krislaw33

My husband and I have been married 21 yrs, together 23 yrs. Our kids are 16 and 20 both still living at home. I actually started this journey in Oct. 2012 at 242 lbs. but I aquired a big client for my business and had to put surgery on the back burner till after the first of the year. My dad passed away in June and for some reason it made me take a good hard look at my life, health and appearance. I went back to my Dr. shortly after and re-started the process for VSG and had surgery in Sept. I lost 25 lbs. from Oct. of the previous year so I was 218 the day of surgery. My husband was against it at first but when he realized I was going ahead with it, with or without his support, he changed his mind and supported me 100%. He is a wonderful man, great husband and father and loves me unconditionally, always has since the day we met. My family loves him and his family loves me. Sounds like my marriage is perfect right? Wrong. In May I reconnected with a former co-worker who came to work at one of my clients businesses. We have been friends for over 17 years working on and off together about the same amount of time. Years ago we determined there was a attraction to each other but never acted on it due to the fact that we were both married. When we began working together this time it took about a month before we realized the attraction was still there, stronger than ever and very foolishly started an emotional relationship. Lot's of intimate conversations at work, texting, phone calls but no physical contact other than a few kisses now and then. In a nutshell he is different than my husband in so many ways and quite frankly it's my main attraction to him. My husband is very non-communicative and it has always been a struggle to have any conversation with him. He is a simpleton, very easy to please and requires little maintenance as far as his needs are concerned. Not real big in the motivation department, happy with the 9-5 routine. The other man, on the other hand, is very verbal, great conversationalist, complex and shares my off beat sense of humor. He always has side projects going on to challenge himself and improve himself financially. We have an agreement between the two of us that things got a little to heavy and have scaled back our relationship. We don't talk as often and have stopped all phone calls and texts. He has encouraged me to work things out with my husband and we agreed if things are meant to be between us, it will happen. Here's my problem. I am diligently trying to work things out with my husband but I can't get this man out of my head. I can't drop my client so I won't have to be around him a lot. That's not an option right now financially. I have been seeing a therapist for 3 months now but I'm still in the same place I was when I started. I love my husband but I can't forget how this other man makes me feel. I know it's not because of my weight loss that this man is attracted to me and I'm not going thru a mid-life crises. This man was attracted to me when I was heavy and tells me all time my weight was never an issue to him, we just click so perfectly and that's the biggest reason he's drawn to me. He is in the process of a divorce that will be final in the next few months. WTF is wrong with me and why can't I get this guy out of my head? My marriage wasn't perfect before all this **** started but it wasn't bad either. Is it a simple case of falling out of love with one person and falling in love with another. I've never dealt with anything like this before, not even any marital problems other than a few arguments about my husbands drinking (he's cut way back on his drinking and no longer drinks at home) but for the most part I've had a very happy and fulfilled marriage. Any input or advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Thanks everyone for all the great advise. After reading over and over again how I needed to remove the third party completely and work on my marriage, I am doing just that. I have realized how much I do still love my husband and I don't want to leave him. I have opened up to him and surprisingly he did with me. We have had some serious discussions about how we both feel and in the process have discovered each other again. All this is far from over but I feel we are on the right path to recovery. I put the skids on the other relationship once and for all and feel so much better, but still very guilty. I'm not sure if I will tell my husband about it. I want to but don't want to hurt him just to relieve my own guilt. Hopefully we will get thru all this ugliness and when it has passed our marriage will be better than ever before.

Thanks for seeing both sides of the coin. I do want to work it out with my husband. I wouldn't be going therapy if I didn't. I wouldn't be reaching out for advise if I didn't. We have opened up the lines of communication and have been really talking more about us, the problems we are having and how we are going to work thru them. I am hopeful that we can get thru this and have a stronger marriage because of it. As for the other guy, I haven't talked to him yet about all this. I've taken the last 4 days off work to give me some distance from him. When I see him again I'm going to tell him that our relationship has to be strictly business and business only. I thought I could be his friend but I don't think that is possible. I am a one woman operation so leaving my client isn't an option. I'm just going to have to maintain a relationship with him that is comfortable to me, regardless of how he feels. Hopefully, if he cares about me as much as he says he does he will respect my decision. In the mean time, I am sort of going thru a journey of self discovery. I told my husband I need the space to discover the things in life that truly make me happy and encouraged him to do the same. Then when we do spend time together it will make it extra special because we can share all these experiences with each other. My hope is to do some of these things together and if not, we are ok with pursuing our own interests. If for some reason or another things don't work between the two of us I will be able to move on knowing I did my best to try to save my marriage. If the other man is still around and I am available and so is he, well then it was meant to be.

Thanks for the support. I agree with you about all the good advise that everyone has given, including yourself. As for the ones who pass judgement, I understand how easy it is to do but walk a mile in someones shoes. Then and only then you may judge what they are going thru. Until then, people need to keep their negative comments to themselves. I'm all about being direct and I welcome any suggestions that are constructive. The ones that are not, I choose to ignore so they need not waste their time or mine.

Thanks for all your help and guidance in this tough situation. I should have saved myself a shit ton of $$ on my worthless therapist and came to you for help. You have empowered me more in just a few paragraphs than she has in the last 3 months.

I completely understand what your saying about cutting him out of my life but that is just not possible. Futhermore, I have worked with this guy before and have obstained from having any relationship with him other than friendship or business so I'm pretty sure I can do it again. I think all of this went down at just the right time. My father had just passed away, I was dealing with caring for my mother and to top it all off I had WLS. I'm not saying he took advantage of me. No one can be taken advantage of unless they allow it. Your right, I have overlooked his flaws because all of this was new and exciting to me. He gave me what I was not getting at home.

Are you a therapist? If not you should be. You gave some good, sound, solid advise and really made me question this other man's motives as far as being a distraction to him. It makes sense the more and more I think about it. What makes me question him is that in one breath he tells me how important our relationship is to him and in another breath says he wants me to work on my marriage. WTF? Talk about mixed signals. Just never made sense to me. Now after taking in comments and suggestions from everyone who responded things are starting to become a little more clear. I'm not saying this other guy is a bad person. What I am saying is that I obviously have a trust issue with him and quite honestly I always have considering I do know about a relationship he had with another woman that he worked with previously. Don't asked me why I overlooked that. Blinded by lust I guess. My point is, is that I have always trusted my husband and I know he would never step out on me regardless of how tempted he is. Regardless of how I feel about my relationship with this man I can't trust him and if I can't trust him there will be no future with him.

I have shared everything with my therapist including having my husband come for a few sessions. The problem doesn't lie with him, it's all me. I know I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life but what I can't figure out is why that's not enough.

My birthday is tomorrow also. I have to work but my husband is taking me to Yosemite for the weekend. We are doing a zip-line in the park one day and then a spa day the next. The zip line is something I would have never done before surgery! Enjoy yourself in whatever you choose to do and happy birthday

Had the same problem but it has gotten better. I slowed down my eating and it seems to be subside. Still get it from time to time when I eat fast or too much. Just learn to listen to your body, slow down and stop eating when you start feeling that gurgle in your throat. Worked for me.

Paso Robles. Halfway between SF and LA, Central Coast area. Can't find any support groups

I was wondering if protein shakes counted toward your liquid intake. If that's the case I'm not doing too bad. I usually have one 8oz. shake a day.

Thanks for the heads up! I'm on HBP medication and it may be the culprit. I'm going to take my BP asap!

I am having the same problem. I average about 48 oz. a day. I talked to my Dr. about it and he said that was acceptable.

Same problem here! I am 5 wks out and have this terrible pain in my left shoulder. I'm walking every night after dinner but it doesn't seem to go away. And boy, do I have gas. I have never burped so much in my life! Only when I burp do I feel semi normal. If I don't, I feel bloated and cranky! So sick of this. I talked to my Dr. about it a few days ago at my checkup. She gave me a pro-biotic to take for a week and if it doesn't get better they might have to do an upper GI. Yay for me!!!

I'm about 4 weeks out. The biggest issue I'm having is my stomach is extremely verbal! It's so noisy you can practically hear it while sitting across the room! Plus I am constantly burping, before, during and after eating. Even when I drink. It's so weird! Does anyone else have this same problem?

Went to my 5 wk checkup today and my Dr. told me I could eat just about anything (except the usual, pasta, bread, rice, etc.) I eat a lot of cheese, chicken, tuna, eggs, even have tried steak with no problem. I try to eat a few steamed veggies with my meal, I've even made a small salad with chicken on top. Just use good judgement and make smart choices.

Throw 1/3 of a cup of popcorn into a brown paper lunch bag, microwave 2 1/2 minutes. Perfectly popped. No oil or fat. I haven't tried popcorn yet but I am going to check with my Dr. next week at my 4 wk checkup. I'm craving it too!! Plus I can't watch a movie on the big screen without it. It's just not natural!

My husband laughs at me all the time too. I don't really mind the noises but the burping is really annoying. It seriously takes all the pleasure out of eating. I have to wait and burp before I take another bite or drink to get the gas out of my stomach. I hope it gets better over time.

Sleeved 9/17. Down 20lbs. and and couldn't be more pleased! Still on soft foods but experimenting with solids, so far so good. I've eaten chicken, fish, steamed veggies but nothing too drastic with no problems at all. I'm not a big legume fan so meat is def going to be my main source of protein. Having a slight issue with getting all my fluids in but I'm usually at about 48 oz. a day. The only thing that is bothering me is that I burp all the time. My stomach is very verbal and makes the most unusual noises followed by a big burp. It's slightly embarrassing but manageable. If that's the only negative thing I have to deal with I guess I'm doing ok.

My Dr. says 55-61 grams for my height (5'4) If I go below that I feel fatigued and sickly. I'm on softs and can't wait till I start eating solids so I can have more to choose from.

Can't do coffee either. Loved it before being sleeved. Been drinking black or green tea in the morning to avoid the dreaded caffeine headache.

Do what your dr. tells you and you'll be fine. If you have questions or aren't sure of something call their office. Better safe then sorry.

Sept. 17th was my surgery. Almost off liquids, 1st post-op visit Oct. 2nd. Feeling great, better than I have in a long time. Not really that hungry, in fact I have to make myself eat. My surgeon doesn't do the protein thing until starting pureed food so I've just been focusing on getting my fluids in. I'll have to step my game when starting pureed and solids. I think that's when it gets hard. Down almost 15 lbs. since surgery and couldn't be happier!

How do you make the ricotta bake?