Globetrotter

Gosh, that was my first thought too, how on earth does a raw vegan become overweight? If I were a non-op that news would strike me as bleak indeed!

I'm still fat so when I eat in public and people see me choosing small portions of healthful foods, they say nothing about it - it probably looks simple enough, fat girl chooses small portions of healthy food, she must be on a diet. When I was on vacation and going out to restaurants, I chose fancier places that serve tiny portions, or sushi restaurants, or tapas bars. Going out with friends to upscale bars meant tiny appetizers & cocktails. All in all, I find it perfectly manageable. Now, when I am no longer noticeably obese or fat, people might get curious over my diet-like portions, I'll probably make some joke about having a birdy appetite. I have found that nobody notices how much you eat, so long as you don't call attention to it.

A few years ago I was accosted in a similar manner by a strange woman who hissed in my ear, "you're FFFFFFAT!" She was mentally ill. Your elderly man might have had that excuse but not every old person is sweet, even a$$holes get old!

Exactly Julie, exactly. I have been insulated by my fat since freshman year in college, an experience I was in no way whatsoever prepared for. I grew up so sheltered and the friends I had I had known throughout childhood. SO I didn't know how to defend myself. Then, I gained a lot of weight and the more weight I gained, the friendlier the females became, and I was always starving for friendship. Boys as romantic objects were scary because I had so little experience in that arena, so as I gained a lot of weight they became more buddy brotherly and that was handleable. My fat insulation gave me so much protection; I could speak my mind and be passionately intellectual and have men actually hear hat I was saying because god knows they weren't looking at my body. I could live in sketch neighborhoods and be safe because I didn't have a suspiciously thin body indicating wealth, I had fat rolls that fit right in. I could also stealthily steal men because nobody suspects the fat chick. and in so doing I could get a little bitter revenge on the type of people who enjoyed my fatness so much in those early years. My insulation meant I never had to think about having an attachment to anyone else - you don't have to worry about losing what you don't/can't have. And now, it's getting stripped away. I want it to go away, I'm tired of living locked in the highest tower of the castle. But, it's the only adulthood I've ever known. I've aways been nice to men but, they are so aggressive now, my niceness will be mistaken for something. I'm insulated in another way, right now, from American society and having to deal and re-learn; I'm embedded in Iraq with the US Army, surrounded by soldiers, but that will end soon. I'm afraid to rejoin society, in so many ways. Afraid of the loneliness, afraid of ... life.

I started belly dancing in 2001, in Northern California there is a rich belly dancing tradition and several professional troupes of different styles (Egyptian cabaret, American Tribal, Indian temple, etc.) Belly dancing makes me feel ... womanly, powerful, proud. It's a good thing.

6) Dance with ALLLL the "BIG GIRLS" for the rest of the evening!!!!!!!!! Not sure what that will accomplish, but I know inside It will make "me" feel good. Hopefully "them" too. Kevin Kevin rocks!!

No, that wasn't calories burned. That was calories taken in. I have no idea how many calories I'm burning in a day. Keys, how did you build up to 30 miles a day?! I did one of those fancy new stationary bikes when I was home that interacts with a video game-like thing so you feel like you are really riding a trail. I barely managed 1 mile!!!! And I was sweating up a storm! And how do you deal with toning up the rest of your body, doesn't the bike just work legs?

Wow, everybody has given me a lot to think about. I have always carried myself well, I know when I'm turning a man on, I've gotten attention even at my heaviest. I guess the fragile part that is emerging right now is some broken little part of me that wants to hiss in my ear, "he wouldn't think you were so wonderful if he knew what you ARE, what you WERE, ffffffffffffat!" I know it is toxic, I know it is ugly, and I know it is utter bullshit. But the academic mind can know something while the heart and soul remain ignorant. I think a little panic might also be setting in too. I'm still obese on the BMI chart, still over 200 lbs, but what is in the mirror now is drastically different from pre-op, even I can now see it, it is noticeable. The less control I had over my body, the more control was important in my life and now I don't know what to do in this uncharted territory and I have no girlfriends to sit down and talk to, I work with nothing but men. I'm in a size 16 jeans, a large tee. The last time I was in a 16 I was a 19 year old sorority chick, a naive and foolish girl with romantic dreams and nothing was more important then the flirtations that may happen at the next frat party. Am I going to regress into that childish womanhood? I have no guidance - I don't know how to recognize if a man finds me attractive! I'm starting to ramble because my panic is blooming. I know how to hunt for a piece of a$$ when I'm horny, what I don't know squat about is letting a man get close to me in all other ways. Am I making sense at ALL? =(

Hey PattiMom - The Seeds & Suds Mustard is from the Mendocino Mustard Company, they have an online catalogue. Mendocino Mustard is super hot and sweet, Seeds & Suds is my second favorite, with Smoky Garlic from Carol Hall's Hot Pepper Jelly Company my absolute favorite - I could drink it straight! Today: B - Protein shake: SEI Max chocolate/Click/Torani caramel SF/8 oz low fat milk L - tuna/mayo/parmesan/mustard/saltines D - hot dog S - buffalo jerky, 1 inch piece hershey's chocolate-almond bar Gallons of water and herbal tea to flush out all the salt in today's food (hot dog & jerky!)

When you say you exercised like crazy, can you give an example? I do not have access to real bicycles, just stationary. I do 30 minutes of elliptical 5 days a week, raising my heartbeat to cardio zone, weights 3 times a week, full body muscle failure rotation. I average in the mid 800s for calories on a daily basis.

So, you go back on shakes for 5 days? I could do that, though I'd end up chewing a LOT of gum! =P

I love this thread! B- lots of hot decaf chai w creamer- individual serving tubs, X2. Protein shake; SEI max protein-click espresso protein-SF torani syrup. L- tuna-mayo-mustard-pepper-grated parmesan-saltines D- 4 oz chicken breast, seeds & suds mustard S - turkey cream cheese roll ups, X2 lots more tea!

I would also like to know the answer to these questions! =)

You give me hope! I want to be able to take that photo where you stand in one leg of the old fat-pants, holding out the rest to the side! Good job!

I knew that would be the response, *sigh*. It's not just the jackhole frat-boy types. Even "good" men are susceptible to it. I have this nightmare idea of getting involved with a guy and a couple dates in cooking for him at my place and he sees pictures of me in my former body and makes some disparaging remark, not knowing that it is me. I know this sounds a little like an episode from a crappy movie but, there it is. I don't want this surgery to be everything about me.

I am wearing size 16 jeans right now! If you had come to me 6 months ago and said that I would be in a 16 -from a 24- within 6 months, I would have been SO excited, and a year ago when I had no idea of actually having surgery, I would have thought that a size 16 was practically thin, and would have been satisfied. Now, of course, it's practically meaningless. The last time I wore a 16 I was about 50 pounds lighter and my BMI of 39 (down from 52) still has me in the obese category. But no matter! This is the NSV section! I am in a 16!! There is a distinct difference between my breasts and stomach! The XL long sleeve tees that I bought at Old Navy a month ago are way too big! yay.

B: 2 slices turkey lunch meat, 1 tbsp Peanut Butter L: 3 oz baked chicken breast, beer mustard D: 3 oz tuna, mayo, parmesan, 5 saltines. S: almonds & cashews, granny smith apple

I can still remember the day I had to enter a Lane Bryant because I no longer fit in "real" clothes. I cried.

Well, The amount of protein I eat now is the equivalent of about 4 average/small chicken breasts. Before surgery I may have had a breakfast that incorporated a LOT of sausage or bacon (or both), a lunch of more deli meat than I now eat in 3 days, and a dinner involving more meat than I now eat in a week's worth of dinners. And that's not including all the cheese that would have accompanied, or been eaten on its own as a snack. I'm pretty sure that I was getting among other things, a whole lotta protein! =P

Ohh, this is so exciting! I love dance so much.

B: Turkey cream cheese roll ups, x3 with almonds rolled up in the cheese. L: 2 oz chicken breast, 2 oz shredded cheddar, balsamic vinegar, all melted together. D: 3 oz chicken drummettes snack: 1 tbsp Peanut Butter or small granny smith apple or beef Jerky. Lots of tea.

I guess I should be glad then that my boyfriend was my BF and not my husband then; he knew I was having surgery and knew when and he chose not to contact me. When I called him on it his response was to turn it sexual. I stopped contact with him after that. It is a bummer that the people who should be most supportive in your life aren't. Just stay strong and be true to yourself - either they will get on board or they won't and if they would prefer for you to be miserable because that makes them happy, then maybe you need to take a long hard look at whether these people should be in your life.

LOVE IT!! Thank you Keys, Thank you BBJ, Thank you Chilo!! Ever since I came back from vacation, (a vacation where I lost 8 lbs in 7 days and ate like a Queen), I have tried to be less of a calorie nazi. I have found that if I get all of my Protein from solid foods then it is difficult to keep the carbs under 35, which is a little distressing. I exercise 4-5 times a week, 30 minutes cardio, full rotation of weights. Is this active? Or is this light to moderate?

I concur, it's all about the Miralax; two capfuls of powder in a water bottle, mixed with Crystal Light "Sunrise" is my favorite way. I take it a couple times a week.