Valentina

LOL. When I first read it I was simply not connecting the dots, either. But......I have accepted there are all sorts of strange things at play during this time frame for many of us. One thing that I've been hugely frustrated with is that I've had the critical eye on myself for so long that it now tends to focus on conditions around me or even worse, other people. For example......I've been making progress on myself and perhaps eased up a bit. Now I looked around and see the state of my garage and it pisses me off. HTF did it get so disorganized ? Who is the idiot who hasn't been putting stuff away properly ? Who is the fool with fat-man clothes still hanging in his closet and needs to be gone through? Why is that aggravating tree limb hanging down over the deck ? Well, that is the result of being not focused on stuff around me like I needed to....and not having the energy to address it due to back problems and recovering from the sleeve/hernia surgery while working 60 hrs / week. Stuff just gets a low priority or neglected altogether. I look around further still and see things that my wife doesn't do an it gets to me. I get aggravated. I accepted blame for it for a while due to me simply not being myself this last year or so and all things subpar are on me. Eventually, though, I shared my marital concerns with her. Not well received at first but I was respectful yet honest with what was said. Time will tell how things turn out. Time will tell. It will either work out.....or it will not. I will continue to give it my best shot, but I will not blindly hope for a miracle as I've done in the past. This seems like legit advice now that I've gone a few months down this road. I better understand the wisdom of this practice. Its a time to simply work on yourself and DO NOT make any changes. Divorce and career change have been tugging on me......tempting me more than I ever suspected. Married 23 years, same employer for 20......yet now I find myself open to big changes. Scary. Not acting immediately on either.....letting these ideas simmer. Nooooooooo !!!!!! No matter how mad I get......my MacBook will never become a projectile. Neva......eva.... Maybe we should all be prescribed medical weed or some such. Sure would up the attendance in the post-op support group meetings. "Okay now, everyone get their chairs in a circle.....puff, puff, pass........let's begin our meeting with recognizing new members after our opening blaze....." I really get that "Not my circus, not my clowns" statement. Well said. My patience as it pertains to myself is very, very limited. I want immediate progress in all areas of self. Unrealistic as hell and a source of frustration. Thus far, my patience for others is somewhat "normal" dare I use such a phrase. How's this for a oddball fantasy.......we all get to go live in a resort area for our surgery throughout our first year.....surrounded by other patients going through the exact same thing......no outside distractions....no worries.....just focused on the losing and getting our issues nailed down tight. Lol, right? Well, in reality we do have BP and the fine folks here. I agree fully with your statement that we are all family in a way. Here's the plan: We all go live on a deserted island after our WLS where we all can communicate and commiserate without any 'outside" distractions. My concern is that once we open our circle group meeting by toking a wee weed and someone shares the amount of calories that are burned having enthusiastic sex, we'll all wind up in a very skinny and naked pile! Come to think of it---maybe it's not such a bad idea...

Prayers for a pain-free recovery going "upstairs" for you. --will be right here, waiting to hear that it is time to move over and give you room on "The Losers' Bench". God's speed, my friend, Valentina

I just got a "full body drain"---annual blood work-up. As usual, low Vit.D, low Vit B12, and a new low this year--low TSH--thyroid. I will have my px on Feb 10 to follow up on the lab results. What does it all mean?? Maybe it's just age related, or maybe just a new "Vitamin cocktail" is needed. The low TSH is worrisome. I'll find out more on the 10th. Our bodies are constantly changing. I guess we just have to listen better!

I find that I don't have the patience that I did before my surgery. I think I have become so focused on my journey and getting back on track, that I think of little else. "Not my circus. Not my clowns"? I am expecting myself to settle down and be able to take time for "outside the family" people, but for right now---I'm all about me. PS: I consider you all "family", so yes, I do care about you---seriously care.

My "grazing" was at night, when I woke up to go to the "tinkletorium". My bedroom was downstairs way too close to the kitchen. It was like I was sleep walking--just to grab a few nuts or chips. Yeah, right. What did I do? I moved my bedroom upstairs--close to the bathroom and far away from the kitchen. Works for me. Beware of the "Crazy Grazer Syndrome".

I order from the appetizer menu if there is a suitable selection. If not I ask if I can "design" my own small meal. I carry a card stating that I am post bariatric surgery patient which was given to me by my hospital and signed by my surgeon. I can report that I have NEVER been denied the opportunity to design my own meal. Restaurants--especially local ones don't want to drive repeat customers away. --and with the increasing number of people having bariatric surgery, co-operating with me helps them "plan" for the future. I also report the restaurant and their wiliness to my support group at our next meeting. That sends more customers into the co-operative restaurant. It's a wee bit of work, but it's a "win/win" for everybody.

I've actually given this some thought---why? I haven't a clue. After being the office administrator for a group of surgeons, (many years ago), I think I remember shaving since the 1970's is "surgeon's preference". It's all about his/her background as to what is proper, sterile, hygienically and clean surgery. Research backs up the practice of NOT shaving--even for childbirth, because any kind of shaving leaves the skin "traumatized"--irritated and sometimes cut. There. That is what I'm thinking.... To Shave or Not To Shave: That is the question. I hope that is the hardest dilemma any of us will have to face while we share this journey that has brought us all here. Be healthy and hairy, (Please no braiding one's "small hairs") , Valentina

He's gotten me here. I am not alone.

Hello, my name is Valentina. I had my gastric sleeve surgery June 6, 2011. I was so excited to finally have it done and to begin my weight loss journey. June 7, 2011 my world collapsed , leaving me in a dark abyss. I guess I need to back up a wee bit. My life's partner and the love of my life was unfortunately diagnosed as clinically depressed. He had attempted suicide in 2008. I found him and called 911. He spent many days in the hospital, but came home much improved. Our life together was one of fairy tales for the next two and a half years. Just after I started my four month pre-surgery weight loss regime, John's depression worsened. He was not supportive of my surgery plans. I tried to explain to him how I had to get weight off of my joints as I have severe DJD, RA, and OA. In March of 2011 I had my left knee replaced. I thought then he would have seen the importance of my needing to have bariatric surgery. He did not. He refused to support me, accompany me to any of my testing appointment or even speak with me about my upcoming surgery. His psych physicians, PCP, and three therapists all advised me to go ahead with my surgery. They assured me that John would eventually see how much better our life together would be. I made arrangements with each of John's doctors to call John throughout the day of my surgery to make sure he was holding his own and not panicking. I made arrangements with my surgeon to allow me to come home the very next morning after my surgery so as not to leave John alone any longer than needed. So, the morning of June 6th, I drove myself to the hospital. The next morning after my surgery, I called John. There was no answer. I called and called and called. Finally, I got my surgeon to do my post-op testing early and went home. I found John dead in our bed. He had taken all of his vicodins that I had left in the care of his 22yr old daughter. (later she told me that she wanted to go out and her father assured her that he wasn't a child and could manage his own medication). From the moment I walked into the bedroom, my gastric sleeve was forgotten. I didn't acknowledge it, nor speak of it. To me, I never had the surgery. John was so opposed to it, that I blamed myself for his death. Maybe if I hadn't left him and had the surgery he would still be alive. I've spent the last almost 5 years hating food, sick when eating it, eating everything wrong, and in intensive therapy. Last December I had to have spinal fusion of L2,L3.L4,&L5. That's when I began to remember why I needed/wanted the weight loss surgery to begin with. I need to get weight off of my joints/bones. Finally, I am beginning to not blame myself. I am beginning to see a wee bit of sunshine in my daily life. I want--no, I need to pick up where I left off and restart my gastric sleeve journey. I spoke with the surgeon who took over after my bariatric surgeon left the practice. The replacement surgeon knew nothing of my history . All he could say was that I was "noncompliant" with my aftercare. I left his office in tears. He did order blood work (which he assured me would be WAY off. He said that I had to prove my commitment to "him" and he would see me in 6 months. After I regained my anger and composure I did make an appointment to see a nutritionist. I also asked my orthopedist (who is in the same building) for a RX for Aquatherapy. That is about the only way I can exercise since my spinal surgery. I am still unsteady to walk on the icey back roads of rural NY state. My questions are: Is there any hope for me? Can I restart and get back on track? Does ANYONE have any words of wisdom/advise for me?? HELP!, please Valentina

I DID drive myself to the hospital the morning of my surgery. I know how long and lonely that trip was. I finally decided that: I was giving myself this "present" of good health,/ a longer life to be able to interact with my children, family and friends on a much more active level. The tag on your "present" should read, "To: ME, From: ME, Love, ME" Be kind to yourself. Everything and everyone will fall into place. Take care and keep in touch--often, Valentina

You sound to be a woman who doesn't make true/deep friends easily, but when you do, it's for keeps. Maybe it's time to put the kettle on and have a "truth time tea party". I think you can't let it go because you haven't addressed it. Tell her, as her friend, --calmly, but without mincing, just how you FEEL. True friends don't always have to be of one mind about every issue. If your friend doesn't realize how deeply you feel about this issue, how can she appreciate the seriousness of your now negative feelings. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They're feelings. They are the barest, but truest inner termoil anyone can experience. Give your friendship this last effort, before "letting go". Friends need to be cherished and held on to--not let go of--until all efforts to save it have failed. Think about it. Valentina

I am a canine behaviorist and have been for over 40yrs. I simply love instructing people how to use their God given common sense when wanting their dog to behave. Over the years it never fails to make me laugh when a returning client (same person with a different dog) comes up to me and is so proud that they were able to pick a puppy who was soooo much smarter than their first dog they brought through my classes. Silly person! It's not the dog--it you!!! It is much easier to learn good habits that to retrain bad ones.! Bad habits once entrenched are devishly difficult to retrain. It can be done and once it is, whatever the learned bad behavior was will probably never be repeated. Good habits take the same amount of time to learn, and so much more meaningful and fun--having only positive results. So, here we are, retraining our lives---learning good habits. Difficult? sometimes. Worthwhile? Hell yeah!! I guess what I'm trying to say is good things happen when we not only take responsibility for our bad habits, but are willing to put in the time and effort to retrain ourselves into good ones.

Unless the hospital is sending hair to a third world country for weaving, I can't think of a single reason why one would have to shave for WLS. I didn't have to shave for childbirth, spinal surgery or a hysterectomy. You simple HAVE to ask and then PLEASE report the reasoning back to us. We will be right here, keeping your place warm on "The Losers' Bench". Bless, Valentina

I couldn't agree more! BE CAREFUL--AND SMART!! Never meet anyone for the first time at night. Never meet someone you don't know in a private place. I know how vulnerable we all can be at times--an lonely. Sometimes be become "blinded" by all of the warning signals that on a normal day we would pick up on. Make your first meeting special--and safe. Plan ahead. Meet someone public, but where you can have a nice private conversation--like the zoo. There are always plenty of people around if you need to ask for help. Meanwhile, no one is really paying any attention to you. AND ALWAYS tell someone where you are going and who you will be with!!! It's sad that such precautions are needed, but in today's world--well, they just are. Be safe. Plan to be smart. If "he's " the right one, he will understand. You're worth the bother. Jewels are not just for easy picking. They have to be worked for...

Such kind and true words. I will read them often and try to follow your advise always.

Interesting expression. I literally used to ask God, "How can the sun shine? How can everyone just carry on with their lives. Don't they see that I'm dying?. Am I completely invisible?" I don't know if you are old enough to remember the song with the lyrics, "why do the birds go on singing? -----------------can't they see it's the end of the world?" That is exactly how I felt. BUT, now here I am--a wee bit slow getting out of the gate, but watch my stride!!!! Thank you for your words. They actually had me smiling and humming. Thank you ever so much.

I found one not too far away and attended my first meeting last week. They only meet once a month, so I'm still looking for another. Thank you for the kind words.

"Tread softly upon the pain". Worry, embarrassment, hurt, frustration, resentment, anger, and fear will all slow down your healing processes. You need to have nothing on your heart and mind except getting physically and emotionally stronger every day after your surgeries. Anything else just "clogs up the healing flow". I would try to find a quiet time, sit down with your husband, hold his hand, look him in the eyes and explain to him just how much his love and support mean to you right now and forever more. I would --without looking away--repeat my wedding vows. Ask him if he remembers his vow to not only you but to his church when he became its minister. I would explain that in every woman's life there is a time when she truly needs to "the one", the reason the sun rises and sets. The time she whole heartedly needs to be "cherished". Now, before your surgery is "your time". You can tell him that you know you both have "issues" and you are more than willing and are looking forward to working through with him---after surgery, but for right now, right here, you NEED him to be the husband the God instructs him to be. I know how crucial support is from one's "heart". Try and try and try again to get that through to him. We are here to listen and encourage. ---and pray for each other. Right now you have been added to a pray life-line. Folks you don't even know are praying for you. How can you lose? prayers are floating up to the Lord --all for you. All will be well, God bless and KEEP IN TOUCH-----OFTEN! Valentina

Thank you for trying to understand. If I understood his suicide and my reaction to it, I wouldn't have needed the 4 1/2yrs of therapy. Thank you again. This week, well since Jan 12th, I've lost 11 pounds. I've gone back to a Protein shake for Breakfast, greed yogurt for lunch and an "allowable" dinner with a green salad topped with nutritional yeast. I am having trouble drinking enough. I've never been a big Fluid consumer, but I'm working at it. I am going three times a week for aqua therapy for my back since spinal fusion. After that I will join the pool. Thank you again, for asking about my progress. It means a great deal to me.

Five years later, I know. It isn't easy now, but it was impossible for me to accept then. I was just looking for a wee bit of support and understanding. I guess those are difficult items to give.

Once again (feeling kind of good to finally admit it), I had my sleeve surgery June 6, 2011. My S. O. committed suicide and my train of all rational thought went completely off the rails. I could not/would not admit that I had the surgery--even to myself. I went into complete denial. I felt responsible for John's death because he did not want me to have the surgery and was adamant about it. I did what a lot of BPs' suggest that we do when a family member isn't supportive--I had the surgery anyway. Well, I wasn't prepared for the consequences of that decision. It has taken me years to come to where I am now. I have started all over again with the 4th week diet. I have met with a surgeon, nutritionist, am having aqua therapy, am still in therapy and I came here--where I ONCE I found sooo much support and heart felt caring. I am determined to finish my Quest that I started that June morning in 2011--with or without BP's support. It saddens me that I may not have it. But NO ONE will stop me this time---NO ONE... God Bless, Valentina

Hi, everyone! I guess it is my turn to report on my sleeve surgery. I was sleeved in Middletown, NY on June 6th. I woke up with a excuriating back ache, but absolute NO surgical pain. Can you believe it? I still can't get over it. I don't know whether it's because I just had my knee replaced in March and the pain of that is 1,000 times that of getting sleeved. It was for me anyway. I woke up the next morning to a phone call from my SO telling me to have my daughter pick me up from the hospital because after 6 years I was no longer welcome in "his" house. He said that I was selfish having elective surgery while he is soooooo clinically depressed. He just couldn't handle me being that selfish and didn't want to see me again. Try breathing after getting a phone call like that. I am upstate NY living with my best friend for the last 27 years. She had a bypass last Feb and is taking good care of me. I have WAY too much emotional pain. That is probably why I don't have any surgical pain. My mother always used to tell me, "Valentina, you come from stern stock. Don't ever forget that. It will get you through the tough times in your life". Well, Mom I'm trying REAL hard to remember... Thank you ALL for the support and caring that I have gotten from this site. You are truly my support family now. Valentina

As I said before, owing no explanations, it was a VERY long time before I acknowledged John's suicide--even to myself. I came back after all these years and long sessions of therapy, to get support and kinship. If you are unwilling or unable to offer that to me, let me know. Right now I am feeling so disappointed.

Well, there you are!!!! I was beginning to worry Anyway, WELCOME TO THE LOSERS' BENCH!!!!! Now starts the rest of your life... sugar free popsicles are a god sent. Use them--enjoy them. They can be your best friend right now. --even slushy clear Protein drinks. Just get the fluids in--focus on that right now. Everything else will fall into place. I am surprised that you can have Protein shakes. But I guess every surgeon has his own protocol. Follow it. --so delighted to welcome you to the bench and please keep in touch--OFTEN! We've been there--done that--and hopeful can be of some help to you. "You done good". Valentina

Has anyone heard from/about our friend, Frankenstein???