Globetrotter

Looking hard for an NSV, not feeling very NSVish lately ... well I don't know if this counts and it certainly is strange but, I can now drink diet Coke or eat those 100 calorie packs in public without seeing people smirk self-righteously. If a SMO person eats or drinks diet items in public, people think it's a hoot and openly make fun of it, which is so stupid because it's a damned-if-you-do situation for the SMO person - trying to make an effort and then made fun of for making an effort, wtf. Now, if I buy a can of Coke zero or snack on a 100 cal pack of cheeze-its (I know both are still crap but I'm making a point here), nobody bats an eyelash. I'm just another vaguely chubby adult woman watching what she eats. A victory?

Hi all, thought I would check in - haven't found a job yet, the person whose couch I was to crash on is backing out, my supervisor has gone on vacation (Tuesday is my last day), and none of the exit paperwork or questions have been addressed. wow. I'm stressed about everything and people telling me not to stress just makes me angrier! My boyfriend is uselessly supportive, if that makes any sense, he is all too happy for me to be in charge of everything so he can placidly sit there like a small child absorbed in licking their popscicle. I don't have the wherewithall to deal with such a drain right now, I need a grown up. But I can't break up with him right now because I need a place to live! I just have to wait a few weeks until he leaves for study abroad and I take over the sublease of his apt. So that's it in a nutshell. Oh and it is very hot and droughty here in Kansas.

I used to love laughing cow and cream cheese in general, in the first 6 months post-op, now (2 yrs) I can't stand the texture, it always just seems so grainy and pasty, yuck. I agree with someone earlier who said rotisserie chicken; I buy a whole one of those from the deli section, it lasts me almost a week, put it in a green salad, make chicken salad, eaten plain smeared with mustard, thrown in a soup, chopped into a casserole, roasted chicken is a sleeve superstar!

They say that failing to plan is planning to fail but that isn't always true; if I am travelling and did not pack anything I know that I can pull into a gas station and get some plain beef jerky, it would be the rare gas station that doesn't have that! A lot of gas stations now also have pretty nice little convenience stores attached too, especially if they are truck stops. Greek yogurt and RTD protein drinks are pretty readily available. If on the other hand I am packing my own goodies for travel then I will make a batch of chicken salad or tuna salad and bring a bag of colorful pepper slices for scooping, a protein shake, and some "good" low sodium jerky.

I do love that carbonation, cold drinks seem colder when they are carbonated, so when I need that "burn" I drink a pellegrino or perrier or some other carbonated mineral water.

I've never been a big soda drinker but I LOVED iced chai prior to surgery and love it now, the difference now is that I get it with alternative milks if possible and when I make it myself I make it into a protein shake.

Hi all! You know the show The Biggest Loser? One of the comments I hear most from people, and I've been one of them, is - well of course they can lose crazy amounts of weight! Anybody could if that was all you did all day long and you had round the clock nutritionists and personal trainers, duh!! Well, I've decided to make a sugar free lemon pop out of the lemons life has handed to me - When I lose my job and my house in 8 days I will have nothing better to do with my time than job hunt and exercise, so that is precisely what I'm going to do! I am going to be a one-woman Biggest Loser and my trainer/nutritionist will be my sleeve! In Kansas we are experiencing the worst of the heat and drought afflicting the midwest this summer so I will exercise at dawn and dusk and use the hottest part of the day for sitting at the computer applying for jobs. Since I do Crossfit I will change up my diet to reflect the "paleo" they favor. My goal? July 31 to Aug 31 - 30 lbs! I know that is a bit of a stretch but I figure, if you shoot for the moon and miss, you still land among the stars!!

Don't worry Iggy, you will be able to sip the Pellegrino and Perrier around about a year out. The high sugar in champs may end up giving you more problems than the carbonation

I don't care for soda but I do love mineral water and soda water, I can usually drink an entire miniature Pellegrino, but not guzzled - sipping.

JenniJune - I'm happy for you that you haven't undergone the misery of dumping or sliming, they are horrible! However, I'm willing to get yelled at here, it isn't always a good thing when we can handle all those things early out. Speaking as an "old timer" (2 years out this week), we see plenty of people who are freshly post-op come on here and say how ecited they are that they have no problem handling a bunch of foods, when they should be asking themselves whether they should actually be eating them, regardless of ability. Just because we can, doesn't mean we should. Yes, I am technically capable of eating bread and pasta and swigging a soda, does that mean I should? If I could at a few weeks out or months out, should I have? No, the answer is no.

Hi Dave I am 2 years out this week and there are some foods that I do not/cannot eat: Sugar - though I am technically capable of eating sugary foods, it quickly feels like a terrible decision, like all the bad parts of getting drunk. Beans, lentils - this one really sucks, as these are a great source of Protein and Fiber. The only way I can eat either of these foods is if they are pureed, I eat only a teeny (1/4 C) amount, and they are chased with some kind of digestion aid. rice - again, technically yes I can but it's just not worth it. You know how you're not supposed to throw rice at weddings anymore because if birds eat the rice it makes their stomachs explode? Yeah. These are some no-go foods, the list of foods that are capricious is trickier, a sort of "roll of the sleeve" if you will, you never know what your stomach's got up it's sleeve ... eggs - Sleeve loves eggs, except when she doesn't, she's sees no reason to warn one when she's uninterested in eggs, unless you consider dumping a warning. ground beef - same. frankfurters - man, this can go wrong SO FAST

I both don't blame them AND think people are stupid, at the same time =P. On the one hand people are idiots and have lost all sense of decorum, asking damn stupid questions that are also wildly inapporopriate. However, I can understand their not being impressed with anything less than 50 lbs because people lose that amount all the timejust on regular diets, so it stands to reason that if you are super obese they aren't going to be that impressed by 20-30-40 lbs. Which is why I didn't tell anyone anything until I had lost over 75 lbs. That number strikes a chord with people, for some reason that number resonates with non-ops and they understand that you are serious and you mean business. Once I had lost over 100 lbs, and was in a regular non-plus size and everyone knew just by watching that I kept a very active lifestyle, suddenly people were talking to me about diet and exercise in these hushed respectful tones, like I was some kind of guru! It was both funny and disconcerting, to have average size women talk to me like I was the expert or the judge and I thought, why are they supplicating to the Fat Girl? People are insecure.

Gosh, ThinOneDay, that is so very true, like abused dogs ... SuperSweetums - As you can see, many of us share this issue, I for one would actually like to see a subforum created on VST that specifically deals with just this. I mean, look around, this is a very common and serious issue! If you go to my profile you will see before and current photos of me, I only posted them this week because of my 2 year surgiversary and looking at the before photo, I don't feel a difference between me then and me now. I FULLY expect to not fit into chairs, I FULLY expect for nothing to fit at the store, I FULLY expect that the looks I get in public are derisive and making me an object of ridicule. Friends tell me that I am tiny, not in weight (I'm 50 lbs from goal still) but in overall bone structure. They clearly mean it, and I am startled when it's proven to me, but I still don't "feel" it. Call it body dysmorphia, or our minds not yet catching up to our bodies, but it is a realy thing and you are not alone. I kept one bra from Before, it was very $$ and beautiful and a 44H, I am now a 34DDD and will hopefully someday be a 32C so it is a good reminder. I did not keep any clothes, but I think I might go to the Goodwill and find a pair of pants in a 26/28, because there is no denying that I really did wear that size - I distinctly remember! So maybe the visual will help me comprehend.

@ Miriam - no, I do not think it was solely luck of the draw, that would almost be easier if it were. Instead, I know it is because I did not take enough time to care for myself afterward, I did not get to be with my surgeon and nutritionalist and care team in the first 6 months, nor did I have a trainer to guide me. I think if I had had all of that, I would have met goal within the first year. Couple with the fact that I really am a bizarrely slow loser and here I am. Even at my heaviest, before surgery, on a doctor approved diet and with a personal trainer, my body refused to lose more than 4 lbs a month!

My last meal was bruschetta, little toasted pieces of baguette, rubbed with garlic, laden with chopped tomatoes and basil. I thought maybe I would never be able to eat them again, I mourned a little that it had come to this, I was excited to have hope again, I was already bookmarking favorites in online shopping, filling the imaginary shopping cart with pretty items in never before dreamt of sizes. Two years ago today I woke very early, 6 perhaps, amazing how some things get forgotten ... I had drunk the horrific milk of magnesia the night before and had my final water at the same time and now was nervous and thirsty, the adrenaline making both sensations all the more acute. My Mother and I were at a hotel around the corner from the hospital and we drove there, or did we take the shuttle? I was in my pyjamas, having just showered with the special cleanser they gave me. I was private pay from one of the best surgical teams for VSG in the world, Laparascopic Associates of San Francisco, so I got a pretty 5 star treatment, private changing room, garment bag for my things, robes etc. with the LASF logo stitched on. I must have been nervous but my adrenaline kept me from really feeling much. My Mom and I waited in a private room, I laid on a bed in my gowns. One last trip to the bathroom and it was off to the OR to meet the kindest anesthesiologist ever, I think she had all sorts of dogs printed on her surgical cap, that's all I remember ... Next thing, I was waking up in my room with a view of the City, in and out of consciousness ... there were popsicles ... there was walking ... there was feeling like I was going to barf but nothing happening ... I didn't pee when they wanted me to and a few other things so I spent an extra day in the hospital ... The following few days are mostly a blur, 2 years later my Mother tells me the timeline of events during those days and it's all news to me. I spent 3 weeks recovering in the country, in a little cottage up the coast a few hours from SF. That first night I stayed on the couch in a sitting position and the following 3 nights I slept in bed but only on my side as sleeping on my back gave me terrible sensations. My body was a foreign landscape that first week and for the first month I felt as close to vampiric as one can, I had no human bodily functions - no need to pee or poop, no interest in human food, in fact a revulsion of nearly every food or beverage. Before I walked into the OR they weighed me one last time, 294. 2 weeks later I came back for a check up and they weighed me, 274. 20 pounds! Those first 20 pounds were more stunning than the following 100. After all the research, all the thinking, all the talking to sleevers, it still had never genuinely sunk in that this was real and that it really does work. I sat in my Dr's office, stunned! There are plenty of people here on VST who tell delightful tales of reaching and exceeding their goals within 6 months, how they are now under goal, wear a size 0, and chirp chirp chirp, tweet tweet tweet. Well, good for them, wish I was one. That has never been my VSG story however. It was a full year before I joined the century club and 2 years out I am still shy of surgeon's goal by approx. 25 lbs and personal by approx. 50. Two years out I sometimes still reflexively tense up when I sit in a chair with arms, genuinely expecting to not be able to fit into it. I still stiffen up when in crowds, thinking people are staring and staring for negative reasons. I still FEEL fat often, I still feel frustrated that after so much time and effort I still probably look like a pudgy lazy bones to the average lay person, but I would rather be at this stage of the game rather than having never begun and still at square one! I've learned that losing weight and becoming physically active and strong does solve a lot of problems and does bring a lot of simple joy but that losing weight or becoming a specific size doesn't automatically confer happiness and that fat or thin life can just suck sometimes. Weight loss is NOT a fairy tale prince come to swoop me onto a horse and ride me off into a happily ever after sunset, a fact that honestly, I am still trying to come to terms with. One final thought, I think I might not have made the decision or had the success I have had or a lot of positive things if it weren't for this forum and the support I've found here. Fellow sleevers from around the world have supported me, advised me, commiserated with me and have just been indispensable on this journey. I hope I have been able to give some of that back. Here's to the continued adventures, the continued seeking of and eventual attainment of goals, for me and for us all, -Globetrotter

Indeed! Over the weekend I showed a digital photo album to a friend of mine, chronicling my progress from pre-op to current. I watched her face as she watched the slideshow, looking for ... revulsion, fascination, horror, I don't know. She showed none of those negative things but at one point she whispered, "you look so ... sad". I was a little startled, I didn't expect her to pick up on that! I said, "yes, I was sad, sad all the time, filled with sorrow at the prison of my body and helplessness." She said that made her want to cry!

Hey I have a giant snicker's bar in my house, it has been there for a week! I'm going to see how long I can keep it there, I'm not tempted by it, it's sorta fun to keep it around like, in case of emergency, break glass

Yes, be kind to yourself, the fine line we dance upon however is being kind to ourselves and not beating ourselves up, yet not reverting to old behaviors. The good news is you were aware of your actions and now have the tools to change them. Oh gosh, that ice cream! groan!! If I eat regular ice cream I get what I can only describe as "the bends", a hideous sensation like that moment when a good tipsy turns on you and you are unhappily drunk. barf city. I'm hoping I've turned a corner in my doldrums, went to yoga both days last week, and a 3.25 mile walk with a friend so today (Monday) I am determined to go back to crossfit and start this first week after my 2 year surgiversary off right!

http://www.bariatricpal.com/blogs/entry/29627-two-years-come-and-gone-so-fast/ Saturday was my 2 year surgiversary, I've gone from a 26 to a 12 and am still going. Please read my story, whether you are new or and old-timer, support and ecouragement are always appreciated!

Just think Ms Elle, someday in the near future your ticker is going to say, 162 lbs lost, 22 to go!!