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Oh - and I'd be hesitant about buying too much before the surgery. Have some of a Protein that you already like on hand, of course. But my tastes changed dramatically post op. And over the course of the first year my "favorite" protein must have changed about seven times. There are several sites out there that do samples. I used vitalady's site to shop samples of many different brands and flavors and bought tubs of what I really liked. If you like sweet things Syntha-6 shakes are wonderful - like a treat - but higher in calories and lower in protein. But if you find yourself unable to find a protein you like post op, give them a try.

I love Syntrax nectar Protein powders. I use the chocolate, Cappuccino or vanilla daily - a scoop (sometimes two) mixed into coffee, Water or tea. I honestly think the chocolate and cappucinno are fine in water. To me it tastes like Yoo-Hoo or a coffee drink and my husband (not sleeved, not overweight) agrees and drinks it sometimes, too. The vanilla is best mixed. I usually mix it with coffee or tea, like I said, but I've been known to shake it up with some orange crystal light or some OJ in the past. The fruit flavors are hit or miss for me. I like the Fuzzy Navel and the Natural line. They're okay with water but best with Crystal Light, in my opinion. And after trying about ten different unflavored Proteins, the Syntrax Unflavored is my absolute favorite. I put it in all sorts of things, including baked goods, and it has never left any funky taste behind. It smells a bit in the container but all protein does, I think. I buy mine on Amazon - only because I do subscribe and save for a lot of my household staple items so I save 20% each month and get free shipping, too. ~Cheri

Welcome back to the forums. Sometimes it's difficult to be here if you're not on the right track or you're struggling, but that is the time you need to be here the most. I'm sorry for the struggles you've had. This is not an easy journey with a perfect life, and having so much stress, upheaval and illness only makes things even more challenging. Keep yourself accountable and join a few groups here - find people you can connect with and start this journey anew. This isn't about the last few years; this is about today, and your determination to start fresh and get yourself to a better place. I say it all the time around here - the goal is not a number on the scale. It's the emotional journey. It's getting to that place where food is just food again and not a comfort or a place to hide. It's learning how to cope in new ways. It's learning how to maintain for life. It's a challenge for most of us, I promise you. Losing weight is a side effect and a wonderful one, but if you don't focus on what's going on with your emotions, too, you'll continue to fight this fight. Best to you - and please stay around. You can succeed. Just coming here to share and open up is a start, and getting back to those sleeve basics will get you on the right path. I also had to "detox" recently. Just a few days and the mindless snacking is gone and I feel more in control. It's no surprise that I've spent more time on VST during those more challenging days than I had been previously...when I was falling off the rails! Being here keeps us accountable, I really believe that. ~Cheri

So, there are brands that are commonly certified like Nature's Own or Vermont Bread Company and many others. Here's a link to a page that shows the symbols you can look for on packaging. http://www.kosher-directory.com/supervisions.htm#USA Odds are that many items you already buy are certified; you just didn't know it because you aren't looking for them! In any case, there would be a symbol and then the letter "P" or the word "Pareve" after the symbol. This verifies that the bread is non-dairy. It is also becoming more common for a company to say when their product is vegetarian or vegan right on the packaging - so perhaps shopping the organic/health food section of your supermarket will give you some more options if you find your regular bread shelves lacking. Or just bake your own bread and don't add milk or butter. That's what I do, and my kids are so spoiled that they won't even eat the store bought stuff anymore. ~Cheri

I might get slammed here and I didn't read all of the posts here (I usually do but skipped to the end) so this might have already been covered or attacked previously. But, here goes: numerous studies have shown that exercise is not the biggest factor in weight loss. It's diet. I got to goal and maintained easily and I think the only structured exercise I got was a week of working out at home. I absolutely hate exercising. Am I more active? Oh yeah. I do a lot more, I'm on my feet more and I actually chase my kids now (I'm not just waddling behind them out of breath reminding them to slow down for Mommy anymore), so I am more active. That said, exercise is great for us. We know all of the health benefits because we've heard them before. Losing weight is going to help you be healthier, sure. I know skinny people that can't climb a flight of stairs and I know big people that do Tough Mudder and half marathons in their spare time. Your heart gets a benefit from that cardio and your body looks a lot better if you build that muscle up as you trim down. Truth be told? I'm right near goal again (just had a baby) and have actually started to (very reluctantly) exercise. I still hate it, but my arms didn't rebound as nicely this time and I'd like some definition in other areas after I have plastics. Strength training will reshape your body and cardio will help your heart and circulation and help burn off some of that fat. It's up to you what you decide. Many of us don't do it. Many replace their food addiction with a fitness addiction. But there are most definitely benefits to it - not the least of which is stress relief and a nice, natural high. ~Cheri

There have been many, many posts here over the years showing that the difference in bougie size is so minimal that it's not even something we would notice in our capacity. Even comparing the smallest standard size (32, I think) with the largest standard size (48, I think) we're talking about two tenths of an inch. That is not enough to fit in a chicken breast, I promise. Try some very dense Protein like tuna - chew it, yes, but not until it's pureed. How much can you fit? Weigh your food before eating and after and you'll know what you consumed. Last but not least, be sure you really aren't drinking with your meals. It's possible that your sleeve is slightly larger, than some of ours - I do not know your specifics. But would I say this is normal? It wasn't for me, that's all I can say. However, your swelling may have healed faster than mine. I was unable to eat more than a scrambled egg for more than a year. And keep in mind that some foods affect people differently. I never had a real problem with chicken but beef? Man - for months on end I couldn't eat more than a bite or two of steak or ground beef. I can say that you certainly didn't stretch your sleeve with one meal, so put that worry to rest. To really test this out I'd do a meal of a different dense protein. Do not drink within 30 minutes of eating or 30 minutes after. I'd weigh, then eat what you can, taking small bites that are well chewed but not pulverized. See how many ounces of protein alone you can eat. Post that result here and we'll see how it compares. Or even easier? Hard boil a large egg and see how much you can eat. I'm three years out and can eat a whole one but feel pretty darn full afterward. Good luck, and keep us posted, ~Cheri

In loss, I finally realized I was ruining my day with the scale, so I went to every few days or once a week. For two whole months I had my husband hide the dang thing and bring it out once a week. That did the trick - in that time I got out of the weighing habit (addiction!) and once it was back out I didn't obsess over it. I hardly weighed during my pregnancy (it's upsetting to see the numbers go up more than a pound or two) but in regular maintenance I weigh every single day. Same drill - brush, pee, strip, weigh, shower...maybe weigh again. You know, 'cause I might have been really dirty or something and that caused the scale to bounce. I was driving myself positively insane postpartum because I was treating loss like maintenance - I was weighing daily. When I'm in loss my scale is all over the freaking place. I stay the same weight for several days, then drop a few only to gain them back a day later. If I have my cycle that week? Ugh - guaranteed I'm going up three pounds. So a few days ago I put the scale away. Huge sigh of relief. In maintenance I MUST weigh daily or I'll hide from the scale that keeps me accountable. But in loss? Our numbers can change multiple times in just one day. If I were able to see that without feeling bad I'd be okay with it, but I'm not. I don't need to ride that rollercoaster! ~Cheri

Oh yeah. Hang around and browse the stall?! or frustrated! threads and you'll see you're not alone. It's unfortunate but you'll never be able to control how you lose. When it's getting you down and ruining your day, stay off the scale. Most of us experience stops and starts and stalls (sometimes several long ones!) before getting goal. But we all lose. So yes, the frustration you're feeling is completely normal. But you already know in your head that it's illogical, too. You certainly didn't gain the weight overnight. And I find it highly unlikely you ever put on 48 pounds in just four months, either, but you've taken them off in that time nonetheless. It is natural for your body to need to recover and it is natural for loss to be harder the closer you get to goal. Hang in there and try to stay positive. Don't play mind games with the scale - just put it away and weigh once a week if you need to see a larger drop to feel successful. Best of luck!

Okay, so a few years ago I posted my before/after photos and got a ton of ladies talking about how they also had twins. Now, as far as twins conceived post sleeve? I really couldn't say but not one case comes to mind. So there are several of us who have twins of varying ages here on the boards but I'm pretty sure Amytequilahouse is the first one I've seen to conceive them post op. And oh yeah, they'll keep you busy for a while. I firmly believe in the flip-flop theory my other mom friends and I share. Either you have difficult babies or toddlers, but most folks are lucky enough that they don't wind up with both. My twins? Easiest babies ever. Seriously - the single I have right now is more demanding and challenging than the two of them were. But OH the toddler years...I could tell some stories about the mischief, mayhem and destruction my duo caused in the three minutes it took me to use the restroom, or the five minutes I took to go switch laundry downstairs. Oh yeah...they were something else! I lost a bunch of weight chasing them, though. ~Cheri

I had no choice but to do it because I was in a remote location (Kyrgyzstan) during that part of my pregnancy. No hospital, no lab, no options! The first time I got incredibly sick and dumped within fifteen minutes - just horrible. Vomiting and diarrhea followed by shakiness and feeling sick and nauseated for the rest of the day. The second time they had me lie down and go more slowly. It was not comfortable but I napped through the test and woke up just for my finger pricks. My sugars were ridiculously good. I was mad they even tested me. However, having done the gestational diabetes and type 2 diabetes thing, no way I wanted to be forced into testing my blood around the clock again just to avoid the glucose test. There isn't really a guideline, but if you inform your OB of your surgery they will consider other options. Many OBs don't understand the sleeve - just tell them that in this case, at least, our bodies react to the sugar the way a bypass patient's would. They'll understand that, because they already do an alternate testing schedule for bypass patients (fasting draw, small meal, another draw, I think...something like that). ~Cheri

Congrats! She's lovely! ~Cheri

I had a real problem post op and was miserable until I finally figured out it was the dairy. I was horribly frustrated (there's probably a grumbly post from me circa 2010 about it) because I had incredible restriction and couldn't eat much meat so I was relying on dairy for about 80% of my Protein intake. Lactaid did nothing for me - not the pills and not the actual Lactaid products like cottage cheese or milk. You are most assuredly not alone. I did not expect intolerance post op but I did discover that it's not uncommon. I had to do a few things. One - just eat more often. My meals transitioned from three tiny meals to pretty much grazing on small meals all day long. No junk and not the same kind of grazing that gets us in trouble prior to surgery. But I could not eat enough otherwise. I'd log my meals on MFP in the morning and eat until ten at night if I had to in order to consume my 500 calories and my 75-90 grams of protein. Two, I had to work (and hard!) to find a lactose free Protein shake I could tolerate. I started mixing with Water, tea and coffee instead of milk. I really don't care for commercial soy or almond milk and got tired of mixing with hemp milk. I would sometimes make my own soy milk and use that to mix. Certain varieties of Protein powder taste good mixed with juice, but I'd be careful with that because it's easy to go overboard on juice. Being able to drink at least half of my protein really helped me. I am three years out next month and I still like to have a Protein Drink each day to keep my protein high (I aim for 80-90 grams a day). Three - just find those other foods you enjoy that will give you the protein you need. Branch out of your old eating habits. You will likely find that your tastes are changing, anyway. Look for breads with Kosher certification that say they're P or pareve - they'll contain no dairy. And of course, no butter to cook your food - there's a Smart Balance spread out there that's also pareve that you can use in it's place. You'll find that even margarine contains dairy in most cases. The good news? My intolerance faded dramatically within the first year. Sometime during the first year I realized I could eat hard cheeses again. By the second year I was okay with just about any dairy, in small portions, except ice cream. The only foods I really have to avoid now are ice cream (even the lactose free ice cream kills me) and any dish that contains a lot of heavy cream. Those are foods I'd only consider an occasional treat, anyway, so this is no hardship for me. I can even eat cottage cheese and yogurt again! Good luck, ~Cheri

DH and I suffered from infertility. Severe male factor combined with my endo made IVF with ICSI our only option. We did one cycle prior to sleeve (b/g twins, now 5.5 years old) and then I had my sleeve a few years later. Two years post sleeve we opted to do a FET with our remaining embryos and that resulted in my now three month old daughter. In my case, my fertility wasn't much different post op, though my doctors were certainly much more comfortable doing the transfer because they really were reluctant to do my IVF when I was over 200 pounds. The best treatment I have ever had for my endo was actually the Mirena IUD. Obviously not something those with endo will use if also trying to conceive! I also had real problems with it post sleeve, but some people love it. I couldn't lose weight and feel like I was much more hormonal on it, but once I shed these last few baby pounds I have every intention of trying it again. I hadn't lived so pain free since my early teens! It stands to reason that sufferers of PCOS will experience an increase in fertility once they lose weight. I was an insulin resistant type 2 diabetic (many PCOS sufferers are also insulin resistant) and within a very short time after surgery was enjoying normal blood sugars and by the end of my first year post op was declared "in remission" by my doc and had a normal A1c. Shedding weight and getting the insulin problem under control can make a huge difference in your fertility. We do see a number of ladies with PCOS reporting increased fertility here - and on the pregnancy board you'll see a number of "I was told I couldn't get pregnant" pregnancy posts. And Metformin stinks, no doubt about it! Best of luck getting through the approval process swiftly, ~Cheri

Oh, you really will be grateful for that photo later. The only 'big' pictures I have that really show the difference are shots I wasn't aware were being snapped. I avoided the camera like the plague, took face only shots or hid behind other people in most pictures. So my before/after comparison shots are kinda crummy. I don't think it's easy to see just how big I really was. In any case, don't hide behind the camera until you're happy with your size. Really - I'm very sad that I have hardly any photos with my kids or with my family for a huge ten to fifteen year period of time. Short of professional pictures that we got done every few years, there's very little. So few, in fact, that my kids (5 and a half) ask me why I don't have as many pictures with them as daddy does. Besides, you'll want a step by step of this journey on film. Sometimes it's the only way to get it into your head how far you've come. I would beat myself up and feel like nothing had changed until my husband would show me pictures comparing before surgery and wherever I was at. The mind will play tricks on you but those photos will be hard proof to yourself that you're making progress when you're feeling down, hit a stall or frustrated that you're not losing sizes as quickly as you'd like. Good luck with your upcoming surgery, and wishes for a speedy recovery! ~Cheri

Too funny! I keep a bag of these in the fridge now and it's my go-to, "okay, I really am hungry but I don't want absolute crap and I will die if I eat another carrot stick" snack. And ya know, after three years one hard boiled egg still fills me up almost to the point of discomfort. ~Cheri

That desire to eat that overwhelms you and feels very real - only there is absolutely no physical hunger to back it up. It's caused by boredom, or stress, or hormones or just a lifetime of eating whatever you want, whenever you want. It's triggered by foods that evoke memories or feelings in you, or that are just chock full of things your body is addicted to having. Head hunger is the real enemy here. In several years here I have only run across a small, very small, handful of people that don't lose the physical hunger or who don't ever experience a huge amount of restriction. For the rest of us, the problem is staying out of the kitchen when life isn't easy, because for many of us, food has been a coping mechanism or a friend or a way to hide from unpleasant feelings. ~Cheri

I am three years out next month - I had surgery with Dr. Aceves in July of 2010. In my opinion? The hardest part is not recovery. It is not the diet, either pre-op or post-op. It is not learning how to enjoy exercise. It is not getting through the stops and starts and stalls of the loss period. It's maintenance. It's getting to the root of whatever is causing the myriad of diets you have surely tried to fail. It is learning why you eat and how to stop it. Ultimately, for me, the biggest challenge has been realizing that I will not get to just reach goal and forget about food. I have to be vigilant for the rest of my life. I had to learn ways to eat that I can maintain and enjoy for life. In the short term, things like post op aches and pains (normal), dealing with acid (normal), feeling frustrated when the scale won't move or even goes up (so normal, and still driving me nuts after three years) are all small hurdles. Understand now that no matter what genetic or medical causes might also be behind your obesity, there is most likely also disordered eating in there somewhere. Be aware of it from the start. Know that the discomfort will pass. You will learn how to eat again. Some day, you will be able to eat pretty much whatever you want. Most likely, you'll only be on your PPI for a short time. You might lose in fits and starts but you will lose. You will find that magical balance of protein/carbs/fats that makes you happy and you lose on. And eventually, you will reach goal and be smaller than you've been in a long time. But you and the why of your obesity? That's here to stay, unless you work on it. Good luck! I do not regret my sleeve one little, tiny bit. But go browse the vet forum and really educate yourself - not just about what to expect post op (which it sounds like you're doing, great job) but on the very real challenges out there once you're at goal. Goal? That takes a year, maybe two, maybe three. Maintenance lasts forever. It's infinitely easier if you do the head work, though, so do it. ~Cheri

I think this is one of the biggest hurdles to tackle and I think any fully honest vet is going to admit this is sometimes a challenge. I don't obsess about food like I used to but if I'm having a rough day or if it's been dreary out for days on end (it affects me, too) I'll find myself wandering in and out of the kitchen, just because I can. It adds up, and quickly. I chewed gum, a lot of gum and had never considered that it might be having the opposite effect on me, like mentioned earlier. Because I would chew gum and once the flavor was gone, I'd want more, or I'd want to chew again and there I'd go and walk into the kitchen for more gum. I was going through ridiculous amounts of gum in a month. And yeah, I can see that I was just reinforcing my desire to chew through boredom. I do notice that the urge to snack or graze is less urgent if I'm eating lots of Protein, drinking my Water and avoiding processed carbs for the most part. It's one thing for me to eat a cookie I baked myself from scratch. Somehow, I can stop at one and go about my business. If I eat an Oreo or a Thin Mint? It's like Russian Roulette. Sometimes it's no big deal and I eat one and move along. But other times? It's on...and I'll feel the strong desire to eat half a dozen of them before stopping. It won't matter if I choose not to do it - I'll then sit and think about them until they're out of the house. So I try to avoid protein bars and junk like Chex Mix or chips or Cookies. I do not think they're bad and that we should avoid them forever. But if I want chips? I fry my own. Crazy, yeah, but I can fry up one small potato, get my fix and be done. And you know what? I ain't gonna lie - knowing that I need to engage forty minutes into my chip fix before I can eat them will usually kill the urge. If I buy a bag, I'm going to eat those chips until they're gone, even if that means having them every day for a week in small portions. Even if I follow the rules and they're reasonable portions it can be an issue until they're gone. Will I gain weight from it? Usually not. But I can't help but feel that even engaging in that behavior is setting me up for regain down the road, so while I embrace moderation, I also embrace sanity. You don't keep a crack pipe in your purse if you don't intend to use it - why would a person with food addictions keep themselves surrounded by the very junk that led them to morbid obesity in the first place? In any case, back to the original post - I do a few things to help. I turn on music and distract my brain. If that won't work, I get up and move around (NOT in the kitchen). I do not keep Snacks other than gum anywhere else in the house but the kitchen. I do not allow myself to snack while watching television unless it's movie night (then I allow myself a portion of stove popped popcorn and a drink) and I no longer keep a stash of snacks in my bedside drawer for when I read in bed. If I'm on my laptop, the only thing I allow on my table is a mug of coffee or tea or my bottle of water. So I would not keep anything near my desk if I were you. I get a big glass of fruit infused water. I tell myself that if I'm still snacky in an hour I'll have a few vegetables. If all else fails a cup of green tea or black coffee will give me something to put in my hands. Sipping on it takes a while and it then suppresses my appetite. Truth be told, this usually only gets me if I'm hormonal or if I'm really feeling stressed out. But it is a real thing, and it is important to find a way to get through it. Hopefully something someone posts here will help you out. And I'm learning that you don't have to feel any hunger to shove food in your face. Keeping snacks around me while I'm engaged in busy work - no matter how healthy - would have me snacking without even thinking. Good luck, ~Cheri

Oh, and I'm avoiding the scale right now and detoxing my body. I feel much, much better and have been talking a lot with my husband about some of the challenges I've been facing lately. I think that in a short time I'll be able to refocus on maintaining my slow and painful weight loss so that I can get back to goal. I've been fasting (if you want to call it that) and if I plan my food day at the beginning of the day it allows me to forget about food until meal times. I'm not grazing all day long on junk, which is great. I'm also not consuming more empty calories from my beverages - something I hadn't really realized I was doing again. But my poor kids...it's one now and I normally feed them around noon. I'm back to not feeling hungry and so forget that my family needs me to feed them, whether or not I feel hungry! ~Cheri

You know, this is part of my tailspin and lack of flexibility with myself, I think. I CHOSE to get pregnant after easily maintaining at goal. And yes, I am thrilled I have a beautiful baby girl that we very much wanted; my pregnancy was no surprise and we actively pursued fertility treatment. But oh! It is a challenge to re-lose. And while it is coming off, slowly but surely, somewhere in my mind I forgot that it took me six darn months to shed the last twenty pounds the first time! Losing weight is hard, period. Add in a body so close to goal weight that was a slow loser to begin with and you're definitely going to face an uphill battle. This is marvelous. I think I preach it differently (the real journey isn't really about weight loss but about the underlying problems) and I forget to apply it to myself. I think I'm in shock, in a way. Because maintenance was truly effortless after a 17 month struggle to get to goal. I hardly tracked and when I did I was always doing fine. My weight window was consistent. And I had forgotten what it's like to try to lose. It stinks, and it takes forever and the scale is most definitely not my friend until I'm in maintenance and it simply exists to keep me accountable! One thing I can say without a doubt? I will never, ever allow myself to slip outside of a 5 pound window again. And in all fairness, I did not "slip" here. I had a baby. But the idea behind staying ever vigilant is the same. I would love to post more about this on the pregnancy forum but honestly worry I'd scare people. I still believe it is always possible to shed the weight your body will allow, no matter how far out from surgery you get. My sleeve is still my sleeve and it still has awesome restriction. I can still work it. The physical thing isn't the real issue. It's the mental game that goes with it. I know a lot of women post that they have a sleeve to lose weight and get pregnant and that is wonderful. It's also scary to make that choice once you're happy at goal, I think. Gaining weight was the HARDEST thing for me. It affected my happiness about my much wanted pregnancy, no matter how much I tried not to feel that way. I definitely think that women should be really aware of this, but I think too many would panic and not approach it a little more reasonably. So in the future, I know that I am doing everything in my power to never, ever regain more than a few pounds! I never want to do this again. ~Cheri

That's because it doesn't make sense. I mean, if weight loss were so cut and dried and we wouldn't be WLS patients missing most of an organ. We'd diet, we'd lose, we'd maintain for life and we'd be perfectly happy in every way. Mixing it up is key, I think. Eating a very rigid diet on a very rigid schedule and always gravitating to the same foods is great when we're first learning how to do this. But your body can get used to anything and you better believe our supremely awesome famine-survival metabolisms will find a way around losing weight on 500 calories a day the same way they did it on 1,200 calories or 1,800 calories! In maintenance I did about 90% awesome eating and about 10% whatever the heck I wanted. Actually...to be fully honest? It was probably more like 70% awesome and 30% what I wanted...but the 70% were perfect choices and the 30% wasn't the same junk I indulged in prior to surgery. It was just a more rounded overall approach to food that incorporated mostly lean Protein, veggies and good carbs...but a few treats a week like a rich dessert or some homemade bread just because. I never had an issue maintaining. The same goes for loss with me. When I get crazy strict (I tend to start every loss phase as all-or-nothing until sanity reigns me in again) I do not lose. I see an immediate result, but then I hit stalls and lose in fits and starts, gaining and losing the same two pounds over and over again before an eventual drop. Then I start the whole process over again with the next few pounds! Good luck. You may see a bounce on the scale but if you don't, it stands to reason that you just need to shake things up every now and again. And congrats on becoming an athlete. I'm one of those people that always fantasizes about having an athletic body or loving exercise...until it comes time to actually exercise. I truly thought surgery would trip my "exercise is my new addiction" switch, but clearly my surgeon neglected to install that switch and so...here I am...huffing and puffing from push ups and jumping jacks in my basement. ~Cheri

I'm hit or miss, perhaps it's tied to what else I'm eating I'm not sure. Sometimes plain Water is no problem, other times it makes me feel nauseated or tastes "off." I sometimes use Mio drops but artificial sweeteners and I don't get along well. For me, a fruit infuser in a pitcher of water works wonders, or one of the True Lemon, True Orange or True Lime packets. I just need something in there to add flavor and detract from that icky aftertaste I sometimes get and this does the trick. I, too, find that if I rely on plain water I don't drink enough in a day. At first I thought this was due to the water where I lived but the problem has persisted no matter where I'm at. It's crazy. Sometimes water is nice and refreshing and other times it just makes me feel kinda sick. I hope you find something that works for you! ~Cheri

Oh...and I did notice that while there are folks here happily maintaining in their windows, there are even more it seems that are still bouncing around near goal and not quite there yet. I suppose part of my initial motivation when I asked about vets maintaining was that I was having trouble finding those people at their ultimate goal weight, easily maintaining and totally happy. I know we get busy with life and go out and live without needing VST any longer, but really, you'd think there would be less people fighting with those last five (or twenty!) pounds here and more people living the dream, you know? ~Cheri

First, thank you to everyone that posted not only where they are but their personal struggles as well. It's a big deal to know that I am not alone here...I knew that, of course, but it's nice to really see it's true. So many things that were written really resonated with me and it was good to see the approaches you guys take. I suppose that right now I'm realizing that I am a horrible hypocrite. Yes, indeed, I am. I must be. I have posted multiple times over the past year about being happy with accomplishments we've made and not worrying about a number on the scale. And here I am, making myself insane in my own head because of a number on the scale. A number that, quite frankly, does very little to even impact how I look. I might not like my snug pants, but they're still a 5/6 and I'm still in a small. I have reassured my friends like coops over and over again that they're successes and here I am beating myself up like I'm a failure. Quite frankly, I'm being ridiculous. Not about wanting to keep on top of things and certainly not about wanting to perfect a way to slide back into loss when I need to. Certainly those are valuable things to learn because maintenance is the long haul and who knows what will happen as I get older and naturally tend to hang on to weight? (Even more than I already do, blech!) I am definitely dealing with some hormonal/emotional wackiness postpartum and where we live does not help. I need abundant sunshine to feel good - days on end of overcast gloominess really affect my mood. I also have a great deal of stress, partly just because of life and this feeling that we're hemorrhaging money lately but also because I try so hard to shape my future and stay on top of things and we have a lot going on. Additionally, crazy as it sounds but a book of poetry I recently read just crawled in my brain and reawakened so many old emotional feelings and really made me reflect on who I am and why. I've been worrying it in my brain for weeks now and I keep trying to find these things I can just "fix" so I'll be back to how I was feeling a few months ago. And let us not forget what sleep deprivation does to a body and mind! I keep wanting to Google things like, "When will this baby ever sleep?!" but I know that it will be at least another month or so before I'm able to get more rest. With all this, weight seems like it should be an easy target, but it's just not. Am I in a better emotional place than I was three years ago? Most assuredly. But it's kind of sad and puts a control freak like me on edge to realize that it's not all gone - that I still have some issues that need attention or work, or that might never go away. A big hallelujah for the fact that I am still fortunate enough to not be battling non-stop hunger or food obsession. But let's just say that when you're not paying attention, a real desire to eat does not have to be there to overindulge or mindlessly snack. I've gone totally off the rails the last few days, eating the sloppiest I have eaten at all since my surgery and after going back and logging all my calories to the best of my memory, I was disheartened to see that I'm eating 1,800 calories a day or more, mostly in junk slider foods. Foods that do not taste good to me, do not satisfy me and even make me sick. I've been having digestive issues all week and no wonder! You know, it's sad...really sad, because I am NOT EVEN HUNGRY. I am not eating for stress. I am eating JUST BECAUSE. Just because it's there and I can. I realized last week that I was a bit peckish for a sweet in the evening and we had nothing to suit what I was looking for (okay, junk, I admit it) in the entire house. So the next time I shopped I bought a bunch of junk! And you know what that stuff does even when you're not triggering cravings? It makes you feel like crap, I swear. Not just physically but mentally. I'm up one pound on the scale, too, and I'm lucky it's just one. Today, I am fasting. I feel good. Well, the sun is shining and I'm sure that helps. But that junk got packed up in a bag and sent to the office with my husband. Let his poor coworkers divide the stuff up, I don't want it in the house. I don't have to avoid those things forever, but right now is not the time to surround myself with it, either. I've gotten more than one email about doing the 5:2 thing and I might try it. I don't know. At first I was convinced that no way would I even consider another diet. But after reading about it, it's actually pretty close to how I ate in maintenance, when I easily maintained. I'd weigh daily and restrict when I needed, but mostly I ate what I wanted, within reason. I'm not sure if it would help me lose again, and honestly, I'm not sure if I just need to take a step back and stop thinking about my weight entirely. I'm sure some counseling would help because I feel like I've been on a roller coaster since a few months before I had the baby. It's unfortunate that it's just not a real option for me - having a counselor write in paperwork that I need regular counseling can red flag my husband's career, and never mind that it's not supposed to happen that way. It does, trust me. So what am I learning? Wherever I go, there I am. I do not get to escape myself and who I am, or my particular issues, just by changing my location or my body shape or my weight. I am still the same person, happier, yes, less weighed with baggage, yes, but still susceptible to depression or anxiety like I was before. It does no good to beat myself up over this, either, it just adds another stress I don't need. Maintenance is hard, and it is forever. I don't care how fast people get to goal. I don't care how they do it. The fact is that it is hard to stay there, forever, if you do not pay attention and keep yourself accountable. If I had avoided VST, gone off to my hermit hole and kept binging on junk for a few more weeks or months, I could easily find myself up twenty pounds and even more frustrated. We say this to newbies all the time, but it's true. I don't care how long you've tried to build good, new habits. The old ones are ingrained, comfortable and immediately gratifying. I can eat wonderfully for ten months straight, but give me a few days with the old foods and tack on some emotional struggles or some boredom and I'll slide right back into the habit of grabbing a snack here and a dessert there. Maintenance is the real battle and it makes things like the three week stall pale in comparison. It is ridiculous to pursue perfection. There is nothing wrong with pursuing a goal. And there is everything right about wanting to be a better person today than I was yesterday, to continually improve myself. But I have a problem with telling myself that I'll be happier, or feel more accomplished, or whatever, once I achieve "X" goal. That's B.S. Because I always have another goal or another reason to beat myself up waiting. I beat myself up for being fat. I was going to be totally happy when I got to 160 pounds and could wear a size 12 again. Then I exceeded that goal. Then it was the skin. I'll be happy once the skin is gone. No, I won't. Because then I'm going to beat myself up over my scars. Or over my lack of physical fitness. Or over the fact that I'm still not 100% over all of my emotional traumas. I'll always find a reason to defeat myself in my pursuit of perfection. The fact is, I need to learn how to love the skin I'm in and the person I am and I still struggle with this. If I tell myself, even whispering it in the most hidden part of my mind, that I'll love myself more when I reach a certain place, I am defeating myself. I am ensuring that I will never be totally happy and totally at peace. Anyway, I'm sorry for the long post. But if you haven't realized now that the way I work things out for myself is by writing them out, you haven't been paying attention! I appreciate all of the advice here. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. The first thing is to try and deal with some of what's bothering me, and I think that weight loss is secondary to that right now. I do want to get back on track, though, so I'm going to focus this week on eating properly again. Beyond that, the scale is going away. I can weigh once a week right now, and so long as I don't see an upward trend I will need to be happy with that. This is not a food issue or an exercise issue for me. This is entirely emotional, and everything I'm dealing with stems from that point. New methods to attack the weight loss are only going to help part of my issue, and it's the smallest part, I think. ~Cheri

Congrats! Lots of Protein will help them, and plenty of good carbs. If you aren't the type to panic or scare easily, Dr. Barbara Luke's book about multiples is a good read. But if you'll feel guilt or worry about not eating enough don't read the book because I've heard some women say it scared them. I have boy/girl twins that are five and while there have been hurdles here and there it's been a wonderful, awesome, fun experience. You know your body best, so pay attention to what you need (food, rest, whatever) and you'll do just fine! ~Cheri