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Dear VGS friends: Even though we have never met, you all feel very close to me. For months, I lurked here reading of your successes, and of your pain and fears and even some failures. You were the "wind beneath my wings" that led me through the months of filling out paperwork, fighting with insurance companies, going through endless medical tests.... and finally, I got approval, found a great surgeon, and my surgery is one week from today. But now... I am suddenly TERRIFIED. I think that I must be out of my mind. WHY WHY WHY can't I just go to Weight Watcher's and do this slowly but surely? Of course... the answer comes back.. BUT YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOUR TIMES ALREADY. I am just so scared... not so much of dying in the procedure, but of being sick and in pain and throwign up and becoming a "food freak" for the rest of my life. I am terrified about the pain and throwing up. Now, a new twist, my husband is really upset with me. I didn't tell him about this until I got all the approvals, because I knew he would go ballistic... he is a kind of medical phobic. I really didn't expect him to take it so hard... he was yelling at me that "my whole life is lie" and I am a liar, and hid things from him... which I DID, because I feel it's my body, and my decision... not h is. Now I feel I have no support whatsever, and that I would be nuts to try and go through with this. I am so lost tonight, just heartbroken and full of uncertainty and fear. Tell me: Is there anyone out here who has had the Sleeve anyway, even in the face of a disapproving spouse or partner,? And, how did you get through the times when you were weak and sick??? I am so scared... thinking of cancelling the whole thing and just getting it over with and becoming really fa t and depressed. I am a mess.. sorry sistas... I hope yuo all have a better Thanksgiving than me.

MaMaCTa: I am so sorry that you are having a difficult time. My NUT said that we should get between 40-60 grams of Protein daily, and I just went out and bought a little paperback book that is a PROTEIN counter, and it says the same thing.... I think 80 grams is WAY too high, from what I read. If you can't drink the thicker liquids, have you heard about Isopure, the drink? It's thin, like Kool Aid consistency.. Here's one idea... make ISOPURE popsicles. Pop open a bottle of the Grape, and pour it in ice cube trays. When it the cubes start to harden, stick in a toothpick in each one, then eventually pop them out and eat them. That might help, one of those big bottles has a lot of protein in it. Water and hydration are really even more important, you can catch up with the protein when you feel better, but force yourself to drink water... little sips, but constantly. Good luck to you and feel better fast. Cindrella

Dear TNTRANSPLANT: I was re-reading old posts and just had to update you. I think your post is the best oe, it's so true, so honest. And wanted to let you know that I did go ahead and barrel through with my plan, arranged my own transportation and hired a woman to "check me out" of the hospital and so forth.... and it was all SO SO worth it. For one thing, I think that in a way, my "cussed independance" caused my husband to look at me in a new way, as my own person who doesn't crumple in a heap if he disapproves, and is willing to fight for what I want. That's good for both of us!! But I have to tell you something funny.... now, three weeks out and 20 pounds lighter, all the sudden my husband is making comments like, "HEY, where'd your butt go? You have a flat rear end now." and... "Wow, you look GREAT today.." so his mind is opening up a little bit. He is starting to ask questions about my diet and things like that. Water under the bridge I know, but I do believe that you can't hold grudges and be happy, so I'm willing to overlook his BAD BEHAVIOR in this situation. But I am SURE GLAD that I stood him down and got my sleeve! Thanks, and happy Christmas! Cinderella

Dear NTV: It is so kind of you to write me and encourage me. I can't get OVER how nice every single person on this BLOG is, and how positive and encouraging. It is wonderful to feel part of a true community. Just wanted to say, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!! I have not felt nauseous at ALL, except for the day of surgery, but they gave me meds instantly to take that away. You're also right, I am becoming VERY aware of my new body signals that say THAT:S ENOUGH... and I have to train myself to eat slower. But I am one happy camper, believe you me. Thank GOD for the wonderful docs and nurses... I feel so lucky to be born at this moment in time, when we could benefit from this fantastic surgery. You have a wonderful Christmas.

Dear Myori: Thank you for your wondeful message of encouragement. You were RIGHT!!! I wasn't hardly nauseous at all.. only right after surgery, and they gave me something immediately any time I said I felt sick. Not since. The pain was minimal... so little that I accused my doctor of NOT really doing surgery on me!! And you are so right about feeling better after a few days. My entire outlook on LIFE has changed. I feel positive and strong and like the world is my oyster.... I am NOT going to dwell on the fact that I have spent the first half of my life FAT and pathetic.. I am only going to look forward to my future. Right now, I feel like I could be anybody I want to be.... this is the BEST gift I could have given myself. Happy Christmas! Cinderella

Dear Jane: Thank you so much for you very kind and sweet note of support. You are an angel!! CONGRATULATIONS on getting your sleeve. I know that you are going to be a superstar. Well, I went through with mine too, and have now lost a little over 20 pounds!!! That's IMPOSSIBLE for me. I still can't believe it. And guess what.. my formerly disapproving husband is suddenly saying things like... "HEY, what happened to your butt? Where'd it go??" and... "YOU LOOK GREAT!" Maybe he was just scared... Have the happiest holiday ever, Jane.! Hugs, Cinderella.

Hey everyone, there is a new iPhone app out there that only costs 99-cents. You load all of the stats about your sleeve in it, in this first version. It is interesting because it asks you to enter some technical info about your sleeve like, "Bougle size," and "Distance formpylorous," and "ovesewn stapler line," etc. I think it would be handy info to have, ask your surgeon to fill in the blanks and then you'll know. It also has a space for follow up weight and BMI and stuff.... Didn't realize that there were different surgical approaches. I also downloaded a few apps such as shakes, which is just Protein shake receipies, and PROTEIN FOODS, which gives the protein counts on foods. Enjoy!

When I had my hysterectomy, I had a drain. It didn't hurt, and it was actually "good," because it took some of the excess Fluid that would have been swelling away. I hope to get sleeved on Thursday, and imagine that I will have a drain... but they really don't hurt at all. They are kind of icky to look at, but just think... "Out with the bad stuff, in with the good stuff..."

Appeal!!! And read your policy. Often times, copany polices are a little different than the "generic insurance company" version. Make sure you know the exact REASON that you were denied. I won my appeal once, and now twice... don't give up.

OOOOO I'm so excited for you... BOTH of you!!! I am sending prayers and healing vibes both of your ways. My turn MAY come on Thursday, if the insurance company will fax the approval letter that they supposedly mailed two-and-a-half weeks ago.... so we'll be recouping together! BEST WISHES for SMOOTH SURGERICAL SAILING!

GOOD LUCK with that, and thanks for sharing. I, too, am being hanstrng by Aetna. They verbally OK'd my surgery on Nov 12th, and said they would mail a letter... . but here it is Nov. 30 and they NEVER DID!! I am really pissed at them..... haven't heard back from the doc's assistant yet but I'll send her this info. Tanks again

HA HA HA HA! Thank you so much for that straight talk... I needed to hear that. I am sitting here feeling really, really bad about my plan, and again thinking... "maybe I should just postpone it..." But I keep coming back to... it's MY body, MY decision, not his. I think he is worried that there will be too many leftovers if I am no longer eating like a fieldhand... he hates to throw anything out. Cheers! And thank.

I have both a Living Will, and a medical POA, because, as someone pointed out above, even though things seldom DO go wrong, they can go wrong. I mean... look at Karen Ann Quinlan... she didn't even have surgery, she mixed drugs with a cocktail or something and was a vegetbale for 20 years before she finially passed on. My hospital asked me about that right away, and you should prepare yourself... they will also tell you all KINDS of scary things right before the surgery. I believe this is a legal obligation to tell people all the bad news, along with the good. Even if you decided NOT to have the surgery, you should have a Living Will and POA, to relieve your loved ones of any horrible consequences. Good luck... chin up and straight ahead!

I am praying for your speedy recovery, this is very exciting, do keep us posted, and FEEL BETTER! Can't your doctor give you any anti-nausea meds, though?? I am praying for it.

If you go online, Macy's always has great sales, and a wide variety of prices. They have LOTS of body shapers. I want something to wear on my head and face though, LOL!! ! Don't want to end up with a sagging face and chin. I am planning to wrap my face in warm washclothes and massage natural oils intio it, and my chin, and then also get some Retinol. Any other suggestions?

Dear Becca: Happy Sleeve Eve!!! I am scheduled for 2 days from now, but STILL waiting for the last piece to the puzzle.. the insurance letter preCert OK. Becca, I swear that I could have written your post. We share all of the same experiences and feelings, and I, too, was the "pretty face, sweet personality" that everybody just LOVEd...as a sister, or so all the boys said. Well, sometimes i think that we wear our fat around us like a protective cloak, it hides who we truly are and protects us from many of the higher-gear bumps and grinds of the world... but at the same time, I have suffered terribly from my fat, both physically AND mentally AND job wise AND boyfriend wise AND just about every other way. It's like wanting to be the pretty tightrope walker in the Circuls who wears the sparkly ballerina dress and gets the spot light, but when you get there they say, "Oh sorry, nothing left but this clown suit, put iit on and go do something funny." Well, Becca, for BOTH of us, its time to take off that clown suit and claim the sparkly costume. I am nervous too, but I am NOT NOT NOT turning back, whatever it costs me. This is YOUR TIME, girl... and I am praying for you strong. rain

Does anyone know if an insurance company... mine is Aetna... will FAX you an approval letter, if they say they have mailed it but nothing every arrived? My insurance company told me, on the phone, that my Sleeve was approved on Nov. 14th, and the letter was mailed out. But it has never arrived... and the doctor has not gotten their either. My surgery is supposed to be this coming Thursday, and all my tests, etc. are complete. I was wondering... has anybody heard of asking the insurance company to FAX you and/or your doc a copy of the letter that was supposedly sent? I believe that they are STALLING me, they have given me such a hard time already. Or would it be better to ask the surgeon's office to call and have a copy faxed to them?? I can't have the surgery if I don't get the letter, I do not TRUST the insurance companies as far as I can throw them. tahanks for any information that you will share.

I had a similar experience with my surgeon... went in resigned to have the Lap Band, and I had read all the complications it but was that desparate, and my surgeon basicaly said "You don't want that." He then drew me a picture of the sleeve and explained about it, and said, "I know it sounds extreme but it is actually only about 15 minutes more surgery." And then he drew me a picture like a graph, and said that in the beginning, and during surgery, the lap band is much safer than the sleeve. BUT, over time, the risks of the lap band increase, while the risks and problems with a sleeve decrease. So for me.. it's the sleeve. Now, just to get my hands on that insurance letter!!! Glad to hear that my surgeon is not alone in his opinion. GOOD LUCK!

Thank you all so much for your wisdom. My surgeon told me that "there is a lot of information out there on the Internet, but not a lot of wisdome." I think he was wrong abou that. A few days.. mayb e aweek?... have passed now since I told the hubby about my upcoming surgery. He is not accepting this well, and punished me by not eating any Thanksgiving dinner, but holing up in his office and saying he didn't feel well. He also walks around grumbling that "it isn't right" my not telling him, and at this point, I am thinking that it is possible that just GETTING sleeved may break us up. I guess that the peace I have come to is this: Getting sleeved would have broken us up anyway, as he has a very controling nauture, and I think that he would do better with a dog, than a wife. He wants me to sit and heel, and I won't do. But, after much heart-wrenching soul searching this weekend, I have decided that MY HEALTH and MY HAPPINESS and how I look.. not him, but me, is more important than his hurt feelings. I will kiss and make up if he wants to, but I will NOT cancel my surgery because he doesn't approve. And if he is the slightest bit mean to me when I get home from the hospital, I"ll leave. In that case, could I correctly assume that I would be the first "freshly sleeved" woman staying in a woman's shelter? We'll see...

Thank you all for your kind respones. Tonight is a better night... I feel much more confident knowing that you can get good meds that will stop the nausea.. what Eureka says is exactly my fear... that I would rip out my staples throwing up and have my stomach burst open, or something like that. Not to mention, how much I HATE feeling nauseous. But I am feeling better today and ready to go forward, in spite of disapproving husbands! I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Onward and upward... Rainy

Dazey: You are NOT alone in this husband trouble. My husband and I had a HUGE ROW just this morning about my doing this. He just can't believe that I can't shut up and be happy as his fat, jolly, "gee whatever you want, its OK with me" wife.... I evern think this could lead to a split. I am really torn apart tonight, up at 2 a.m. and almost caving in... I know his snide remarks and loud displeasure will probably continue... I am heartsick. Why is it that those who love us most can see us the least clearly? Like you, I think that a lot of this is his insecurity that I will look really good and dump him. My heart is broken tonight... I am so close to my surgery and now thinking of cancelling it all, and just slinking back into my unhappy shell to shut him up. But then.... I think.. "wait a minute, that is abusive behavior!" I'm so confused. My sympathies.

Thank you so much for your post... I am up tonight, unable to sleep, and TERRIFIED of my surgery date on Thursday. I was talking myself into cancelling.... I am SOOO TERRIFIED... and largely afraid of being deathly ill and throwing up for DAYS ON END afterwards. You ahve eased my mind. I think I may not back out now... happy UNthanksgiving!