juny

Ok. So i am four days out of surgery and doing much better. The first three days ..well they were rough, but that can be expected... After all it is surgery. I joined this forum to get support and encouragement from others ..not dangerous and incorrect advice that some seem to be giving. Promoting eating solid foods after sugery within the first three weeks is just insane to me. Your stomach has staples in it and solid food could cause a leak! Anyone who does not get this and is more worried about what food they can get down right after surgery is not compliant to the protocol. Peroid. This is an indicator that some folks might not have been "mentally " educated and screened prior to the surgery. Not trying to scare anyone, or make them feel bad.. Just stating the facts. Members are only doing a disservice to fellow newbie sleevers saying it is ok and no big deal to eat solid foods within the three week post surgical peroid. I just find this unbelievable that jokes ate being made about it. Shame on you! To my knowledge these members are NOT doctors and are not experts in the what the medical implications of not following the sleeve protocol could be. You do not know each individuals situation nor is your situation the same as anyone elses. I hope in the future that folks will give anyone reaching out for help the right information. Information that all sleevers are given prior to surgery. i understand know each surgon has a different protocol but NONE of the surgons I approached/ interviewed in my research and selection allowed solid foods in the first three weeks. I did tons of research before making my selection based on the median of data that I collected. They ALL stated it was dangerous and could cause leaks. There are obviously some folks who were not educated as well as others prior and post to their surgery. Giving out wrong info is only hurting newbies not helping them... Had to get this off my chest.

And Im down 128.2 pounds.Weighed in at 168.8 pounds today.Only 4 pounds from my dr's goal.Not too bad if I might say so myself...lol
 
Am still all over the place with the eating at the moment trying to find my "normal" again but plodding along which still seems to work for me.
 
I will start exercising.Ok,I dont even believe myself anymore.But I should,I know.Still playing squash twice a week though.
 
Have revised my goal for myself to 154 pounds.70kg's or maybe 69.8 will be even better...lol.I might take my time getting there though or then I might just decide to seriously low carb for 4 weeks and drop all of it in a month (lost 14.6 pounds from mid November to mid December and 6 from Mid Dec till now) I can be done but is it important to do it so fast at this point?I am going to wait with PS till sometime later this year so there is no rush now.
 
Things I need to work on.
1. Exercise
2.water.I dont drink water.I drink tea with milk.Lots and lots of it.I need to drink water.
3.vitamins.I need to have my labs done and take my multi every day with the extra vit A and C
Ok,thats it for now.

Happy New Years! I am very excited about this new year! Especially since I'll be well on my way to a happier and skinner me!
 
Let's see, I am 4 weeks out! WOW, ONE MONTH!! :wub:
At times it seemed like I would never get a grip on this new way of eating and drinking, thinking, cooking, coping, and whatever else I can add that I thought would be normal and isn't... LOL
 
And now that I'm at one month, I can honestly say I do feel some normality emerging. I believe that my brain has finally cought up with the proper portion that I can actually eat and that I no longer suffer from "big eye" as it is known in my family. You know, where your eyes are bigger than your stomach and you serve yourself to much food while absolutely certain that you would eat it AAAAalllll! hehe
 
I have found that all animal protien doesn't work for me! I have to have both plant based protein, (beans and such) and animal protein to help my body. So I found that a low gi diet works well and has some good substitutions. I am very much enjoying my cucumbers again!
 
Yes, I finally feel as though my mind, body and Minnie are all pulling together instead of in 4 different directions!! Yes, I'm still discovering that certain foods just don't go down as well as others. Yes, I can get in all my water IF I add some lemon(real lemon) without nausea!! AND the big one, YES! I can EXCERCISE!! on my elliptical for 20 min!!
 
The protien bars and shakes are not my favorite things but I feel for now I must endure them for the protien count to get close to what it should be!
I found that stringy chicken is difficult for Minnie but if I chop it up it is much better!
I can not skip my anti acid pills! NO MATTER WHAT!
 
The most amazing thing....
I have lost 30lbs!! This is the most I have ever lost with any weight loss effort!! So this is just starting to sink in that this will work!! My body is not an exception to the rule and I have invested into a fanatastic tool that WILL work with me!! That realization is worth it all and will bring the ultimate break through of reaching my goal weight!
 
I go back to the dr in 2 weeks. I'll let you know how it goes! Reach the stars by setting goals and take it one day at a time. Blessings for the new year!
Kris

Five weeks after surgery, down 22 lbs
My double chin is almost gone!

So I went to a seminar back in May that first introduced me to wls. Of all the things I heard the biggest challenge I felt was going to be the pop thing. You know...the part where you can't really have it anymore. At the time my habit was 4-8 cans a day which I've had for the past 15-20 years (I'm 30). I knew if I couldn't kick that habit I wouldn't ever be able to have the surgery. I mean I knew this was just one of many new rules we have to live by but if I couldn't do this then none of the other stuff mattered. The day of the seminar was the last day for 7 months. Over Thanksgiving I've tried pop again half scared, half curious about my reaction to it since I was so addicted to the stuff. The circumstance came about when there wasn't any water to be had at the party. Well they had water, but it was horrible tasting water and I couldn't drink it. I had half a can of pop. I've since also had a couple tastes of moscato di asti and couple more tastes of pop when there's been no alternative. The result is unexpectedly happy. I don't really like too much of it. The bubbles are too much and it burns going down and then I get all burpy. I can't help but laugh about it since I really thought I'd have something like an alcoholics reaction to their favorite drink, one taste and that would be the end of sobriety for a while. I can't believe I really prefer water but I do. The reverse osmosis machine at our house is wonderfully helpful since it gets a lot of the funny tastes out of our well water. It's been well worth the price.
 
i'm preop but I do believe this is an nsv!

So I went to a seminar back in May that first introduced me to wls. Of all the things I heard the biggest challenge I felt was going to be the pop thing. You know...the part where you can't really have it anymore. At the time my habit was 4-8 cans a day which I've had for the past 15-20 years (I'm 30). I knew if I couldn't kick that habit I wouldn't ever be able to have the surgery. I mean I knew this was just one of many new rules we have to live by but if I couldn't do this then none of the other stuff mattered. The day of the seminar was the last day for 7 months. Over Thanksgiving I've tried pop again half scared, half curious about my reaction to it since I was so addicted to the stuff. The circumstance came about when there wasn't any water to be had at the party. Well they had water, but it was horrible tasting water and I couldn't drink it. I had half a can of pop. I've since also had a couple tastes of moscato di asti and couple more tastes of pop when there's been no alternative. The result is unexpectedly happy. I don't really like too much of it. The bubbles are too much and it burns going down and then I get all burpy. I can't help but laugh about it since I really thought I'd have something like an alcoholics reaction to their favorite drink, one taste and that would be the end of sobriety for a while. I can't believe I really prefer water but I do. The reverse osmosis machine at our house is wonderfully helpful since it gets a lot of the funny tastes out of our well water. It's been well worth the price.
 
i'm preop but I do believe this is an nsv!

Happpy Birrrthhddaayyyy to meeeee! The greatest present I could have ever given myself? VSG. Period. End of story. I paid out of pocket and went broke for this surgery, and my only regret is that I didn't do this sooner. I've never in my life experienced this kind of weight loss success, the little bit I did came from extreme dieting, deprevation, and I dare say an eating disorder. Nothing ever lasted. I might get excited at a few Weight Watchers meetings than, bam, it would come right back on with in a month or a couple of weeks. I use to be relieved to lose just a few pounds over the course of a month, today I'm now down over -40 lbs since surgery 12 weeks ago. This week I lost an addition -2lbs and yesterday I celebrated my 29th birthday. Normally this event has me plotting out my food plan of attack 2 weeks in advance. I would eat anything and everything and use my birthday as an excuse to binge. This year I did not, and could not. Old habits are hard to break, I even picked up a couple of my favorite go to items, and low and behold my sleeve wasn't having any of it. I felt foolish for even trying.
 
I found a dress (a business bodycon style dress) in my closet that I bought over 2 years ago online. I was overweight but I figured if I lost 20 lbs it might fit and I was in love with the style. When it arrived in the mail I was so deeepresssseeeeddd to learn that even if I lost 20 lbs that dress was NOT going to fit. I felt bad and humiliated as usual, but instead of returning it as I should have, I hung it up, tags still attached and moved it to the back of my closet... because maybe, just maybe one day something magical might happen. Last week I rediscovered it and almost gasped. Could it be?? The dress?! But have I lost enough???? Well, I put it on and bam... it fit. Like a glove. It only took -40lbs! But it fits!
 
I wore it for the first time yesterday on my birthday, then wore it watch Maya Angelou lecture on women in leadership, then proceeded to a dinner date. It wasn't a huge blow out birthday, but it was GREAT. And I felt GREAT. And I felt beautiful. I haven't been able to say that in a long time. I felt beautiful. Today I took the day off from work, and spent have the day at a spa getting a massage and facial, and the other half of the day completely gutting my closet. I literally cleared out HALF of my clothes that are too big for me. My room is a disaster, but I knew that these items had to go. I finished up with a late lunch with my exboyfriend who has been randomly appearing a lot more lately (giggles). Tonight is my birthday party with friends, followed by a going away party for another friend tomorrow night. I'm about to see a whole lot of people I haven't seen in a while and I know there will be LOTS to be said!
 
Birthdays use to be about food, and celebrating with food. This birthday was about celebrating me, and I went a totally different direction. I definitly see more birthdays with Spa Day's involved including a new special birthday outfit. Here's to new beginnings, new bodies, and new traditions. Cheers!
 
Height: 5'9
 
Highest (Surgery) Weight: 216
 
1st Primary Goal Weight: 169
2nd Optimal Goal Weight: 145
 
Sleeve Journey:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 8/17/12- PreOp/Surgery Day w/Pics Posted in Blog
Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2)
Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2)
Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8)
Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 9/17/12- 1 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog
Week 5 (9/21): 191.6 (-1.9)
Week 6 (9/28): 190.1 (-1.5)
Week 7 (10/5): 187.0 (-3.1)
Week 8 (10/12): 181.9 (-5.1)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 10/17/12- 2 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog
Week 9 (10/19): 181.4 (-.5)
Week 10 (10/26): 177.9 (-3.5)
Week 11 (11/02): 176.8 (-1.1)
Week 12 (11/09): 174.7 (-2.1)

So the treadmill test was the test I was most worried about because I'm seriously not a runner at all. I had my test today so I thought I'd share how it went and what happens to maybe allay some fears. I think the not knowing is half the problem.
 
So I scheduled first thing in the morning, I recommend this so you're not waiting for the people who came in before you to get done. The wait doesn't help my anxiety level. I walked right in to the reception and within 5 minutes I was talking to my technician. Originally, I was crabby because it was a guy and I'm already self conscious. He was great though in spite of telling me that I have short legs and that would make it harder to walk quickly on the treadmill. We talked about the hospital and what I like (the people) and what I hate (their central scheduling/epic software/etc). I was told to wear a baggy shirt and some pants you can really walk in. I was also told not to eat the morning (or 6 hours before the procedure). He lifted my shirt (i still had my bra on), swabbed the places he was going to put the adhesive things that would hold the ekg wires to my body (my first roll and just below my bra) to give a good reading as I laid down on the gurney. They were sticky (obviously) but when they came off they didn't hurt like...oh say duct tape. So between the banter he's telling me about the process. I get my blood pressure taken (which was high for me but not high).
 
So here's the deal, after you're all wired up they put a belt (this belt fits don't worry about it not fitting) on you so that the wires and such don't pull off when you're walking. The blood pressure cuff stays on pretty much throughout and they periodically test your blood pressure throughout. They did not use the automatic one, I'm pleased w/ this because I honestly never have a good reading from those things. It's either really high or no blood pressure at all. So you get off the gurney and on the treadmill, mine didn't have sides, it had a bar you have to hang on to. The overall program is that it steps up both the incline and the speed until your heart reaches it's target rate. In my case, I'm 30 and it's 180 i think (don't quote me). You get on, the treadmill goes immediately to 10% incline and 1.7mph. I think every 2 minutes or so it raises the speed and I think the incline. This isn't some slight increase in speed It goes from 1.7 to 3.2 to 3.7 to 4.2, if your tech is paying attention he might just warn you which helps tremendously, I ended up at a 14% incline. The test goes on as long as you feel you can tolerate or reach the heart rate they want you to reach. The tech said usually people last between 5-8 minutes. I'm not sure if he was saying that to make me feel better but I did make it to 8 minutes. I told him straight out that I can walk up but not fast.
 
The cardiologist came in when I was about to start the test and watch my ekg. He blabbed about his sons gym class and after I got to 3.2 i was not sharing in any conversation because I was huffing and puffing. It's fine though I think the atmosphere left me feeling like i wasn't being watched to fail and "look at the fat girl try to move...." Overall it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. I was worn out but the doctor said he felt that I could probably have gone on longer. I didn't argue it but I seriously, I couldn't have done 4.2 mph, that's closer to running. It's just so uncomfortable to try moving my body that fast. The doctor said he felt I was very healthy and because I've been walking 3 days a week it has helped me keep my heart healthy. All done.
 
 
Within 30 minutes I was out the door and on my way.

So the treadmill test was the test I was most worried about because I'm seriously not a runner at all. I had my test today so I thought I'd share how it went and what happens to maybe allay some fears. I think the not knowing is half the problem.
 
So I scheduled first thing in the morning, I recommend this so you're not waiting for the people who came in before you to get done. The wait doesn't help my anxiety level. I walked right in to the reception and within 5 minutes I was talking to my technician. Originally, I was crabby because it was a guy and I'm already self conscious. He was great though in spite of telling me that I have short legs and that would make it harder to walk quickly on the treadmill. We talked about the hospital and what I like (the people) and what I hate (their central scheduling/epic software/etc). I was told to wear a baggy shirt and some pants you can really walk in. I was also told not to eat the morning (or 6 hours before the procedure). He lifted my shirt (i still had my bra on), swabbed the places he was going to put the adhesive things that would hold the ekg wires to my body (my first roll and just below my bra) to give a good reading as I laid down on the gurney. They were sticky (obviously) but when they came off they didn't hurt like...oh say duct tape. So between the banter he's telling me about the process. I get my blood pressure taken (which was high for me but not high).
 
So here's the deal, after you're all wired up they put a belt (this belt fits don't worry about it not fitting) on you so that the wires and such don't pull off when you're walking. The blood pressure cuff stays on pretty much throughout and they periodically test your blood pressure throughout. They did not use the automatic one, I'm pleased w/ this because I honestly never have a good reading from those things. It's either really high or no blood pressure at all. So you get off the gurney and on the treadmill, mine didn't have sides, it had a bar you have to hang on to. The overall program is that it steps up both the incline and the speed until your heart reaches it's target rate. In my case, I'm 30 and it's 180 i think (don't quote me). You get on, the treadmill goes immediately to 10% incline and 1.7mph. I think every 2 minutes or so it raises the speed and I think the incline. This isn't some slight increase in speed It goes from 1.7 to 3.2 to 3.7 to 4.2, if your tech is paying attention he might just warn you which helps tremendously, I ended up at a 14% incline. The test goes on as long as you feel you can tolerate or reach the heart rate they want you to reach. The tech said usually people last between 5-8 minutes. I'm not sure if he was saying that to make me feel better but I did make it to 8 minutes. I told him straight out that I can walk up but not fast.
 
The cardiologist came in when I was about to start the test and watch my ekg. He blabbed about his sons gym class and after I got to 3.2 i was not sharing in any conversation because I was huffing and puffing. It's fine though I think the atmosphere left me feeling like i wasn't being watched to fail and "look at the fat girl try to move...." Overall it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. I was worn out but the doctor said he felt that I could probably have gone on longer. I didn't argue it but I seriously, I couldn't have done 4.2 mph, that's closer to running. It's just so uncomfortable to try moving my body that fast. The doctor said he felt I was very healthy and because I've been walking 3 days a week it has helped me keep my heart healthy. All done.
 
 
Within 30 minutes I was out the door and on my way.

So the treadmill test was the test I was most worried about because I'm seriously not a runner at all. I had my test today so I thought I'd share how it went and what happens to maybe allay some fears. I think the not knowing is half the problem.
 
So I scheduled first thing in the morning, I recommend this so you're not waiting for the people who came in before you to get done. The wait doesn't help my anxiety level. I walked right in to the reception and within 5 minutes I was talking to my technician. Originally, I was crabby because it was a guy and I'm already self conscious. He was great though in spite of telling me that I have short legs and that would make it harder to walk quickly on the treadmill. We talked about the hospital and what I like (the people) and what I hate (their central scheduling/epic software/etc). I was told to wear a baggy shirt and some pants you can really walk in. I was also told not to eat the morning (or 6 hours before the procedure). He lifted my shirt (i still had my bra on), swabbed the places he was going to put the adhesive things that would hold the ekg wires to my body (my first roll and just below my bra) to give a good reading as I laid down on the gurney. They were sticky (obviously) but when they came off they didn't hurt like...oh say duct tape. So between the banter he's telling me about the process. I get my blood pressure taken (which was high for me but not high).
 
So here's the deal, after you're all wired up they put a belt (this belt fits don't worry about it not fitting) on you so that the wires and such don't pull off when you're walking. The blood pressure cuff stays on pretty much throughout and they periodically test your blood pressure throughout. They did not use the automatic one, I'm pleased w/ this because I honestly never have a good reading from those things. It's either really high or no blood pressure at all. So you get off the gurney and on the treadmill, mine didn't have sides, it had a bar you have to hang on to. The overall program is that it steps up both the incline and the speed until your heart reaches it's target rate. In my case, I'm 30 and it's 180 i think (don't quote me). You get on, the treadmill goes immediately to 10% incline and 1.7mph. I think every 2 minutes or so it raises the speed and I think the incline. This isn't some slight increase in speed It goes from 1.7 to 3.2 to 3.7 to 4.2, if your tech is paying attention he might just warn you which helps tremendously, I ended up at a 14% incline. The test goes on as long as you feel you can tolerate or reach the heart rate they want you to reach. The tech said usually people last between 5-8 minutes. I'm not sure if he was saying that to make me feel better but I did make it to 8 minutes. I told him straight out that I can walk up but not fast.
 
The cardiologist came in when I was about to start the test and watch my ekg. He blabbed about his sons gym class and after I got to 3.2 i was not sharing in any conversation because I was huffing and puffing. It's fine though I think the atmosphere left me feeling like i wasn't being watched to fail and "look at the fat girl try to move...." Overall it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. I was worn out but the doctor said he felt that I could probably have gone on longer. I didn't argue it but I seriously, I couldn't have done 4.2 mph, that's closer to running. It's just so uncomfortable to try moving my body that fast. The doctor said he felt I was very healthy and because I've been walking 3 days a week it has helped me keep my heart healthy. All done.
 
 
Within 30 minutes I was out the door and on my way.

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.

Oh boy do I have bad heartburn today...woooo. I have no one but myself to blame. I got bored and made brownies, yep I knew better and I did it anyway....like almost the whole pan of brownies, in about 13 hours. I'm not thrilled w/ myself but I'm not a wreck over it. I think it just frustrates me is all. I make pretty good choices during the week but my tendency on weekends is not so hot. They weren't that good either. Anyway onward and downward.

Fair warning: This is a long backstory type vent.
 
 
As the title explains, they'll be submitting this week to my insurance and eventually set me up with a date they think will be in January. I've lost about 34lbs in the pre-op during the visits. They coo and praise what I've accomplished. And I'm just not feeling it. I think it's because, oddly, weight-loss pre-op was not the goal, getting stuff done for the surgery was, this is insane, I know. I also look at it like it's verification that I can't really do this by myself. I mean if I lost say 50 lbs a year it would take me another 3 solid years to get all the weight I need off...barring any falling off the wagon...you know because that never happens....
 
I've got a bit going on in my life and it just feels like now I'm at the crossroads. I'm working full time, I've just come up on a year working for this company but I've only been hired as a permanent employee since April and I haven't taken a day off since. I'm also going to post graduate classes so I can sit for the CPA----note to self: get the freakin application form----. And I was going do some tax prep stuff for a seasonal place, just so I could keep up with tax updates, make a little extra money and get my family's taxes done. Ok.. now add vsg at some point in January and you can now see the problem of having too much to do in the space and time I have. Additionally I've only got 2 weeks of pto which will not actually be 2 weeks of pto because the pre-op classes and meetings are going to take the better part of a morning so...bye bye 8 hours of pto just in prep for this. I'm thinking the tax prep thing is going to have to go. And that about where I'm at the point of feeling the stress start to come into the back of my neck. It's just all getting to be a bit much.
 
I still desperately want the surgery. Its so important to me not to go through another year carrying a full grown person w/ me wherever I go. I dont think this forum is a place I need to explain the reasons or defend myself. But outside this place I feel extraordinarily defensive about the desire to have the surgery. My family is either in the dark or not supportive. I live at home w/ my parents right now because the job I have doesn't pay enough to be out on my own but the insurance covers the surgery. This is why I felt conditions were right for the surgery.
 
My dad has no idea, he had a stroke 7 years ago, he's mostly fine but his personality did a 180 degree change and he's no longer the parent that I can talk to but rather the parent that I try to avoid dealing with altogether. Long story short, he's a liar and he constantly needs someone to stroke the ego, the way a 5 year old shows youhow nice he made the bed. My mom knows I'm doing this but thinks it's drastic, thinks it not the right choice and why can't I just keep going to the nutritionist since I've already lost weight that way? When we talk about it she gets quiet because she doesn't like it. This wouldn't bother me if I didn't need her for my recovery. And if god forbid something goes wrong my mom is exactly the type that gives you the told you so look and lecture. Right... I can totally see me in agony w/ picc lines and leak tests her just looking at me like...see what did i tell you....
 
 
Why can't I just be happy that I've done everything to finally get the letter sent?
 
I just have a lot on my mind. I have a lot of decisions to make and it feels like I'm going to have to risk something.

So i saw my nutritionist on monday and the more i think about what she said the more irked i get. I'm not mad at her but she's all thin and been doing the right things forever. What stands out is that she said that going from 1800 calories is more mental than actual calories isn't it? yeah no...no it isn't. She doesn't get that I'd like a hamburger and can have a hamburger on 1800 calories but a portion of a hamburger will simply not fill me up on a 1500 calorie diet. hence i really did have to make more than a mental change. I mean the whole problem I have is that i'm hungry and am never full.
after the nutritionist, i saw the nurse. she proceeded to tell me that now that i've been on this diet 3 months i couldn't eat like i did before if i tried and i sat there thinking.. WANNA BET?
 
then the doctor, not the one who's doing surgery but someone they want me to see over the 6 month program, he tells me that i need to break the relationship that my mom and i have over food. her issue w/ this weightloss surgery is only important to her in so far as it doesn't kill me. That's it. So maybe I do and I'm too blind to see it but I guess I'm just not at this point.
 
overall i am pleased w/ my progress. 20lbs down in about 3 months of dieting. so yeah...the whole thing was weird.
I binged the day after the nutritionist. I don't know if I'd call it a binge. but it was everything i would have eaten on a given day that I was not on a diet. 2 cups of pasta and a great slice of cheesecake.i was screwing around w/ a single pound for a week and i was frustrated and i really did just want to feel full and satisfied again. I miss it. Even so. I lost a pound the next day even though I was 1000 calories over my limit.
 
Today was hard but I did keep myself on track and worked out and counted my calories and I'm on target. So onward and upward

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.

Oh boy do I have bad heartburn today...woooo. I have no one but myself to blame. I got bored and made brownies, yep I knew better and I did it anyway....like almost the whole pan of brownies, in about 13 hours. I'm not thrilled w/ myself but I'm not a wreck over it. I think it just frustrates me is all. I make pretty good choices during the week but my tendency on weekends is not so hot. They weren't that good either. Anyway onward and downward.

Fair warning: This is a long backstory type vent.
 
 
As the title explains, they'll be submitting this week to my insurance and eventually set me up with a date they think will be in January. I've lost about 34lbs in the pre-op during the visits. They coo and praise what I've accomplished. And I'm just not feeling it. I think it's because, oddly, weight-loss pre-op was not the goal, getting stuff done for the surgery was, this is insane, I know. I also look at it like it's verification that I can't really do this by myself. I mean if I lost say 50 lbs a year it would take me another 3 solid years to get all the weight I need off...barring any falling off the wagon...you know because that never happens....
 
I've got a bit going on in my life and it just feels like now I'm at the crossroads. I'm working full time, I've just come up on a year working for this company but I've only been hired as a permanent employee since April and I haven't taken a day off since. I'm also going to post graduate classes so I can sit for the CPA----note to self: get the freakin application form----. And I was going do some tax prep stuff for a seasonal place, just so I could keep up with tax updates, make a little extra money and get my family's taxes done. Ok.. now add vsg at some point in January and you can now see the problem of having too much to do in the space and time I have. Additionally I've only got 2 weeks of pto which will not actually be 2 weeks of pto because the pre-op classes and meetings are going to take the better part of a morning so...bye bye 8 hours of pto just in prep for this. I'm thinking the tax prep thing is going to have to go. And that about where I'm at the point of feeling the stress start to come into the back of my neck. It's just all getting to be a bit much.
 
I still desperately want the surgery. Its so important to me not to go through another year carrying a full grown person w/ me wherever I go. I dont think this forum is a place I need to explain the reasons or defend myself. But outside this place I feel extraordinarily defensive about the desire to have the surgery. My family is either in the dark or not supportive. I live at home w/ my parents right now because the job I have doesn't pay enough to be out on my own but the insurance covers the surgery. This is why I felt conditions were right for the surgery.
 
My dad has no idea, he had a stroke 7 years ago, he's mostly fine but his personality did a 180 degree change and he's no longer the parent that I can talk to but rather the parent that I try to avoid dealing with altogether. Long story short, he's a liar and he constantly needs someone to stroke the ego, the way a 5 year old shows youhow nice he made the bed. My mom knows I'm doing this but thinks it's drastic, thinks it not the right choice and why can't I just keep going to the nutritionist since I've already lost weight that way? When we talk about it she gets quiet because she doesn't like it. This wouldn't bother me if I didn't need her for my recovery. And if god forbid something goes wrong my mom is exactly the type that gives you the told you so look and lecture. Right... I can totally see me in agony w/ picc lines and leak tests her just looking at me like...see what did i tell you....
 
 
Why can't I just be happy that I've done everything to finally get the letter sent?
 
I just have a lot on my mind. I have a lot of decisions to make and it feels like I'm going to have to risk something.

So i saw my nutritionist on monday and the more i think about what she said the more irked i get. I'm not mad at her but she's all thin and been doing the right things forever. What stands out is that she said that going from 1800 calories is more mental than actual calories isn't it? yeah no...no it isn't. She doesn't get that I'd like a hamburger and can have a hamburger on 1800 calories but a portion of a hamburger will simply not fill me up on a 1500 calorie diet. hence i really did have to make more than a mental change. I mean the whole problem I have is that i'm hungry and am never full.
after the nutritionist, i saw the nurse. she proceeded to tell me that now that i've been on this diet 3 months i couldn't eat like i did before if i tried and i sat there thinking.. WANNA BET?
 
then the doctor, not the one who's doing surgery but someone they want me to see over the 6 month program, he tells me that i need to break the relationship that my mom and i have over food. her issue w/ this weightloss surgery is only important to her in so far as it doesn't kill me. That's it. So maybe I do and I'm too blind to see it but I guess I'm just not at this point.
 
overall i am pleased w/ my progress. 20lbs down in about 3 months of dieting. so yeah...the whole thing was weird.
I binged the day after the nutritionist. I don't know if I'd call it a binge. but it was everything i would have eaten on a given day that I was not on a diet. 2 cups of pasta and a great slice of cheesecake.i was screwing around w/ a single pound for a week and i was frustrated and i really did just want to feel full and satisfied again. I miss it. Even so. I lost a pound the next day even though I was 1000 calories over my limit.
 
Today was hard but I did keep myself on track and worked out and counted my calories and I'm on target. So onward and upward

So the treadmill test was the test I was most worried about because I'm seriously not a runner at all. I had my test today so I thought I'd share how it went and what happens to maybe allay some fears. I think the not knowing is half the problem.
 
So I scheduled first thing in the morning, I recommend this so you're not waiting for the people who came in before you to get done. The wait doesn't help my anxiety level. I walked right in to the reception and within 5 minutes I was talking to my technician. Originally, I was crabby because it was a guy and I'm already self conscious. He was great though in spite of telling me that I have short legs and that would make it harder to walk quickly on the treadmill. We talked about the hospital and what I like (the people) and what I hate (their central scheduling/epic software/etc). I was told to wear a baggy shirt and some pants you can really walk in. I was also told not to eat the morning (or 6 hours before the procedure). He lifted my shirt (i still had my bra on), swabbed the places he was going to put the adhesive things that would hold the ekg wires to my body (my first roll and just below my bra) to give a good reading as I laid down on the gurney. They were sticky (obviously) but when they came off they didn't hurt like...oh say duct tape. So between the banter he's telling me about the process. I get my blood pressure taken (which was high for me but not high).
 
So here's the deal, after you're all wired up they put a belt (this belt fits don't worry about it not fitting) on you so that the wires and such don't pull off when you're walking. The blood pressure cuff stays on pretty much throughout and they periodically test your blood pressure throughout. They did not use the automatic one, I'm pleased w/ this because I honestly never have a good reading from those things. It's either really high or no blood pressure at all. So you get off the gurney and on the treadmill, mine didn't have sides, it had a bar you have to hang on to. The overall program is that it steps up both the incline and the speed until your heart reaches it's target rate. In my case, I'm 30 and it's 180 i think (don't quote me). You get on, the treadmill goes immediately to 10% incline and 1.7mph. I think every 2 minutes or so it raises the speed and I think the incline. This isn't some slight increase in speed It goes from 1.7 to 3.2 to 3.7 to 4.2, if your tech is paying attention he might just warn you which helps tremendously, I ended up at a 14% incline. The test goes on as long as you feel you can tolerate or reach the heart rate they want you to reach. The tech said usually people last between 5-8 minutes. I'm not sure if he was saying that to make me feel better but I did make it to 8 minutes. I told him straight out that I can walk up but not fast.
 
The cardiologist came in when I was about to start the test and watch my ekg. He blabbed about his sons gym class and after I got to 3.2 i was not sharing in any conversation because I was huffing and puffing. It's fine though I think the atmosphere left me feeling like i wasn't being watched to fail and "look at the fat girl try to move...." Overall it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. I was worn out but the doctor said he felt that I could probably have gone on longer. I didn't argue it but I seriously, I couldn't have done 4.2 mph, that's closer to running. It's just so uncomfortable to try moving my body that fast. The doctor said he felt I was very healthy and because I've been walking 3 days a week it has helped me keep my heart healthy. All done.
 
 
Within 30 minutes I was out the door and on my way.

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.