Globetrotter

Here we are, Florinda and Jack ... <3

Jack loves me how I am, skin and all, but acknowledges my right to feel the best possible about myself, he suggests waiting on a tummy tuck and breast reconstruction till after pregnancy and breast feeding, what do you guys think? Those arms though, WANT WANT WANT . Okay, I'm gonna talk about a subject that would get me FLAMED if I brought it up with non-sleevers or people who aren't focused on weight loss and fitness, the lying of our pants! I am 5'3" and 159 pounds, with an hourglass/apple shape, there is no WAY I should be wearing a size 8 - 17 years ago when I weighed 150 lbs and was an inch shorter I wore a 12. Anyway, I went to Old Navy the other day and tried on skinny jeans for the first time in my life (NSV btw, lol) Now, because of my shape and my excess skin I need to wear shirts that both show off my cleavage, skate loosely over my rolls, and hide my crotch so I go with empire-waist tunics. The pants that fit my squashy waist area smoothly just swim in the legs and the legs that hug nicely sausage my middle but at any rate, a size 8short skinny jeans in the Sweetheart cut FIT and with a loose summery tunic you can't see the squashy rolls and it looks good! Here's the thing; the friend that I am staying with has become very fat - 5'5" and (she says) 210 but I am going to put her closer to 250. She was bragging that the pants she bought were too big and all I could think was "that's no victory, these pants are sized for the fat and delusional American masses". We did our shopping at a major shopping mall and this Old Navy was massive and I got to do a lot of people watching and DAMN, people are FAT! At 5'3" and 159 lbs I have no right to be considered in shape or small!! Not only are people really fat, but everyone is dressed so shabbily, it makes me wonder if we have a national epidemic of depression, masses of people just eating their feelings and dressing in soft stretchy jammies... So, I had my Drs appt on Monday, the neurologist; this was the appointment to end all appointments so to speak, because I have now had the MRIs, the LP, the bloodwork, and the neurologist now collected everything together to form his opinion. His opinion, which he gave immediately upon entering the room without beating around the bush, is that yes, I have MS. I don't know what I was expecting, I have lived with this knowledge for almost 8 months but there must have been a subconscious part of me that felt there was a glimmer of hope so long as I didn't have the LP. I cried all the way home, but not just boo-hoo tears, deep guttural sobs of loss. And my tears weren't for me, they were for Jack, all I could think of was his love and involving him in this and it just hurt.

I am on a laptop, not a tablet and I see no attachment options.

How do I upload a pic here? There is no icon for it in the reply box...

SherylJane - you mentioned that you are sort of continuously losing atm, and feeling less robust, and not exercising. I think your answer is there, in the not exercising. As I educated myself on lifting (y'all know how much I love my lifting!) I learned many things, one of which is that you can either eat less and not lift, or eat more and lift. The point being, that 90% of weight loss happens in the kitchen, not the gym. So, if you aren't working out, and you are eating skimpy, and are now of a normal body composition, it is not surprising that you are getting weaker. I know that you, like myself, are battling bursitis brought on by improper training, how is yours healing? it has been over 2 months and I'm still in pain. To Everyone, it sounds like we could all use a dose of fairytale, so I will tell you all about Jack and how we met... I have used the dating website OK Cupid for a few years now, in fact with one exception, every single date I have been on in the last 2.5 years has been a result of OKC. In mid-February I changed locations in AFG and at first things went really really well and I was experiencing some wonderful revelations about my Self, in every way, plus my eating and fitness were really good and I had taken off all of the regain and hitting new lows so, I was in a very good head space. So, I went to OKC and rewrote my profile, I was finally ready to "come out of the closet" regarding my intelligence, my worldliness, my income. I rewrote the profile in the most genuine voice I had ever used, and I think the very next day, Jack approached me. Via the mechanisms of OKC I think I had seen him and read his profile and given him 5 stars so I received a notice saying that we liked each other, meaning that he had read my profile and given me a high rating as well. It was after that that he wrote to me. I wish I could remember what he said, or that I had saved the message, but I can't. What I can say is that even though I saw his profile pic, I read his entire profile before looking at the rest of the photos and loved everything he had to say for himself and didn't bother looking at the pics for a long time because it didn't matter! He is so caring, so loving, so sweet ... he giggles and blushes and is so expressive, opinionated like I am, vulnerable with me, considerate... he also has sweet sweet warm brown eyes, unruly dark chocolate curls, long legs and a cute little butt We started out by exchanging emails within the OKC messaging service, then it went to immediate OKC messages, then live chatting, then Skyping with video, we were both so nervous about that first session, to actually see each other, live, in real time! It was wonderful though and we quickly got over our nerves. At that point I was in Germany and preparing to be sent to the States, my plan was to come here to San Diego and stay with my friend for about 6 weeks, during which time I would have all the testing etc that I needed to get done that would be much more difficult up in the rural north. By now, we were so into each other that the idea of going 2 months without actually being with each other was unbearable, and he bought a ticket. He came down to SD on the 28th of April and stayed for a week and it was wonderful. It was, just right, even when we disagreed or had a miscommunication, we worked it out. Our photos we posted to Facebook no doubt made some people gag, they are so lovebirdy ;P but we don't care . He went to all of my Drs appts with me and loves me regardless. A life together just feels so natural, we talk about children, about life and the future, we have both experienced trauma and have learned coping skills and communication skills as a result. He has also undergone massive weight loss though not via surgery, he has lost over 50lbs. He is a part of my life now and a day without seeing each other's faces literally makes us ill .

Our relationship is only long distance right now, soon I will be in Seattle and he is in Eugene, looking to move to Seattle or Portland. Considering our relationship began while I was in Afghanistan, that is a considerably shorter distance Has anyone had any experience with having to interact with your Dr long distance?

Hello everyone, long time no comment, I know. I spent 10 days in Germany, where I did not receive any of the care I needed. I was sent to the States and told that if I didn't get a certain piece of paperwork completed within a certain time frame, that I would be considered AWOL. At the very last possible moment, quite literally the 11th hour, they accepted my paperwork. Now I must focus on filing for worker's comp and filing my formal complaints against the leadership and the neurologist in Germany. I arrived in San Diego on the 23rd of April and will stay here with my friend and her family till the end of May. She has two boys, 14 and 3, and it is insanity 24/7 - not the best environment for healing. My Mom will come down at the end of the month and we will take a driving holiday north on the PCH, the Pacific Coast Highway, all the way up the length of CA. I did this drive when I redeployed from Iraq in spring of 2011 and it is stunning and beautiful, I'm excited to share it with her. Since arriving here at my friends house I have eaten absolute junk and feel enormously fat in my skin. She talked a good game in the weeks before I arrived about wanting to get healthy and eat right, etc. but once it became a reality she wasn't as keen on the idea ;P I gave up on trying to get her and the boys to eat healthfully and instead have settled for just getting them to eat home-cooked meals. Once I got here I found a neurologist and began having tests. I had a lumbar puncture last week, on wednesday, and by Mother's day I was in the ER with the kind of pain I can't even begin to describe, from the loss of cerebro-spinal fluid, my brain was touching parts of my skull. I hope I will be able to get in to see the neurologist soon, before I leave, because I need a definitive Dx for my worker's comp file. Does anyone know how I should deal with having my diagnosing Dr so far away, when I am up north and he is here? While I was in Afghanistan I started talking with an intelligent sweet young man; we started with e-mails, then live chatting, when I got to Germany we started Skyping and during the time I was there we would start and end our days with Skype sessions which worked out perfectly because I was 8 hours ahead of him (he was in OR). By the time I was heading to CA, we were talking about him coming down to see me in San Diego because the idea of going another 2 months (minimum) before getting to see each other was just not an option. A week after I arrived, he flew down from Eugene OR. He stayed for a week and it was wonderful, exhilarating, revelatory, and comforting. I learned about his family, his pains and his joys, and he learned the same about me. He is such a natural part of me and my life. He knows about my medical issues, knows about my sleeve, knows my REAL AGE and hasn't run away . He is intelligent, thoughtful, romantic, respectful, considerate, tender, logical, expressive and has satiny lips . He is going to come down to Mendocino to help me move up to Seattle. He loves my body, is not interested in me losing more weight, but is supportive in my health goals. He thinks I am beautiful, in every way. *sigh* From today I have 17 days left here in SoCal, I have not stepped on a scale since I left my FOB and judging from my reflection in the mirror after the shower and how my underwear is fitting, I have a horrible certainty that I have gained 12 pounds v_v. So, it is back to Full Time VVLC. 17 days of that should take off this bloat and allow me to do 5:2 during the month I am with my Mom so, hopefully, I will be at a new authentic low by the time I see Jack again .

Does anyone have tips on how to wear skinny jeans? my normal straight leg "boyfriend" jeans (Levi's) are a size 10 petite, the only pair of Calvin Klein skinny stretch jeans left were a size 16 but I figured they are Calvins so probably run small so I tried them. They fit nicely, not remotely tight, but they just look like regular jeans, straight leg and don't hug so I think I'm wearing them wrong. Help? Went on a chaplain's trip to the town of Speyer, wonderful ancient cathedral and synegogue and interesting history - it is the place that the protest happened which actually gave the name "Protestant" to the religion! I went shopping for real world clothes and bought the most exquisite Italian-made blouses, the thinnest spider web gauze silk with delicate layers that camouflage my middle

Hourglass/apple combo - appleglass!

M2G, I might have done better to say that, everyone has their "dealbreaker", for some out there it could be being bad with money, for others it could be abuse of animals. For me, having grown up in a verbally/psychologically abusive household, it is words. To my brain, there is no difference between verbal abuse and physical violence, my body and brain reacts the same to both. And even there, people's definitions of what is verbally abusive differ. For me, if it were me, those comments from the husband would have qualified. As for me, I did not get the tests I wanted, the neurologist flat out refused, and then blocked my ability to get a second opinion. The "leadership" of my program are trying to force me to resign, by leaving me to scramble and utterly unsupported and at the same time insisting on time frames for paperwork that will affect my financial support. Nobody seems interested in helping, as a civilian I am a non-entity and any civilian who needs something is seen as a nuisance and troublesome. There is a clinic in Portland OR that I want to go to, but if I go there I won't have the physical strength to get back to the east coast, which is what the program will demand I do, to outprocess. And in the meantime, I am eating absolute crap and hating myself for it. Thanks to that one article someone (I think it was Chimera) linked to a while back, I now understand that when I do this it is so that I can focus my fear and loathing on something familiar - me- rather than the new scary stressor. So, at least I recognize my impetus :/ I haven't stepped on a scale in over a week but I would bet, just on how I feel, that I've put on at least 5 lbs. Considering I put on 3 lbs that one time that I ate a sleeve of saltines, and this week has been a damn free for all, yeah .... v_v

Cathy - what the heck is a banksy? Kim - you are a more giving woman than I, I could not love a person like that, and it would slowly poison me to paper over such abuse, devaluing my own pain with, "he doesn't know how to properly apologize". It's fu**ing called learning, and if he hasn't changed by now, he simply isn't going to. Petty, bitter, and SMALL are the words I would use to describe the kind of person who tears a person down, rather then build them up. And you have a show coming up you say? Big surprise then, that he chose now to unleash his cowardly barbs... If all of this sounds like a bit much wrath for a relationship I have no part in, it is because after what I have been through, I'm just not afraid anymore. Not of people, and not of their cruelty. I see them for what they are and their poison, is not my problem.

Once a Mother is over 40 her percentage likelihood of a Down's baby skyrockets, and goes up every year thereafter, and autism may be linked to the age of the sperm so .... good grief. I am in Germany, arrived this morning. Met with the Neurologist who was curt, abrasive, and one of those speedy mumblers, like she had had 10 espressos. She did not feel the need to repeat the testing done on me in September, which surprised me. Nor did she feel that an LP was necessary, after giving my records a cursory glance, she was ready to sign off on the "fact" of my Dx of MS. I just finished a chat with a friend who informed me that I can request repeat testing, I don't have to go with her decision. I think I will do so on Monday. Haven't had a BM in 5 days at least, probably because I have been nibbling on toast and crackers nonstop to quell my nausea, I have had like 7 doses of Miralax with no relief :/

Denise - this is fatal attraction drama! She is 54, and pregnant?! From what you have said about her, I wouldn't put it past her to falsify a blood test or even the pregnancy itself. Shoot, if she is as messed up as you have indicated, it could very well be a phantom pregnancy that her mind concocted to "keep" BIll. oy. As for me, I leave for Germany tomorrow, I have formal complaints against my leadership for HPPA violations, and I could possibly be on the west coast before the end of the month. I am filing for worker's comp, I do not yet have a job lined up in Seattle and the apartment I found requires, as they all do, proof of employment, any suggestions?

I am in the hospital in BAF, getting medivac'd to Germany on Saturday. It turned out, I couldn't handle another four months of this....

I am over 3 years out and even now, if I attempt to eat a medium sized orange, about halfway through I get warning signs to stop and feel Thanksgiving turkey stuffed for HOURS. Also over-easy eggs and baked chicken and hamburger patties give me this feeling. I am seriously anti-starches and bread is VERY BIG NO NO, however that being said, I have broken down on occasion and had glorious glorious bread and interestingly, it isn't a slider food, if I eat one dinner roll, I am nauseatingly full for hours. I have filed a formal complaint against the team leader whose job I now have, and now I fear retaliatory behavior from the interlinked admin males who always cover for each other while hanging the women out to dry. If I stay here for another 4 months that represents a YEAR'S rent, but can I withstand another 4 months of this?

back to 160.2, my low of 5 days ago. In the past 3 days I have stayed at 650 cals or less and part of the problem was really painful constipation which I believe is a side effect of low cal/low carb. Not to be too blunt but things er, resolved, this morning and I lost an entire pound from that alone All of us here know just how little 600 calories is, for a fitness buff or athlete that represents one meal! Yet if I eat more than that, I don't lose weight. And if I eat more than 800 cals and don't work out, I gain. Nobody should be stuffing their faces full of carcinogen laced heart clogging evil, but this just feels ... punitive. Chimera (I think it was), I have yet to find any data regarding a correlation between weight gain/loss and MS, but I completely agree that stress does horrible awful things to our bodies minds and weight. I have been under an extra amount of stress lately, I am still going against Drs orders and not taking the 3 days of brain rest because I am the only one in the office, I mean, what can I do! SherylJane we definitely need to see 6 month pics, post-op pics don't do his work -or yours!- justice

But this is insane! Yeah we had this surgery to eat less, but if I eat more than 700 calories I get punished?! FU** THAT SH**.

For me, I think if I absolutely HAD to prioritize, I would get arms and thighs done, but of course I want it all It simply does not make any sense that one SINGLE DAY of bad eating would result in a four pound gain - it leads me to believe that we really have destroyed our metabolisms, that we really are in starvation mode, because our bodies see an extra calorie coming in and sieze upon it! v_v 630 cals yesterday, 500 the day before, and this morning 162, STILL TWO POUNDS UP! And they must be real pounds! HOLY FU**. I'm having dizzy spells, and brain gaps, and extreme fatigue and I know you all have the purest sympathies at heart for me and I am truly grateful, but please resist the urge to compare my fatigue with yours, this is not just "I'm pooped I'm overstretched and over busy" This is a different kind of fatigue. HowhowHOW could I have gained 4 pounds in one day?

I have been eating very very low calorie, in an effort to jump-start after some bad behavior a few weeks ago. As you know, it has been working, I've been stoked! Two days ago I fell off the cliff, those gd cadbury mini eggs, an entire sleeve of saltine crackers, half a slice of cake, several fried mozarrella sticks. But, the following day I dusted myself off, and got in 500 cals. This morning I weighed myself - 163.4 Are you kidding?! I gained over 3 pounds, from ONE DAY of poor eating? One day of eating 2100 calories?! I'm tragified.

Wow, Kim, I am so jealous that you are able to get that kind of information, that your people were documented! My great grandmother on my patrilineal side was Native American but she erased her history so well that I know absolutely nothing else, I don't even know the name her own Mother gave her, as her parents were killed in a cavalry massacre. I don't know where anybody on either side came from. Feeling a strange sort of exhaustion the last two days, like I am coming out of heavy sedation, sorta floaty, wobbly, and like I could fall asleep any second. You know that feeling you get sometimes, when you wake up on the weekend from a great deel slumber, and you are briefly conscious before your body is? That is how I have felt all day, for two days. I don't know what it is, beyond the manifestations of stress. The recent change ups of the team, the leadership role I am now in, have all brought new stress levels, and I know that stress can lead to an MS exacerbation but... I just don't know.

My friend at the company says that the internal portal shows I am still scheduled for a phone interview, but it hasn't happened yet

New low! 160.2!!!! Please don't let this be a fluke!! The strange thing is, this is the new lowest low I've had since surgery, haven't weighed this in about 16 years, but seeing the number on the scale didn't give me the rush I thought it would. When I broke 200, when I hit 164 (the first time) I felt like a warrior goddess, I felt skinny and strong!! Now I saw it and was just like, "meh". What's that about? I was made acting team leader because my tl was removed due to his temper!!!! Does anyone know how to reopen a worker's comp claim?

Sheryl - have you tried using a lubricant that isn't water based? Or simply use olive or coconut oil. Down to 161 flat!!!! Li'l Dickins scale teased me with 152 with my first step-on this morning. Stepped off, stepped back on and 161, several more times and 161 flat every time, so no I didn't lose 9 pounds overnight, just a little less than half a pound, BUT I'LL TAKE IT!!

Wanda, you beautiful artist <3

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels, or so say the super models. I'm not thin yet, but seeing a new low number on the scale is way more satisfying than grilled cheese!