Jack Fabulous

This is one of those rare posts where I pour my heart out and it was very difficult to write because it is very hard for me to face the truth about myself and my painful past. I apologize in advance for any rambling I might do. Body image has always been a sore topic with me. From the time I was born I always felt unattractive. No, not just unattractive – I felt like people thought I was repulsive. I believed I was so hideously ugly that people didn’t even want to look in my direction. I’ve honestly always felt like a cross between The Elephant Man and The Hunchback of Notre Dame. A lot of that has to do with the abuse that I incurred when I was growing up. In addition to the physical abuse, my parents constantly berated me as being worthless and told me I was never going to get a woman to marry me. My mother was constantly telling me I was fat, unattractive and ugly. She would say that I needed to lose weight and order me to go out to exercise. I hated to go out to do any kind of exercise because it just wasn’t fun and I wasn’t good at it. It would have been different if I had played sports, but we were poor and couldn’t afford the financial outlays that being on children’s sports teams required. So she would force me to “go jogging”, which I hated. She would peer out the window to make sure that I was exercising, so I would jog out of sight of her view and go sit on a log for 30 minutes and pretend to jog back. Imagine a seven year old (yes, you heard me right) being told all this and being sent out to jog by himself. The mental abuse started when I was even much younger, but my first memory of the “jogging” was when I was seven. My mother would tell me that they were saying all these things to “help me improve”, but I didn’t take those comments in the spirit in which they were intended, I took them to heart. After taking them to heart, I modeled my behaviors based on them. If I was repulsive, I tried to stay away from people, especially the opposite sex. I didn’t ask girls out on dates, I didn’t even go up to talk to people. I was too terrified and shy to walk up to someone, smile, and say “hello” regardless of their gender. When you are told something all of your life by people who love you, it is hard to not have it sink in. When I look back at pictures of myself as a young child, I realize that I was actually not fat, but I became fat as an adult because that’s how I saw myself. This played into my social interactions with women. If the most important woman in my life at the time (my mother) didn’t like me, then what hope did I have for the outside world? I used to feel very sleazy at just the idea of walking up to a woman and trying to talk to her. I felt like she would think, “Oh my God, here’s a disgusting, repulsive, ugly man who’s trying to get in my pants or ask me out on a date. He’s so ugly, disgusting, and repulsive that he makes my skin crawl and I just want to get away from him.” That’s why I never went up to anyone to try and talk to them. That’s why I kept to myself a lot. All throughout my life, I never got any type of positive reinforcement or positive examples of women liking me. No woman ever came up to me and started a conversation. The few people who I did ask out turned me down, which led me to stop asking anyone out on a date. All of those things solidified my opinions of myself and played into my self-image. This is the main reason there are no photos of me on the Interwebz. I’m still fairly socially awkward and not good in situations around people. Oh sure, you might think by reading my entries that I don’t seem that way, but in person I am very shy and suffer from low self-esteem. I still don’t go up to strangers and talk to them – even at parties when I’m introduced to people, I just listen to what they have to say and not say what’s on my mind. I’ve been thinking lately that when I weighed 325 pounds I probably did look hideous and ugly but at 240 pounds, maybe I don’t look all that repulsive. Now don’t get me wrong, I still don’t think I’m esthetically appealing. I still don’t think that there are too many women out there who would look at me and think I was good looking, or “Wow, I’d like to get to know him better”, but at least they wouldn’t say that I look dreadful. A woman isn’t going to avert her eyes when she looks in my direction. It bothers me that at some point in my life, before I lost this weight, I was 240 pounds and thought I was repulsive, disgusting, and ugly. As I said before, I made social choices based on that. The negative self-image is still there, but it’s not as strong. I’m not sure how my attitude will change if I lose more weight. I hope that it will get better, but I think some of that will also depend on the reaction I get from people around me. I’ll have to see if, with my newly lost weight, I’m treated any differently than I was in my teens and 20’s. I’ll have to see if people actually enjoy being around me – if women actually like talking to me. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to see if a woman would actually go out on a date with me considering that I’m married, but I’d like to at least find out what could’ve been possible, if that makes any kind of sense.

I waited a few months before trying jerky but I love it and it is fine with my stomach. I like the jack links because it is softer.

I can't tolerate any carbonation. My doctor said not to drink it because the bubbles make your stomach expand. I don't know about all that. I just know that I felt really sick after just two sips.

I eat everything.

I buy puréed foods from blossom foods dot com. They are the perfect size and high protein low calories meals.

The first 30 days are the hardest but it gets easier every day as your body heals and adjusts. Try drinking Premiere protein shake. The chocolate flavor is pretty good. Also look up blossom foods and buy some puréed meals. They are high protein low calorie and just enough to fill you up. Feel free to read my blog to get a sense of what to expect. We have all been where you are. Drop me a note if you need more support.

What you are feeling is NORMAL. We ALL felt this way after our first week. Below is a link to a blog entry I wrote just 1 week after my surgery. It's called Buyer's Remorse: http://jfabulous43.wordpress.com/2012/02/18/buyers-remorse/ I hope it helps you realize that you are no different. This feeling does go away about as fast as it came. I have not regretted my decision since! If you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me at jfabulous43@gmail.com.

Last month, I went to a professional conference in Dallas and met a lot of the same colleagues I meet every year. Many of them could not believe my dramatic weight loss. People kept telling me how good I looked. In fact, they were overflowing with comments over how good I looked. Over the last two weeks, I went out to lunch with two different friends of mine; people who I’ve known through work that have not seen me in a while. They were also gushing over how good I looked and how much weight I had lost. The bottom line that I took away from all of these comments was that I’ve lost a lot of weight. The reaction of all of these people scares me. The thing that it leaves me wondering is, “My God, how fat must I have been for these people to have such a reaction to my weight loss?” I never really thought that I was that fat. In fact, I know the numbers say differently, but I feel about as fat as I did when I had an extra eighty pounds on me. In fact, I even feel like I look as if I have another eighty pounds on me. So really, how fat was I? This is partly a very embarrassing question because I really must have let myself go. All of these comments from other people make me quite nervous. While I appreciate it, they feed into my insecurities. On some level, my weight loss is a private matter, and I would like to keep it as such. However, that’s not possible when everybody around you can physically see the changes in your body. People are bound to comment. I asked one friend with whom I can speak frankly with, “Everybody has told me how wonderful I look and how much weight I’ve lost. Everyone has been gushing over me, which leads me to wonder exactly how fat I was.” He just looked at me and said, “Jack, you were really fat. You were so fat that I was really worried about you. When I stood next to you, I could hear you having trouble breathing and I was scared for you. You’ve had trouble walking and getting around. You look a lot better and a lot healthier now.” I was partly in shock. I did not realize that was the image I had been portraying for so long. Now, I am just embarrassed about my weight. I’m embarrassed that I let myself go to such a level. I’m embarrassed to even discuss it. It’s almost as if I feel like I owe the world an apology for being so fat. I feel like saying to everyone, I’m sorry that I let myself go and became as fat as I did. Please forgive me. Please, for God’s sakes, love me now for the new me. Did I feel loved when I weighed 325 pounds? I knew that there were people out there who loved me, but no, I didn’t feel loved. Do I feel loved now? No, I don’t, but I do feel that I am capable of being loved, whereas I didn’t before. I think partly it was because I didn’t love myself, and now, very slowly, I am learning to love myself.

In this past week’s meeting with my therapist, I said that I felt like I was not losing weight fast enough. I’m still fat. I still have a “beer belly”. She stated that I needed to make lifestyle changes to be successful. In her opinion, I need to do better. We discussed the life changes I’ve made to be able to lose 86 pounds. I used to eat at fast food restaurants about four times per week. That is down to about twice a month. And just to be clear, I’m not eating a burger meal, usually it is something small. I’m very careful to keep it under 200 calories. One of the tasks I used to hate while dieting was writing down everything I ate. Now I actually enjoy seeing how many calories, protein, and fat I’ve consumed. I’ve been using myfitnesspal.com and it has made all the difference in the world. My friends on there are very supportive to the point that if I don’t log on for a few days, they send me notes asking me where I am and how I’m doing. Now that I’m logging my food, I also measure it before I eat it; not everything all the time, but putting my food into a 1 cup measuring cup helps me know how much my stomach will tolerate. All of these things that I thought were a pain in the ass, I am now doing. I still make a lot of poor choices and I do need to make more changes such as exercising regularly. But with each pound lost, I feel like I am slowly making the changes required of me to lose the remaining 60 pounds. I only have 40 pounds to lose for my doctor, but I want to lose another 60. If this 86 pounds made this much of a difference in my life I can only imagine what losing another 60 pounds will do! I’m fairly confident that I will reach my goal but it is frustrating not being there already.

I dont think you need to worry. I was eating whatever I wanted 5 weeks out.

It is possible. I lost 15 pounds the first week and 10 pounds the next week.

Due to hectic work schedules and a new restaurant opening on every corner, Americans are eating out more than ever. According to the National Restaurant Association, Americans are dining out at least 4 times per week and the rate of obesity continues to climb. As a whole, we spend one billion dollars a day eating out, which averages out to be $1,117 per person per year. This is a huge amount of money that would be saved by just eating at home versus out. So what’s the solution to the problem? Refuse to eat out? Americans don’t have to say “no” to eating out all together, but you can start to familiarize yourself with menus and learn to choose healthy items while dining out. Here are 8 Rules to help you eat smart while dining out: Look up the menu. Most restaurants post their menus along with nutrition information on their website. Research your options, and review not only calorie content, but portion size. More often than not, restaurants will give you 2-3 servings on one plate. Choose grilled, baked or broiled lean Protein sources, such as chicken breast, fish or lean steak. Ask for steamed vegetables vs. grilled. Choose a whole grain side, such as brown rice, quinoa or cous cous. Know what you will order before you go, and stick to it! Be the first to order. Once you get to the restaurant, avoid browsing the menu so you can stay on track. Also, try to place your order first to avoid changing your mind after you hear what your friends or family are ordering. Focus on your overall goal to be healthy and stick with your original food choice. Have it your way. Not sure what they use to “grill” their fish or how they prepare the mashed potatoes? There is always an opportunity to ask! While placing your order, inquire exactly how your food will be prepared. You may be able to reduce calories and fat by subtracting the butter or oil used for preparation. Some good questions to ask are: Can the dish be modified? What comes with the meal? Can I make substitutes? How large are the portions? Overall, don’t be afraid to modify a meal or make special requests. Avoid being seduced by wordy descriptions. Many menus will try to reel you in with mouth-watering descriptions- don’t buy into it! Research shows words that promote taste and texture, such as “velvety” mousse or “legendary” spaghetti, can influence the way you think the food tastes. Words like these prep your taste buds to expect your chicken to taste extra juicy, when in reality it may just be average. Stay away from snacking. Unless you are ordering an appetizer for your main entrée- stay away! Often times we can load up on many calories from appetizers then feel the need to eat our entire meal too. It is helpful to avoid the free bread basket or chips and salsa as well. These items can pile on the fat and calories-so have your server remove them from your table for best control. Make a meal out of an appetizer. Certain appetizers can be great choices for an entrée; you just have to make the right choice. Steer clear of the chicken wings, mozzarella sticks and other fried foods. Look for healthy options like shrimp cocktail, salads, grilled vegetables or broth based Soups. Another idea is to combine an appetizer with a side salad; the salad will bulk up the meal to make you feel more satisfied without the extra calories. Know your salads. Depending on how you toss it, a salad can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Make sure to pile on the greens, Beans and veggies while limiting salad dressing, cheese and bacon. Choose healthy salad dressings like low-fat vinaigrettes instead of cream-based dressings like ranch. Another helpful tip is to order your dressing on the side and dip your fork into it before dipping into the salad. This way, you’ll get a taste of the dressing on each bite without all the calories. Portion control. Last but not least is Portion Control. As we talked about earlier, many restaurants serve you 2-3 portions on one plate! So what should you do? Try sharing a meal with a friend or family member to avoid over-eating. You can also ask your waiter to box up half of your meal before it is brought out to you, or box up part of your meal once served. The key is to eat to the point of satisfaction versus feeling overly full. As you are eating, you want to pay attention to your body and listen to your internal hunger versus fullness cues. Slowing down at meal times can give your mind some time to catch up with your body that you are actually full. The Bottom Line: When dining out, be sure to research menu options before heading to the restaurant. Once you arrive, be the first to order and ask questions about how the meal is prepared, what comes with it and how large the portion sizes are. Be mindful while eating, and always stop when you feel satisfied. Reference: M. Moreno, (2012, August, 13). 13 Rules for Dining Out on a Diet. NBC News.

It's not unusual. I lost about a pound a day everyday for a couple of months.

It depends on the type and density of the cheese. Processed "cheese food" (not real cheese) is lighter

It really depends on how overweight you are. I've lost 85 lbs so far at 6 months out and I have another 80 to go. I feel confident that I will get there. It just takes time. My doctor told me I should have no problem losing 130 - 150 lbs.

This has been the hardest thing for me. I tend to sip throughout my meals. I know it is bad and I shouldn't do it, but I can't help it.

Yep! Broth is just fine!

I prefer to have bat wings. It makes me feel like a super hero....The Fat Knight

Feel free to reach out to me if you need someone to talk you down off the ledge.

What you are going through is very normal. Everyone goes through these emotions. Here are a few entries from my blog regarding my fears. I had my surgery on February 16th. So look at the dates to see my pre-surgery fears. You may also want to read some entries of how things went for me after surgery to give you an idea of what to expect. http://jfabulous43.wordpress.com/tag/fear/