IMFine

You may have something there. He's 53, I'm 43. He is mobility impaired (walks with a cane, but destined for a wheelchair); has been pretty much since he was a toddler (genetic disorder) and I do all the chores, handyman stuff (fix toilets, install light fixtures, ceiling fans, whatever needs doing), house-cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. I'm very self-sufficient. I'm also a full-time student. I sometimes get put out with him when I'm busy and he needs me to do something for him. I never fail to stop what I'm doing and help with whatever he needs. I don't THINK I'm obvious with my irritation. I made a promise to myself before we married three years ago that I would do whatever I could to make his life easier and more comfortable. Some days it's really hard. I have sooo much on my plate, but I graduate May '08, and will have a better schedule. Anyway, maybe he feels emasculated by his inability to help me with what are considered to be traditional male-role stuff like mowing the yard, fixing broken stuff, etc. Gosh, wouldn't it be nice to discover that's the root of it all? Thanks for the suggestion.

Thank you Kari. It's a thought. But really not an option for me. My husband knows that he's the only man I desire. He'd call my bluff in a heartbeat. Thank you for the suggestion, though

Thank you, DH of Gadgetlady. Y'all seem like quite a couple. All of our friends think that DH and I are quite a couple. We're very loving and respectful toward each other--always. Even in disagreement. We have "fights", but we're both intelligent, educated, literate people and express ourselves well. If it weren't for the porn in our lives, I would say that ours is the most perfect relationship ever. We haven't had sex in MONTHS! DH never misses an opportunity to tell me how much he loves me and that he's so happy to think of growing old with me. We really are excellent partners. BUT even as I type this, he's over there surfing porn and I'm staring at the back of his head. <sigh> He's not open to any more discussion about the subject. He says we've been over it and over it. Should I withhold meals? Should I move into the guest room? Should I leave and stay at a friend's house? I just don't know what to do about this. Perhaps counseling, for me, is the only way. I don't have self-esteem issues. I know I'm attractive woman. I'm not fridgid; willing to try ANYthing he finds titillating. I have a healthy, 43-year-old woman's sexual appetite and no way to satisfy it with my partner. The solo thing gets SO incredibly old, and is not fulfilling. Anyway, thanks for your two-cents. It's nice to know that there are men who are clear-headed about porn and its affect on relationships. Thank you.

I haven't had sex yet, but am ready, willing, and able just the minute my head pulls himself away from his "hobby".

Wow! You're doing GREAT! My surgery was July 19. I weighed the morning of and I was 245 and I'm currently 230. So, 15 for me. I'm very excited. Keep it up!

OH! And I buy them at GNC. That's the only place I've found them.

I've been drinking Isopure in the 20 oz clear glass bottles. They are fruit flavored, zero carbs, and 40 grams of Protein. As long as you drink them cold, they're pretty yummy. Two a day--voila--your protein intake is complete! I'm a little over two weeks post op and doing great. I've lost 15 lbs since surgery and am very happy about that. Good luck everyone. Hang in there!:clap2:

Thank you Diane. I think that's a great idea, and certainly worth a shot. It's just this one area in our relationship that I'm unhappy with. My mom always told me that there are three things that cause discord in a marriage: kids, money, and sex. She's absolutely correct!

You're right! You must be right, if I came to the same conclusion :-) You're good! And, many thanks.

He thinks it's MY problem, not his. In reality, that's a pretty fair assessment. He's getting exactly what he wants, so--not his problem. I know he wouldn't have a problem with me getting help to "cope" with MY problem. Aren't many men like that? As long as their needs are being met, there isn't any concern.

I appreciate all of the support and comments and suggestions. Some, I've tried already, some I know won't work, others--well, I'm just not there yet. DH and I do have a wonderfully open, communicative relationship. I've expressed my sadness, anger, disappointment, insecurity, etc. with his porn "hobby". He's told me that he's very sorry (and I believe he's genuine) and that it is not at all meant to hurt me in any way. I've told him that I don't have a problem with him looking at all of that stuff, and wouldn't feel threatened by it in the least, IF he would be sexually intimate with me. He thinks I'm trying to be controlling <sigh>. I responded by telling him that HE's the one in control of our sex life, certainly NOT me. I'm just asking for him to spend equal time with me as he does his cyber-sluts. I once had a therapist (male) tell me that sex to a man is just a physical function; practically equal to taking a dump (sorry for the graphic nature of that). For women, sex is an emotional need that manifests itself in a physical way. I didn't completely agree with his assessment, but I don't think he was totally off base. I'm pretty jaded because I believe that men trade love for sex, women trade sex for love. I want intimacy, which I have with DH. I desire sex, which I wish I didn't have to beg for. It's funny (not so much), all my life I've seen and heard of women who have to feign a headache, or cramps, or being too tired, etc. so that they don't have to have sex with their man. I've honestly NEVER had enough sex to satisfy me. I'm ALWAYS the partner who wants more. For now I'm willing to continue to try to adjust. I love my husband with every breath I take. I know he loves me the same. He doesn't mean to disrespect me with the porn, but he's also not willing to give up his "hobby". I'd rather it be out there in the open, than for him to sneak around. THAT would feel like cheating to me. And that would be more than I can bear. It would be nice to have a man's perspective on these issues. Any men want to give it a go? Try to explain to us women the male libido?

I just needed to chime in really quickly. I'm at MY wits end! I love my husband. We've been together for 6.5 years and married for 3. He's 53, I'm 43. We have sex about 2x a year, IF I ask, beg, plead, cry for it. His "hobby" is downloading porn from the internet. I think it's an addiction. He doesn't hide it from me--I guess that's good; I don't know. I've talked with him about it and he assures me that it has nothing to do with me, it's just something to do. He's a huge computer nerd and just likes being able to hack into the sites without paying. My problem is that I do see it as competition. If he wasn't looking at all of those young, slim, un-flabby bodies, wouldn't he be satisfied with what he's got? I know when I'm away from home and he's home alone, he--um--satisfies himself. I don't think that's at all unusual, but I could accept it more if I wasn't ready, willing, or able to give him sexual intimacy, release, satisfaction--whatever. Regardless, I know he doesn't have a PHYSICAL problem, or he wouldn't be able to do what he does when I'm not home. We used to have sex a couple of times a week. I would take it several times a day, if I could get some compliance. I weighed 270 when we met, I've been down as low as 210 during our relationship. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do to spark his interest. I never doubt his love for me. He's very supportive, we talk about anything and everything, I know he's 100% faithful to me. Why can't I just be happy about that? I know I've rambled on. Does any of it make sense? Does anyone have any ideas?

Last night was a little rough. I didn't keep up with my meds and the discomfort got a little ahead of me. It's back under control, and today's not too bad. One day post-op. The only major pain is the gas that's trapped under my left collar bone. Ouch. When I lay on my back, it moves under my left rib cage, when I stand or sit, it rolls up under my collar bone. Walking doesn't seem to be working. Oh, well. It will eventually make its way. I'm getting ready to sip on some warm chicken broth. The chamomile tea has been wonderful.

Congrats Melinda! It's all so exciting, isn't it.

I'm so glad you're doing well. Thanks so much for sharing! My experience today was very similar. They moved me to surgery more quickly that you--I would have had some serious nerves too, if they hadn't. I was taken back for the IV, pre-op meds, etc. Mom and DH came back and visited with me until they wheeled me into surgery at 9:00. I woke up in recovery around 11:30, got dressed around 1:30, and was home by 2:00. I think the post-op xrays were the worst. It was hard to stand that long without getting nauseous, and the raspberry-flavored barium was pretty nasty! But then I got some delicious, room-temp Water to sip on. It made it all worth it. Getting home to my own bed was the best! The liquid pain meds don't taste that great, but I'm LOVING my cherry Gas-X chewables. They taste like candy. I've only taken one dose, but am looking forward to the next one. I thought I'd get out of bed, post a note, sip some more warm chamomile tea, and now I'm back to bed! So far, so good! I'm so happy to be a bandit! Finally :-)

Well, I got home about 2:00 and took a nap. I've been up since about 5:00 drinking warm chamomile tea--yummy! This surgery wasn't the walk in the park my gallbladder surgery was. I'm a bit more uncomfortable; certainly not painful, just discomfort. I guess it's the gas the blew my abdomen full of. I'm taking my gas-x chewables, drinking chamomile, drinking Water, and have actually found a lying down position that causes no pain at all. All-in-all, a very good day!

Best of luck to you! Today, July 19, 2007, is my day. I'm leaving home in just a minute. I have to report at 7:30 and surgery is at 9:00. I'll post as soon as I get home!

Hey, Peaches! I love your little "high/preop/today/goal" info. I hope you don't mind--I've started using it. It works better for me than a ticker!

I haven't been the islands in almost 20 years. Enjoy!

Isopure makes a clear, no-carb, 40 grams Protein Drink (also the whey protein shakes--but these fruity drinks are NOT shakes). They are yummy and a full 20 oz. You can get them at GNC, with a gold card (GNC membership) they're pretty reasonably priced. I'm doing them pre-op and stocking up for post-op too. It's an easy way to get my protein in everyday.

Yes, Waters. I really wanted to know. Thanks for the info. I didn't have a clue! I get so much information on this site. I LOVE IT, and all of you for contributing to my education :-)

Hey, Pammy. Yeah the Isopure comes in powder form also. You can get it no carb or you can get it low carb (3 per serving). I have the no carb cookies and cream, and the low carb chocolate. It also comes in vanilla, and I'm sure other flavors. It comes in a big container with about 22 servings in each one. Add two scoops to 20 oz of cold water and you've got yourself 50 grams of protein. I've really enjoyed any that I've tried. Best of luck to you. You're all such an inspiration--even with some of the uncomfortable post-op stories.

I turned 43 today. I'm three days into my pre-op diet--I'm on the road to a thinner, healthier me. This is the best gift I can give myself. It will last the rest of my life. I'm sticking pretty much to Isopure protein shakes, chicken, tuna, cheese, cottage cheese, and almonds. I'm getting in about 100 grams of protein a day; my minimum is supposed to be 70. I'm doing great. My carbs are supposed to stay under 30 a day; this is soooo not a problem. Hubby took me out for dinner to celebrate. We went to Outback Steakhouse and I got the center-cut filet (medium rare) with a Caesar salad. I enjoyed every single bite, because I know it will be quite awhile before I can eat another steak or salad. It was delicious! We're looking to buy some riverfront property on the San Marcos river here in Texas. I went out and stomped around on the piece we're most interested in--most likely it's in the flood plain. I wish it wasn't. It's gorgeous. We so want to live on the San Marcos river after I graduate from dental hygiene school in May 2008. George retires from the phone company after 30+ years in December 2009. Life just keeps getting better for both of us. We celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary on July 4. We've been together for almost seven years. After several failed marriages between us, we took our time getting to know each other. We are perfect for each other. Anyway, back to the lap-band. My sister had a band placed five years ago and has done very well, despite having stretched her pouch. She's lost all of her weight and has been training daily and running marathons for about three years now. I started investigating different weight-loss surgeries for me about a year ago. At first I thought I'd do the vertical sleeve gastrectomy with duodenal switch, but since I have Crohn's disease, my gastroenterologist wouldn't approve it for me. Then I thought the Rouen-Y--same response from my doctor. Well, then I figured that the lap-band would be okay, because it could be reversed, if I had a life-threatening flare-up of my Crohn's disease. My doctor said he thought that was a great idea. In April, I went to a bariatrics seminar held at Seton hospital here in Austin, Texas, and Dr. Mark Sherrod presented all of the information, pre-qualification factors, etc. and he was so personable. I enjoyed the presentation and spoke with him for sometime afterward. My husband came with me and enjoyed it as much as I did. He really liked Dr. Sherrod too. I made an appointment and saw Dr. Sherrod for the first time on a doctor/patient basis in May. With a BMI of 43, I was definitely a candidate for the surgery. There was a ton of paperwork to fill out, questions to answer, future appointments to schedule, etc. that kept me very busy. I went back on June 25th for a meeting with anesthesiology (for an EKG), the psychologist (to make sure I had realistic expectations), an exercise therapist (to give me ideas on what kinds of exercise was reasonable for me), a nurse with the bariatrics team (to discuss the actual surgery, possible complications, etc.), and a dietician (to discuss my eating habits, the pre-op diet, and post-op diet, and lifetime eating habit modification). My gallbladder decided to go bad, and after a couple of gallbladder tests, that came back strongly indicating a malfunctioning organ, Dr. Sherrod was kind enough to take it out for me on June 29. Whew! I feel so much better. I had my gallbladder removed at the Central Park Surgical Suites on 38th St. here in Austin. And I had such a terrific experience that I've canceled my lap-band surgery at Seton hospital, and have scheduled to have it done at the Central Park Surgical Suites. Dr. Sherrod raves about the staff there, and I can certainly understand why. I had my very own nurse who made sure that I never felt any pain. She was priceless! I don't really have any misgivings about the upcoming surgery. I know that I will mourn the loss of my best friend (food), but honestly, my best friend has let me down for 20 years. It's a sick, sick, sick relationship. Food doesn't make me feel better about myself, it hasn't made me healthy, it turned my mom into a type II diabetic, and I know I'm next. If I had a human friend who treated me the way food has, I sure wouldn't have kept that friend around for 20 years! So, the lap-band goes on July 19. It's a tool to help me control how much I eat. And since I will have such a tiny stomach, I will have to be super smart about what I put into my body. It's no different than when George stopped smoking four years ago. He used the patch, the lozenges, and the gum. They were tools to help him curb is addiction. The band will help me curb my addiction. I'm very excited about starting my new life. I'm only 43, if I treat myself well, I could live another 40 years and enjoy my grandkids and their children, and maybe even their childrens' children. How cool would that be? I'm going to commit to posting here once a week. I sure I can do it once school starts up again. We shall see.:kiss

I turned 43 today. I'm three days into my pre-op diet--I'm on the road to a thinner, healthier me. This is the best gift I can give myself. It will last the rest of my life. I'm sticking pretty much to Isopure protein shakes, chicken, tuna, cheese, cottage cheese, and almonds. I'm getting in about 100 grams of protein a day; my minimum is supposed to be 70. I'm doing great. My carbs are supposed to stay under 30 a day; this is soooo not a problem. Hubby took me out for dinner to celebrate. We went to Outback Steakhouse and I got the center-cut filet (medium rare) with a Caesar salad. I enjoyed every single bite, because I know it will be quite awhile before I can eat another steak or salad. It was delicious! We're looking to buy some riverfront property on the San Marcos river here in Texas. I went out and stomped around on the piece we're most interested in--most likely it's in the flood plain. I wish it wasn't. It's gorgeous. We so want to live on the San Marcos river after I graduate from dental hygiene school in May 2008. George retires from the phone company after 30+ years in December 2009. Life just keeps getting better for both of us. We celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary on July 4. We've been together for almost seven years. After several failed marriages between us, we took our time getting to know each other. We are perfect for each other. Anyway, back to the lap-band. My sister had a band placed five years ago and has done very well, despite having stretched her pouch. She's lost all of her weight and has been training daily and running marathons for about three years now. I started investigating different weight-loss surgeries for me about a year ago. At first I thought I'd do the vertical sleeve gastrectomy with duodenal switch, but since I have Crohn's disease, my gastroenterologist wouldn't approve it for me. Then I thought the Rouen-Y--same response from my doctor. Well, then I figured that the lap-band would be okay, because it could be reversed, if I had a life-threatening flare-up of my Crohn's disease. My doctor said he thought that was a great idea. In April, I went to a bariatrics seminar held at Seton hospital here in Austin, Texas, and Dr. Mark Sherrod presented all of the information, pre-qualification factors, etc. and he was so personable. I enjoyed the presentation and spoke with him for sometime afterward. My husband came with me and enjoyed it as much as I did. He really liked Dr. Sherrod too. I made an appointment and saw Dr. Sherrod for the first time on a doctor/patient basis in May. With a BMI of 43, I was definitely a candidate for the surgery. There was a ton of paperwork to fill out, questions to answer, future appointments to schedule, etc. that kept me very busy. I went back on June 25th for a meeting with anesthesiology (for an EKG), the psychologist (to make sure I had realistic expectations), an exercise therapist (to give me ideas on what kinds of exercise was reasonable for me), a nurse with the bariatrics team (to discuss the actual surgery, possible complications, etc.), and a dietician (to discuss my eating habits, the pre-op diet, and post-op diet, and lifetime eating habit modification). My gallbladder decided to go bad, and after a couple of gallbladder tests, that came back strongly indicating a malfunctioning organ, Dr. Sherrod was kind enough to take it out for me on June 29. Whew! I feel so much better. I had my gallbladder removed at the Central Park Surgical Suites on 38th St. here in Austin. And I had such a terrific experience that I've canceled my lap-band surgery at Seton hospital, and have scheduled to have it done at the Central Park Surgical Suites. Dr. Sherrod raves about the staff there, and I can certainly understand why. I had my very own nurse who made sure that I never felt any pain. She was priceless! I don't really have any misgivings about the upcoming surgery. I know that I will mourn the loss of my best friend (food), but honestly, my best friend has let me down for 20 years. It's a sick, sick, sick relationship. Food doesn't make me feel better about myself, it hasn't made me healthy, it turned my mom into a type II diabetic, and I know I'm next. If I had a human friend who treated me the way food has, I sure wouldn't have kept that friend around for 20 years! So, the lap-band goes on July 19. It's a tool to help me control how much I eat. And since I will have such a tiny stomach, I will have to be super smart about what I put into my body. It's no different than when George stopped smoking four years ago. He used the patch, the lozenges, and the gum. They were tools to help him curb is addiction. The band will help me curb my addiction. I'm very excited about starting my new life. I'm only 43, if I treat myself well, I could live another 40 years and enjoy my grandkids and their children, and maybe even their childrens' children. How cool would that be? I'm going to commit to posting here once a week. I sure I can do it once school starts up again. We shall see.:kiss

Hey, Waters: Thanks for the list of post-op stuff. I'll definitely get stocked up. VERY helpful information. One question--mmm, what are toilet tongs for?