Ok, so...This site along with the ObesityHelp.com site (where I started this blog today) seem a bit disjointed and I don't really know how to maneuver through it. Doesn't seem intuitively setup (sorry, but true). However, I want to be a member of this community, tell my story, keep an ongoing blog and be able to make wonderful connections with you people! To start, I thought I should just start telling my story by just starting to write. This is my first blog ever. I started writing my blog at the ObesityHelp.com site and copied it here:
Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
Hi. Well I'm starting to tell 'MyJourney' (this is from the ObesityHelp.com site). I've been overweight the majority of my life. There were periods of time when I wasn't overweight, but that was rare and only when I did some wacko diet like Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Medifast, etc. (I've done them all!) The most I ever lost was 45 lbs, but those 45 lbs only stayed off for a couple months and then would creep back on and at a fast creep, in addition to more lbs. I could never maintain any weight loss. I'm 49 and started taking anti-depressant meds two years ago. I've been depressed about my body and my weight for so long I went on anti-depressant meds to help make everything seem ok and to be able to make it day by day. I've always perceived myself, in my own brain, smaller that what I really am. I have always been rather athletic and I actually love to work out. In addition, I love a plant based diet, juicing, vegetarian and vegan cuisine. I was even a raw foodist for a year. I live a fairly healthy, large woman, lifestyle. But...I have always been way too much overweight. I do not want to be overweight and 'morbidly obese.' Morbidly obese is just a horrible term and state of being. I have just not been able to stick with anything to truly change my weight and my body. I started this journey and found out about the vertical sleeve gastrectomy at the age of 49. When I turned 49 I started looking in to what new and different or even going back to the same weight loss program but just didn't want to spend the money and fail again. I just really want to be lean, fit, happy and healthy and I want to achieve this by my 50th birthday. I don't want to enter the next half of my life and continue to be a large, fat, morbidly obese woman. I want to want to see myself in photos. I've always been confident, but hate how I look, which would counter act my confidence. I never liked the large woman in any photo I saw of myself. It's like the photo I was looking at was me, but wasn't really me. I hate being the largest woman in the room, any room. I hate shopping at plus size women's clothing stores. I hate that my feet hurt, because I'm too heavy. Like I said, I've always loved working out - spinning class, yoga, kettle bell, boot camp, walking, hiking, swimming..., love it all. Being fat didn't keep me from working out and I would always tell myself..."I'd really be a cow if I didn't work out." I'd always have to adjust though. In yoga I'd have to move my stomach out of the way to do certain poses and things like that. I was looking in to the lap band procedure but was turned on and informed of the VSG procedure, when I saw a friend and former colleague's incredibly successful life change with her VSG. I asked her what she did and she gave me her story and I knew immediately it was what I needed to change my life. When I reach my goal weight, one day, I am going to so repay her for her guidance and the incredible support she has given me from my first inquiry to now and the future. So, like I said, I turned 49, this was in August of 2011, and this is when I started this incredible journey to salvation. It took seven months of all kinds of tests and poking and proding to my VSG surgery date this past week. I had my surgery on Tuesday, January 17, 2012, at Stanford Hopsital in Palo Alto, Ca.
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
There are sooo many things that are the worst thing about being overweight and I will name some here: 1. I hate that my thighs rub together (they have all my life) and they rub the color off the jeans in that area so my jeans are thinner in the material and lighter in color that the rest of any particular pair of jeans. 2. I don't feel at all sexy being overweight. My sex life with my husband is pretty much nonexistent. And, believe me, I love sex and I find my husband absolutely delicious. Not fair to him or to me. He loves my body, but I don't and I feel way too bodywise ugly. He doesn't understand, but me being overweight is not an issue for him, but it is 100% an issue for me. 3. In my previous job, I traveled about 2-3 weeks out of each month all over the US. It was grueling travel, but I absolutely loved my job - intellectually stimulating, I loved the professional interaction and making friends across the US. I truly got to a point after traveling for 2 years, where I couldn't get on yet another uncomfortable plane. As a large woman, plane travel is freaking uncomfortable. It was embarrassing to spill over into more than one seat, even a bit. I always wished I just didn't take up so much space. I never had to ask for an extender seat belt, but was close. 4. Not being able to wipe my own ass sometimes. Hey, when there is that much body in the way, it makes it challenging to sometimes properly wipe your own ass. 5. Because you have creases, skin overlapping other skin, sometimes you have an odor. It's simple biology. 6. Always thinking about the next thing I'm going to eat and how much of it I might be able to get away with eating that item. Oh, and never really feeling full, even when I was painfully full! Crazy! 7. Not being able to reach around and scratch my own back. 8. Wanting to meet up with friends or colleagues, but being too embarrassed about my weight to do so. I've made/arranged appointments, dates, outings and have cancelled them on many occassions because I was embarrassed about being overweight. With the facebook craze, I've met up, on-line, with old friends, and have arranged to meet in person to only cancel. Crazy!
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I could and probably will add more to this section. But, I just want to let you know...I feel all these things still. I am just 5 days from my surgery date. I've got a lot of changes ahead of me and I am so freaking excited about the future, it is just hard to explain. At this point, I'm in the healing process from surgery. I'm sore, but so so so hopeful and so looking forward to LIFE!
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
I will have to revisit this section when it is time. The surgery was super intense. It is not easy and no one should be mislead and think it is easy peasey. It is major surgery. I started at 266 lbs, was at 256 on my day of surgery (I didn't follow a pre-surgery diet as my surgery date came up quickly after my insurance was approved, but I had started watching everything I put in my mouth and did quite a bit of green juicing.) I actually didn't think I was going to get insurance approval and started to loose hope that I would. But once approval came through I had just two weeks until the surgery date. Looking forward to writing a bunch of positive step along my way to a new lean, fit, healthy, normal weight, beautiful woman!!! Check me out soon...Soon come...
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Again, once I figure how to move around this site, I will post photos and many other blog posts. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!
Here are my particulars:
Female
Age: 49
Starting BMI: 43.5
Starting Weight: 266
Weight on Surgery Date: 256
VSG Surgery Date: January 17, 2012
Duration in hospital: 2 days
NOTE: I am, today, on my second full day home from the hospital. The worst part of the surgery was the swallow test the day after surgery. It makes me want to puke just thinking about it. I had to fill my mouth with the most horrible tasting contrast three times an swallow it all. Well, after the second swallow, I know I was in trouble. After the third time, I puked it up. I was totally nauseous the rest of the day and threw up again. I was so afraid of keeping anything down after that. I had quite a bit of nausea in the hospital. Once I got home, I felt so much better. Started the Liquid Diet Phase. Taking meds is not a pleasurable thing for me. I had another incident yesterday when I took the liquid stool softener and threw that up. I will not be taking that ever again. I will do a little dulcolax (sp?) tab should I need it. However, I think my plumbing at this point is working fine. I've got all kinds of grumbling and rumblings going on internally. I've always been a big water drinking person, and have to keep telling myself to slow down with the water...sips and no gulping! Am I hungry? Heck no! This is a total strange thing for me...not to feel hungry! LOVE IT! Feeling very positive, albeit very sore, and just want to get the insides healed up so I can start exercising. Oh, I'm walking yes, but I want to get to some real workouts and start toning and getting strong. The first thing I'm going out and purchasing is a scale. I've never had one before and never wanted one. I do now!!
