VSG4aHealthierMe

Glad I could help

HOLY crappola! That looks like it REALLY hurts!!! Are you an easy bruiser or is that normal??? I decided to go with the sleeve, but please do keep me posted on everything. That bruise is like.... WOW!! Kudos for the courage to post it BTW

I'm 5'5" and weigh 280+ pounds and DH is 6'3" and weighs somewhere between 220 and 250 (I am not sure). I do have to say that there IS confidence issues for me being average height and obese and standing next to a man who is tall and skinny. When we married I was still a good size girl but I was able to wear his pants at one point, so I didn't really feel like the odd duck. As I get bigger and he remained the same my self-confidence has taken a blow. Its kinda like men with $$, most (not all but most) would feel less masculine if their wives made more money because of the perception that the man is "supposed" to be the provider for his family. I think it will be similar for you wife. Even if she remains the same YOU will be losing. And even if you don't technically weigh less than her it will likely be a blow to her self-confidence for her to see everyone saying how good you look, and not saying the same to her. This is a temporary state and she will soon be hearing the same, but TBH I gotta say I see her side of things. A woman is "supposed" to be the "eye candy" and its much more socially accepted to be a big man than it is a big woman. Big men are called "teddy bears" and "muscular" (there are still some bad names used just getting a point across) and woman are "fat @$$es" and "Big Bertha" and a hundred other names. I have yet to hear one socially accepted name for a big woman (unless you count "fluffy"). Heck DH used to be a big guy and when looking at his pic HE is the only one who thinks he was fat. EVERYONE else, including me, says that he looked great as a big guy. Not saying that I disagree with doing the surgeries as planned, I do and I really think its the best way to do it. I am just giving you a little insight from the female mind I hope it made any sense at all lol. Its 4:30 am here and I need to get to bed 'cuz my brain just isn't working all that well Anyway, KUP on everything and know your wife will come around. Night!

? The message is missing??

I am pre-op so I am not sure. I don't know about where you are but where I am there a pretty widespread heat wave. I learned with 3 pregnancies that heat will swell you up pretty quick. I would just try to stay as cool as possible and keep moving as much as possible (because of the surgery, but put your feet up some too) and check in with your PCP. HTH.

I don't know her so I can't say for sure but I think she may feel a bit left out. I mean she was thinking you were both gonna do this huge, great thing together and now you will be all healed up by the time she goes in. She may also be afraid that seeing you go through it first may make her change her mind which she probably doesn't want to do. I would just point out the pluses. Yeah she will get to see you post op and that may scare her ( just don't accuse her of being scared unless you REALLY think its the problem... its like telling her she is jealous, thats like pulling the pin out of the grenade to a woman lol) but she will get to see how great it is once you are all healed up and losing weight and feeling great and that will give her the courage to push through the pain when her time comes. As far as being left out you could tell her that this is even better. This way you will be well enough to take care of her when its her turn instead of both of you being tired, sore and struggling to get liquids down. Women like the idea of being pampered every so often (even those of us with a less then girlie personality) pointing that out may help. All I know for sure is that by the way you said she reacted she is either hurt, scared or something because she is throwing up her defenses. Anger is always easier than pain or fear. Just try to take the time to understand WHY she is hurting or scared (but don't try to force it out of her unless you want MORE anger) . Communication is key, no matter what the situation Jeeze, I just realized I sound like a shrink :rolleyes:

Ok, so I am still considering Mexico a very viable option and one which I will probably stick with because I am not finding ANYTHING and the states that I will be able to afford w/in the next 2 years where I feel totally comfortable with the information I have gathered on the physician like I do with Aceves. So, while I continue to search the US, the possibility of getting sleeved in the states is fading fast just like it did the first time I looked into it and I am looking for ways to shave several hundred off our travel costs. I have been looking into alternate forms of transportation. Taking a bus costs more than my other option and I have taken one b4, and now looked at the itinerary of a "sample trip" so to speak (random date selected to check pricing and itinerary), and I hate how the go to point A, point B, point C, back to B's neighboring town which we will call point D, on to point E and F then back to point D before FINALLY ending at point G which is you destination. This is just an example but this is how buses work unless YOU (I) charter one(which is insane for 4 ppl and ain't happening on my end), and it drives me absolutely bananas! My second option (and last that I am aware of other than flying) is a train. This a down fall that this will take more than twice as long as a bus. The upside is it costs less (little comfort though when we are talking about the fact that you spend a day and a half longer traveling to save $100), I have never ridden a passenger train but I imagine it will be easier to get up and move around which is critical post-op (correct me if I am wrong) and my oldest absolutely adores trains to the point of obsession lol so he would be in hog heaven!! Plus, don't passenger planes have a place you can lay down and sleep instead of sleeping in your chair like you do on a bus?? THAT would be a MAJOR bonus! So what I need to know is: Do I have my facts correct regarding passenger trains? Do you think you could have handled such a long trip just days post-op?? Am I NUTS for even considering these as options, lol?

Situation resolved, found a sitter for the kids, but thank you for the replys!!

OMG!!!! I can't believe it! I was just talking to a friend, telling her about my problem then it dawned on me, she speaks spanish! So I thought about what everyone said about DH watching the boys and taking a friend so I asked her if she would be interested in coming with me. What she said took me by complete surprise!! She said "Well, why don't I just watch the boys and then you can take your husband with you?"!! I was like "Do you realize I will be gone for about a week?" and she said she thought I would be gone for 2 weeks when she offered so that was even better . Please God, don't let her back out on me too cuz if she doesn't I am back on track!!!

Surgery scares the CRAP outta me! I have panic attacks as they wheel me back if I am alone and not sedated. Dh has always been my rock. I have had 3 surgeries since we met 1 of which he was not with me but I was heavily sedated. I remember I was being wheeled out of the OR and the drugs were wearing off and I was waking up. Then the doc realized he forgot to release my carpel tunnel (part 2 of 2 of the surgery) so they wheeled me back in. I was awake and alert, but numb from my shoulder down (some kind of pain block). I had a panic attack. The other 2 he was with me and when I got scared I would look into his eyes and I was reassured. It may seem lame to say this, but he keeps me grounded when all I want to do is run screaming in terror. And its not just the wheeling in part, its like a build up from the time I wake up (If I got any sleep) until the come to get me. The closer it is to time the more panicked I get. DH keeps me sane, not completely calm but sane. Nobody else has ever had the ability to ground me the way he does, nobody, and he does it all without saying a word so I don't feel like I am being talked into calming down, which the way my brain works trying to talk me down makes me think I REALLY DO have something to worry about and makes me panic more. Its weird how he can do that but whatever works, right?

I have a friend hubby might be able to stay with while I am in the hosp.She lives in SLC Utah. It he/she anywhere near there(like within an hour or so?)? What are the fees? What is the docs name so I can look into them?

I have been asking about payment plans with everyone I have talked to today, all say the full amount has to be paid BEFORE the procedure is done. I am beginning to think I won't find any better than Aceves -price wise, once you factor in travel costs, and thats WITH the kids! Or experience wise, the docs in the US (that I can even romotely *think* I *might* be able to afford *if* I save for 2 years straight) just aren't that experienced if they are affordable.

I will look into it, thanks

So, let me get this straight... Once I set up a payment plan I could get it done instead of having to wait until I have the $$ to pay in full???

Thats quite impressive pricing for the states!! However I am almost a day away (just over 13 hours) so we would still have to fly. Factor in the additional cost to go to him and he is even more out of reach than Aceves. If anyone knows of an affordable doc closer to indiana please let me know, can't hurt to look into them and see what I can find. I am even willing to save longer if I can stay close to home & in the US because I will have family to lean on for things like lodging (instead of renting a motel/hotel) for hubby and the boys plus it means I will be closer to my surgeon if I need to be seen for a complication. As much as I HATE the idea of waiting longer those perks aren't available if I go to Mexico and they might be worth the wait. I would also consider the Georgia area if its close enough to where my dad lives. How does self-pay work in the US? Do you still have to go to the NUT meetings and see a shink and everything for 6 months?

You know what it was?? I went back and looked at the site. The $8,900 was ALVEREZ NOT Almanza :embaressed_smile::doh:

Why did they tell me $8,900 then????? I even mentioned that I already had a cheaper doc than that and she went into this "well, yeah if you want to get your surgery for $4499......." At which point I corrected her and said the other doc was only a couple hundred cheaper! I am so confused! Why did I get a different price than you??

YAY! BTW, you mentioned that you can't afford Aceves which is why you choose almanza, right? Well, when I realized today that this is going to cost MUCH more than expected because of bringing the boys I checked into Almanza. Are you aware that Aceves is a couple hundred cheaper than Aceves right now and if you schedule a tentative date you will lock in that price (Aceves- $8,750, Almaza- $8,900). Not trying to sway you just letting you know that way if you really wanted to go to Aceves but decided against it based solely on money you have all your facts in front of you. Your surgeon is entirely you choice though, so please don't feel like I am trying to get you to change your mind, I just realized that when they told me Almanza was $8,900 and thought of you.

As of right now, they unequivocally will NOT cover ANYTHING to do with it. I would love if they did but walmart has such tight pockets I doubt it will EVER happen They won't even cover blood work because its considered "routine" or so I am told by insurance company. Personally, I think the execs are afraid of losing a couple mill a year out of the multi-million dollar paydays to offer adequate coverage for their employees who are barely making it week to week. But that's just my opinion.

Frankly it would scare the crap out of me to be perfectly honest.

As far as anything requiring credit I have been denied for every loan I have tried to get (lack of credit history). My family is poor like me lol, they can't afford to loan anything that would make ANY kind of difference. Payment plans or lump sum will be the same as far as how much we can afford because we plan to save every penny of my $$ once I get a job because DH's check pays the bills and for diapers, etc.

Its moreso price than anything. I worry about taking them across the border because my son HATES holding hands and I worry he will disappear. I may have to get one of those backpack leash things Price is the biggest issue. We were barely gonna be able to pay for it when it was just the 2 of us. DH and I are trying to figure out a way. He is going so far as to check into cashing in his 401K, but I just don't know if we can make it work...

Thanks ladies. I was just so excited and now to realize this may not happen for me.... Well, my name says what I am feeling right now. "FatTrapped".

Awww, you really had had a hard time! Praying that you will heal quickly from it all and it won't be postponed!