AnonFemale

I am due for sleeve surgery early September, and very excited. I have battled with my weight for over 18 years, I am now in my late 20s. I feel this is a very positive step towards a healthier and happier life for me. But my boyfriend doesn't understand. He does not want me to have it done. I really think we may break up over this. Ever since I started talking about it things haven't been the same. I know he thinks I am weak. We have been together for a little over 18 months, and he hasn't seen me at my worst. I hide a lot of my overeating from him, and I cry about my weight only to my family. I never share it with him because in the past when I have he doesn't know how to deal with it and I felt like I was annoying him. I know that I am possibly going to be in pain and will have difficulty adjusting once I have the op, and I am very nervous that I will not have the support that I need from him in that time. If I am honest, I am more worried about how he will react to seeing me suffering than I am about the suffering itself. I know I will get "I told you it was a bad idea", "You always get ideas into your head and rush things then regret it later" etc etc. I just don't know what to do. He is a great guy, and I don't want to lose him. He just doesn't understand me at all, in any way. Please give me advice. :eek::eek:

You guys are amazing. I'm in tears, but not because you've been tough with me, but because I can't believe so many people care enough to take the time to reply. I am going to have a proper chat with my bf about the fact that I don't feel he understands me, and that I don't feel I can be myself around him. I will say that I am having this surgery no matter what he thinks, and he can either get used to the idea and choose to support me entirely, or I will move on. Going to speak to my parents about staying with them for a couple of weeks after surgery soon too. It is so good to hear things from an outsider's perspective. I honestly can't thank you all enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you. P.S. Sorry for gushing! xxxxx

Thank you everyone. If I replied to everyone's response I would be here all day. But needless to say, it means a lot to me. Every single reply rang true just now. I hope I can find the strength to do the right thing. xx

Best of luck BigMan. You may need to change your username soon!

They really are awesome, I don't know what I'd do without them. I'm glad you were able to head to your folks for support in the past Jane, thanks for sharing. I'm sorry they are no longer with us. I hope like you I can one day be there to help my own children through the tough times. xx

Hi Tiffy, I have had a think about your questions, and the only ones I really have answers to are the above. 1. I hide the amount I eat from him because I am ashamed. I'm sure a lot of us with weight issues have done the same thing before really addressing the problem head on and opting for surgery 4. No, he is very slim and has little interest in food. He only eats when he is hungry, and small amounts too. This is part of the reason he doesn't understand me. 5. If I am brutally honest with you and myself, my ex who I was with for 8 years (since I was 16) was an addict - and in comparison my current boyfriend is a god-send. I just feel that he is perhaps a little immature and naive due to having lived a sheltered life up til having to put up with me! Great questions, you really got me thinking.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I understand what each of you is saying. I am glad you have all been so honest in your opinions, it's just what I was hoping for. I would love nothing more than for him to come with me to my consultation to help him understand, but as Jane pointed out, I don't think he -wants- to understand... I am just concerned that all the emotions about my surgery are not putting me in a good place to make a decision about my relationship right now. I think I may suggest that I move back in with my parents after my op for at least a couple of weeks so that I have the support I need when it is most crucial. Then I can think about relationship things with a clearer head a little later once I'm starting to adjust. Do you think that would be sensible? Or am I just avoiding the inevitable? xx