Golden

Hi Tania - I just posted something similar to this on my own thread, but: don't panic! One of the best things about the sleeve is that, even though we may not be perfectly on track all the time, it will keep us from going too far off for too long. We just don't have the capability to do what we used to. There will be hiccups, but you will move on from them.

Thanks, guys. Just writing the post and admitting it all helped me a lot yesterday. I took steps toward finding a therapist and support group in my new area and just felt a lot more positive. Having 20 lbs to lose to get back to where I want to be is nothing next the 100+ I had to lose in the first place! Keeping up with MyFitnessPal is a great suggestion, which I did use religiously before, and haven't been - but also to stay involved with this community. Even though I don't post as much as some people, I used to spend a lot more time here, and I think it's important to stay tuned in and listen to people going through what you are, to stay on track. Finally, I don't want this type of post to scare anyone or make them think the surgery won't work. If I had gone through a phase like this 2 years ago, I probably would have yo-yo'd and gained 50 pounds in a month! Because of the sleeve, both in a physical AND mental sense, it has only been a gain of 18 pounds, spread over 4 months. While it would be unrealistic to pretend the sleeve is going to solve all our food problems, there is no doubt it keeps us from going too far off the wagon for too long.

Hi guys - I am in serious need of some help and pep talking. I am putting weight on and it is like my worst nightmare is coming true. To recap, I got down to within 10 pounds of my goal, and even though it was hard work, I felt completely in control of it - doing all the right things and loving it! Then something happened...I don't know if it's that fear we (meaning emotional eaters/disordered eaters) get when we get close to maintenance - I've read about it and had it in the past - but I just panicked. I've been see-sawing ever since. I'll have a terrible week of eating junk and feeling horrible, and then will get back on the wagon and feel like I've kicked it, go back to doing the right things and thinking it was just a hiccup. I'm trying SO HARD but I'm really struggling now. I just quit the job I've been in for 3 years, made a huge overseas move and changed my whole life, basically. I feel so out of my element and I just can't seem to stop coming back to food for comfort. The flip side of the whole thing is that I am 1.5 years out now and my capacity has really increased to more than I thought it would. I can eat a candy bar or a small pot pie if I feel like it, no problem (things I never thought I'd even want again) and snacking throughout the day means I could fit in tons if I wanted to. Not to say that IS what I'm doing, but I am terrified in the knowledge that I COULD, because I worry that I will be weak and give it to it eventually. I have gone up a size. One solid size, from a 10 to a 12, and maybe bordering a 14 now in some brands. I've gained from the weight I'd like to be staying at - I am almost 5'9, and 170-175 was perfect for me - now I'd say I'm right at 200. I have been in therapy since before I had surgery and all the way through until I recently moved. It was very helpful, but this behavior was happening for a few months already before I left. I plan to look for someone here, too, but everything takes so long to set up and I just hate how I am feeling. Please be nice and realize that it is so hard and HORRIFYING to say these things, after everything I've gone through. No one know better than me how self destructive it is. But if there is anything I've learned, it's that shame is even more destructive and that hiding from this stuff only makes it worse. I need to be honest and this is the only place to do that with people who understand, while not too much damage is done and can be turned around. Any thoughts???

Ughhh I am so experiencing the panic from this. I started going to therapy on my own months before surgery and have kept up with it all year (I am 5 days away from the 1 year mark). But it seems like overnight I can eat so much more, and it's really putting all these things I've worked on to the test. It's a lot easier to think about overeating behavior objectively when you have NO ABILITY to do it. Once you hit the point where you can eat the whole piece of cake (although yes, it is a relief not to ever have to worry about eating a WHOLE CAKE ever again) or a whole sandwich, or both if you wait a bit in between...you really have to buckle down and think about why you don't want to do that. Which is hard, because sometimes you really do! I think ultimately the fear of failure and real desire to uphold the change will keep us on the straight and narrow, but it is a battle that cannot be taken lightly for sure. For people who are just starting out, please BELIEVE that you need to work on the issues, because even though you can only eat 2 bites right now, the day will come when that's not the case, and you'll want to be ready to stand up to old demons.

You are stunning! Congratulations!

I remember that when I woke up, they asked me if I felt pain and I said "yes" but honestly don't even know if it was true! If so, I have no recollection of it now. The pain was there I guess, but totally manageable. You sort of get a warning from your body, and when you do, you press the button for meds and then it goes away. I only had/needed that for 2 days, then just switched to the non-narcotic pain pills they gave me. The second night I woke up with shoulder pain from the gas and had to walk and have someone pound on my back. That was only uncomfortable night really. After day 4, Tylenol was all I needed. I'm 10 months out now and really the only pain I actually remember was that it really hurt to laugh! But I was laughing a lot, so what does that tell you?

I have a question about this - what exactly are "cognitive-behavioral techniques"? I have been seeing a therapist who specializes in eating issues for over a year now, and while it felt very productive at first (I was v. emotional to start off and had a lot to get off my chest), I feel like the process has kind of stalled out. It is starting to feel like I am going there and just saying the same things over and over, but I'm not doing the "work" the way I was before. I don't really feel like I'm "done" though. I know that's a vague term and that maybe we are never "done" with self examination, but I still struggle with behaviors and thoughts that I have, so don't want to stop going. But sort of feel like it's not helping anymore either. Any of you have this happen or any advice?

I am 10 months out and have been bouncing back and forth between the same 3 pounds for what seems like FOREVER. I've had stalls before and they always pass, but this is hanging on so long, and I'm far enough out, that I've started to wonder if this is where my body is going to "settle"...but I still feel like I really need to lose that last 10-15 to get to goal. I am eating about 1200-1300 calories a day. Originally in trying to break the stall, I tried to lower it for a few days to see if it would help, but I couldn't...I was too hungry to only eat 1000. Do I need to increase it? I realize it may help, it just seems scary. A few months ago, I wasn't ever able to get in more than 1000, and now that's not enough! Mentally it makes me feel anxious I think. If I go up to 1500-1600, isn't that what people who don't have surgery eat?! I am walk/running at the gym twice a week, go to pretty intense vinyasa yoga classes 3-4 times per week and overall just try to stay as active as I can during the day. Just curious for those who are a bit further out and have come to this last bit of weight to lose. Is this normal? Is upping calories again the answer? Making an appt with my nut for next week, but would welcome others' experiences.

If you want to do it, absolutely do it. I'm 25 and was sleeved last summer. All those things crossed my mind, too, but I knew it was the right thing for me. Honestly, part of what convinced me was the fact that there really are NOT that many complications with the sleeve. Not saying they don't happen, but to me it was less invasive and risky sounding than bypass or RNY, where things are re-routed and there are issues with absorption, etc. I didn't tell anyone except my mom, who came with me to help out with travel to/from Mexico. I didn't even tell my roommate. I just felt like it was my decision and it was personal, and nobody's business. I knew people would say I was "only 25" and shouldn't resort to surgery. I knew I didn't want to spend another 15 years battling my weight and just end up having it when I was 40 anyway. I had a few nervous days where I wondered what I'd gotten myself into, but I believed pretty strongly the whole time that what I was doing was worth it, and 10 months later I can say I was so right! It is AMAZING how much my life has changed, and I would recommend having this done 100%. Good luck!

I really really love this thread! :wub: I think we tend to save up posts for NSVs and happy things - not that there's anything wrong with that - but it can really make it seem like everyone else is doing great all the time and make a person feel bad. I like to know that little slip-ups are normal! Not as a way to make excuses, but just to know that it's happening to us all, and we can still get back on the wagon and keep losing. I have a hard time trying not to obsess over every "bad" day, and just to keep moving in the right direction. Hearing everyone else's "oops" moments can really take the pressure off and help keep a healthy attitude. Mine is: ate way too much Peanut Butter today...kept going back and having more on these great little rye crackers I found at the health food store. Also plan to have half a slice of pumpkin spice cake for dessert. That also came from the health food store, so it is an "unprocessed" "healthy" version, but I'm not an idiot, it's still got plenty of sugar and carbs!!!! Last weekend wasn't great either, I really do better during the week when my day and meals are structured. Tomorrow is another day - I am 15 pounds from goal and I'm going to get right back on track!

Thanks! For exercise I walk everywhere and have started doing cardio a couple of times a week, but mostly I do lots of yoga - around 5x weekly. It is a great workout for toning and core strength - and starting the morning off with a class puts me in touch with how I'm feeling and leaves me clear-headed to make good choices throughout the day. In terms of Protein Shakes, I keep Syntrax nectar around in chocolate truffle and vanilla bean torte. I also drink the fantastic hot chocolates from mybariatricpantry...either with hot Water at night time or mixed in hot soy milk for an afternoon snack. I don't do protein shakes every day at this point because I can now eat enough to get it from food, but I do supplement with them if I need to. The most rewarding part has been the empowerment - feeling like things have truly changed and I can actually go forward and live a "new life" instead of just planning for it/dreaming it. Most difficult part is the mental aspect and learning balance - not getting too caught up in numbers and the scale, etc. Coming from a disorder background, that was especially important. Remembering that we do this to get healthy, not trade one obsession for another. Thanks for commenting...good luck on your journey!

I know for a fact that I spent 10 years struggling with a full-blown eating disorder. It took on a lot of different forms: super restrictive dieting in high school, followed by long stretches of all-out binging in college, then coupled with periods of bulimia and laxative abuse while desperately trying not to gain so much weight from the binges. I started dieting in middle school and would go to eat alone at lunchtime with my salad so as not to be tempted by the junk food in the cafeteria. At 15, I did Herbalife and started kickboxing and lost 50 pounds. Kept it off for about 9 months and then PACKED it back on with carbs and ice cream. It was like a nightmare, putting that weight back on as a teenager, having to go to high school and feel fat…when I wasn’t making rounds to all the different vending machines on campus (don’t want to load up too much at any one on it’s own) I was sitting in the bathroom with a journal, making lists of reasons why my next diet was going to work and why I wanted to lose weight. I just didn’t think of anything else but food. When I went to college, it was a disaster. I had no supervision and a car…no need for much detail, but I started staying up all night eating, and missing classes. All I thought about was eating. My life was a mess and I felt beyond help. I attempted to see a counselors a few times and twice was put on a mild antidepressant, but nothing truly worked. It makes me sad to recount this and think of all the years that went by wasted on food. Every time I think I’ve covered it, I remember another “phase” and each is more depressing than the last. Sometimes I feel bitter that no one rescued me from it. I get angry thinking if I had had the opposite problem – if I’d been anorexic and 50 pounds underweight instead of 100 pounds overweight – someone would have stepped in, because a person who starves themselves has issues and needs help. But because I was a person who binged, it just meant that I was lazy or lacked self control and that I’d just have to work it out on my own. I honestly feel I was sick enough to be hospitalized at some of those points, but I was only ever given a pep talk. There is a feeling of helplessness and abandonment in the knowledge that your problem is not taken seriously enough…that no one is coming to intervene or save you. Anyway. So I yo-yo’d a lot, picked myself up and got on a plan with gyms and diets a few times, but spent most of the time hiding in the behavior, just too scared not to have that crutch to give it up. I’d give myself a time period – like a long weekend off from school or something, and give myself permission to go crazy and eat everything I wanted, on the condition that right after that I’d change everything and never do it again. Of course, that turned into every weekend. And weekday. And waking moment. Then, suddenly, a couple of years ago, I got in a really good place. I tried to look at food differently – not worry about doing everything perfectly, but just to think about food LESS. I started doing a lot of yoga, and dropped a lot of weight, probably around 50 pounds. I was eating healthy, exercising and loving it. I was much happier and more confident. I thought I'd finally "figured it out." Then, when I got close to really crossing that "threshold" – you know, where things start changing and people notice, and you really get down in size to smaller than you have been in a long time - I couldn't go on. I fell apart and self-sabotaged heavily. I holed up in my apartment all winter, ate, and gained 70 pounds in 6 months, and still kept eating. In January of 2011, I hit an all time high of 312, and was at an absolute, horrified loss of what to do. I ended up coming to two conclusions: One, that I simply could not take going back and forth anymore. That I was going to have surgery (something I'd previously been against) because I wanted the weight OFF. I wanted it off fast, and forever. Two, that I really, really needed help. I did not feel in control of my own life or actions. I could not think of anything but food, and it affected my day-to-day existence and interactions with people. I’d moved to a big city and was able to find a good therapist who worked specifically with eating issues (this can be difficult in small towns) and tried my best to just be honest. It was not easy for one minute, but now, over a year later of sessions (and nearly 10 months post-op) I can say it's made a huge difference. I did not want gastric bypass – for all the horrible things I’ve done to it, I do have an odd sense of protectiveness over my body, and rearranging things in there just did not appeal to me. Plus, I’d seen post-bypass people before and they looked sick and droopy to me, and I didn’t like the idea of not absorbing Vitamins, etc. When I read about the sleeve, it was like a light bulb going off. Something purely restrictive was perfect to me. I really WANTED TO CHANGE, and what I needed was just that inability to put myself too far off the wagon, not a bunch of Vitamin and mineral deficiencies. (PS, I realize there are lots of successful bypassers, and am not trying to sounds biased – just relaying my thought process at the time). I believed that my desire to change behaviors would be enough support for a procedure that wasn’t quite as extreme. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing, and anyone who hasn’t seen me since last May still does not know. I told the people at my job that I was going on vacation and that was it. I didn’t even tell my roommate until I got back. And it’s funny, I didn’t even care or get uncomfortable. After the fact, it was just like, “This is my life now. I’m happy and I don’t have to justify it to anybody.” I’d left the country and gotten surgery for cripes’ sake, the scary part was over! People’s thoughts on it meant zero to me. That said, I kept my mouth shut upon getting back too, so if they had thoughts I was never really made aware of them. There were only a sparse handful of occasions where I was uncomfortable or in a situation where I didn’t know what to do. A few months post-op, I had to attend a food tasting for a conference we were putting on at work. No way could I try all the different courses, and had to sit at a table and turn things away, having specifically gone there to “taste”! That was a bit awkward, but two other colleagues were there and they tried the stuff I didn’t. And it was ultimately fine! One thing we need to remember is that we are more highly sensitive to these things than other people. They don’t know your circumstances – you could have food allergies, you could just be getting over the flu, you could be pregnant, who knows what! People might wonder briefly, but no one really gives a damn what anyone else eats for more than five seconds, so all you can do it worry about YOU! It’s your life and you don’t have to explain anything to anyone. So now, on to the present: I have struggled recently with the fact that as I get further out, my capacity is changing. It's still small, obviously, but I could eat more/badly if I wanted to. Some days I do want to, most days I don't. I feel more in control of these issues than I have in a very long time because the sleeve tool has empowered me with the ability to take my thoughts of food "off the plate” for the most part, no pun intended! When you simply can't eat (or can't eat more than a few ounces at a time) there is just no point to obsessing about it. Also, some things change that are out of your control - I truly crave Protein. It's not about what tastes good - your body is actively ASKING you for protein, and so you want that - more than you want the bad stuff. Again, I don't think that will last forever, but it gives you a big head start - you start dropping weight and you love the results - so you are driven to continue on doing the right things. That said, part of the reason I’m writing this is that I’ve had a rough. I get very hungry sometimes now – I think specifically when I’m about to drop a few pounds, it’s sort of like molting – I get hunger and crave more substantive foods – like oatmeal and whole wheat Pasta and carby things, instead of just usual protein. Sometimes I go a bit overboard. My capacity is bigger and sometimes I have a “big” bowl of oatmeal (by big I mean maybe a full cup or a little less, which is still way more than I could’ve done at my 2 oz. phase) with bananas and chocolate chips and milk in it…and then I panic. Why can I eat this much? Have I fallen off the wagon? Is it all over and I will self-sabotage from now on?!! That’s what’s always happened in the past and I’m still scared of it. I race over to My Fitness Pal and log everything and try to figure out how I can “save” the day or make plans to burn off all the calories. Sometimes I actually do that and sometimes I don’t, and I just have to take a step back and remember that this is still NOTHING compared to the damage that would have done before, that it’s okay to eat a little more sometimes when your body is asking for it, and to just CALM DOWN about everything, because not every day or even every week is going to be perfect. This past week is the first time I’ve really experienced a “pull” back to binging. I’ve surrounded myself since surgery with positive images, and affirmations and practices and have loved feeling healthy in all ways. But I am not cured – I don’t think there is a cure. I know people here have lots of varied reasons for having surgery and for some it was just a need for help with real portion control, stubborn genetics, that sort of thing – but for me it is truly behavioral: I have an eating disorder and it is a struggle every day. If I get too cocky and think I am just a normal person now, it backfires on me. I can not have trigger foods around and I can not be left on my own if I’m feeling “unstable” in the choices I’m making. The thought of gaining the weight back is all consuming and terrifying. I will have to pick myself back up, journal, and go to therapy, and fight the fight. I am so grateful for this website. It is part of my routine to come here and learn and be inspired by all of you. And all I can say for those of you who are reading and researching, trying to decide if this is the right thing for you…all I can say is DO IT. Prepare, prepare, prepare, read everything you can about it, but by all means do it. You already know a lot of the ways it will change your life from other people’s accounts, but the biggest (and best!) thing to remember is that there are other ways you will change that you can’t even fathom yet. And they are wonderful! It’s so hard to convey the FEELING – of being so much better off physically, of getting your life back – but it’s in your future and you should pursue it no matter what, if you feel it’s what’s best for you. Do NOT let fear or the opinions and negativity of others get in your way. Trust me, the first time you sit in an airplane seat with a foot of extra seatbelt, wear heels with no pain, get hit on in the line in Starbucks…the fact that someone threw some shade at you about getting surgery is not going to matter to you one bit. I am 25 years old, 5’8 ½ and had a highest ever weight of 312 in January 2011. I had surgery 5 months after that over Memorial Day 2011 at 278 pounds. Today, I have lost 105 pounds and weigh 173. My largest ever jeans were a tight size 24, and now I’m wearing a 10 and medium tops. My goal is to be about 160 pounds and a size 8. These pics are from before, ranging through about ¾ months, 6 months, my fab red dress for a formal gala dinner, up to me in my suit for a conference last week. For some reason they are not posting in order, but hopefully the order is pretty clear. "Half an orange tastes as sweet as a whole one." Chinese Proverb "We have never arrived. We are in a constant state of becoming." Bob Dylan

Hi Lynda - I've wondered about my iron, I take about a supplement of 30 mg a day. I had some bloodwork done in December and nothing looked abnormal. It is true that I crave carbs more when I eat them, but I thought incorporating a piece of toast or a tiny bit of pasta (I bought super healthy, sprouted grain Ezekiel brand products for both) here or there might help with energy. Just to clarify, when you say you can eat a cup of yogurt and piece of toast, do you mean 8 oz. of yogurt, or a cup as in the cup in comes in, which is usually 6? Just curious. Thanks for the input, it's nice to compare with someone else...

Ugh, me too! Seems especially strange because I had super high energy at 6 months, now I'm dragging. I would have thought being able to eat a bit more and get in some extra fruits and veggies would increase energy, not decrease.

I've just passed the 8 month mark and have noticed a sudden change in how much I am able to both eat and drink, and how hungry I am. Did anyone else have this?? I used to get a 6 oz. container of Greek yogurt and know that I would eat half of it with some blueberries or nuts for Breakfast, and eat the other half as a snack later in the afternoon. Well, little by little I was able to eat more than half at a time, and this morning I woke up hungry and ate the whole 6 oz. for breakfast, and while I was full after that, I wasn't stuffed! I know yogurt is a soft food and goes down easily, but I've noticed it with other, denser foods too. Honestly, it's sort of freaking me out! I don't eat to the point of feeling sick or uncomfortable, just a normal full feeling, so I don't think I've stretched my stomach or anything. Have I just reached the point people talk about when the sleeve "relaxes?" I'm scared of losing restriction, everything's been going so well! I've been exercising quite a bit, making healthy food choices and eating Protein first, etc. but I am also suddenly much more tired and CRAVING things like mad, not sweets or sugar (well, sometimes) but more like oatmeal and veggies and "good carbs" but lots more carbs than I had been eating. Which is okay I guess, but I haven't had the cravings before and am thrown off by the changes! I was eating 800-1000 calories per day and about 60 grams of carbs, and losing regularly. Now with this hunger/craving thing I am eating more like 1100-1200 calories per day and 80-90 carbs per day. I am only 18 pounds from goal and don't want to slow down losing but also don't want to feel deprived and crabby all the time! Anyone else's experience or input would be really appreciated, did this happen to you and is it normal??