Finding MeMe

Hello, my name is Linsey and I have been overweight since I could form a memory. I am now 33 and fortunate to have the opportunity to have the vertical sleeve covered through insurance. I have tried and failed many diets and my last attempt at a 12 step program was helpful but not as much as I needed. I am really looking forward to the little rewards that are going to come, like having a lap for my nieces and nephews to sit upon, walking a mile and not needing an ambulance afterwards or halfway through, riding a bike, roller skating, shopping in a regular clothing store which would be a first, riding a roller coaster, dating, and my gut not rubbing against my steering wheel as I drive. I just want to fully enjoy my life and not the food, I have enjoyed enough food now and am ready for this tool to give me the help I need. I love reading all the blogs, it is amazing to know I am not alone in this journey. I'll write more later.

Ok so today I made my Husband take the scale out of the bathroom and hide it from me....I was driving myself completely crazy...I would get on the dang thing everytime I walked by it...I mean I'm not sure what I was expecting to see everytime I got on it...I mean it's not like I was gonna drop 10 pounds every 10 minutes lol but apparently that's what I was looking for...But it's gone now and I only want to see it maybe once every 2 weeks....hopefully this will lighten the stress and craziness in my head!!!

Had my sleeve surgery this morning. So far, so good. Have been up walking. (Nurses say I sprint down the halls.) Gas pain has not been bad at all but abdominal pain was intense earlier but not bad at all now. Trying to keep an upbeat attitude and the nurses are very happy with my progress. Earlier, sipping was very painful but it seems to be much better now.
 
I'm sure there will be bumps along the way but my wife and I will get through it together. Thank you to all of you for the incredible information on the website and the aupport. There is no way I could make it this far without all of you so there is no way I can express enough appreciation.

Now, for the record, I am not by any means thin...YET. However, I have to admit that today at the pool, I felt really good about myself. From my highest weight, I have lost close to eighty five pounds. Since my surgery, seven weeks ago, I have lost a total of fifty five pounds. It amazes me how losing that weight has affected me.
 
Last year I would go to the pool and try to get a chair as far away from people as possible. I would also make sure the chair was in close proximity to the steps of the pool so that I could just dart in without having too many people see me. I know people don't like to look at overweight people so I didn't want to cause their eyes to have to hurt any more than they would have to. I figured that the faster I got in, the faster I could "hide" in the water. I would have never EVER thought about sitting on the edge of the pool and chatting with a friend or walking to the far steps to get in becasue someone was hanging out at the ones near my chair. I would have waited until the people moved and then darted in to the pool. I broke all my rules today.
 
First, I proudly strutted my stuff down the length of the pool to go in the steps that were not being occupied. Then, I sat on the edge of the pool, legs in, and didn't once think about how fat I looked and how I shouldn't be sitting there. I also didn't dart in, and attempt to hide in the water. I took my time getting in the chilly water and enjoyed myself. When I was done, I again proudly strutted my stuff back to my chair, laid down and soaked up the sun. At one point I even looked at my ever shrinking legs and thought, "Damn girl, looking good!"
 
I have to admit, I like this new feeling. I can't remember ever feeling this good about myself. Even when I was a size 10 I was self conscience. I am sure the more I lose, the more my body image will change for the better. and I can't wait for that to happen, but for now, I am going to enjoy my time this summer at the pool or beach and continue to strut my stuff every chance I get and I hope you all do the same. Strut that stuff and be proud...sleeve or no sleeve, we are all beautiful!!!