Phat girl

Last night, my fiance tells me that he saw a girl in his store who was, "about the same size as you before surgery," and when I saw her shape I thought, "Thats familiar," and then I realized in that moment looking at this girl, how much weight you've lost. How much your body has changed shape. I'm really proud of you."
 
After he said this, I was not sure if I felt happy or hurt. He told me, and still tells me repeatedly that he loves me no matter what shape or size I am. He tells me daily that I'm beautilful. I think I was just momentairly hurt in thinking of being large... embarassed that I was as overweight as I was. I was ashamed that he had to deal with me getting to that place. I am still struggling with self perception. I still am a chubby girl. I still have 45 pounds to lose. I feel flabby where I'm having some excess skin, and don't know if it will shrink up or not. I think maybe I need to take a picture of myself soon, and do a comparision. I haven't taken any pictures lately so I don't know how much of me I'm really seeing. I still just see a chubby girl.

My sleeve surgery date is November 7, 2011 and I'm at midpoint with my 2 week pre op liquids. At this point, I don't have any more ambivalent feelings. I have been trying to lose weight on my own for the past 20 years and have done a great job losing, but keeping if off has been a different story altogether (as I'm sure it has been for many of you as well). My last great weight loss effort was with Crossfit...I got hurt doing that and have not been able to participate with full effort since then. If you know Crossfitters (as I do) then you know there's no room for people who don't give 110% to a workout because of an injury. I loved Crossfit, but I love myself more and there just wasn't room enough for the 2 of us; so I'm back at the Global gym (with central heat and air) working out there. I still love to do squats, pushups and lunges, but I'm done with running and box jumps for sure (my feet just can't take those anymore).
 
I'm repositioning my efforts with a new tool. I will lose weight again, but this time I will be able to maintain that loss with my sleeve. My Goliath is finally not just going to fall, he's going to die once and for all.