Ruby

I never thought I was an emotional eater. Most times when I am really upset about something, I am not hungry at all. I remember one time when my now husband and I broke up. We were engaged at the time and I refuses to give him my ring when I walked out the door. I ended up going to the beach. It's the one place I can always feel better and make sense of what I am feeling. Those three days, I think i ate 1/2 of a turkey club sandwich. Nothing else. No chips, no sweets, nothing. I lost 15lbs in 4 days. The good thing was that if we stayed broken up, I would have slimmed down A LOT and maybe found a new man pretty quickly. (my husband isn't very happy that I wrote that last part). LOL
 
I tell you all this to explain today. Today I received some bad news. Nothing major. No one died or anything. It was news that I knew caused my mother to be very upset and though it upset me, I was more upset that my mother cried. No one likes to see their mother cry. So, with it being lunch time, I looked around for what I was going to have for lunch. Nothing looked good to me. The thought of eating made my stomach turn....until I thought of carrot cake. If you have been reading my blog, you know my love (almost obsession) with carrot cake. I thought, "YUMMM carrot cake sure sounds good. I bet I could eat a whole slice." WHAT? Where did that thought come from? I haven't really wanted anything sweet since surgery so why was carrot cake on my mind now? I sat for a moment thinking about this and then had my "light bulb" moment. Sugar makes everything better.
 
If I look back at my childhood, sugar played a huge part of making me feel better or was given as a reward. If I had a sore throat, after the doctor's visit, my mother would take me to McDonald's for an ice cream or milk shake. If I ate everything on my plate, I got desert. If I finished my chores, I got a cookie with chocolate milk. Now, I don't think my mother was trying to get me to associate food with good feelings. I think she just thought she was being nice. It wasn't always bad things. There were times I got an apple, an orange, or some grapes. But to me, the best memories were from the special sugary treats.
 
So, as I sat there coming to the realization that food was a reward to me most of the time, I decided that food will no longer play that roll. Food is something to give me energy. It helps my body do what it needs to. It can taste good and be enjoyable but it is not something I get to feel better or to reward myself with. I am thinking clothes would be a good thing to replace food...but that could be VERY expensive. Let's be honest, a milky way is much cheaper than a pair of shorts or a shirt. So, for now my reward is the scale going down. Knowing if I eat to make myself feel better or to reward myself will be sabotage and I refuse to have gone through all this for nothing. So, the candy bars, ice cream, and all the sugary things can remain on the store shelf. How did I deal with it today? I had a Lean Shake. 25 grams of protein, and I'm full. Not as tasty, but much better for me.

I was sleeved on the 27th of September....Surgery lasted 1 hour. When I woke up first thing I wanted to look at was my incision i was given 6 . They are not that ad doctor did a good job... I was then wheeled in to my room The nursing staff were great took really good care of me I slept most of the day the only thing i did do was vomit blood i Kind of freaked out but it was normal it was due to the Anastesia and that's probably the only thing i had in my system at that time. The nurse gave me som notious medication which worked great...I was asked to walk which i did once with the nurse- Once with my Husband and Once by myself on the first day.... I had nothing to eat the only hassle was calling the nurse every hour to disconnect my leg pumps and my iv so that I could go use the restroom by myself.. after that on the second day they finally let me drink some water a shot of water withing 30 minutes.. I had to sip that water down in 30 minutes for the rest of the day.. then the Doctor came by to release me and went home drinking my water for the rest of the day and some Isopure as well.....
 
1st morning at home was good i was walking drinking my clear liquids as well as the 2nd day of surgery on the 3rd day of surgery I went to my daughters softball game and did really good I have not been taking no pain medication since I have been home I have just been taking it easy . I felt I needed to go to see her game which was good because I actually walked. On sunday i relaxed at home and on monday the 3rd of october I went back to work lie a normal regular work day .. I feal great I am just not lifting nothing heavy and trying to stay in my offce and drink my liquids and vitamins and walk every hour atleast around the office.. I just feal great.. I really tought it was going to be worse then what it really is.... The only problem that I have had is that I have not had a bowel movement since the surgery but i am now at stage two which is where i will be eating 1/2 cup of strained cream soup and 1/2 cup of sugar free pudding and sugar free yougurt... so hopefully by wednesday i will have my first stool...
Excited.. I started my journey weighing 214.lbs and today i weighed myself at 203.6 which is great I am super excited.......

OK, this is the LAST time I am going to try and update my blog! I have written this three times, and each time when I hit the "Post" button, it disappears! If it doesn't work this time, forget about it.
 
I have been saving my loose change since Christmas, and took it to the bank last week in anticipation of flying home earlier this week. ($320.00!!!) As soon as hubbie picked me up at the airport, I told him I wanted to go to The Blond Genius. It is a retail store in West Des Moines, IA that specializes in fitting anybody in jeans and making them look good with a great fit. They are pricey, but they always look good. Their slogan is "We Can Fit ANY Body!"
 
So we headed to West Des Moines, and I went in ready to spend my cash. I told the sales clerk I had lost about 80 pounds recently, and didn't know what size to try on, but maybe to start with a size 16 or 14. She brought four or five pair into the fitting room and I started to try on jeans. She asked to see each pair, and finally she said "these are all to big on you, let's try something else." She brought back a bunch of jeans and I tried on size 12s! I thought "never, no way, no how". But guess what? They zipped up easily and looked GREAT! I was so thrilled, I had to sit down right there in the dressing room and cry for joy! (Am sure the sales clerk thought I was Crazy, Nuts!) I don't think I have ever worn a size 12. I went from children's sizes to a size 16 womens with no pause in between for smaller sizes! A 12, I can't believe it! How great is that! I am thinking of making a sign that says "I wear a Size 12 now!" and hanging it on my back just so the world will know!
 
When my husband came to pick me up at the airport, he drove right by me, he didn't recognize me at first! Had to back up the car when he realised it was me. I have to say, my sleeve is the best thing I have EVER done for ME! Anyway, all you VGSers who are in a stall or not loosing as fast as you want, hang in there, the (NSV) rewards are SO worth it!

I thought I'd share these commandments with everyone. Words to live by.
http://cdn.verticalsleevetalk.com/uploads/gallery/album_1148/gallery_16525_1148_73996.jpg

Listen
You are not my friend, we don't hang out, laugh, share, encourage each other, support each other.
You are not my buddy- I don't call you when i need advice, input, a smack in the head.
And yet, I can't hate you--
I adore you
I cannot survive without you
You make my life miserable, yet complete me
You can give me all I need to survive
and all I need to destroy myself
 
But I don't want to just survive,
I want to thrive, live, yell at the top of my lungs...
 
There's more than just you out there in the world.
 
So, let's start a new relationship based on those facts...
Truly we cannot live without one another.
But I wish to take from you what I truly need
and disregard the rest.
I want to add words like savor, moderation, slow, nurture, and sustenance to our relationships
So that I can add words like, delve, extreme, full-out, satisfy, create, embrace, and exuberant to
the rest
of my
life.
 
So, LIsten...
Things are changing around here.
 
You be what you are:
fuel and sustenance and a nurturing source
 
And I'll be what I am
wild, free, sexy, alive, joyful, ready, unstoppable, complete, whole, enlivened, grateful, FULL,
loving, amazing, incredible....
 
Let's watch our boundaries, shall we, you and I?
I'm pretty clear on mine.

Don't have a whole lot to say today,just thought I really needed to update my journaling. I will say me perspective has gorwn more positive by leaps and bounds in the last week or so. I am loving my VSG...LOVING IT!!!!! YAY!!!!!! I have rediscovered my joy in exercise and what it does for my sleep and mood patterns. I have also recommitted myself to eating better. I am doing a 2 week low carb induction diet because I didn't stay low carb after my srugery--mysurgeon's advice--ao I had to go through 2 days of starch withdrawl again with headaches and lack of energy, but all is well now AND it doesn't even BOTHER me that I am limiting starches, thanks to my sleeve. I even ate at Red Lobster and passed up the cheddar bay biscuits...wow. And boy is my scale moving again. Have lost 8 pounds in 2 weeks...CRAZY!!! But I am loving that too! This is morbid, but I have found that I like watching other people eat large quantities of food---and think OMG, I am so glad I have a sleeve and can't do that anymore!!! I don't say it, of course, but I think it and it reinforces my decision to have taken this drastic measure. Never in a million yers would I have been able to make it on so little food without tis surgery and now that I can, I think it has saved my life!!!!

So I had my surgery on Wednesday, July 27th. I'm not gonna lie, i thought it was pretty brutal the first few days. The nursing staff DID NOT listen to me when i was trying to tell them that my pain meds were making me sick... Well untill i started throwing up everything. STUPID STUPID! It really pissed me off. Caused more unnecessary pain and more anger from my end since im miserable and in already alot of pain. But today makes 4 days out- and tmrw i can start my phase 2 liquid diet. Basically "full liquids" so i plan on having some yummy sugar free pudding and some thinned mashed potatoes and cottage cheeeseeeeee! EEK excited. Although it takes me like an hour to eat one jell-o cup. NO MORE FAT KID!
 
I finally bought a scale so i could keep track of my weight loss- As of today i am 217. 18 more lbs till ONEDERLAND! Yippie! I've lost 13lbs since like the end of May when i had my consultation with Dr. Katz. Also- keep in mind i just gave birth back in January also My lil guy will be 7 months old the 8th of Aug
 
So I'm really excited i decided to do this. I do have staples instead of stitches... they look pretty disgusting if i might add along with 5 incisions with the biggest one to the left of my bellybutton. I go to get those removed on tuesday morning and will be then going back to work tuesday after my appointment. Hope I do okay Dr Katz called me last night to check up on me- Told him the pain meds they sent me home with were still not staying down so just stopped it altogether. He said to try just regular liquid tynenol. I'm allergic to viccodin so i didnt get sent home with that- they gave me liquid tynenol 3 instead but just smelling it made me nauseous. So I guess im being a trooper Its not soo bad just sore. Definitely cant bend over to shave my legs in the shower- so pants it is for a few weeks LMAO!
 
Looking forward to seeing the changes coming up! Thanks to everyone for all the support.
 
-S