I had not had time to eat Breakfast or a real lunch and about 15 minutes later, the stinging started like regular heartburn and then spread to an excruciating pain that went straight through to my back like someone had stabbed me there and stayed that way for at least 7-8 hours. I had to leave work, go home and took some liquid tylenol, then soaked in a bath to try to make it feel a little better but nothing really seemed to help. This has been gettting progressively worse for the last 2 weeks. I haven't had a fill since January but I have been under great amounts of stress having just sold our house and moved in the last couple of weeks and just being overwhelmed with work and other issues. Has anyone had similar problems so long after their initial surgery (I was banded 10/2004)? I am a little scared that this is a bigger issue than just a little heartburn.

I'm so sorry to hear about that Sonnie but I would like to hear the reason that they gave you fro removing it as I am scared that I am having the same sort of symptoms for the last 2 weeks and they have only been getting progressively worse. Please share with us what info that you can.

I know how you feel Vines as I used to be the same way. I had the requisite black stretch pants and black tunics and sweaters that I bought in bulk and that was my daily wardrobe. No makeup, hair short and manageable and usually with the glasses on. But now I have learned to enjoy shopping and it has actually helped with my progression. I spent my life being the fat kid, the fat girl or the fat lady and now at 35, I can appreciate the figure that I have and I enjoy going into a store and putting on a new and trendy outfit, even if it still in the plus sizes, knowing that I can look fabulous in it. It makes me feel better, which in turn, makes me look better. I have found that the more attention I spend on just me, shopping, getting my hair done, buying accessories to match, that other people notice the change in me and comment on it, which makes me feel better about myself. As an added incentive, when there are good sales, I will buy clothes the next size down so there is something that I can work toward, especially if it is something I really like. It's a little reward for myself. And I can happily say that I am just begiining to raid my closet for the size 18/20 clothes that I bought from Lane Bryant at the end of last winter and I love it! My husband on the other hand...

OK, let's see if this works. I can't seem to get the pics to show...only the links but we'll try again. First one is from 4/2004 and the second is from 6/2005. I feel like a totally different person!

I just had my first fill last week and my doctor does not do them, rather, he sends me to the local hospital that he works with to have it done. Well, they took xrays before, during and after the fill and at first put too much in then had to remove some so they had to do the equivalent of an upper GI twice. Well, I just got the bill for this and it was almost $1000!!! Granted, this is before my insurance pays their part but I think this is ridiculous and my doctor never said anything about not doing the fills in his office. I am wondering if anyone else has had this problem. And then to kick it off, I don't even feel a restriction, same as before the fill. The hospital doctor said that he first put 1 3/4 cc in but in the upper gi, it was taking too long for the barium to go through so then he took 1/2 cc out. How can he even tell for sure? And when he was taking out the needle the second time, saline squirted everywhere so I am afraid that I lost some of my restriction at that point. I am becoming more and more disappointed with this process. Not sure if it's the band, my doctor or my overall expectations. I'm trying to do my best with just cutting down on the food and exercising when I can but if I had been able to do it alone, I wouldn't have paid the cost of the surgery. Does anyone else seem to have this problem?

Please forgive me beforehand as I have had a terrible week at work, a terrible week at home and it just happens to be that time of the month so my motivation and positive thinking skills are greatly lacking. OK, I know that 2-3 pounds a week is the average weight loss for lapband and that it is a tool and so on and so forth but don't you just feel discouraged sometimes? I am not saying that I regret having had this procedure versus the bypass but I have an acquaintance who just had the bypass the first week of January and she has lost more weight in the last 7 weeks than I have since my surgery in October. I really have nothing to complain about. I have greatly enjoyed buying some new clothes and discovering that not only do I not need to wear my size 32 stretchy pants and big tunic sweaters but that I am slowly enjoying showing off the goods every now and then in a low cut wrap shirt 3 sizes smaller than I was wearing. It's great to be "forced" to go out and buy some size 26 pants because my old ones are dragging at my feet and I'm afraid that one of these days, I'm going to get up from my desk chair and my pants aren't going to follow! I guess my problem right now is that since my last fill, I really haven't been able to eat anything without PBing or just feeling uncomfortable. Now I know the PBing is not good and I have an appt with my Dr. next week to address this but for all my suffering and lack of food, I haven't lost any more weight on average than I did before the fill. My other problem is the big 3-0-0. Ever since I hit that number after I had my baby, I've been downhill ever since. I think I just gave up, decided that I was not just "grossly obese" as one doctor told me but now I was morbidly obese. I mean, what more can be said to depress a person? But now I'm within an arms length of that number and yet it feels a million miles away. I feel as though it has taken me a million years to lose the last 15# when it only took a minute to lose the first 35. Because I'm still stuck here on the wrong side of that number, I feel like I'll be stuck here forever and it almost invalidates everything I've done otherwise. I know this sounds self indulgent and pathetic but I cannot tell you how really very depressed I am and I begin to feel like it's never going to happen to me and I'll be stuck in this 300 pound nightmare forever. Is there anyone else out there that has had these phases of ridiculous doubt?

Here's my 2 cents!! Betty 54 Paula 43 Kelly 65 Becky 77 Carol 102 Alex 110 Nana 49 Rich 20 Larae 22 Maureen 73 Marie 56 Wyld Blu 73 Penni 54 Vera 60 Darcy 59 Kelly 39 michelle 135 mary 65.4 greg 77 Sharon 35 Tricia 60 Darcey 23 cindy 88 Melissa 39 Michelle 80 Jonathan 27 Lisa 70 Lauren 23 Babs in TX 150 Bright 82 Jamie 5 Megan 60 Katie 29 Bobby H. 46 Estela 23 Angela 37.5 Terri 43 Teresa 86 Kristie 187 Pat 26.5 Carmen 98 Rica 60 Deniseg 35 Sue 101 Nancy 71 Nancy Smiles 67 PamRN Teresa 100 samy 22 Zoe 50 Audrey 172 Nancy 61 Melissa 54 --------------- total 3567.4