Globetrotter

Just out of curiosity Sheryl, was Steven uh .... um ... well, ENDOWED? It can be difficult to walk away (heh heh) from such ... bounty *snort* *cough*

well, they have decided that I can be "allowed" to work, so it looks like I really am going to be here in KS for another 5 weeks It is nearly 100 degrees and at least 50% humidity, and the commute it about 45 minutes one way

Kim, what a blessing that you got to be with her when she went, don't stop yourself from grieving, let it flow <3

Sheryl, undereating most DEFINITELY triggers psychosis (for lack of a better term), imho. To the point where it has made me wonder if the brain chemistry of overeaters would show that we actually lack particular chemicals and thus have self-medicated with food all our lives, trying to make up for that deficit. If you don't feel like eating, I'm not going to tell you to eat, BUT perhaps up the vitamin B12 and D3 and magnesium chelate? just a thought...

Coops, that dress of your daughters is just stunning and she's a stunner in it! She looks very "Lady Mary" in it, (all my Downton Abbey nerds will get it!) I would love to have seen the back, was it low? Today was a bad day. Betrayal and disappointment. My ex boyfriend, who I thought was now a dear friend, betrayed me when he sent me a text this morning, rescinding his invitation to stay at the apartment he shares with a (mutual) friend. He was doing so at the behest of his girlfriend. He once told me, when I wondered if we would be allowed to stay friends, that any relationship that required him to dump his friends wasn't the kind of relationship he wanted to be in, yet, here we are... So, in my hour of need, he shows a dearth of integrity. Then, I am on the phone with current boyfriend, telling him about this and about the awfulness of work (more on that in a minute) and all I need is some comfort, some sympathy, some tenderness, and he has nothing. Nothing, nada, zip. Total silence. So silent I asked a few times, "are you there?" It was disappointment on top of heartbreak for me. As for the job .... I am so mentally and physically wrung out from repeating the story of their malfeasances to various offices today, that I just can't do it again. Suffice it to say that they are trying to grind me between the proverbial rock and hard place and for the 8 years this program has existed, they have always gotten away with treating the female employees like shi*t while giving each other every little boost and perk they can. On the scale of bad days, it's a Brazil meets Julius Caesar V_V...

Denise, I am a Department of the Army Civilian, with a rank-equivalency government rating of GS13, I am not a contractor. My program is run through TRADOC - Training and Doctrine for Dept of the Army. It is shadowy, vague, obfuscating, and made of straw. The fraud waste and abuse are shocking, as are the abuses against women. Women who speak up are quickly buried. I report in tomorrow, will let you guys know what happens.

Well everyone, guess what? I am being forced to return to duty, in Kansas. I was given 24 hours notice and had to purchase my own tickets at last minute prices. My belongings, that only just arrived two days ago, are still in boxes, exploding around my apartment. I have slept in my bed once. I pre-paid for my tango classes for the coming month, and now I will be in Kansas for 6 weeks. in July and August, the most disgusting time of year, 100% humidity, it is terrible for my condition. Also, my personal effects are still in Afghanistan because, apparently, it is not the policy of the program to pay for or send the effects of someone who has been medivac'd. I fly out at 9am tomorrow...

The issue of someone like swimbikerun is truly interesting to me; I believe it points to our underlying insecurities and our almost universal need to seek therapy, when the one thing that has been your focus, your shame, your hope, your everything goes away, what do you do then? I'm not the youngest on these boards but I am on the lower end of the bell curve, so there are a lot of people here (bariatric pal) who have spent 20, 30, 40 years morbidly obese and now "suddenly" aren't, some people handle it better than others and some people are affected by it differently than others. Sounds like she doesn't know what to do with her intensity!

Yup, what Denise said.

Maybe English isn't this person's first language? The Hamblett is really confusing, I have never heard that "word" before... I would ignore it. Steven is your drug of choice Sheryl, if you can be a functional addict then, so be it.

Anyone ever tried Lydia's Raw? Organic raw, sprouted foods, today I put some raw sprouted no-grain gluten free cereal on top of some greek yogurt for breakfast, yummmm. Lunch was some cherries, a half a turkey sandwich, and dinner was more cherries, some blackberries, a torn off hunk of baguette, a chunk of cheese, and a smear of raw salted butter. A yummy day but as I write it I realize that it was low on protein and high in carb, hmm... well, I'm going swing dancing tonight downtown so hopefully I will burn up some of those carbs!

Sarah, I don't remember, did you have anything upper body done?

FYE - let's see some pics of the new ride girl!! Sheryl, I am at 24th and Madison, I can see Lake Washington from my balcony! Yesterday I discovered the humongous Seattle Goodwill, yay! Tomorrow I have a Drs appt with a naturopath in Portland, I will do everything in my power to NOT stop at Voodoo Donuts

I have finally arrived in Seattle and am settling into my new apartment, well, as much as I can considering that the movers have BACKED OUT of the move!! My stuff should have arrived tomorrow and instead they are trying to get out of the contract because they realized at the last minute that the quote I was given in my contract is way too low (for them) and they don't want to do it now. So, my boyfriend and I slept on the floor last night - not fun! I use Mixed Chicks too, I buy it at Target.

What do you use Sheryl? I am a curly too and I LOVE two lines; Deva Curl "no-poo" cleanser and rinse, or Lush "Curly Wurly" shampoo and "Roots" treatment. Surprisingly, the best product I've ever bought for enhancing my curls is a cheap tube of Garnier Fructis Style curl sculpting cream, from the drugstore! The MS support groups that I have checked in on have not felt right to me, they seem to be full of people more interested in bemoaning their "fate" rather than being proactive. Today is my Mom's birthday, I had flowers sent to her office and tonight I will take her out to dinner. I am "supposed" to leave tomorrow morning, but that will really depend on the arrival of the movers, I may have to leave them in my Mother's hands because I must arrive in Seattle at a specific time in order to meet with my new landlord. Sick to death of looking chubby in all my photos, just damn sick of looking flabby fatty!

Getting ready for the big move to Seattle. Movers coming Saturday, and I'm driving to Portland Saturday, where I will meet up with my boyfriend who will drive us the rest of the way to Seattle. My sick leave runs out on the 6th, they expect me to report back to work, I don't know what to do. I have to fill out harassment suit paperwork, don't know where to start. I've been depressed for a few days, since watching a documentary on PBS made by a man with MS, it was really really depressing. I'm not hungry, just wanting to nibble crackers. I feel so fat and I don't feel beautiful, I have raccoon circles under my eyes, my skin is broken out like a teenager's, and I have zero sex drive. zero. I just want to crawl under the covers, in a darkened room, and marathon watch seasons of comforting old shows like The Golden Girls or Frazier. One month ago I stopped remembering my dreams, for the first time in my life. I feel ugly and scared.

Denise - I am not in Oregon yet, I am in NorCal, but I will be in Eugene on the 28th, as a pitstop on my way to Seattle, then I will return to Portland for a Drs appt 1 July. FYE - I am SO sorry you are watching your Mother go through pain, it is a time for love, let your love transmit through you and into her <3

We super long waisted gals are lucky, the trend of the moment is high-waisted stuff, just about the only thing we long waisters can be glad of is our ability to play around with belts, ruffles, shirring etc. http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/black-label-pants.html

SherylJane- you already know the skinnies are the way to go but have you also considered 1940s style high-waisted pedal pushers? pinupgirlclothing.com http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/cigarette-pants-denim.html

I "came out" to my Mom last night; with my boyfriend in the room for support, I told her about my Dx. She was very sad and in shock.

SarSar - for exercising, people of any age can wear leggings, it is those mid-calf loose legged exercise pants that make women look middle aged frumpy

SarSar - Those work out pants are too big in the calf, you need snug ankle length capris that are fitted to the ankle! SherylJane - Have you considered a retro style bathing suit? Go on pinupgirlclothing.com, I think one of those 1940's styles with the halter top and full bottoms would be super flattering. Hello everyone! My Mom and I were on the road for a week, then puttering around the coastline for another week, then my boyfriend came down and we have been love birding it for another week, hence the radio silence! I'm pretty sure that I have gained back at least 10-15 lbs, even though my clothes still fit they are suspiciously snug and in photographs I don't like the shape of my jawline - the first thing to go when I put on weight. SO, it is back to the tough love of greens greens greens, luckily Jack is super supportive and even though his is a meat on top of his meat with meat for dessert kinda guy, he is open to my style of eating. On the medical front, I have chosen to NOT tell my Mother my Dx. For me, this is my version of self care, I need to do what supports me. Also, when I arrived at my Mom's there were about TWO DOZEN BILLS, no exaggeration! Also, my worker's comp claim was denied. I am simply freaking out, any suggestions? I head for WA at the end of the month. Anybody know of any good moving companies that won't charge me an arm and a leg?

Coops, MS is the abbreviation for my disease, Multiple Sclerosis. The drug is called Tecfidera and it is a pill, rather than an injection, which until very recently was the standard in MS drugs.

Yeah Sheryl Jane, what IS it about the act of taking vitamins that totally kills the appetite? On days when I have been very good and taken every pill I'm supposed to, I cannot eat or drink for hours afterward... Going to start my MS medication tomorrow, filled with emotions ... Coops, I bet you are in a UK10, depending on the brand, when I was 10 lbs heavier I was in a UK10 tee and I think we are the same height? Friday I begin the journey north and the journey of telling my Mother about all of this...

I'm fasting; I have been awfully indulgent in my eating while being here and the results are profound, not in pounds gained but in pain experienced. It is humbling but if I eat white flour and sugar etc etc I am more airheaded, have to rely on my cane, and feel general malaise, it is a wake up call, for sure. So today is a relative fast, i didn't want to shock my body so much, going from probably 2000+ to 600, so today is 2 protein shakes, a serving of guacomole (no filler, just avocado and spices), a handful of GF chips, and for dinner probably a salad with shredded up lunch meat. I figure that is probably 1000 cals, tomorrow I will shoot for >1000, the following day >800, and so on and so forth. I'll tell you what though, I can honestly and genuinely say that food soothes my anxiety, for sure! Without the food, I feel the anxiety, that is a fact. So, I need to do other things, number one is to just let myself feel anxious. I also notice my thought patterns, without food I become fixated on abusing myself for anything I can get my hands on, including childhood traumas, because (as we have learned here on VST) the mind would rather abuse you for a supposed personal fault, rather than deal with the new terror. The emotions after the Drs appt Monday were utterly traumatizing, so my brain is attacking me viciously, trying to find familiar ground v_v. I think the thinner I get, the older the clothes I wear will be, lol, good thing I have always liked vintage!! Nothing like trying on a structured dress from the 50's to bring one back to reality on one's size! Or, one can go to the chi-chi boutiques that sell couture fashion, where a slip dress will set you back a couple grand, those kinds of clothes are still in "authentic" sizing, and probably in the opposite direction, rather than vanity sizing, the high fashion clothes are in punitive sizing!