Globetrotter

You are incredibly intelligent and capable, you tried to portray yourself as kittenish and weak for years and that just made you sad, why hide that you are incredibly intelligent and capable? You have always known you are skilled, you actually do have self respect.

You can choose your friends, you have no need to accept every friendship that is around, you are not actually desperate, and the people in your life, they will seek you out or they won't and if they don't, it actually doesn't hurt you, you are actually really okay with not having these people in your life.

Yep Sheryl, never wrestle with a pig in mud, the pig is perfectly happy to do so, and you get covered in $h!t. Coops - the funeral is today? hugs. M2G - you getting a lot of snow? What kind of lifting do you do? Wanda - how you doing over there? You've been quiet. Swizz - how are you feeling? Hope you are on the mend. Kim - why do people seek you out to pour out their fears? Is that part of being a host here? Sarah - I think you mentioned your workout routine before, do you lift? I so desperately want to get to where you are.. Denise - Is Bill, posessive? Or are you so unused to the daily experience of male intercouse in one's life (non-sexual definition of the word), that it just seems intrusive? Men are alotta work, and I imagine men of your generation are even more high maintenance..

Look at what you were able to accomplish, and you knew you were going to accomplish this, you used your anxiety as a catalyst to be pro-active and change your conditions.

Sheryl - the current foam-at-the-mouth, raging ignorance that passes for "conservatism" is hardly distinguishable from Weimar Republic rhetoric and is frankly shameful and has little to do with pre-WWII conservativism. I too work with these types, the Army is primarily made up of faithfully blind young masses. And you are completely accurate in your estimation of the wastes in war, the hideous hideous waste. Case in point - I was forced to destroy very expensive perfectly good office equipment because it was scheduled to be destroyed, no other reason. We are talking printers, monitors, flatscreens, digital cameras, chairs... Oh and that IS exasperating about your friends on disability - Here I am with a degenerative disease and the more I am learning, the more I am discovering that it could take at LEAST a year to qualify, and that I have to have a shocking number of symptoms, basically be in living agony, in order to qualify as even having the disease by their criteria - WTF WTF WTF!! I want to keep working as long as I can, and my eye toward going into therapy is also because I feel I can have a longer career doing that.

You have always found a way, you have always been able to make a situation work or have recognized when a situation is untenable and have taken action. You are intelligent and clever and find ways to take care of yourself, this time will be no different.

If men can take Viagra into their dotage, why can't we get HRT too? Why can't I keep my body in it's 30's, so to speak? Or do we only get the scraps from the table so long as it benefits men (contraceptives so they don't knock us up in our youths). I guess since they don't want to f**k us in OUR dotage, we are screwed. -.-

Okay all - I am in my new location. How do I describe the suck... Well, the living quarters - makes my last cubby look like a palace, this one is so small I am made claustrophobic, something I have never felt before in my life. it is like a crypt, barely wider than the twin bed in there, and only just as long. the walls are shorter than my last, and the females in there spent the entire night eganged in ... carnal pursuits with each other and having graphic conversations about which Hollywood actress they would like to ... have amorous relations with -.- lights were kept on till midnight, as well as music, and have you ever had to listen to people swap spit? Unless you are one of them, it is one of the more obnoxious sounds. My body is exhausted. Sheryl - where is a pic of those shoes!!!! strap 'em on and take a pic, they were gorge I feel really fat today, last night was my first workout in four days and I haven't been able to weigh myself in like, three weeks, and my breasts have been painful swollen for weeks now (the Mirena has my cycle all katywhumpus) and for the first time in my life I know what all those average/skinny girls meant when they said they "felt fat". I feel fat. I just feel like a giant termite queen :/

I will keep a paper journal for these coachings, and I will further modify it by doing "3ups" before bedtime; mentally vocalising 3 positive take-aways from that day. Use your inclination to panic to your advantage, use this to become proactive regarding anything that makes you uncomfortable, you are excellent at defense.

Sheryl - we need a close up pic of the shoes, STAT!!!! Maybe I am just used to harsh conditions but my little cubby was really not bad, so long as I have a comfy bed I'm good to go

OMG Sarah how impressive!! What a stunning difference 10 pounds makes! How tall are you? You arms are so amazingly strong, can you do pull ups? JEALOUS My conditions are definitely worse than college, at least then you stayed indoors when you went down the hall to the bathroom, here I have to strap on my shoes and gloves and coat etc and slog through the slush, just to pee. This is why I have a special funnel and I save all my plastic water bottles Conditions at my new location will be more of the same, I am actually lucky here in some respects, the latrine is just across the road from my hut, the laundry facility is catty-corner to my hut, I'm a "block" away from work and the gym. My little cubicle was quite nice actually before I had to start packing up, when I first got here I had the carpenters rig up a canopy frame for my bed, which is lengthwise against one plywood wall. this way I was able to put a "roof" over my bed and curtains along one side, making a nice little canopy cubby that blocked out the light and provided a semblance of privacy. I had my doorway covered with a curtain, I had a bedskirt for the exposed side, and draping cloth covering the two shelving units I used for storage. The entire space is about 6 ft by 8 ft, I tacked up pretty pictures that cut out of my calendar as each month passed. I haven't had a calendar since the new year though lol. Being without a scale is maddening! I have no idea if I'm losing, maintaining, or GAINING and thus cannot change up my behavior. Losing the weight the first time around my breasts shrank significantly, after the regain and now losing the regain, they aren't shrinking! So wherever I may be losing weight from, it isn't there and most women would probably be happy about that but I have DDDs and would be thrilled to be as "small" as a D All this stupid shriveled skin The last time I weighed myself before I shipped the scale I was 165, that was ... a week and a half ago, maybe 2 weeks, the scale probably won't arrive for another 2 weeks at least, so by the time I weight myself it will have been a month and well over a month since I logged a number into my online tracker

Sarah- I am really for real serious about plastics and Sauceda, maybe we can be plastics buddies! My preference would be to try to do it when I return to the States, then head up north to WA. Sheryl - I think this 90 day challenge is excellent and I will join you in it, how about we officially start on Valentine's Day, the day of love? My conditions here - nothing like MASH, maybe a tiny bit like China Beach, lol. I have to walk to the latrines, to the showers, wear shoes in the shower, brush my teeth with bottled water. My room is a plywood cubicle with walls that are really just dividers that go up about 8 feet so you hear everything from everyone else. It's cold right now but the Polish girls in my hut don't comprehend that you can be comfortably warm without baking yourself, they keep cranking the heat upwards of 30 celcius which is not only unnecessary but will also break the heat and we will be without. Food is very very salty, processed, fake, and no doubt chock full of GMO and hormones and who knows what. The office is more of the same only no heat, we have some little heaters that sputter and try but don't quite remove the chill from your feet.

I am currently in a mutually beneficial situation for stress release and I cannot overstate how incredibly helpful this has been, and, last night I came back to my room and there was a bag of microwave popcorn that I could have made, and I didn't even want it!

Good for you Butterpants!! That's an NSV for sure Today is the 10th, I will lift today, so I will have worked out 7 days already in February and 3 of those included cardio so I am well on my way to accomplishing my February fitness challenge - oh, and I did PULL UPS!! I had to have a buddy hoist my feet a little, but I still did them!

So what you are saying Sheryl is - get 4 wheel drive if I buy a car for WA!

I saw Cheri's thread, as you know I can more than relate to what she is going through, I will PM her. I leave my location soon, have a lot of anxiety about that, plus I cannot weight myself as I already mailed my scale, that's nerve wracking. I saw that trainer guy in the difac today for the first time since his blow up, that set me off kilter. I said goodbye to my friend and interpreter today, that also set me off kilter, i have a shit ton of work today, I'm just feeling very ... fretful Sheryl, that necklace would go great with some fabulous 1940's-1950's style cocktail dresses at https://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/midlendres/pinupgirsigl.html Georgia, I learned this year that the loss of a parent is not something you get over, only get through. Coops, how's your crud? Denise - lost purse = nightmare! Have you already cancelled your cards/put them on alert? Laura if you are reading this I'm thinking of you and hope you are taking things a day at a time, or even 5 minutes at a time, make yourself a priority. Cathy, I just thought you deserved a shout out because your posts are always so calm and encouraging, thank you Swizz - what about your crud? Healing thoughts, and lots of inflammation-soothing tea.

Cheri, you know everything I have been through in 2013, so you know I not only sympathize but empathize as well. Let others take care of you, let yourself feel ALL the feelings, hold your babies, and breathe. I've missed you, I will PM you.

The best part was the complete unison in which they chorused it, "nono, you're fluffy in all the RIGHT places!" awesome. Cathy - on average I eat about 45g carbs, some days it's below thirty some days 60 but I'd say the average is 45g. I get my carbs from steamed veggies, green drink, almond meal and milk, olive oil, the incidental carbs in my protein powder. I work out 4x a week lifting weights for about an hour and 2x a week doing high intensity cardio.

Coops - what is isolation? What it sounds like? Where's Wanda - kicking butt with 5:2 that's where Sheryl - Do you think you aren't in love with Stephen? SarSar - what is your fitness regimen? Where's M2G? Denise - what Kim said, and really everybody, regarding the cpap. I'm really curious to hear how that turned out. I had the best night last night; worked out (cardio, arms) with my Gym-Bros, one thing I love about soldiers is how encouraging they are. They coaxed me onto the pull up bar and encouraged me and gave my toes a little support and hoist and I was able to do FOUR when I didn't even think I could do one!! Later they came over to the office and I fed them the no-bak cookie balls I've been experimenting with and then we made another batch, this time with bacon in them! We shot the $h!t for over an hour and a half, it was lovely. The best part was hands down, the best compliment I have ever received in MY ENTIRE LIFE: We were having a frank discussion about the attention I do (or do not) receive at the gym. I said that I didn't feel the attention was positive, that it was more like a judgement, "what is she doing here, she's fluffy in all the wrong places." And without missing a beat, in unison, two of the guys said, "you are fluffy in ALL THE RIGHT PLACES!!!!" And we all laughed hard. Love those guys. BTW - I'm having pretty good results from backloading my carbs - I save my carbs for after an evening workout, it's a science that lifters and bodybuilders utilize.

Denise - I wonder if this might be a test of Bill's, you know, "love me, love my cpap"... I think someone here mentioned that his machine might be getting old and need to be replaced.

I saw an arial shot of California taken by NASA and the results are truly grim ladies, the same shot taken on the same day one year ago showed snow pack everywhere there should be, so it's like if you took a ruler and split the state lengthwise, the right side would be white. The photo taken this year? No white, none. All brown. This is terrifying news. I know I am overly sensitive, I take everything personally, as I think many people who have been psychologically abused and blamed for everything for years do. That said, we share what we can share here, but are not obligated to do so, and we must remember the fragility we all share regarding our weight loss, the secret dark thoughts that we will say something do one thing wrong and wakeup morbidly obese again. Did cardio last night and achieved something I could only dream of just a few short years ago - I ran, fast, on the treadmill for 5 straight minutes. Didn't slow down, didn't stop, I felt so free. <3 As for notification on this thread, I have never had it since the big changeover. I always chalked it up to our sheer volume, thought that maybe once a thread has X number of replies the notification system can't handle it? dunno. Breakfast today 1.5 scoops of protein powder, coffee. Lunch - 4 oz baked pollock, 1 oz hot wing flavored chicken meat, .25 cup veggie medley. dinner will be whatever protein and greens I can scrounge. Coops - your poor son. There will be fallout from this, anger, depression, etc. All you can do is be there for him and watch the signs as he processes the loss, my love to you and yours. It sounds like many if not all of us are currently experiencing some trials and tribulations, let us perevere, "keep calm and carry on" <3 Oh and PS - I went and mailed my scale yesterday so I won't be able to weigh myself for no less than 3 weeks, talk about nerve wracking!!!!!!

I was still feeling wounded after the attack I was subjected to, here on the thread, for having *failed* to disclose my weight loss, that is why I have stayed away. Instead of focusing on whether I had been "truthful" (seriously people?!) about losing my regain - I would have expected sleevers to understand my terror at vocalizing my loss, lest I jinx it. Some did, some didn't. 2 weeks ago I was at 164.8, then I ballooned up to 169. Then our gym was torn down and I went 3 days without and I dropped down to 166. I am going to include some cardio into my lifting sessions, to better balance out the gain muscle/lose fat ratio. I leave this location soon and that is fraught with emotion. Today I popped a mini kit-kat into my mouth, chewed, and spat it all out.

Scout, yep do what works, for me it is the little things, like having my gym clothes all ready and laid out for me to get right into! Rib - I can't even do 1 real push up at the moment so this will indeed be a challenge!

I'm not contributing until I have something positive to contribute, or can participate in the conversation. Others probably feel the same way.

Meijer Store brand, that must be regional?