Marimaru

I've been in counceling for 2 months now, and while I can't say it's 'helped' yet, it is helping. We're diving into stuff I have avoided for years, and I am hoping that 'dealing' with that stuff will help me deal with stuff in the future, hence, avoiding emotional eating. In the meantime, get a journal. If you are angry, or upset, just slam it all out into that thing. You don't even ever need to read it again, just get it out. Hell, type it into a word document, don't save it, print it, and then shred it. It really just helps to get it OUT, even if no one else sees it. As for the PB, it's kind of going to happen at some point, and while it sucks, you'll learn to know what it is..

My best mothod of journaling is online. I have another online journal that I type in, sometimes it's just ranting, sometimes I make the entries private and sometimes I don't. But I think I will use this one to journal about things that I think have to do with why I had a wieght problem in the first place, and why I haven't been losing very fast. I've been in therapy for about 2 months now, going once a week. The way Catherine works is very helpful to me. She doesn't actually say much at all. I start talking about whatever is on my mind, and she'll throw in a little question or a little insight to keep me going, or turn me in a different direction. SHE doesn't TELL me, that I have anger issues, or this or that, I come to those things myself. I first went to her, because I was having trouble dealing with things going on with my dad. Namely the idea that he did not go to my sister's wedding, and all of the things surrounding that. I've discovered that I really didn't feel like I had a father figure. I mean, a father is supposed to protect you, and my 'father' didn't pay the bills, and didn't take care of lots of things. When my mom left, I had to get my sisters to school, make sure they were okay after school, make sure that dad was going to be home before I could go play with my friends. I was babysitting from age 8 or 9. I've also discovered that I kind of feel like my mom abandoned me back then. We lived in Colorado, and she went to California for work. She worked at a place that was supposed to open a call center in Denver that she would then come back and run. During that time, my parents decided on divorce, and so my mom stayed in Cali. She called often, and visited when she could, and had us out to visit when she could, but none of that kept me from having to take care of my sisters. Then, when we'd go visit her, she'd get on me about 'parenting' them and I didn't even realize I was doing it. Everyone still calls me "mini mom" to this day. Yesterday, I realized that I was very angry with them about the whole thing. I mean, who might I have been if I hadn't been required to turn into the 'mini mom' that had to take care of and protect her sisters? Would I have turned to food for control? Would I have had more fun with my friends? Would I have been more confident? Would I have done drugs? Would I have actually rebelled against my parents? Would I have done better in school? Had more friends? I can't help but think that I'd be a more 'well rounded' person. And I can't help but feel like feeling this way is stupid, since I'll never know the answers to any of those questions. Catherine told me that I should give it some thought, and kind of grieve it. My mom always tells people not to hold onto things. If someone brings up something from the past, she says "Well, you are just going to have to get over that". I think since I wasn't 'allowed' to hold onto things, and I was never taught how to actually deal with them, I just stuffed them all down so that I wasn't bringing them up, but, I also wasn't doing anything about them. So now I have like 18 years worth of stuff to deal with. And that makes me mad too. So I guess I am journaling this here, because I believe that I have a mental block about losing more weight. I am 5 lbs from being halfway to goal, and I am 15 lbs from onederland. I think that scares me. I think it scares me because if I do well, people want better, and if I do better, people want even more than that. :think

Congratulations!!

I am an emotional/boredom eater. The band does not help you not eat when you are not hungry. The band WILL help you eat less, at any given point in time, whether you were hungry or not when you started eating. I am 2 years out, and I have lost 65 lbs. The slow loss, is because of emotional eating and night snacking. I am in counceling trying to help me get some control in other areas of my life, because eating is my 'thing' that I can control. Granted, once I have lost weight, it's been gone, it doens't come back, so for me, the band is a godsend, because even though I have to 'diet' to lose weight, when I fall off the wagon, I'm only eating enough to maintain, not to gain, so I can pick up right where I left off.

Most just sharing as it's interesting I guess, and also finding out if anyone has any experience with this kind of thing. For the last year or so, I've been struggling with upper right quadrant pain. All this time I thought it was my gall bladder, but the first ultrasound last year came back perfectly clean. The pain didn't get any worse so I kind of delt with it a while. A little over a month ago the pain hit really hard, out of no where, so I went to the urgent care, and they took some blood and basically said "go to the ER if it gets worse". The bloodwork they did came back perfect with the minor acception of slight anemia, which is new, but not a big deal. So I had another ultrasound and again my gall bladder was perfect, but this time they found a cyst on my right kidney, right where the pain is. I don't remember what she said in cm for size, but she said it was about the size of a small apricot. It sounds wierd, but I was so happy for her to tell me that. I was so worried they were going to find nothing again and that I was going to have to get aggressive with the idea that something was wrong and my doctor needed to find it. I'm also glad that in the grand scheme of things, it's really a minor thing, even if it needs to be removed. Anyhow, anyone ever dealt with one of these before?

According to my doctor it is my Kidney, but I go to the urologist on Tuesday so I assume he'll be able to tell more. Fortunately right now it's not bothering me too much. Just the bladder infection that I came down with on Sunday, lol. My Kidney was sore from the back last night from that, but cranberry, Vitamin C and Water seem to be flushing it out nicely, :confused:. It would be very interesting to find out that it was on my adrenal gland though. I've been at a standstill again for a while with my weight loss, and I honestly think that it's a mental block. I know I can lose on 1300 calories, but I just can't make myself count them. Hopefully my councelor can help me with that part, lol.

Jodie, Did your band size go down? I found out a while back that cup sizes are not constant. I was a comfortable 42dd before surgery, and now I'm a 38 dd/ddd depending on the bra. Some DD's I just spill out of, and some DDD's I'm swimmin' in. a C cup in a 38 band is bigger than a C cup in a 36 band, etc.

If chicken is even the slightest bit dry, it causes me major problems...

I love kettle corn. My mom's boyfriend doesn't like it much and accidentally got the costco box of it when he meant to get buttered. So he popped a whole bunch of it up and make caramel popcorn balls!! OMG, those were SOOO good. Fortunately, that only happened once, lol.

Mac n' cheese was one of my first semi-solid foods. I over did the noodles so they were nice n' soft and added a little extra milk to the cheese so it was extra saucy. mmmm Now-a-days, Pasta for me is kind of touch and go, so I don't have it much, but I can still have it sometimes.

Christa, Firstly, just about NOTHING is TMI for most of the people around here :confused:. And dark pee is a sign of dehydration. Please do your best to get that color up. You will be peeing alot at first, but your body really will get used to it and you'll go less. Not as little as you are now, but less than the feeling of getting up to go right after you sat down, lol. I was dehydrated once a few years back when I had a bad kidney infection. They used 2 or 3 bags of Fluid on me when I went to the ER. My mom said she literally watched the color come back into my face. Be nice to your kidneys!!

I mix it with a little bit of juice, like crystal light, or something. Or even just a little water, like a shots worth and just down it, and then chug (in your case, sip) something else. I had to do that with my antibiotic after surgery. They were caplets, so I just emptied them into a little water and threw it back. It doesn't really help the taste, but it makes it go fast.

I'm 24, and I had my band 'installed' 2 years ago. I've lost 65 lbs, which is kind of slow as the 'average' goes, but it definately seems to be gone for good.

BPM, You do need to be certified to dive. Search around for a local dive place, or Sport Chalet or something. Don't pay more than $200 for the classes, lol. Learning to dive is not nearly as fun as actually going to dive, so don't let the classes, and the pool work, or even your first four dives (certification dives) throw you off. My best story is going to Hawaii and doing the Manta Ray dives they have there. At night, everyone gets together in one place and they lay out this big light crates, and then everyone also points their dive lights upward. The mantas can then see all of the plankton floating around and come swooping in to take advantage of the feast you've gathered for them. You aren't supposed to reach out and touch them, but that's okay, because they'll swipe their wings over you a bunch of times. The biggest one that is a 'regular' there is either 14 or 16 feet across the wing span, and he was there on one of the nights we went. They have pictures and names for all of them in a book so you can see who you 'met' that night. My first 'real' dive after being certified was off of the Florida Keys. We saw a nurse shark during that dive, which was cool, but what really freaked me out was all of the baracuda! They were EVERYWHERE!! On that same trip, I also got to go snorkeling with manatees. I didn't get knocked around like wheetsin, so I think it was more fun for me, lol. I have an advanced open Water certification, and I've been thinking about becoming a master diver. It only takes a few more specialty courses to get, 5 or something.

Vines, I so hope that you get some resolution to this soon. *hugs*

I agree that it sounds like you could use an unfill. You are supposed to be able to eat most foods without an issue... Hope you feel better soon

I don't think I've been below 60 feet since I got my band. Generally we do decently shallow reef dives and go slow and look at all the little tiny stuff.

Jude, I agree with Dr. C about seeing how you fare with a fill, but you might also look up VinesQueen here on the forums. She was recently diagnosed with cushings and a pituitary tumor, and you might have someone to co-miserate with and compare notes with? She's a very very helpful person, and I'm sure she'd be happy to share her banded experience with you.

Olive, I have added this line of what you said to my sig: Just because they are related to you does not mean that they are not toxic. That is so true. I think that alot of us take alot of crap from people who are related to us that we would NEVER tolerate from people who aren't. I mean, if you found out an aquaintance had said something like this to your daughter, I bet you'd be all over it, no hesitation right? I know for me, if my dad were not my dad, I would have no place for someone like him in my life.

The only way to find out whether or not it's your eating habits, is to try changing them, right? I had a tough period where I was PBing alot, etc. I was thinking about getting an unfill, and one day just sat down and decided to go r-e-a-l-l-y s-l-o-w. Turned out, I was chewing well, and eating slow, but I needed to chew MORE and eat SLOWER. It's a tough thing to master, and you'll probably have to master it again at a new level with each fill.

Will your parents be supportive even if they don't understand? There are some people on the boards here who have not told their parents, or similarly their inlaws because they didn't feel they would be supported. Maybe that's one way to handle it?

Getting a fill will help with the hunger, also, your body is going to have to get used to the idea that there isn't always gonna be something in your stomach. Another thing to consider is that stomach growling is different than actual hunger pains. If it's JUST making noise, maybe you aren't really hungry, but if the noise accompanies the pain, definately schedule a fill. :eek:

crunchy stuff chews down better I think...

Rachele makes a good point about not all the surgeries being for everyone. I also agree completely that the band will "hold your hand" while you do the work. In my case, I have to diet to lose weight. BUT, when I am not dieting, I don't gain the weight back. It's like... climbing a mountain, and when you get tired, there's something behind you to rest your back on. I can pick back up right where I left off when I've got the wind back in my sails, you know?

I'm 5'6" and my original goal was 140, but I've I've fiddled with that a little bit. Now it's more 140~160. At 155ish I'll be in a "normal" BMI, but, I'm not really sure if I'll care what my BMI is at that point. My sister was a size 7 at about 140, and she's built a little more slender than I am. If I could be a 7 or an 8, I'd probably die and go to heaven right there.