Marisa46

No, I've heard of other doctors who don't require a liquid diet. A lot of the centers have different requirements. I envy you. Today is a better day but I wish I could just eat! But it will be another month or so before I'm eating regular food again.

Yesterday, I received a call from my Doctor's office with a date for my surgery. It's a good month before I thought I would be able to have it done. The date is June 18th. As of last night I'm on a liver shrinking diet. The diet sucks. Would it really be so bad if I just put a pork chop in my mouth and sucked on it? Or if I puree mashed potatoes and gravy (I could even add protein powder!) I just keep repeating my mantra "Please God help me to be strong I really want this to work. I feel like this is my last chance to get back to normal. It's been such a long time since I took walks for pleasure, shopped in a department store, or fit in any chair. I just keep remembering that this liquid diet is the beginning of a new life and the end of my old frustratingly exhausting life. At least I can have coffee until the surgery! And if I smack someone I think a jury of my peers will understand.

Hey! Done is done! If you keep beating yourself up you run the risk of giving up. Forgive yourself and move on to tomorrow. One day at a time-- You can do this.

My BMI is 69. My surgeon has always been positive. He does insist on a liquid diet (liver shrinking diet his office calls it) before surgery, but he requires that of everyone who has a stable blood sugar. I think it may be that the surgeon you talked to hasn't had the experience or for some other reason isn't competent (confident) doing the surgery for you. Good luck and don't give up.

Your blog made me smile today. I'm inspired that someone who is so busy and has so much emotional dynamite to deal with handled life's crap in a thoughtful manner (completely unlike me!) and you are dealing with things from a position of strength. You are great!

I am still waiting for a date. It's kind of nerve wracking because I feel like my life is in limbo until the surgery is approved. I just keep telling myself that all of my tests were as expected with no big surprises (I did have a minor infection but 3 days of antibiotics got rid of it). I know I have to be positive but it's weird. I tell myself everything is going to be fine and then a little voice in my head goes 'what if such and such'. It's 4:26 PM so it is unlikely that my call is coming today. Maybe tomorrow {sigh}

I had my first psycho therapy session in over a month. I usually schedule the sessions on Wednesday afternoons because I telecommute that day. Unfortunately scheduling conflicts occured with all of the pre surgery doctor visits. I'm wondering now if one of the reasons that I am so down these days is that I haven't talked through my issues. I honestly think exploring why and how I eat was a very good decision on my part. My therapist has had WLS fairly recently so she can understand when I talk about my fear of not losing weight, or my fear that I won't be able to hide behind my weight anymore. She also tries to understand when I talk about being afraid that my depression will sabatoge the surgery. I have not been very social in the last few months; I go out once in a while with friends but my regular week day is like this: Wake up; shower etc, commute, work, commute, lie in bed when I get home. I don't know how to get out of this dark mood and be myself again. Clinical depression sucks. It sucks because nothing is funny or fun anymore and petty annoyances (a boss who feels that talking to me is intimidating) and 'real life issues' (like my mother's dementia and my father just being himself) are not improving. One of the reasons that I am having this surgery is that I want to get out more. It's embarassing but execising hurts now. Exercise used to make me feel good. I pray and I pray. I do feel better. I feel relieved and calm when I pray and I can stop myself from stuffing my face. It's funny I turned to food for comfort but the comfort is never there. I hate myself for overeating and I'm physically miserable when I'm stuffed. I realize that I can be my own enemy in choosing to do something that harms me in different ways. One day at a time; each day as it's own. I remember that God loves me and I smile on the inside too.

One key stroke and I lost everything I wrote! I forgot to save as I was typing. Oh well, I was just explaining how I realize that today I may be drinking my last coca-cola forever. I only drink cokes when things rub me the wrong way at work (it's the equivalent of the old 3 martini lunch for me) Fortunately, this doesn't happen often. I haven't had a coke since January. Now, unless I'm going to start going through a rough patch at work I may (cross my fingers) be sleeved by my next bad day! Coke is going to be out of the question. Nursing my problems with food and drink are a thing of the past. I have to figure out satisfying ways that comfort me but that do not involve food. I've done a lot of work on why I eat and recognizing how I sabotage myself but I've never been able to substitute walks, lipsticks, etc for food. Things change and I am designating this drink as my last coke no matter what. Once I have my date, I will follow every damn rule I'm given and that means no carbonation. So I might as well start now, I know I wont be perfect but I'm going to try. So, I raise my can to say goodbye to Coca-Cola, we had a good run! Maybe I'll suck on a lemon next time I'm mad with the world like I did when I was a kid...

I'm in the same boat. Try to be focused and calm (that's what I keep telling myself). Definately call your insurance company after it's submitted they can give you a time frame on when to expect a decision. Lady Lisa thanks for that encouragement I will be calling first thing in the morning!

I'm sorry things went so poorly during the beginning; I'm praying for the rest of your journey to be much easier.

I understand. I, like you, are not worried about the surgery, but I am worried about whether I have the coping skills not to turn to food when things are hard. But the reality is that's one of the reasons I need to have the surgery. Food has become a much larger part of my life than is healthy. My therapist says that as long as I start out with a good sense of who I am before the surgery that's going to help me through the changes after the surgery. I think that your post is very intuitive. You seem really in sync with what you are feeling and thinking; so, IMO, you're going to be the same after surgery. By the same I mean just fine.

I hope things get better for you soon and you feel better. 24 pounds is 2 dress sizes--way to go!

If you your insurance company has a bariatric coordinator then the best thing you can do is ask. In the long run studies have shown that insurance companies save money by covering weight loss surgery. The health problems associated with obesity are expensive. But honestly you are having surgery next week! In my experience once your approved and have a date then your submission process is over. It sounds like you have good coverage. Most likely what people who work with benefits call a "cadillac plan". How generous your insurance plan is allowed to be determines how you are treated.

"Fall down seven times; get up eight" that is the way I look at having the surgery. It's going to give me a powerful tool in getting and keeping the weight off, but I expect to have to get up more than once on this trip.

We are all afraid one way or another. Some of our fears are valid; some fears are not. Be kind to your self. Be good to yourself. If you can't cut back now then maybe you can start working on another facet of the journey.

Wow! Thursday you must be so nervous & excited! I can relate to sending an email to all of your friends. I'm really independent too and I don't want to be a burden. I hadn't thought about my time in the hospital. I was just concerned with getting a ride to and from! The mass email is a good idea--thanks for sharing it!

I have done all of my tests. I'm not sure what comes next. Will the surgeon call me for an appointment before he submits the paperwork? I guess it's not so bad. I know who will be reviewing my paperwork at the insurance company (everyone on the bariatric program is assigned a case officer). I have absolutely no control over how long this part of the process will take. So while I'm playing the waiting game, I have been trying to practice some of the lifestyle changes that I will need to master. So far, the only thing I do well is chew my food to death before swallowing. Not drinking with meals is so hard! I'm getting better at it but it feels weird monitoring when I drink. I've spent most of my adult life guzzling down water to make sure I drank 64 ounces so timing no liquids 30 min before or after a meal is very strange. But I'm going to do it. The one new thing I'm worried about is the hormone changes that I keep reading about. I'm not in a relationship now and I hate wanting a man when I don't have one! Honestly, I'm supposed to work on my 'boundaries' in my relationships with men; but and this is a bit BUT I'm not going to have any boundaries if I'm horny as an ugly toad...Who knows maybe I'm worrying for nothing about everything. My hormones could become more stable after this or just stay the same. I'm at lunch I wish I could call it a day at work but time to go back to what I get paid to do.

Way to hit it out of the park! Bravo!

I'm just going to imagine myself trying on beautiful clothes in stores that I could never shop in now! Much better than a coke!

Wow! Great discipline I hope I'm able to be as disciplined when the time comes.