Globetrotter

what. a. f***ing. a**hole.

So what happens now? I've barely begun the serious weight loss - 56 lbs down, 110 to go - so I'm nowhere near needing to contemplate maintenance. Will you continue to eat and exercise at the same levels? Will you try for an additional 5 pounds as a "buffer" or try to stop here? How DO we stop? After a year of life altering behavior, I wouldn't want to go back to eating crap, it would feel like a betrayal. What does your doctor say? I have so many questions, it's like you are an explorer, telling us about far off lands we thought were myth. =)

Yesterday was my 4 month surgi-versary and I do not get hungry. I enjoy the idea of food, items smell delicious, I enjoy the taste (although tastebuds have changed a lot), but I really don't get "hungry". Yesterday was my day off so I slept in till 9. I sipped some water when I got thirsty but didn't feel the need to eat until about noon. I've noticed that if I leave it up to my body it is about 4 hours after I wake up that I get the notion that my body needs food, but I still wouldn't call it hunger. I sort of feel like I could take it or leave it. Also, my appetite is so small, and my protein needs so high, that I can't afford to waste what little appetite I have on snacking or grazing. That physical need for food gets satisfied so quickly that if I actually waited till I felt my new version of "hunger" and then snacked on a bite of apple or a strip of beef jerky, I would not want food again and be really averse to it and then not get in my required protein amounts.

Ahh, therein lies one of the problems; I eat in an Army dining faciility (difac) and the only veggies we get are those frozen medleys of corn-carrots-peas that have been boiled until all nutrition has disappeared. Sometimes there is broccoli or asparagus or green Beans but again, all nutrition boiled away. There's cabbage but in the form of slaw, drowning in mayo. Broccoli is my best bet but they are reducing the food available so it's a hit or miss treat now. This morning I had a 3 inch by 1/2 inch strip of bacon, about an ounce of scrambled egg made from powdered eggs, and about 1/3 of a 4 inch pancake with a tsp of promise spread and a tsp of honey drizzled on top. I am so fulllll! For lunch I will probably have 4 oz of baked chicken breast, or as much of it as I can, with a little homemade yogurt garlic sauce to ease it down. I have found that without some kind of lubricant, chicken can be a little difficult. The honey I had at Breakfast had over 10 grams of carbs in it! So sadly, no fruit or veggies for me today, maybe a tablespoon full of green beans with dinner.

I truly believe that food addiction is real, every bit as real as acoholism and heroin addiction. I've often wondered why there aren't clinics where a food addict can go "dry out" in a program, just like for drugs and drink. An addiction is an addiction, be it smack or french fries, in my opinion. Everything that you said Shannon, and what courage it took to admit it!, sounded exactly like a genuinely remorseful addict - who sees the problem, and knows that they are powerless at that moment in the face of their addiction. Don't they say recognizing that you have a problem is the first step? You've done that, so there is hope. Don't give up.

I am almost four months post-op and I have never posted a topic in the Success Stories tab. My Mom says I am my harshest critic but I really haven't felt any noticeable successes though I know they are there. I have lost 53 pounds. Never in my life have I lost that much, I think the most I ever lost was 25lbs. The pants I couldn't begin to pour myself into before surgery are now comfortable. The bras that dug into my back and shoulders now fit nicely. I am wearing the same shirts as before surgery but now they hang as they are meant to. In photos my smile is more prominent than my chins, of which I am down to only 1. Yet, I look in the mirror and only see vague changes. Over 50 pounds gone and I feel like I look the same. When I look at a photo of my face from a year ago and a photo now the contrast is obvious, but a photo of my face taken within days after surgery and taken now, to me looks no different. I know I am impatient, I know it can't happen fast enough for me, I'm sure most of us feel that way. I try to be cognitively aware of the progress, of being appreciative for the now, but I just can't seem to stop myself from counting ahead, doing the sums in my head, trying to gauge when I will hit a certain weight. When will I realize that I am making progress? I try to notice if I fit in office chairs better, but I can't remember what they felt like before anymore. I know that when I am able to fit into an airplane seat and use just the actual seatbelt, and bring the tray down fully, those will be concrete signs of progress, as I was not able to do either of those things prior to surgery. When will I feel/comprehend/recognize the progress? I know some of you long-timer/maintenence achievers have mentioned automatically reaching for larger sizes long after you've stopped wearing them, so clearly the acceptance isn't an overnight thing. I remember, 30 pounds ago, saying to myself that I wouldn't feel like I was progressing until I had lost 50 pounds because that sounded like a legitimate serious amount. I think I knew then though, that I would lose that 50, and come up with another further out number that would instead be legitimate. I must sound like a headcase. People say to document your measurements, that this will show changes even when the scale and mirror do not. So far there has only been maybe an inch change in my hips and no change in my waist or ribcage. Maybe I will see/feel a difference at 75 pounds? Does it make any sense to anybody that I am only now truly beginning to grasp how enormous I was, now that I am losing weight? A photo was taken of me recently and I was startled/saddened to see how really big I still am. Anyway, I've lost 50 pounds so far, looking forward to 115 more.

Well, the clothes I was wearing before surgery were pants that were starting to be uncomfortably tight and those loose tunic style shirts that can be tied behind you to make looser or tighter. Those pants are loose now but really, put a belt on and they fit perfectly fine, maybe baggy but they look baggy-on-purpose. The tape measure has been a huge disappointment; everyone here on the forum sings the praises of tape measuring to show changes that the scale doesn't and that hasn't been the case - 56 pounds down now and only a 2 inch difference in my hips, NO difference in my waist, NO difference in my calves. I am seriously baffled where this weight came off from, my breasts and butt I think. Technically I think I could go down another size, but then my clothes would be snug and my shirts would cling to my stomach, two sources of anxiety that I don't need.

I'm really happy for you Diva, but if we could maybe get back to my thread ... Also, I'm still wearing my pre-op clothes every day. 54 pounds down and they still fit perfectly fine.

Hello, I don't even know if anybody even comes to this forum anymore. Seems like most of the forums further down the VST page get ignored. I had surgery July 14th and in the first 2 weeks, while still on liquids, I lost 20 pounds. In 2 days I will be 30 days out from surgery and I just weighed myself and I have not lost since those 20 pounds. Only 20 pounds in the first month? Coming from my high number - 294 pre-op - this is depressing. Every day of the first few months post-op are precious, I can't afford to lose ground. I come up short on liquids every day, usually about 10 ounces shy of goal. I am usually about 100 calories under daily goal of 600. I usually make protein goal of 70g's a day. I haven't started exercising yet as the fatigue was pretty severe. I'm afraid! Only twenty pounds! Even when I have lost 100 pounds I will still be a "fat chick" and will still be considered medically obese. People probably won't even notice that I've lost any weight until I've lost that much. The road just seems very long right now.

I'm four months out and I guess I feel like eating. I guess. But, my physical "hunger" feels vampiric, if that makes any sense - I just register that I am empty, there is no physio-emotional connection telling me that I "desire" food to fill my "hunger". I don't know if a word of that makes sense ... the interest in food is still there though, and I know that this sounds like a contradiction. But, whereas prior to surgery a chocolate bar in my desk drawer wouldn't have even made it into the drawer, now it has sat there for weeks and I really could take it or leave it. I think I miss carbs in theory; I keep extremely low carb, usually in the mid teens of grams per day. the other day I had a half a toasted english muffin smeared with butter. It looked amazing and my imagination was excited about how delicious it would be but, after I bit into it, eh - it was alright I guess. I had allowed for the entire muffin in my carb count for the day but was so uninterested in the taste of it that I voluntarily didn't eat the other half. The only thing I find frustrating are the carbs in fruit and vegetables; I would love to chow down on raw fruits and steamed veggies but they are really high in carbs. If I want to indulge in a handful of pomegranate seeds, then I have to eat strictly protein the entire day. I guess when it comes down to it I have no problem whatsoever eating tiny amounts and taking in tiny calories, but I am pretty tired of counting carbs.

Thanks guys, I knew my VST peeps would get it! Yeah Chilo, I too have noticed the good outcome when I "shock" my body. I first figured it out last week when I went from 800 to 600, the day after that I registered a 3 pound loss! So I stayed at 800 following that, intending on shocking again the following weekend (yesterday). Well, I didn't lose a pound in 7 straight days, not an ounce, and this morning after doing only 625 cals yesterday I registered a 1 pound loss. So now I'm trying to figure out how to regulate this shock thing to keep it working yet not totally confuse my system. Maybe ever third day? 800-800-600? I will also force myself to step it up at the gym. I can tell that I am getting lazy; not that I am slacking off, but I am doing my same routine even though it is noticeably not a challenge anymore. Instead of 3&3 on the tread, I think I will go 4&4 and start doing more elliptical and yogilates.

Well I guess I'm jealous of this "problem" of needing clothes in different sizes! I'm down 54 pounds and am still wearing the same tops I was wearing pre-op and the same pants I was wearing 1 month out post-op. And no, they are not comically large, the pants are nowhere near in danger of falling down. =( =( =( Yes I have added a belt but just because the pants are relaxed in the waist. Who would have ever thought that you could lose over FIFTY pounds and still wear the same size?!?! I'm really really hoping to lose an additional 20 pounds before I go home for Christmas, maybe 75 pounds gone will finally see me putting on a smaller size? Yeesh.

#$%^&*@!#$%^&!!! There is no sense or reason attached to weight loss. I have not lost an ounce in 6 days. 800 cals a day now, fluids, exercise. It doesn't matter, my body just says, ha, yeah nice try. @$%^%^&**&^!!

I put myself into self-imposed banishment from my hometown for the past 8 years, the worst of my fat years. I just couldn't face having people from high school who stayed in our home town (small country town) see me in my "disgrace". A big part of my excitement over losing weight is going to be "returning" home.

Yes, ha ha! awesome analogy!! As for the original mother in law of this posting, I automatically wanted to use the B word to describe her, and then I realized that was too cliche and predictable and that her behavior transcends gender - she is an a**-*ole.

I SWALLOWED MY GUM - WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?! What if it gets stuck in my stomach?! Help help!

Ack! Hope you're right Tiff, but I'm taking extra miralax today just in case! For the other person - I'm almost 4 months out.

You could always do what high school girls who wear their boyfriends class rings do; wrap thread around the band in one spot until it's the right size and then secure the thread with some clear nail polish. As for diamonds or stones in a setting like Tiff's, you can always have a jeweler take the stones out and put them in a new band/setting - relatively minimal cost, no worry of mishaping the setting with a resize.

I have never been the kind of woman to have cravings around the time of her cycle. Maybe I was, but never knew it because I always indulged my taste buds every day of the month and so didn't notice a change in what I ate. However, I am almost 4 months post-op and am approaching my cycle and all of a sudden, I F***ING WANT A PIECE OF f***ING CHOCOLATE, RIGHT NOW. I also want a stack of pancakes. Let me be clear - I have never ever in my life liked pancakes, not even when I was 294 pounds and ate anything I felt like eating and mass quantities of it. Even for me, pancakes felt like too much starch and carbs. All of a sudden though 2 days ago I cannot get the idea of hot pancakes dripping in butter with honey drizzled out of my head. Since surgery I have had zero issues with old urges, old tastes, things that used to make my mouth water don't now. So this is really wierd. I keep my daily carbs low low, like lower than 15 grams. And the chocolate thing, I just want a piece, just one taste, I NEED to have a square of chocolate melt in my mouth. AAAAAAAAAARGHH. What is going on? Give me some guidance people!!

Yep so it was satisfying and contrary to my fears, did not reanimate a junk monster. Actually, I think I may approach these kinds of treats in the same manner as alcohol; I pesonally wouldn't drink a cocktail every night (always been a lightweight), I wouldn't feel well. But a cocktail or two on a Friday night, a bloody mary on a weekend morning, is perfectly acceptable. Well, sending sugar into my bloodstream has a radical effect on my body, just as alcohol would. So, I think that I will be a "teetotaller" during the week, and indulge in a "choc-tail" on Saturday nights!

Today for a calorie count of 803, carbs below 25, Protein above 70: Breakfast: whey protein shot tbsp Peanut Butter turkey cream cheese roll ups, X2 Lunch: turkey cream cheese roll ups, X2 1/2 orange 1 oz Jerky Dinner: 3 oz meatballs 1/2 cup marinara 1 tsp parmesan Drink: miralax and crystal light sunrise mixed into 32 oz Water, many cups hot tea.

Okay, you asked for it, I say this from love ..... Well Mini, keep eating like that and you're going to have to change your name. You must have enjoyed being fat, you long to return to the good old days? Then keep stuffing candy in your mouth. Self-sabotage much? Go make a chocolate and Peanut Butter Protein shake, or protein ice cream. Chocolate peanut butter combo is my achilles heel too, so do you see me eating anything with that flavor? NO, because I didn't go through the expense of this surgery so I could stay f***ing fat. Put the candy down and get your a$$ to an overeater's anonymous meeting, or get thee to a shrink, our issues with food are multi-faceted and now that you are at goal you are in a dangerous zone of getting complacent or transferring addiction. Or, continue to shovel candy into your mouth and gain weight.

My PPI definitely acts as an appetite suppresant; on days that I don't take it I find myself wanting food in a different way and yes also the gnawing sensation in the stomach. When I take it regularly I think, I feel just fine I don't need this, then I go without for a day or two and the burn starts up and I realize oh yeah, that little pill does a lot!

I start the day with serious protein; a whey protein shot and two turkey-cream cheese roll ups, followed by a tablespoon of peanut butter for energy. Of course, my options are limited in my environment. If I were home and had a leisurely morning, I would have some kind of wonderful herb & veggie scramble with gooey cheese and some kind of protein. I wish there was a low carb oatmeal but I think that is a contradiction in terms.

absolutely DJackson, people only perk up and pay attention when you hit them in their wallets. As for her mea culpas and apologies, they aren't worth the paper they are written on. I'll bet dollars to donuts that the apologies are at her editors behest, they are not genuine. I'll also bet that when she submitted that article she probably thought she was going to be praised and feted within the fashion/appearance/beauty community. For all I know, that may be what is happening because mainstream image pimps are pretty f***ed up. Does anyone know how to start one of those Facebook petition things? Along the lines of "Do Not Purchase Marie Claire until Maura X is Fired". The worst part of all of this? It goes to my most vulnerable fragile part, the part that says "you have no right to stand up for yourself because they must be right in some way and you are worthless." =(