deletedsally

I understand that desire to be loved and cherished for who you are--at any weight. I was thinking about that a lot when I initially signed up for eHarmony, and I thought, "Well maybe there's someone out there that won't really care about the weight..." And you know what? There probably is...but what I came to realize is that KATHY cares about the weight. The partner that would get along with "Fat Kathy" would just not be interesting to a "Slim Kathy". You know why? Because the heavier I got, the more and more my activities were restricted by my own exhaustion and discomfort. I would be completely bored with a partner that was content to sit around the house all the time with the only excursions being to the grocery store and to restaurants. If I ever have another partner, I'm not looking for a sky diving athlete--but I want to be with someone who enjoys traveling, who wants to walk on the beach, who wants to hike to waterfalls, who will help me work in the vegetable garden, and who would enjoy exploring museums in NYC, etc... Life happens and sometimes people become handicapped as they age. But I'm only 54. How could I find the person who would voluntarily settle for the sedentary lifestyle of a morbidly obese person exciting or interesting? I was a prisoner to my own body and I decided that rather than hoping to find a partner who could accept me the way I was, I needed to find a way to reclaim my life.

I definitely agree with you that attraction involves a lot more than physical appearance. When I was 23 yrs old I fell crazy in love with a guy that had a peculiar build and an unruly mop of hair that was a naturally brilliant shade of orange. He was intelligent, emotionally sensitive, highly verbal, and he played the piano by ear. I didn't give a hoot what he looked like. I think what may be a little different about an online dating site, like eHarmony, is that you have a lot of matches sent to you, and you aren't really interacting with those matches or experiencing anything about that person unless you choose to contact that person based on a one dimensional photo and some personal descriptions. As far as your sister's descriptions of Jamaica, we could really play with that story... For example, some women who are a size 6 think that anything above a size 10 is plus size. How fat is fat? Were they overweight before they got married, or did they get married and gain weight cooking big meals and bearing children? I weighed 130 when I got married, but I weighed 240 after four pregnancies--and I still went to the beach with my family. I still think that in our culture, the overwhelming majority of men are not attracted to obese women. Are there exceptions? Sure.

Thanks Oregon. I didn't have VSG to help me find a partner--I had surgery because I had weight related health problems and I wanted a better quality of life. At the same time, I know that being at a normal weight will increase the likelihood of my finding a love relationship. It hasn't been that many years since I was at my goal weight after one of my many diets, and I looked and felt like a totally different person. Not only did I look attractive, I felt alive, playful, and sexy.

Honestly, I don't think it's a settings issue. I'm sure that it's possible to meet some wonderful people through eharmony, and even though I was poking fun, the two men that I met were nice guys. To be quite frank, I haven't had a lot of matches communicate with me. I don't think that most healthy, intelligent men my age me are interested in a 280 pound female for a potential partner--and who would blame them? I don't expect the fact that I have all kinds of great qualities to outweigh the fact that those great qualities have been buried under a mound of blubber. I have compassion for anyone with weight problems, but that said, when I reach a normal weight, I don't think I would be thinking of a morbidly obese person as a potential partner either.

I met someone else through eharmony. We never got to the date stage...This guy said he was a photographer. A few pertinent questions revealed that he really wanted to be a photographer, but after driving around the country (unemployed) taking pictures, he had only two photographs that he actually liked. Man...I guess I'm just too picky. LOL

Come on out of the woodwork...how many others are there from North Central Florida/South Georgia?

Ha ha ha. How small is this world?

Great idea! Being single at 54 definitely has its challenges. I've had one date in the last 3 years with someone I met on eharmony. His profile said that he was a "maintenance engineer"...Turned out that he plucked chickens for a living. Not only that, he was missing most of his teeth. Unfortunately, he thought "the chemistry was there." This was one time I didn't have any trouble being assertive.

Yay! You have less time to have the jitters. Cant' wait to hear back from you!

Congratulations! It's so much fun to feel these clothes get looser!

Mine isn't working either.

Keep writing and stay busy. It will probably help to manage the anxiety. You're gonna be through the worst part before you know it, and you'll be telling us how much more weight you've lost!

Sounds delicious! That will be something to look forward to trying.

Each person is different. I was prepared because I am very prone to nausea and vomiting after ANY surgery. I had Zophran and Phenergan available in the hospital and used both for the first 24 hours. Before I had my surgery I got prescriptions for sublingual Zophran and some Pherngan suppositories, so I had them on hand the minute I got home from the hospital. I still needed the Zophran every 8 hours for a couple days. After that, I was down to one at bedtime, then after about another week, I was down to 1/2 at bedtime. By the end of the 3rd week, I wasn't having any nausea. I'm glad I had the meds available, because I haven't thrown up at all. Without them, I would have had trouble.

Not much longer! Fabulous pre-op weight loss!

This isn't related to portion size: Right after I had my surgery it seemed like I was using spoons and bowls all the time because of the liquids, and I didn't really feel like doing a lot of dishes, so I bought some paper bowls and plastic spoons. Made life a little easier for me.

Hi Brian...I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. My children were 15 and 11 when my husband was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. He had 13 different surgeries over an 8 year period before he died in 2007. I can't begin to describe the costs to myself and my children... It is incredibly painful to experience what cancer does to a family and be powerless to stop it. I'm glad that you are making a choice to build a new life for yourself. Change almost always involves taking risks. I felt like the known risks associated with VSG were a lot less than the reality I was already experiencing as a morbidly obese woman. Same old story..sleep apnea, HBP, exhausted all the time, depressed and unable to think clearly from lack of oxygen at night (couldn't sleep with a mask), chronic foot and back pain, etc... I'm 54, and I also felt like I was 90 years old. It was hard for me to even leave the house because of pain and exhaustion. Hears the good news. It's been less than 5 weeks since my surgery and everything is better. Sleep is better. Starting to have more energy after initial post-op weakness. Off all HBP medication. Thinking more clearly. Much less pain. Took my grandchildren shopping, to the library, and then swimming this afternoon. It felt wonderful to be able to DO stuff and not be constantly wishing I could just crawl back into bed! I'm glad your surgeon was up on the latest research/procedures and talked with you about VSG. One of the things that stopped me from having surgery sooner was that I didn't want the side effects of bypass surgery, and I didn't think the long term results for lap bands were very promising. I think you are going to be amazed at how much better you are going to feel if you decide to move forward with surgery.

You are really an inspiration! You look beautiful and TINY in your photo. It's hard to imagine that you were a size 22/24 less than a year ago. I started out at a size 28. I love to be able to look at my calendar/weight loss graph and predict reasonable goals for when I will be able to wear each smaller size on the way down to normal. Thanks for sharing your stats and encouraging us newbees.

Take a deep breath and Monday will come and go before you know it...Then you can post, "YeeeeeeeeHaaaaaa...I'm melting!"

WhooHoo Nana! Great to hear about your success!

This is a description from Houston Surgical Specialists that I found and bookmarked before my surgery: Stomach Leak This is potentially a life threatening complication. Fortunately, leak after Gastric Sleeve is rare, occurring in 1 out of 100 patients. It occurs when a hole or gap develops somewhere along the staple line closure allowing stomach juice to escape into the abdominal cavity. A severe infection develops that can lead to sepsis (adverse symptoms involving all body systems) or septic shock (low blood pressure with injury to all body systems). Multiple Organ Failure can occur which is basically a shut down of many organ systems. With time this can lead to death. Symptoms of stomach leak include: rapid heart rate, dizziness, shortness of breath, fever, worsening abdominal pain, left chest or shoulder pain, abdominal distention, the appearance of illness and a general feeling that something is very wrong. Unfortunately, many of the symptoms may be absent or could be from something else (e.g. bleeding). Diagnosing a leak is further complicated by the fact that there is no single, reliable test to definitely diagnose a leak.

Before I had my surgery, I took the picture that lines up the pens/markers as a comparison for bougie size to my pre-op appointment and discussed it with my surgeon. I did not want him to use a bougie that would interfere with my ability to swallow, cause foods to get stuck, or increases the likelihood of GERD. He said that he typically uses a 40 because that offers enough restriction with less problems than the smaller bougie sizes. I appreciated the fact that he was willing to discuss the options. What may be equally important is the size of the pouch that is created when your stomach is reduced. Until my MD explained it, I was afraid that the bic pen represented the entire size of the remaining stomach. That is not true. As I understand it, the bougie size is the amount of restriction of the sleeve above a small pouch and different surgeons seem to have their personal preferences on how much stomach to remove and how large of a pouch to leave.

Last summer my feet hurt so bad that I wore plastic Birkenstock type shoes in the pool. It was the only way I could stand and move around--even in the water. I also had to have other people do all the pool maintenance...This may seem like a small victory, but to me it was huge: Todoay, I was able to vacuum my own pool and splash all around the pool playing with my grandson. No shoes! No pain! Just a fun day! These kinds of victories were the reason I chose to have the surgery. I'm amazed that it's only taken 4.5 weeks and 31 pounds to begin experiencing the benefits.

Hope all goes well for you. I just had my surgery 4 1/2 weeks ago! Everything is easier now than it was a month ago!